A/N: Don't ask what I was thinking, but when I decided to write this series of stories, this is the first one I planned out. I put a lot of thought on how to set up the flashbacks (in italics) and I hope this chapter comes across the way I want it to.

Warning: A tearjerker, unless I've completely failed at being a wanna-be writer.

Song: 'How To Save A Live'- The Fray


Megan had just crossed the Washington border on her way up to Seattle. She briefly thought about calling CJ to see if he was there yet, but quickly decided she didn't want to know. If she didn't call and she didn't know... then, it wasn't happening. She was just driving up there for a normal visit. Everything was fine...

It was dark now, and Megan felt a little creeped out driving on this road surrounded by trees with no signs of civilization in sight.

Megan tried to just focus on driving, but she couldn't help but replay the last time she saw Janie in her head, over and over again. She tried to remember the times before that. Had Janie always looked at her like that? Did Janie always sound so...?

Megan gripped the wheel and pushed her foot harder on the gas pedal. She just had to get there. Janie had to be okay. She would get there and Janie would be there with CJ. In the morning they would laugh about this. Janie would apologize for being over-dramatic, and Megan would admit that she shouldn't have panicked and called CJ. CJ would make some off colour joke that they would all laugh at. Everything would be fine...

Megan wondered if she should be grateful that she was already through most of Oregon when she got the call instead of still being in California. Grateful for what? That she was a couple of hours closer so she could get there sooner to save Janie? Sooner to find Janie...?

"No." Megan said firmly. She wasn't going to think like that. Janie is fine. CJ was going to be there soon and he would be able to hold off any crisis until Megan got there.

Megan reached for her phone and hit the speed dial button for Janie's apartment. Megan tossed the phone to the side angrily when there was no answer. How could Janie call and get her that worried and then not pick up the phone?

"I just wanted to hear your voice one last time before..."
"Before what, Janie?"
"In case..."
"In case, What? What are you talking about?" Megan heard Janie sniffle.
"I love you, Megan."
"Janie, what do you mean? I'm going to be there in a few hours."
"Goodbye, Megan. I love you."

Megan had screamed 'I love you, too.' but she wasn't sure if Janie had heard it. Megan had to pull over to the side of the road after the call, she was shaking so badly. She tried to call Janie back and called CJ when Janie didn't answer.

"Hello."
"Hey, CJ. Can you do me a favor?"
"I'm at work. Can it wait?"
"No, It's really important. I need you to go check on Janie. She's not answering her phone."
CJ laughed. "Janie rarely answers her phone. Besides, Aren't you on your way to her apartment? I'll be there tomorrow."
"CJ. Please. Please can you leave tonight? If you leave right now, you'll get there first. I'm too far away." Megan begged.
"What did she say to you?" CJ asked, concern filled his voice. Megan couldn't respond. She couldn't repeat all the things going through her mind. She couldn't tell CJ...
"I'm leaving now." CJ said when Megan didn't respond. Megan nodded.
"Thanks" She managed to whisper when she realized how stupid it had been to nod. "Where are you?" CJ asked.
"Somewhere near the Washington border, I think." Megan said. She took a deep breath, she needed to calm down so she could keep driving and get to Janie.
"I'm sure Janie's fine." CJ said, not sounding very convincing. "I'll call you when I get there. Just be careful."

For the next hour, Megan tried to convince herself that Janie was fine. Megan was maybe an hour away from Seattle. An hour and a half, tops. With every mile that went by, Megan felt more and more anxious. Her hands hurt from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel. She wasn't sure how much longer she would last. It felt like the tension was radiating off her and it had filled the car. It was choking her.

"Stupid Janie." Megan muttered bitterly. She was so distracted by this thought that she didn't see the creature standing in the middle of the road.

Megan let out a terrified scream as she swerved to avoid hitting the creature. She slammed on the brakes and the car came to a stop just off the side of the road. Megan was frozen in place, panting as she tried to catch her breath.

Whatever was in the road had scampered off when Megan turned to look at it. She let out a startled yelp as a cheerful jingle noise pierced the tense silence in the car. She frantically tried to find her phone from the place she had tossed it. She unbuckled her seat belt and reached under the passenger seat. She felt her fingertips brush against it.

The phone stopped ringing as Megan crawled into the backseat. She sat on the floor of the car and reached under the passenger seat again. The phone sprang to life with it's cheerful jingle again and Megan read the caller ID.

It was CJ. Megan's heart jumped. CJ was calling to tell her that everything is fine. That Janie was safe and sound and to tell Megan that she can stop panicking.

"Hello?" Megan said into the phone. There was silence on the other end of the phone and Megan's heart sank to the floor. She checked to make sure the call was still connected before saying, "Hello? CJ?"

There was a sniffling sound on the other end of the phone. A sniffling sound from someone who was definitely not Janie. Megan would have recognized Janie's sniffle anywhere.

"No!" Megan exclaimed. She felt that her heart had stopped. Suddenly, her skin was cold. Every inch of her felt icy and she knew nothing would ever be the same again.

There was a sob on the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry." CJ cried.

Megan closed her eyes against this information. Sure, Janie had talked about it before and there was that one scare before graduation last year, but Megan never thought...

"I didn't know what to do. I've been sitting here not knowing what to do. I didn't know if I should call you or wait. If I should call..." CJ's voice broke. "Should I call...?"

"You didn't call an ambulance?" Megan asked, feeling sick and horrified.

"She was blue by time I got here... She... Megan, it took me a couple of hours to get here. There's nothing I could have... She was..."

"Stop!" Megan snapped. She heard CJ sob again and felt her heart break all over again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know." CJ said softly. Megan could imagine that he was wiping his tears on his sleeve. He probably tried so hard to keep himself together. "So, should I... or did you want to...?"

Megan didn't need to ask him what he meant. He wanted to know if she wanted to see Janie's body. "You should call... Just, if they get there before me..."

"I will."

Megan almost asked how Janie did it, but she stopped herself. She would see it for herself soon enough. "I love you." Megan said it so softly it was almost if she didn't say it at all.

"I love you, too. Be careful."

Megan hung up the phone and felt completely numb. With shaky hands she started dialing.

"Hello?"

"Mindy, can I talk to...?" Megan hiccuped. She just realized the tears that were streaming down her face.

"Josh, your sister's on the phone." Megan heard Mindy say.

"Hey, Megs. What's up?" Josh asked, sounding as cheerful as ever.

The sound of Josh's voice broke through Megan's icy numbness. Pain flooded all of her senses as sobs raked through her body.

"Megan, what's wrong? Where are you?"

Megan cried harder, hating the fact that Josh's voice filled with panic. "Washington..." Megan struggled to breathe. "Janie..." She couldn't say it. "Janie... Oh, God..." Megan cried. It was as if she was finding out all over again. If she said the words. Then, it was true. CJ didn't say the words...

"Where are you?" Josh asked calmly.

"I don't know!!"

Megan heard Josh take a deep breath. "Megan, breathe. Okay? Can you just focus on breathing for a minute?"

Megan nodded even though Josh couldn't see. She opened the door and laid back, resting her head on the bottom of the car's door frame. She slowly breathed in the cool night air. Megan could see the stars. The tears stopped flowing.

"Do you want me to come get you? Well, I can call..."

Megan shook her head before replying. "I need to get to Janie's apartment before they take..." Megan's breath hitched. Before they take the body...

"I can be there by morning. I'll take the first plane out there." Josh paused. "Do you want me to call anyone? Like Janie's mom...?"

Megan squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think about Janie's mom. Janie's mom kicked Janie out last year. She didn't have the right to... "No, I'll call her when I can." Megan wanted to wait until morning. She didn't want to deal with Janie's mom while...

"Are you going to be okay to drive?"

"I'll make it." Megan said softly. CJ was sitting alone in Janie's apartment. Well, alone with... Megan had to get to him. "Can... Can you call Drake? I..." Megan didn't know how to explain it. She just needed her brothers with her. That's what big brothers were for, right? They had to know what to do.

"I'll bring him with me." Josh said in a tone that made Megan believe that he understood. "Call me when you get... there. Okay?"

"Sure... I love you." Megan flinched at the words. She was making sure everyone knew that she loved them. She had to. What if Janie didn't know?

"I love you, too. I'll be there as soon as I can"
-----

CJ was outside smoking when Megan pulled up to Janie's apartment building. They stared at each other for a long moment before Megan actually approached him.

"There's a police officer up there looking around. I... I couldn't stand being in there while they..." CJ gestured vaguely to the door.

"They didn't...?" Megan started.

CJ shook his head. "No. They're just looking around. To make sure... They asked a few questions and..." He sighed and stomped his cigarette out on the ground before lighting another one.

Megan leaned against the wall beside CJ. She wasn't sure what to say. Every sentence that they said just died off in the middle because neither of them could bear saying the words. "I thought you quit." Megan said, gesturing to the cigarette.

"I'm just making an exception for the night." CJ said softly. He held the pack out toward Megan. Megan took one and CJ lit it for her. Megan thought it would have been a romantic moment under different circumstances. Their eyes locked as the space between them glowed from the small flame. Something stirred inside Megan. She realized how much she missed seeing CJ all the time. She shook her head and leaned back against the wall. This was the wrong time to think about that.

"You know... Janie was my first girlfriend." CJ said after several minutes had passed. "The first girl I ever kissed."

Megan held the cigarette between her fingers and pulled it away from her mouth. Her hand fell limply to her side. "She's the first girl I ever kissed, too." Megan tried to say lightly, but found that instead of a laugh, a sob came out. The cigarette fell from her fingers and Megan watched the tiny sparks scatter upon impact. "Do you think she knew...? I mean, even if I am straight... I loved her. Just, not..."

CJ gathered Megan in his arms. "She must have. We all loved her."

It felt so warm in CJ's arm. Megan felt herself start to relax. For a moment, she forgot why she was there.

A loud cough from behind them brought them out of the moment. They turned to see a police officer. "We're done up there. Did you guys want a moment before...?"

Megan found it almost amusing that the police officer couldn't finish a sentence either. "Yeah. I need a moment." Megan stepped away from CJ. "Do you want to...?"

CJ shook his head. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "It's alright. I spent the past hour with her..." A strange expression crossed his face as the meaning of the words sank in.

"I won't be long." Megan said, letting her fingers brush against CJ's arm as she passed him.

Megan paused when she got to the doorway of Janie's apartment. It was bright inside. Way too bright.

"She's in the other room..." The police officer said gently.

Megan muttered a small thanks. She was grateful that he said "She's in" instead of "It's in." Because as Megan entered the other room, she realized that's all Janie is now. An 'it,' It's just a body. Just a body that formerly belonged to her best friend.

Megan paused before entering the bedroom. She stood there in the eerie silence and realized it wasn't raining. It rained every time she visited Janie. It constantly tapped against the windows. Megan wondered why it wasn't dark and stormy out. Out of all nights, this should have been a dark and stormy night. She took a deep breath before finally entering the room.

Megan sat indian style on the floor. Just a few inches away from where the puddle of blood stopped. Megan stared at the dark blood and tried to close off her other senses. She didn't want to think about the smell. The stale coppery smell that hung heavy in the air.

Megan just stared at the large puddle of blood. Megan almost reached her hand out to touch it. She was curious what it felt like after it had been there for hours. It looked a lot darker than she thought it would look. Not that she ever thought about what this would look like. It was just... different...

Megan's gaze raised slightly. "Janie, if I had known..." Megan paused. If she had known what?

Janie's head was turned to the side, as if she was looking at Megan. Megan laid on her side so her eyes were on the same level as Janie's. Megan wanted Janie to wake up. She wanted it to be like when they were little and having a sleepover. Megan just wanted to tell Janie to stop giving her that creepy lifeless look.

"Janie..." Megan said softly. "Janie..." Part of her thought that if she pleaded enough, she could pull Janie back from where ever she went. "Janie..."

Megan sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes, lifeless green eyes were staring back at her. "I love you, Janie." Megan said, tears filling her eyes. The lifeless green eyes didn't react. Not at all like the last time Megan saw them...

"Janie!" Megan stood in the doorway and watched the bloody razor blade fall to the ground. "What are you doing?"
Janie turned and looked at Megan with tear filled eyes. "You came back..." Janie said softly.
"Of course I came back! I just went for a walk to clear my head." Megan stepped into the room and felt confused. "Besides, I had no where else to go. I don't know anyone else in Seattle." She said lightly but immediately regretted saying it when she saw the look on Janie's face. "Let's get you cleaned up." Megan reached for the first aid kit that was on the dresser.
Janie sat on the floor and Megan sat in front of her. For a moment, it was just like they were in high school again. Megan paused what she was doing and looked at Janie. She really did blossom into a beautiful woman. Though, there was a sadness in Janie's eyes that shouldn't be present in any 18 year old's eyes. "You know, no one is worth doing this to yourself." Megan said, resuming the bandaging. That sentence wasn't quite relevant to the moment, it was just something she had said to Janie so many times in high school.
"Not even you?" Janie asked. Megan smoothed out the piece of tape she just put on the bandage. When she looked up, her eyes locked with sparkling green eyes.
"Me?" Megan asked meekly.
"Yes. I love you, Megan. Since... well forever..." There was a rare smile on Janie's face. A small smile, but still a smile. Janie leaned forward. Megan felt Janie's lips press against hers. There was a small spark. A one sided spark, because Megan didn't feel anything, but the way Janie's mouth moved against hers, she could feel that this kiss meant the world to Janie.
Megan closed her eyes and felt herself kissing back. Even if she wasn't attracted to Janie, she did love her enough to give her this one moment. When Megan felt Janie's hand brush against her breast, Megan wondered just how far she would go to make her best friend happy. Janie's hand cupped Megan's breast and Megan pulled away.
"Janie... I'm sorry...I..." Megan struggled to find words. Her eyes desperately searching Janie's to try and figure out what Janie was thinking. Megan was torn between trying to please her friend and fear of what would happen if she didn't. If Megan going for a walk was enough to trigger Janie into cutting... what would this do?
There was a small sparkle in Janie's eyes and she smiled. "For a straight girl, you kiss girls pretty well." Janie said lightly.
Megan just stared at Janie, unsure of what to say.
"I get it." Janie said softly.
"I love you." Megan blurted out quickly.
Janie's smiled sadly. "Yeah, just not in the way I need you to."

"Megan..." A voice came from the doorway.

Megan sat up and wiped her eyes. She felt a little embarrassed because she wasn't sure how long she had been laying there. She turned toward the door and saw Drake leaning against the doorway with a somber expression on his face.

"How long have you been standing there?" Megan asked, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes.

Drake shrugged. "About ten minutes... I didn't want to disturb you..." He walked into the room, his eyes staying fixed on Janie's body. "Josh is on a plane. He should be here in a couple of hours."

"How'd you get here so quickly?"

Drake finally broke his gaze away from the body. His mouth twitched into the faintest smile. "Magic." Drake extended his hand toward Megan.

Megan rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right." She said with a small laugh, letting Drake help her up. The laugh, however small it was, seemed to bounce off the walls and land right next to Janie's body because that's where Drake's and Megan's looks landed.

"It's okay to laugh." Drake said in response to his sister's horrified expression. "I'm sorry..." Drake said when Megan didn't respond. "When I see you looking like that... my big brother extinct kicks in to try and make you laugh."

"Instinct." Megan corrected absently. She stepped away from Drake and took a step towards Janie's body.

"Megan... We really should go so they can..."

Megan bent down and reached for the object that was in Janie's hand. Janie's fingers were cold and stiff. The feel of them made Megan's skin crawl but she managed to pry the object out of Janie's death grip.

Megan turned the object in her hand. It was Janie's cell phone. Megan flipped it open, curiosity overwhelming her. She opened the latest dialed calls list.

"Megan?" Drake said when Megan started sobbing.

Megan, sobbing too hard to speak, just turned the phone toward Drake so he could see. The last call was made to a number titled 'my love' and when Megan had pressed the button to see the actual number, she was faced with a picture of herself and her cell phone number underneath it.