Sorry for the wait, but the big boy is finally done! Also, I incorporated three god damn songs that I personally picked to suit this specific chapter. Now, there maybe mistakes that have slipped my proofreading, but I will come back to fix them; if I even do see them. I must be going blind! Or I need glasses.
Note: I do not own the following three songs - 1) Cold - Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams [a sucker of a song that can break any RWBY fan]; 2) Recover - Ruelle and 3) Like Morning Follows Night - Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams and Lamar Hall.
To answer a question to why none of Tommy's Power Coins were fused, while Kim's and Billy's were; honestly I don't why at first. But I'm working another arc linked into this story and it was just for the sake of convenience, it required me to keep the Green Dragonzord, White Tigerzord and Falcon Power Coins separated in order for the arc to work. I hope that answered the question Green Falcon!
Reader's Discretion: the following chapter contains accurate medical descriptions of Post-traumatic Stress, with the main character showing actual symptoms described. Read with caution and I will link the sources I used at the end of the chapter. If either upset or uncomfortable with the topics covered, just ignore this chapter.
Now, after all that; enjoy Chapter Eight!
"Trauma Steals Your Voice"
People get so tired of asking you what's wrong and you've run out of nothings to tell them.
You've tried and they've tried, but the words just turn to ashes every time they try to leave your mouth.
They start as fire in the pit of your stomach, but come out in a puff of smoke.
You are not you anymore.
And you don't know how to fix this.
The worst part is... you don't even know how to try.
- Nikita Gill
Chapter 8: Talk To Me
(Kimberly's POV)
The seconds inside the Dino Lab ticked by, as everyone stayed quiet after Tommy's hollering and swearing to the Heavens and the fiery depths of Hell. I still have to ask the gang how long I was trapped in the amber, the last thing I remember was discovering the identity of the White Ranger; who turned out to be Trent. Then I got blasted by liquid amber and boy, that stuff solidified fast. Now, it seems like being frozen in the substance has upset my morphing abilities; I can't power down my suit. Great, looks like I'm going to be out of work for another while; as one says: when one problem is averted, another gets added and I'm the walking, living, breathing example of that statement. When you are a Power Ranger, you go through a lot of shit. Kira broke my train of thought.
"Um… Dr. Hart, what's going on? Why can't you power down?" I mentally sighed and looked at her and everyone else.
"Seems like… the fossilisation process has affected the morphing capabilities. To sum it up, my suit has basically… bonded to me. It's a part of me now.",
"Try taking your helmet off." My cousin suggested. I reached for my helmet, unclipping the clasps and removed the helmet. My friends, aunt, cousin, Tommy, Hayley, Cassie and the kids sighed in relief as soon as they saw my face.
"Well, thankfully I can take off the helmet. So I won't have an issue about eating." That caused everyone to chuckle a little, I won't have to worry about starving to death. "All jokes aside, it looks like I'll be staying at Tommy's. I can't go into the city dressed like this." I sighed,
"We understand." Said Conor, "Which means we get to have your sexy aunt teach us a little longer." Tommy's face went wide eyed, Aegis' face turned bright red, Ethan and Kira were on the verge of throwing up and I was practically having a coughing fit. My aunt gave Conor a stare, clearly saying she was not impressed; looks like educational discipline was taken seriously on Phaedos. One must always respect the teacher, therefore, I'm guessing Dulcea had a fair shock that some students were either rowdy or just downright rude. We all know the Red Dino Ranger was teasing, but Aunt Dulcea is not fully accustomed to the human's sense of humour. Taking out her Whistling Stick, she extended it and literally whacked Conor over the head, causing him to whine like a puppy.
"Have more respect for your teacher Mr. McKnight." She scolded in her Phaedosian accent, but to the human ear, it would be identified as an English accent.
"But Dulcea! I was joking!" Conor protested. Everyone in the room was chuckling, even I was, at the hilarious dynamic going on between Conor and my aunt.
"No protest, no excuses McKnight." Dulcea warned, "Thirty-five percent off your current grade I marked!" Conor's face fell.
"Burn McKnight." I laughed, "However, consider yourself lucky. My aunt is just being gentle. Had she been in a grouchy mood, you may have been docked fifty." The entire Dino Lab was erupted into laughter. Conor crossed his arms, looking ever so unamused at the relentless teasing.
"Hardy har-har." Since being freed from the amber, seems like some things never change.
Few Hours Later…
21:00…
(Nightmare/Scene: Battlefield, Outside Eltarian City, Eltar/Kimberly's POV)
Explosions could be heard on all sides. Shouts and war cries were heard on both the enemy and the good side; The Allies. I was morphed in my ninja garb, with the hood removed and armed with my laser rifle, then I had my sword sheathed at my waist. I saw a Cog, belonging to The Machine Empire charge me. I gave the foot soldier a whack over the head with the shoulder rest of my rifle, then ending it with a single laser blast to its head. I could feel sweat, dirt and grime that has built up on my face, this is what war does to you. It steels you, hardens you… sometimes it makes you question are you a killer. Morale is always warped, what you think you're doing is right, is not right at all. It doesn't matter which side of the war you are on, Death is on both sides; the Reaper with his scythe, preparing to harvest the souls that have fallen. Death doesn't take sides, he only takes what you have taken on the bloody battlefield.
Suddenly, I hear the familiar 'whoosh' of a sword coming to my left. I turn, bringing my rifle up to block it, only to have it cleaved in half. I met my opponent face to face and it was an old enemy, I hoped to never see. Goldar: Lord Zedd's right hand man or monkey. Dumping my destroyed rifle, I unsheathed my sword and all Goldar did was chuckle.
"Well, well, well." He growled, "This was the last place I expected to see you Pinky.",
"You haven't changed one bit Goldar." I snapped,
"You, on the other hand have changed Kimberly. War has twisted you." Goldar goaded. A part of me snapped.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled, my eyes flashing red. I slammed my sword down on him, which he narrowly blocked as I screamed: "COME ON!" Goldar and I fought for what felt like an eternity. Goldar has certainly improved, but he for some random reason; has acknowledged my swordsmanship. Parrying another strike, I managed to get behind Goldar and sliced one of his wings off; mortally wounding him. Goldar cried out in pain, feeling his left wing being severed. Goldar chuckled.
"Has the war made you bloodthirsty Kimberly?",
"SILENCE!" Before I could continue on, my earpiece cackled to life. Something about the Sniper Line being breached. Then it hit me! Shit! No! We can't lose any of the snipers! Goldar was laughing like mad man, I silenced him by knocking him out with a whack from my sword's pommel. Uncle Ninjor came to my side, I quickly told him to hold the front, while I help the snipers. He was fine about that. Rhea shared her energy with me, so I have the strength for a long ninja streak. I ran, rushing off in a blur of pink; moving at the speed of sound. Time seemed to have slowed down, everything was in slow motion. By the time I reached the snipers, time went back to normal and I saw the damage. It was chaos! The snipers were engaged with Quantrons at close range, as they fought with either their bayonets or combat knives attached to their sniper rifles or they abandoned their weapons altogether and began fighting with their short swords. Bohan! Where is he!?
I began fighting my way through the brigade, knocking the Quantrons left and right. It was then, I caught sight of Bohan. He was outnumbered, despite his best to hold his own. I lost too many friends over this war, I abandoned my friends on Earth for this! I can't lose anyone else close to me! I began running to reach and help Bohan, but… for some reason… he was getting further away. I sped up, activating my ninja streak, but he was still moving away.
"BOHAN!" I called out, stretching out my hand. Bohan fell to the ground. "NO!" And I watched helplessly as the Quantron stabbed its blade into his chest, cutting through the ballistic vest. I was too late, I couldn't reach him in time. I couldn't save him! Then… Bohan's gaze turned to me, blood trickling out of the side of his mouth as he coughed for air; his eyes looking so haunted. His lips moved, starting off as a whisper:
"Why?" I began to cry. This is all my fault! "Why?" He asked again, I couldn't answer, I didn't have an answer. "WHY!?" He screamed at me, his eyes wild then…
(Nightmare Ends/Scene: Guest Room, Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth)
I woke up screaming and thrashing around in the blanket. My heart rate was soaring. I didn't hear Rhea crying out for her mate: Caesar. Of course, Tommy heard it too, as I felt hands grabbing my shoulders. Tommy used his connection, to send a wave of calm to me and whispered comforting and soothing words into my ear. I managed to get my breathing under control, my vision cleared, but it was still… glassy. I said nothing to Tommy, as he just held me in his arms. Can I tell him what's really going on in my mind? Will I be able to bring myself to tell him what I saw and did in the war? How much I have lost? How much I have changed? If I looked into a mirror, I would most likely see a different person. Then… all the people I have killed and the torture I was put through at the hands of The Alliance. On top of that, the civilians who were victims of the war, I could not save.
"Kimberly?" Tommy whispered, "Will singing a song help you?" I forgot, Aegis came by to he house again with my guitar; to keep myself occupied one way or another. Dulcea promised to fill me in on what I have missed, but being in the amber drained me a little. Tommy left the guitar in the guest room I am occupying. He reached out for it and handed it to me. I mindlessly made sure all the strings were in tune; when I was satisfied, I began to strum the opening tune of a song Tommy didn't recognise. It was a song that Bohan started, only managing to write the first verse, but since his death; I finished it for him, in his honour. However, the song took a much sadder turn and it became a song of remembrance. I titled the song Cold. It can be interpreted either way. It depends on the listener. The opening tune was slow and sombre.
"I never felt that it was wise to wish too much.
To dream too big would only lead to being crushed.
Then I met you, you weren't afraid of anything.
You taught me how to leave the ground, to use my wings!
I never thought a hero, would ever come my way.
But more than that, I never thought you'd be taken away.
Now it's cold without you here.
It's like winter lasts all year,
But your star's still in the sky.
So I won't say goodbye,
I don't have to say goodbye.
My days of doubt were in the past with you around.
You helped me feel I had a place, direction found.
You showed me that a greater dream can be achieved.
Enough resolve will conquer all if we believe!
The light you gave to guide me, will never fade away.
But moving forward never felt as hard as today.
Now it's cold without you here.
It's like winter lasts all year,
But your star's still in the sky.
So I won't say goodbye,
I don't have to say goodbye."
A few minutes of silence passed between myself and Tommy. The clock in the room was heard as it counted the seconds ticking by. Life is so short and we take it for granted. The humans of Earth are capable of taking lives, but not just them, the various alien races are capable of such atrocious actions as well. We maybe different, yet the psychology is same. I guess Evolution did not make us so different after all; makes me wonder who are the real Gods. The ones who created the Universe and brought life to it all? Or ones who walk the Earth, the ones who use and misuse it?
"Thanks for being with me Tommy." I said to him, but my eyes gazing to my helmet resting on the bedside table. "I'm sorry for waking you.",
"It's alright Kim. I heard Rhea cry out to Caesar." The Black Dino Ranger comforted, "Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head,
"I'm fine Handsome. Just get some sleep.",
"If you say so." Tommy kissed me on the forehead, the first sign of affection from him since… we were together. I miss those moments, why is life so complicated? Tommy gently closed the door, when he was back in his room; I laid back on the pillow, as the tears came and rolled down my cheek. I reached into the gear bag Aegis left for me, trivial things like my PlayStation and the copy of Mortal Kombat II; yeah… when myself and Aegis arrived on Earth and did some small jobs, I managed to save up for a PS console and one of my childhood games. I still have the skills and it turns out in the arcade back home in Angel Grove, I'm still the top player in Mortal Kombat. Nostalgia never leaves. He also packed my history books too. Digging a little further, I pulled out the dog tag, which has a name engraved on it, in Eltarian. The tag belonged to Bohan, I wanted his mother to have it, but she insisted that I keep it; because I was such a good friend to him. Bringing the dog tag closer to chest, I silently cried myself to sleep, not before whispering:
"Bohan, I'm so sorry."
Two Days Later…
Monday…
12:45…
6th December 2003…
(Scene: Tommy Oliver's Classroom, Reefside High School, City Centre, Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
I sat in class, at my desk eating my lunch and drinking my coffee. Thank god I'm on lunch now! My stomach was growling as I was teaching the previous class. After my break, I have the kid's class to teach then. At the moment, they're enjoying lunch break too after having History with Dulce- I mean Ms. Diana Prince. Actually, if I'm honest that does sound kind of sexy; she is Wonder Woman in her own way and she's Kim's kickass aunt, who will have no problem in… kicking my ass; along with Aegis, Aria and her uncle: Ninjor. My mind began to drift back to two nights ago, Kimberly had a really bad nightmare, woke up screaming and thrashing on the bed. What was the nightmare about? What did the song she sang mean? Convey? Since when did Kimberly ever suffer from nightmares or night terrors? There's something I am not understanding and I hate being left in the dark, especially when it comes to the wellbeing of my Beautiful.
I ended up standing outside her door, just to make sure she was actually sleeping, my heart cracked as I listened to her quietly sobbing herself to sleep. Then I heard a name, she whispered: Bohan. Who is Bohan? What was he to her? They… must have been close, if she whispered his name. A part of me felt jealous about that, the other was me feeling bad. Bohan might have been a very close friend to her while she was on Eltar and helped her through some tough times; when we couldn't be there for her, when I couldn't be there. I want to question Kim about him, I want to ask her what really happened during the invasion, but she won't say. It seems like she is implying that it was more of a full scale war on her home. I sipped my semi-hot coffee, I began to play with my food with the fork, not feeling hungry all of a sudden.
I wonder if Kim is finding ways to keep herself occupied, since she is stuck in her ranger suit now. Of course in the world of being a ranger, one problem always leads to another. What's the worse that can happen? Everything comes in threes? Maybe the rare occasion fours? She can't leave my house without exposing herself and she knows the risks. On top of that, Kim and Aegis have to hide their… foreign background from the public and worse, government. Right now, there is no laws in our Constitution regarding to equal human rights for… outsiders; which they would dub as aliens. The worse that I can imagine is Kim and Aegis to be taken away from us, experimented or interrogated by Government Military. My thoughts were disrupted when I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in!" I called out, finishing my cup of coffee. The door opened, revealing Aegis. Great, just the person I need actually! "Aegi- I mean… Aaron, what brings you here?",
"Oh, just checking up on the man my cousin has redeveloping feelings for." He grinned, his brown eyes flashing a mischievous glint.
"You are hilarious." I said dryly. Time to be a little blunt on this. I turned my swivel chair to face Aegis. Without thinking, I used his Eltarian name. "Aegis, has Kim been having… nightmares as of late?" I watched as Aegis clench his jaw, his teeth almost grinding, as his eyes hardened.
"How do you know about that?",
"She had one two nights ago, then another this morning before my alarm went off." I explained to Aegis,
"I can admit Kara had some nightmares in the past. What they're about, it's not my place to tell." My eyes flashed green at her cousin. Aegis did not feel one bit deterred by it. Why is it not his place to tell!? I need to know! I need to understand Kimberly! Ever since the two of us reunited, the Kim I've been hanging out with is a shell of her former self! Kimberly has been more withdrawn, distant from me, as far as being on the defence when I'm around; her gaze, her eyes… it's like looking into eye of a traumatised soldier. Sometimes… I get a cold, dark aura coming off her. Even Caesar can sense it. She's not the perky, happy-go-lucky girl I once knew in high school. I stood up, glaring at him.
"Aegis please!" I begged, "Damn it! I care about your cousin too." Aegis turned away from me, before letting out a defeated sigh.
"Alright then. I don't have full details because Kara has been shutting me out too. As far as I'm concerned, but she denies it, thinks she can control it.",
"Control what?",
"Kara has been showing a few symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. I have a small idea what is causing it, not how deep rooted it is; but Kara needs to talk. The war affected her more than she led us to believe." I stood there frozen at what I was told. Aegis began making his way to the door to leave. He put his hand on the door knob, opening it, but before he left, he put in a final word. His gaze met mine, but his eyes… they were sad. "I can only do so much, but Kara needs you Tommy, more than ever. Help her open up. Help her heal and confront her demons." Aegis left me, while I stood in a shocked state. I have to help Kim. Why… why did she never talk? How could she bottle all of this up!? How can I help her? I never dealt with anyone who could most probably have PTSD.
I stared at the clock, seeing I have twenty minutes before lunch ends and I have Twelfth Grade History. Sitting back down in my desk, I turned on my laptop, bringing up Google and typed in: "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder." Before I confront or… try and talk to Kim, I need to understand what this is. I clicked on the site Mayo Clinic, seems trustworthy, then opened another tab for extra information, finding a link to The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). I carefully did some side-by-side comparisons to make sure the sites at least mentioned or explained similar information. Mayo Clinic define PTSD as:
"A mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event - either experiencing it or witnessing it."
NIMH put it in a simpler way, but still giving it the same explanation:
"PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event."
Countdown To Destruction is obvious one. Many people have been traumatised by the invasion; men, women, children… soldiers are no surprise to people, but it is worrying. I've never seen anyone I know had or shown signs or symptoms of the disorder; but Kimberly, she's the last person you'd think of to be quietly suffering with it. The scariest part is that she kept it so well hidden, acted so normal towards us, wearing a mask, her true feelings and emotions behind a wall so high and strong; you couldn't break it down. Kim has been suffering with silence since nineteen-ninety-nine! That's four years! I dug a little deeper, reading the information from Mayo Clinic first and noting anything that links to Kim.
"The symptoms of PTSD include: flashbacks, nightmares."
Well… I'm not sure if Kim had any triggered flashbacks, but the nightmares are a definite. I've been witnessing that ever since Kim began staying at my place after she was free from the amber. I continued to read the Symptoms Section of the web page.
"Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms may start within one month of a traumatic event, but sometimes symptoms may not appear until years after the event."
It could have started after Eltar defeated their enemies. It maybe the war affecting her, it maybe other things on top of that. One month after the event itself, the longer I think about it, it might not just be Countdown To Destruction! It could be The Ooze or Muranthias Incident. Kim could have been developing PTSD as far back as nineteen-ninety-five and it just grew from there. What's stopping you from opening up to us Kim? I read another paragraph of the page.
"PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, and changes in physical and emotional reactions."
I looked closer into each category, starting off with intrusive memories, which is no surprise. Once again, upsetting dreams or nightmares; nothing more from that group. The second group: avoidance, which I've been noticing and it goes back a couple of months; maybe small things but they scream 'something is wrong'! This group involved: trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event. That is a definite too. I have asked Kimberly on several occasions about CTD, she glossed over my questions or avoided them altogether and changing the subject. I'm growing ever increasingly uncomfortable as I identify each and every symptom Beautiful is showing. A part of me questions should I talk to Dulcea, or maybe ask Aegis to contact Aria? Nope! A little too far. I began reading the third group: negative changes in thinking and mood. Kim doesn't seem to show a lot from this group, except for the fifth bullet point that is screaming at me: feeling detached from family and friends. Friends like me, she is slightly detached from me, but it's a matter of time before she starts pushing away all her other friends; especially her little Devil's Trio.
Last group: changes in physical and emotional reactions. This one is probably a little more subtler compared to the others, but thank god I still know Kim well. I guess… since the two of us are still connected by the tethers, I can sense some form of distress from Kim. Saturday night is one example. I read the list: trouble sleeping, that rings bells; Aegis did say it was not the first time she had nightmares, so they're disrupting her sleeping patterns. The second I can see in Kim is: overwhelming guilt and shame. Kimberly is heavily blaming herself for Bohan, whoever he is; something must have happened. Perhaps… he died in battle and… no! No! Do not think that! Kim cannot be feeling guilty for someone she couldn't save. I kept reading, everything just blurred, free telephone numbers, support groups… god! I hope Kim isn't going as far as suicidal or self-harm… she is stronger than any of us! She'll overcome this if… she just talks!
I was so absorbed, I didn't even hear the bell ring and students were beginning to leave. Leaving? I looked up. Oh no! I was so deep into reading about Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, I didn't even hear the bell ring signalling lunch is over! I didn't hear the class enter and I totally ignored them! For a full forty minutes! Randall would skin me alive if she heard about it! I closed my laptop, rubbing my eyes while speaking out to the class.
"I apologise for ignoring you all. Since the content that is on your Christmas Test is not covered, I will not include it. However, be sure to read all the other chapters!" I can't believe it's nearly one o'clock already. I sat back into my seat, sighing and saw the kids: Conor, Ethan and Kira walking up to me. Kira had a concerned look on her face.
"Dr. O? Is everything alright? It's not like you to ignore the class." She said,
"Teach, please don't push us away. We're a team!" Conor pleaded,
"And we're family." Ethan finished. I smiled at the teens, whenever they're so worried about me, they act so mature. They don't like seventeen year olds, they act like mature adults. I feared that they're going to be running late for their next class, but on a Monday, it's Aegis they have for Maths. He'll let it slide. Then, before I could even blink, Kira nabbed my laptop and lifted the top part of it. The three of them bent down, their eyes reading shock and worry.
"Dr. O, why are you reading about PTSD? Are you-" Kira hesistated,
"No!" I said nervously, "It's your History Teacher: Dr. Hart.",
"You do know you can drop formalities." Ethan joked, but he well knew, not in a school environment. He turned his attention to the screen, then looking at the others, who nodded in agreement. "We can certainly agree we witnessed irritability, angry outbursts and aggressive behaviour.",
"Dude, all Dr. Hart showed were the first two." Conor said to them. The teens continued to talk amongst themselves, while I'm sitting here like chopped liver!
"Boys, she yelled; which did cross as an angry outburst." Kira corrected. "We can count our lucky stars, she didn't throw a textbook at us that time!" Did I miss a symptom? Or is there something I wasn't told by the kids?
"Guys! What is going on!?" Once I got their attention, Kira spoke for the boys.
"Dr. Hart sort of… yelled, primarily because a student pissed her off." She explained. That's new, Kim has patience that is as legendary as Dulcea's and Ninjor's! Kira continued her explanation. "It wasn't normal yelling. Yes, it was angry and it was sort of like… she was giving out a soldier because he refused her orders." Well, that's everything in a nutshell. Why was I never told? Kira spoke once more. "Dr. O, please be straight with us. Does Dr Hart have PTSD?" I can't lie to them, as Ethan said; we are family. The Power Rangers are a close knit, familial circle.
"Don't say anything to Dulcea yet, but Aegis confirmed that… Kim is showing symptoms of PTSD and most likely has the disorder. However, she's ignoring it.",
"Is there any way we can help?" Conor asked,
"Look into it before you get involved. I'll email you all the link, just don't get caught reading this page. I don't want to be dealing with your parents." Nodding, the kids said goodbye and rushed off to Maths class. I should consider talking to Trini, she's a doctor, she may have experienced patients with PTSD. Maybe… I'll try to talk to Kim over dinner, I guess Chinese then?
18:00…
(Scene: Tommy Oliver's House, Outside Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
I parked my jeep on the drive, turn off the ignition and unbuckled my belt. While the kids were in Maths class with Kim's cousin, I sent them the Mayo Clinic link on PTSD via their emails. I hope their parents don't raise eyebrows. Unbuckling my belt, I grabbed the bag of take-out I stopped by in the city for dinner. I couldn't expect Kim to cook for me. Pulling out my house keys, I got out of the car and locked the door, then I let myself myself into the house. Placing the take-out bag on the dinner table, I called out to Kim to let her know I've arrived back home. For some reason, there was eerie silence, no response. I walked around, calling out to Kim, but still no answer and my heart began to race. I searched up and down, panicking at the thought Mesogog attacked my home and captured Kimberly under our noses! That was when I heard the familiar strumming of a guitar coming from the back porch.
I followed the sound, seeing the back door still open and outside, was Kim strumming her instrument. I breathed a sigh of relief. Kim was strumming a tune to another song, one I didn't recognise again. I silently stood there and began to listen.
"Can you see me?
I can barely see myself.
Are we only,
Empty frames up on the shelf?
It's like we're dreaming wide awake.
Everything bends until it breaks.
Can we recover?
Can we get over this?
Are we too deep in the night to see the day?
Can we recover?
Can we get over this?
Are we too frozen inside to feel the flame?
Empty vapour,
Where there used to be our view.
Cloudy layers,
When the sky was crystal blue.
It's like we're dreaming wide awake.
Everything bends until it breaks.
Can we recover?
Can we get over this?
Are we too deep in the night to see the day?
Can we recover?
Can we get over this?
Are we too frozen inside to feel the flame?
Can we start over?
Say it's not over,
Is there a remedy at the place where we started then?
Where there's a hunger within these wounded hearts can mend.
Can we recover?
Can we get over this?
Are we too deep in the night to see the day?"
Kimberly is going so deep in the dark, she can't see the light. I have to get her to open up somehow, I can't let her suffer. Kim needs to know she does not need to face her demons alone. I knocked on the back door to get Kim's attention and she turned, with the guitar in hand.
"Tommy! I didn't hear you." She said to me, startled.
"It's alright. I brought food, hungry?" I smiled,
"Starving." Kim helped me set the table for the take-out, which she was so happy to see. She hadn't a good take-out for a while. Strangely, Mesogog has been quiet, it's unusual, not like him… it's worrying. It feels like Rita and Lord Zedd all over again. Once the table was laid and dinner served, we both sat down and began to eat in silence. This silence went on for about fifteen minutes, I then decided to drop the question and prayed Kim won't get mad.
"Kim?" I called out,
"Yes Tommy?" She responded,
"How long have you been having nightmares?" I questioned,
"They're not as frequent as they once were. Saturday and this morning were a rare exception." Kim answered, more like half answered. She's trying to dodge around my question.
"Bullshit Kim! Aegis told me you likely have PTSD.",
"He doesn't know what he's talking about." Kimberly gritted, her teeth grinding almost. "I'm fine.",
"No, you are not! Please talk to me Beautiful." Kimberly turned away from my gaze,
"You won't understand." I scoffed at her,
"Try me.",
"There's no try Tommy. It's either you do or you don't." She growled, her eyes flashing red at me. I did not for get the fact, Firebird is still locked in Kim's mind, deep in the back of her conscience; just like Dragon is. Maligore did that to Kim, oh how I wish to resurrect him and punch his bloody face again. He's the reason for Firebird's birth. Just like Rita is the blame for my own alter ego.
"Then help me understand." I begged. That was when Kim lost her patience, standing up fast, knocking the chair over and slammed her fist on the table.
"DROP IT THOMAS!" She yelled. My body froze, never in all the years I have known Kim, had she ever called me Thomas. "I can't go back there again. I just can't." Kimberly left the table, making her way up the stairs quickly and shut the door. I leaned on the dinner table, signing. I fucked up big time.
19:00…
(Scene: Hayely's Cyberspace, City Centre, Reefside, Earth/Kira's POV)
I sat with the band, preparing to have a late gig. I was doing some technical checks of the sound equipment and making sure my guitar sounds perfect and in tune. Conor is with me, he's actually going to perform with me. I uh… sort of overheard him singing… well, more like rapping… it was both, in the Dino Lab; another section that stables our Raptor Riders. I was heading down to check on mine and I listened to him, he sounded really good; for a guy who likes to play soccer. Conor didn't want me to think any different of him, I told him I didn't. I finished writing a song, that needs a second vocalist, even better, a rapper. I don't know how, but after finding out that Dr. Hart most likely has PTSD, it gave me an urge to song write… instead of doing homework. I saw the look in Dr. O's eyes, no matter how much she pushes him away, he's going to keep following her. Our Science Teacher is the source of our History Teacher's light, as she brings herself further into the dark. The song I wrote is appropriately named: Like Morning Follows Night. Dr. Hart is the night, Dr. Oliver is morning and he will follow her, no matter how far she runs.
It's so strange, music has this ability to dig deep into human psychology. The ability to release a hidden emotion or get a message across to someone or relate to them. Like poetry it can used to refer to people; in this case our teachers. Music is like universal therapy. When all the checks were finished, Conor and I turned on the microphones and everyone stared. Hayley was at the side, recording us, but if course, she and Ethan were surprised to see Conor next to me.
"Good evening everyone, I know you're all surprised to see Jock Boy next to me." The crowd laughed as Conor gave this little puppy pout. "Trust me though, he's full of surprises." Conor gave the thumbs up to the band, the pianist began to play a soft opening tune, followed by the gentle drums of the drummer. I started to sing.
[Kira]:
"You don't know what it's like to live in shadows.
Always regretting what you've done.
Spending time,
Counting every little mistake.
Knowing it's always easier to run."
[Conor]:
"You don't have to spend your life looking backward.
We've been through this over and over again.
You can't just wish it away.
The past is the past,
It'll never change.
That was before,
This is now and when.
We have a chance to make it better if we try."
[Kira]:
"Oh, but I will not endanger one more friend!"
[Conor]:
"You're free to do the things you want.
But listen, so am I!"
[Kira]:
"I've made my choice!"
[Conor]:
"And now I'm making mine!"
The tempo of the song sped up to a more rock genre as the beat from the drums intensified and the electric guitarists began to pick up the pace. The audience even started dancing to it.
[Kira and Conor]:
"Go where you need to!
Know I won't leave you!
I'll follow you like morning follows night!
You can run 'til your pain's through.
One thing I won't do:
Is to let you go alone to face the fight!"
[Kira]:
"Hard to know where to turn when your life's a disaster.
Trying to start all over again.
So much shame,
So much time that just feels wasted.
Feeling like now could never make up for them."
[Conor]:
"Life's not a game you can play to get even.
We all make mistakes but we need to move on.
I know that you hate when we stray,
Forgiving yourself is the only way.
Just look ahead,
Yesterday is gone.
I know you think you're being selfless but you're not."
[Kira]:
"I refuse to risk another's pain again!"
[Conor]:
"The pain is when you shut me out!
And take off on your own!
No matter what,
You'll never walk alone."
The band does their one minute interlude, before Conor reveals his secret weapon: dropping some seriously good beats.
[Conor - Raps]
"See you'll never understand,
What I feel, what I see.
What's going through my mind,
How it feels being me.
All the struggles, all the fights.
Long days, longer nights.
Trying to search for this happiness,
Lost in the life.
But it seems like it's all just out of my fight.
Just out of my reach,
Can't seem to get right.
But of course when this hurdle is placed in my life.
Can't push and pull,
Stuck up in this pull.
Cycle of pain,
All the stress in my brain.
I'm just trying to maintain,
Keep from going insane.
But no matter what I do,
The cries go unheard.
Yet I still believe in you.
Every breath, every word,
Every smile, every glimpse.
Could be another chance,
That you finally see the love that is me.
So until that time,
I'll follow every day.
Every step of the way,
You continue to say:"
[Kira and Conor]:
"Go where you need to!
Know I won't leave you!
I'll follow you like morning follows night!
You can run 'til your pain's through.
One thing I won't do:
Is to let you go alone to face the fight!"
The crowd inside the cyber café clapped, praising the new song I managed to write in under like five hours and not to mention; they were praising Conor for his hidden talent. They didn't take any notice of the song's hidden meaning. I looked over to Hayley, who was giving me the thumbs up, that she recorded everything. In the middle of while we were setting up, Dr. O called Hayley; he told her everything. She even suspected that Kim may have PTSD as well, she has seen the symptoms before. Her older brother is- was in the US Special Forces and he went through the disorder himself. He decided to resign from Special Forces, got a job as a software developer with Microsoft. He has a degree in Software Development. The company even agreed to cater for his service dog. This is why Hayley wanted to record the song Conor and I sang. She's going to send it to Kim, making her see that running from the problem isn't going to solve anything. As of now, our teacher is refusing to speak to our mentor. She got slightly aggressive towards him and now, refuses to come out of the bedroom.
Hayley threatened to Tommy, if he doesn't snap her out of it, she'll send her brother over and the two can have a chat - veteran to veteran. What's the next thing that will go wrong?
Two Weeks Later…
Sunday…
15:55…
18th December 2003…
Canon: Fighting Spirit
(Scene: Reefside General Hospital, City Centre, Reefside, Earth/Tommy's POV)
We followed the paramedics as they burst through the double doors with Kim on a trolley and moving her to the Intensive Care Unit. Fuck! Fuck it all to hell! Why did you this Kim!? It was so stupid of you! The idiot of a Pink Ranger decided to use her fused Power Coin as a power source to reverse the permanent invisibility, caused by the green slime sample. It managed to get her out of her suit, but it turned her invisible, as if my Dino Gem powers went into overdrive! We were all so wary of this, unfortunately Jason and Trini were with us when it happened. I was thankful that Trini was with us because she is a doctor, and she volunteered to be Kim's doctor.
Kim was placed on the hospital bed attached to various machines to monitor her heart rate and brainwaves. I wish Billy was here, he could help us understand. I still feel connected to Kim, but it's wavering, like she's in a realm between Life and Death. Trini was looking at the brainwaves data sheet and frowned, like they didn't make sense.
"I'm not a neurologist, however, this doesn't make sense! Kim is in a comatose state, but her brainwaves are all over the place!" Hayley jumped in,
"So are you saying Kim is mentally active?",
"Yes? No? I don't know!" Trini was on the verge of tearing her hair out. "Our medicine is not that advance! You might as well talk to the Time Force Rangers about their medicine in the year three thousand-and-two!" Kim, wherever you are, please come back to us!
(Scene: Spirit World, Unexplainable Location/Kimberly's POV)
I walked around, taking in my surroundings and trying to figure out, where the hell I am. Well, I'm definitely not on Earth, the colours are… too out of place; the trees, everything. I found myself wearing my civilian clothes: just a simple pair of jeans and a light pink tank top. I kept moving forward, this forest has to go somewhere. The further I walked, the more the aura the forest is giving off; becomes… dark. What is happening? What is also making me further uneasy, is the fact I can't feel Rhea's presence. My question was soon answered when the forest warped and changed, the entire environment changed… changed into something I told myself I do not want to go back to.
Fire, the explosions, the war cries and the cries of fallen soldiers… I clutched my head and shut my eyes. Please stop! I can't relive this again! Make it stop!
"Kara!" A voice called out, "Kara!" I opened my eyes, to see Bohan! I smiled.
"Bohan! You're alive!" I said to him, switching instantly to Eltarian, but then… I stopped in my tracks. Bohan turned and he… how is he still standing!? The wound on his chest was gaping, his shirt sword was sheathed at his waist and he held his sniper rifle, with the combat knife attached underneath.
"What's the matter Kara? You look like you've seen a ghost." I took a few steps back.
"Stop! I must be hallucinating!",
"The dead don't stay dead, my dear friend." Bohan chuckled. He turned his rifle, taking off the attachment, then dumped the rifle. Next, he unsheathed his short sword, getting into a dual sword stance. Without another word, Bohan charged at me, slashing both weapons at me. I managed to dodge them, moving to the side.
Seeing a fallen sword, I picked it up, parrying some of the blows from my old friend. Bohan fought with unusual brutality, I almost struggled to block them, if it weren't for my ranger reflexes, topped with the Eltarian reflexes too.
"Stop holding back!" Bohan growled, "AND FIGHT ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" The sniper disarmed me and attempted to attack again. I blocked both his weapons with my hands and brought them down in lock.
"I'm sorry I let you die Bohan!" I cried, "I wasn't fast enough. Not a day goes by that I think of you!",
"I'm sure you do Lieutenant!" My friend snarled with strife. Next, he managed to free himself of my grip and kicked me in the stomach. I did the next best thing: run.
(Reality/Tommy's POV)
I sat at Kim's side, with my hand in hers. Please wake up Kim, I'll be lost without. So far, fate has just been a bitch towards us. Wherever you are in your conscience, I hope you're OK. I can't lose you again, neither can Jason and everyone, all your friends. They sadly couldn't be here due to work commitments, their bosses only left them off once after the whole trapped in amber event. It just so happens that Jason and Trini are off. I was deep in thought that a person had to let out a fake cough to get my attention. It was Kira and the kids. Oh yes, Trent is finally on our side now, after somehow eliminating the evil coding in the White Dino Gem. He felt guilt for all the trouble he caused as Draco, lucky for him; his alter ego is gone, he doesn't have to worry about it now, unlike myself and Kimberly. Of course, we had to make wash our Zords which was very amusing; then I decided to tell him four days in, the Zords can maintain themselves; which got me a bucket load of soap water in the face.
Before this happened, Kim noticed Trent had a hard time getting over his ordeal and decided to ask me, to offer the new White Ranger some words of wisdom from the former Original Evil Green Ranger. Turned out, Trent and I aren't so different. Kira placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Kim will make it through. I know she will." I smiled softly at the Yellow Dino Ranger,
"Thanks Kira. I know Kim, she's the strongest person I've ever met." All of a sudden, the TV channel was interrupted for Breaking News. Reefside was being attacked by some dinosaur or dragon like creature, coloured in similar markings to the White Ranger clone. Ah man, I forgot about that clone, thank god Trent was able to beat him. Reefside News call it the White Terrorsaurus, how appropriately named. Now, I felt conflicted, I want to go out there with the kids, but I can't leave Kim. What if something happens to her and I'm not there!? Trini walked in, seeing the news as well, worry was evident on her face.
"Don't worry Dr. O." Ethan assured, "We got it covered." Jason stood up,
"I'm going with them. Stay with my little sister Tommy, unless we really need you.",
"Be careful bro." Jason patted me on the back, then stopping by Trini to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. I heard Jason promise he'll come back. The four teens and Jason ran out of the hospital to intercept Mesogog's new monster. Bastard has a good sense of timing huh? Attack us when we're in a state of worry over our own. I sat back down in the chair, staying close to Kim. Come on Beuatiful! Wake up!
(Scene: Spirit World, Unexplainable Location/Kimberly's POV)
I found myself in the forest again, the war zone outside Eltar turned back to the environment it originally was. I stopped for second to catch my breath, this… angry version of Bohan is still after me, hell bent on killing me while he taunts my mistakes, my errors. How his death is my fault and I should have died during the final days of the war. Maybe he's right, maybe I should have died. I'm a mess, I ignored how much the past events affected me, I let them be buried under one layer to another. Ivan Ooze, Maligore, the landmine on Mirinoi, being tortured by The Alliance, Boreas' betrayal… just… everything! All those events, I should died in one of them; I evaded Death's hand for so long and now everything is coming back to hit like fucking Megazord!
I kept my feelings buried because after the war, I jumped into taking care of the civilians instead of resting and taking care of myself. Aegis is right, if there's one trait of the Pink Rangers he hated; it is their compassion, to put others before themselves. I'm no exception to that trait and I'm the first Pink Ranger after my mother's generation! The peace didn't last so long when I heard the sound of a blade cutting air, right towards me. I did a black flip to avoid being sliced and getting into my defensive stance.
"You going to running friend?" He taunted, "Or will you be the a Lieutenant you once were and FIGHT ME!" Bohan scream as he raced towards me, raising both his weapons. I wanted to fight, bring myself back to who I once was during the war: a hardened warrior, a soldier who could command a battalion or even small guerrilla warfare groups. But I'm not Lieutenant Kara, I'm just Kimberly on Earth; I know my soldier persona creeps in every now and then, though I'm trying to live a normal life of a civilian. I rolled under a horizontal swing, then kicked Bohan in the back. I know I'm purposely holding myself back, I watched Bohan die once, I couldn't bear to kill at my own hands.
"Bohan please stop! I'm sorry! For everything!",
"Why do you push them away Kimberly?" I frowned,
"What are you talk-" He cut me off,
"Your family, friends, everyone you cared about and cared for you." The sniper's stance straightened as he glared at me; an unusual steely glint in his blue-green eyes. "How long do you intend to shut them out? How long do you intend to shut Tommy Oliver out? Will you let your PTSD consume you?" I clenched my fists, that was a low blow, even for him. Stop! It's not Bohan, just some monster impersonating him, to mess with my mind and to rile me up. I barely reacted, Bohan moved with speed I didn't think he had, slamming the pommel of his short sword into my gut, followed by a sweep kick to bring me to the ground. I landed with a grunt, the wind knocked out me, as I struggled to breathe. Aegis pointed his sword at my throat. He kept it aimed as he placed the combat knife in the sheath on the vest.
"Such a shame. You fought, but failed." The man I saw as a friend, close friend, raised his sword; with intention of finishing me. As he was about to stab me in the chest, I screamed out in a last ditch effort to save myself.
"YOU WERE RIGHT!" The blade never hit my throat, Bohan must have stopped himself.
"What did you say?" He asked me,
"You were right." I repeated, tears sliding down my cheek. "I do have PTSD." Before I even blinked, the Bohan I was facing suddenly vanished, his body becoming tiny little balls of light, being blown away by the air. What just happened. I picked myself up, trying to rack my brain around this.
"You passed the test my old friend." I turned three-sixty, facing Bohan once again' but something was different. He was dressed in his standard Eltarian civilian clothes and the gaping wound on his chest was gone.
"Is that really you Bohan?" I whispered,
"It is me Kimberly." Bohan was the only person I ever told my Earth name to, I instantly knew it was him. I ran over and hugged him, which he returned.
"I am so sorry." I cried,
"Kara, I have already forgiven you. You did what you could, sacrifices had to be made in times of war. I accepted my fate. You, on the other hand, have to let go of the past." He said to me,
"What did you mean I passed the test?" I asked him,
"You were not just fighting an impersonation of me, I created it to help you admit and at the same time, prove your will to live. You passed." Bohan smiled softly,
"All those taunts, the hurtful words, it was to get me to admit I have PTSD.",
"You now have the strength to tell your family, your friends the truth. Stop living in the past, don't push them away. Let your friends help you, let Tommy help you. Tell them what really happened." The sniper comforted. "Oh yes, before I forget!" Bohan lifted his hand to reveal my fused Power Coin. It's fixed! I thought it was damage forever! I took it off him and thanked him.
"I do miss you Bohan." I smiled, sadly,
"As do I, but please, for me. Move on!" Suddenly, my whole world flashed, Bohan disappeared from view and everything went white.
(Reality)
I could hear the beeps belonging to various machines, am I attached to them? I heard voices, but they were muffled, faint. Who's in the room with me. Come on Kim! Open your eyes! I slowly managed to open them, at first, I saw nothing but white light; it then faded, each and every small section I could see beginning to colour. The shadows became blurred and fuzzy, but I could make out shapes. Figures of blue, red, white and yellow. After a few minutes, my vision was normal again and I felt a hand on mine I turned and the first face I saw, was Tommy. His face beaming of relief and cried tears of happiness. I softly smiled to him.
"Hi Handsome." I managed to croak, due to my throat being slightly dry. The room then erupted into celebration that I'm awake. Trini, who I was surprised to see, walked in and dropped her clipboard in shock. She ran over to me and locked me in tight hug, also threatening to kick my ass for not just scaring everyone, but her especially. She quickly poured me a cup of water, which I gladly accepted. Taking a small sip, the cooling and soothing quality of the water rehydrated my throat. I guess I should tell them that Tommy and Aegis are right about my condition, my mental condition. Trini was about to get the other doctor, but I stopped her and told her to stay. My friend complied and shut the door for privacy.
"What's wrong Kim?" Trini questioned. I took a deep breath and broke the truth.
"Tommy, Aegis, you were right.",
"Right about what?" The former Original Yellow Ranger said to me,
"I do have PTSD." There was no answer, no response, but all Tommy did was clutch my hand that rested on the bedsheet.
"And we will help you, through everything. One small step at a time." Tommy leaned over and rested his forehead against mine, giving me a wave of security. Bohan, thank you for helping me find the strength to open up.
And that's the end of this whopper. I'm actually worn out from writing this. Now Kim only admitted she has PTSD, her treatment will be looked into in the next chapter. I opted not to include a scene with the kids interacting with Dulcea, the chapter is longer than it already is. I may put it into flashbacks.
The sites I used to research PTSD are: Mayo Clinic and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), so I can have Kim's symptoms as accurate as possible; without being exaggerated or offending to those who actually experienced the disorder. I will put in another Reader's Descretion for the next chapter as the topic is carried on.
Other than that! Stay tuned! If you want to be notified of a new chapter ASAP, hit that Follow and Favourite. Until next time!
