Clothes paid for, Nick shifted the bags in his hand as he stood with his uncle in the atrium in front of Sears. He was feeling awkward; how did he get out of this thing with Jeff while still convincing his uncle that there was nothing wrong? It was like walking a tightrope with an impossible drop on either side. He really had no choice at all except to grin and bear it.
He smiled his thanks at his uncle. "I really appreciate this," he said his voice filled with sincerity.
His uncle had insisted he wear the new jacket and shoes out of the store with him. And he had to admit he looked quite smart in them. Rebel without a clue. He grinned at that and glanced up at the glass elevator that swept down into the parking lot and noticed a kid who had pressed his nose to the glass to stare at the people he passed by.
Paul waved his hand, "No problem, you be good and get home safely." He turned to leave and stopped, turning back, "And I will pick you up on Sunday for supper. Get a good meal into you."
Nick grinned at that, a good meal was his aunt's sole purpose in life, it seemed, to be able to cook anything at any time and have it come out a gourmet meal. He found his stomach rumbling, he had only had a couple of spoonfuls of Wes's Pea soup before the madness had swept him away from his meal.
Paul must have heard it because he smiled and fished into his wallet again, pulling out some mixed bills that he only briefly glanced at before he pushed them into Nick's hand, "To tide you over," he said with a smile.
Nick couldn't help it; he just threw his arms around his uncle and held onto him for a bit, finally stepping back and wiping the dampness from his eyes.
Paul smiled at him, and then he was gone, leaving Nick alone.
Nick sighed as he moved to sit down on one of the benches, content to wait for Jeff. His life had been turned upside down; a single kiss and a single dream had changed his entire life. He contemplated running then, going up to the bus station and catching one back home. It seemed like a good idea, get away from Jeff before anything else changed.
Jeff exited the store, and quickly the idea of running was quashed. Nick sat there watching the guy that in turn was searching the crowd looking for him. Jeff was undeniably handsome in a clean, crisp, white dress shirt and khaki Dockers. The dark green varsity jacket with its white leather sleeves. His blond hair neatly combed and parted just off the centre. He was like a poster boy, and an incredibly good looking one at that. Those chocolate brown eyes that drifted over the crowd and finally settled on him.
Nick blushed; it was reflexive, and he couldn't help it. Those brown eyes just seemed to sparkle when they met his. The shy smile on Jeff's face that said he was relieved to see Nick had actually waited for him.
Nick swallowed knowing that he was screwed. Too much of looking into those eyes and the resolute part of him that had said no that afternoon would be swept away. He suddenly grew nervous, what if Jeff didn't feel the same way, or worse what if he did? Could Nick handle either? It had taken everything he had to try to protect Jeff that afternoon, but here they were only a few hours later.
"I'm glad you waited" Jeff said sticking his hands into his pockets and bouncing slightly up onto the balls of his feet. It was a nervous gesture, something he obviously wasn't aware he was doing. Like a little boy who couldn't stay still too long. Nick noticed it and grinned inwardly, at least he wasn't the only one scared to death.
"I didn't have much choice." Nick said dryly as he got to his feet, picking up his bags.
Jeff reached down to take a few from him, "I'm sorry," he said and Nick noticed for the first time how strong Jeff's voice was; there was an inner confidence in the way he said the words. "I had to talk to you and I didn't think you would agree any other way."
Nick rolled his shoulders a bit, "Yeah I thought we, well this afternoon I figured..."
Jeff nodded towards the glass elevator, and the two got in. Nick was a little puzzled by that, weren't they supposed to be going to the food court? Why then were they now stepping out of the elevator into the parking lot?
Jeff crossed to his car, the Mustang looked a little battered from the accident, but the windows had been replaced and most of the bodywork had been repaired. Nick couldn't help but smile at the thought of the night huddled in the back of it, and the intense dream he had afterwards.
Jeff flipped open the trunk and set Nick's bags inside, waiting for Nick to do the same before closing it. He stood hesitantly a moment looking at Nick before he asked, "So you want to catch a bite to eat or something?"
"Weren't we going to the food court?" Nick asked feeling another bout of nervousness.
"We can," Jeff said, "but I feel like getting something a bit..." he shrugged, "you know a real restaurant rather than fast food."
Nick swallowed as he nodded, and Jeff relaxed noticeably, and he opened the side door for Nick to get in, hopping around the car to get in behind the driver's seat. Nick felt a tightness in his chest as he sat down on the familiar seat and glanced back relieved to see the emergency kit back there as well as a new cell phone sitting on a cradle charging off of the cigarette lighter.
Jeff noticed what Nick was staring at and grinned, "My mom, she offered to pay to fix the car so long as I agreed to let her get me a cell. I think it makes her feel easier."
"Where is your mom?" Nick asked looking around for the diminutive, if formidable woman as Jeff started the car and backed out of his space.
Jeff turned the wheel and flipped the car into gear; "My mom's got her own car here, so she's fine with me taking off." He accelerated the car out onto the street and turned a corner. He really was a careful driver, he expertly drove the car through the congested streets, rush hour was coming to an end and he navigated through it in silence for a bit before he looked over at Nick.
"You gonna' talk to me, or am I just going to drive us around in silence?" He flashed his white teeth and Nick felt like a trapped rabbit.
"I-I don't know,I thought..." Nick trailed off.
Jeff stopped the car at a light and gave Nick his full attention, "I told you this afternoon that I just can't bury this." His words were earnest, insistent, if he could just convince Nick of that then...
"And I told you I can't handle it." His voice was quiet, almost as if he didn't believe his own words, and in many ways he didn't. There was no denying the feelings, but did that make him gay? Could he take that step, and could he drag Jeff along with him? "I can't do that to you, make you gay along with me."
Jeff burst into laughter, as he turned the car away from the dark houses of parliament and up to the brighter lights of the main commercial street. He had a boisterous laugh, the kind that came from somewhere around the soul and bubbled up musically. He shook his head. "You didn't make me gay."
Nick looked over at him, still sitting quietly. Waiting for Jeff to calm down from his fit of laughter. Feeling a little stupid for saying it, but how else could he explain how he felt? He sighed in frustration over his own lack of communications skills. "You know what I mean." He snapped irritably.
Jeff continued to smile as the car pulled into the small parking lot which serviced the street. He turned to Nick and shook his head, "I may not know what, this..." he waved his hand again back and forth between them, "is all about, but I know you didn't make me anything I don't want to be." He finished almost awkwardly, as he got out of the car and rested on the roof of the car watching as Nick got out, "I just know that I love you."
"That's the second time you've said that to me," Nick said as he straightened up and looked about him at the gentle snow that fell. A few flakes had fallen into Jeff's hair and sat there like a light dusting of white in his sandy hair, and he just seemed so self-assured, so immovable.
Jeff's smile curled up one corner of his mouth as he tilted his head to the side, "Yeah I guess it is. This is the part where you tell me 'no' and leave me hanging like a dork."
Nick took a deep breath, "Yeah, I mean no, I guess" he said after a moment. He thumbed towards the restaurant, "Shouldn't we?"
Jeff stepped around the car, pushing his hair back out of his eyes and shaking off the snow; he looked nervous again, suddenly as uncertain of himself as he had been that night by the rink. "Yeah we should probably go eat."
Nick stopped and looked about him, and then sighed, "Jeff we're not ready for this. I'm not ready for this."
Jeff stepped carefully in the snow till he was standing in front of Nick, looking down at the shorter boy. He stood uncertain for a moment and then just reached out and pulled Nick closer to him. Nick felt the arms encircle his waist and he stood there a moment with his hands hanging down at his sides shaking his head.
"I can't do this Jeff." It was too much, everything all at once.
Jeff nodded, letting him go, "Come on, I promised you supper."
Nick reluctantly looked at the car, wishing again that he had just gone home. His head was swimming in possibilities. He was already branded a 'fag' at school, his parents knew, and his other family suspected him. But there was a difference between one kiss and what Jeff was asking him for. It was a massive line to cross, and it terrified him.
At sixteen he simply wasn't equipped to make a choice like that, was he? It would be so easy just to put his arms around Jeff and lose himself in that warm safe feeling that Jeff offered to him. But the doubts were just too much for him right then.
Jeff turned to lead the way, and Nick's hand snaked out of its own accord and grabbed Jeff's. He held it for a second, staring at it in disbelief; it was almost a panicked gesture, all that had flashed through his mind was that he wanted to touch him.
Jeff looked down at the hand in his own, and up at Nick's eyes and he nodded, "Yeah, I know, I'm pretty irresistible huh? That makes me sound like an ass. Just forget I said that."
Nick nodded, struggling to regain some semblance of his own inner strength as he held onto that hand, "I don't know why I did that." he said shakily as he let go of Jeff's hand and climbed over the small snow bank to the sidewalk.
"Let's go get something to eat, and we can talk." Jeff offered as they both walked around to the entrance to the restaurant
It was a sort of half-and-half establishment, a restaurant with a bar. Smoky bronze mirrors and comfortable seating. There was a pool table tucked off towards the back of the restaurant that really looked more like a bar than a restaurant. Luckily no one questioned them when they went in, and the waitress, a stout blonde woman with spiky blonde hair showed them to their table and went off to fetch them a couple of drinks.
Nick had kept his gaze firmly on the mug when it arrived, adding a couple of creamers to it and a couple of spoonfuls of sugar. Jeff, he noticed, had ordered a cup of tea. He looked at Jeff questioningly.
Jeff strained his tea bag and looked over at Nick, "Strange isn't it, you're the one that's supposed to be drinking tea, and I'm the one supposed to be a coffee fiend. Nothing racist, but just what people say."
Nick shrugged, "I've always liked coffee better, tea just tastes funny over here. It's like they don't make it properly." He grinned and sat back into the chair near to the window and looked up at Jeff the grin fading, "Why me?"
Jeff stirred a little milk into his tea as he thought, "I don't know. I started to notice you last year, this scruffy British kid who hung around with David."
"David and I don't really hang out." Nick said thinking about the Storm goalie whose party had started this mess.
Jeff shrugged, "He thinks of you as a friend. I asked him about you once at the start of the year."
"You what?" Nick asked incredulously, "but..."
Jeff winced, "No, it's not like that, or I didn't think it was like that." He blushed as he looked away, "I mean it wasn't, you know, I was just, Curious."
The waitress saved him from further embarrassment, coming over to take their order before disappearing again. Nick tried to relax; they were both getting strung-out over this. It had just been simpler in the car talking about life without the pressures of the big "L" word hanging over their heads.
"No, I understand," Nick said after the waitress had vanished again, and he offered Jeff a smile.
"No," Jeff said as he shifted in his chair and fiddled with a teaspoon, "I mean right up until the other night," his voice dropped, "in the car, and I had my arms around you," he again shifted, "and then I kissed you."
"Yeah I remember that, hard to forget really." Nick said with a shy smile, as his eyes met Jeff's. It was hopeless, their situation. It was just another stolen moment and could lead nowhere, but the way Jeff was sitting, relaxed in his chair, those eyes just piercing into him searching for some sign that his feelings were returned. Nick couldn't understand why it was him, there were better looking guys at school. "You still haven't said why."
Jeff accepted the burger the waitress handed to him and watched Nick's caeser salad with chicken strips, and he gestured with his fork. "This is why; you're not a carbon copy of every other person in school. You're interesting, you have depth above cars, boobs and parties." He sighed, "Want to know why I was out on the rink rather than getting drunk with the guys?"
Nick nodded, "Okay, why?"
"Because it's not me. I told you in the car that I don't want to be one of those guys. I'm better than that, I have to be." He shrugged, "And you make me realize that."
"I don't get it." Nick said truthfully, "Like you said I'm just that 'scruffy British kid.'"
"Who trusted me with his life," Jeff finished. "Who outside," he gestured in the direction of the parking lot, "just had to hold my hand. That's why it's you, Duval."
Nick looked down at his plate of food. "Oh." His voice was quiet as he searched for some kind of answers under a lettuce leaf, and unless the answer was a crouton he wouldn't find it in his salad. Was he gay? Everyone thought he was now, everyone said he was. But he had always shied away from 'gay thoughts'. He'd had the usual curiosity, and like the other night, he had dreamed about it. But that didn't him homosexual, what made you gay was wanting to be with a guy, right? Nick looked up at the guy he wanted to be with.
"What about school?" Nick asked, "You don't want that."
Jeff's brow creased as he chewed on his fries thinking, "Look Nick, neither of us really know what we want right now. But we can't just pretend that we don't feel anything. If you want I'll get up on a table at school and scream it for everyone to hear." he sounded serious, and that scared Nick a little.
"You're that sure?" Nick said glancing about him furtively, but the waitress was too far away to hear them.
"Duval, I mean Nick," Jeff leaned forward across the table and his hand touched Nick's, "It's my fault you're in that mess at school. I shouldn't have kissed you. I was confused, am confused about all of this. But I know that I'm not confused in how I feel. If you told me to do that I would..."
"I'd rather you didn't." Nick admitted reluctantly that he enjoyed the reassuring feeling of Jeff's hand on his own. He turned his palm outwards and Jeff immediately took it into his own larger ones. He stared at it for a long time.
"Refill on your coffee?" the waitress asked, not even bothering for a reply as she refilled his mug. She looked down at the two hands and threw Nick a wink, "Shame," she said softly as she walked off again.
Nick blushed scarlet as Jeff tried to hide his laughter. "See, I have good taste," he said with a grin, not letting go of Nick's hand, "I love you, Nick Duval."
"I-i think I l-love you too." Nick stammered, the knot in his stomach threatening to curl him into a little ball from the fear of actually acknowledging the feelings he had locked deep inside.
Jeff suddenly looked relieved, as he let out a long breath he had obviously been holding. "Wow," he said again, "I've never been that nervous before."
Nick blushed again letting go of Jeff's hand and picking up his coffee cup. The admission calmed him, and he squared his shoulders looking across the table at Jeff who was battling heroically with his banquet burger.
"So what now?" Nick asked.
Jeff grinned as he put the burger down, "I could kiss you again," he shrugged, "But after all that garlic in the salad I'd rather not."
Nick laughed, "That's not what I meant, I mean with us?"
Jeff sighed considering it, "Well why don't we just see where it takes us. I mean technically we've only kissed once and this is our first date."
Nick shook his head grinning, "Oh no, this isn't a date!"
Jeff's face fell slightly in disappointment, "Oh?"
"No, if you are going to take me out on a date I expect it to be done right," Nick said, sitting back in his own chair. He felt ridiculous, boys weren't supposed to go on dates, hold hands, kiss. But there he was doing all of those things. If he were a cheerleader he would be doing backflips by now. If he were a cheerleader he would be on his back by now.
He was shocked at the sudden thought, and blushed bright red. Jeff caught it, but didn't ask. He just sat chewing on his burger in an overtly masculine way, one arm on the back of the chair beside his own, the burger clutched in the other. And those eyes weighing him up.
"Mister Duval," he said in a formal sounding voice, "I would cordially ask to take you out for one night of dinner, dancing and romantic walks."
Nick stopped himself from choking on nothing and straightened up, "It would be both an honour and a privilege to accompany you sir." He forced a formal British accent that made him sound like an old school professor.
Jeff nodded, "It's a date then."
After they had finished eating and Jeff had driven him home, Jeff walked him up to the porch of Wes's house. He stood hesitant for a moment in the quiet night, snow again drifting down around them. Nick took a deep breath knowing what was to come, but nerves took over and he began to talk.
"Well I had fun tonight, and I'm sure that we can ..."
Jeff kissed him again cutting off his nonsensical banter; it was a playful kiss, soft and teasing, and he went to return it as Jeff pulled back. "Goodnight Nick." he whispered.
He leapt down the steps, sliding on the snow in Wes's drive, till he hopped into his car. He threw Nick one last wave and the car swept off. Nick shook his head as he opened the door and walked back into Wes's place carrying all his bags.
Sapphire and Wes sat on the couch, Wes refusing to look at him, and Sapphire looked constipated. Like she couldn't wait to say something. He barely noticed as he got out of his shoes and went to go upstairs.
"Oh, no you don't!" Sapphire said with a happy tone in her voice, "you don't kiss on the door step and not tell me all about it."
Nick looked back down at her, and at Wes who was laughing into the couch. He flushed red, they'd seen him. He shrugged, "I don't kiss and tell." he smirked quickly jogging up the stairs to put his new clothes away.
Thankyou for the 3 lovely pm's I received wishing me luck on my exams, thankyou to gottriplets for checking the names (I actually wrote a chapter with no name muck ups this time). And I can't believe this story has received 59 reviews so thankyou all so much for that!
Moving on,
Next chapter: It's nice to know you still have friends that will stand by you through thick and thin not caring what your sexuality is, Jeff stands up for Nick during an English class about reputation when the topic changes from smoking, to fags, to Nick; and why do the boys always get caught kissing?
Next chapter - I doubt will be up till Saturday or Sunday, I've run out of chapters which I've already prewritten so the updates probably won't be daily like they have been. For once i'm not actually busy this weekend though so hopefully I'll be able to just sit down and write for the day but I won't make any promises because I have a short focus period and I'm really bad at trying to sit still for a long while. Usually while i'm writing i'll just randomly get up walk into the kitchen or my bedroom for no reason, won't get anything from that room, and then just sit back down infront of my laptop and continuing writing. Now you all know how weird I am :).
