A/N: So I have changed the village's name again. Sorry for that. Song: A Love That Will Last (Renee Olstead) (Trying not be lame.)
9A. The Case of...
I want a little something more
Don't want the middle
Or the one before
JOHANNA'S eyes have been lingering at the ceiling for a half‒hour before she realizes the foolishness behind the action. Part of her wants to go out of the apartment so she can escape from her own decadent thoughts, but a bigger part of her wants her in complete slumber because she is going to Iris Hill tomorrow.
Iris Hill is the village farthest to the district's center. Logically speaking, it is the most unaffected village and probably the richest when it comes to resources.
She filed for a week‒long leave yesterday. It's her first time to do so, since she does not have any reason to take a leave before. Anyway, she visits Four during weekends so she has not yet suffered scheduling hassles.
She and Gale are going to spend four days with his family before he goes to attend to some conference at the Capitol. But, with her recent squabble at the office, Johanna needs more time to not see the assheads at work. She plans to spend the remaining days of her vacation to see Annie and Nico. The anticipation makes her smile.
The trip to Iris Hill takes three hours, solid. Gale's mother demanded that they have to arrive before lunch so she and Gale have to be at the bus station as early as eight o'clock. That is why it is crucial for her to sleep now.
But Johanna cannot sleep. All she can see whenever she shuts her eyes is the allure of Gale's smile. It insinuates the inevitable that the mere thought of it burns her more fiercely. And if it is not enough, certain images torment her mind. Certain emotions, too. The blanket turns hard, lean, and strong on her skin, encircling her elfin form. Small shivers run across her shoulders and up behind her neck. It does not help that Johanna realizes how long it has been since she last —
She resorts to staring back at the ceiling again.
This is silly, she thinks.
Of course, it is silly. Stupid even, a voice purrs at the back of her mind. Gale is so within her reach and all she can do is harass him within the recesses of her mind. She can do better than that. They have gone far from the shades of war, or at least far enough for them to forget the people that really, really need to be forgotten.
Sure you're not deluding yourself? the voice hums.
No, it cannot be. No, no. She shakes her head even though she is the only living person in her apartment. She and Gale are growing together, are they not? For months now, she is starting to see Gale for what he truly is. There are a lot of things she can picture him with. He was once that sulky little hunter, miner, rebel, snare‒maker turned into bomb‒designer, soldier. Now he is a government official, made even darker by the bitterness brought upon by his so‒called failure to save Katniss. Who knows what more?
He can be yours, you fool, a part of her brain taunts. For God's sake.
Not convinced yet? The evil voice laughs and another image comes into her mind. Something sinful.
"Shut up!" Johanna finally snarls at the poor ceiling.
ooOoo
ONLY a few people can be seen around the bus station since it's still a little too early. Gale is sitting alone on one of the benches. One of his hands is resting on the small bag across his lap while the other one is massaging his neck. Dark circles appear around his closed eyes, silently telling her that he too did not sleep well last night.
She walks toward him, unspeaking, and goes to sit on the chair beside him.
"Johanna?" Gale says, eyes still closed.
"What a zombie," she chuckles. "How long did you sleep last night?"
He opens his eyes and frowns when he sees that she is wearing a pair of dark glasses. "Like you're the one to talk," he mutters, lifting his hand to take her glasses off but she avoids his touch.
This is exactly what she was thinking about last night.
"Don't even try again," she warns him. Johanna plans to sleep the entire bus ride so she can remove the darn glasses once they get to their destination.
Gale raises his eyebrow, but says nothing. He gets up, one hand picking her bag while the other holding his own, and walks toward the nearest bus.
For a moment, she simply stares at him. She notices the undeniable trace of impression that seems to follow him whenever he walks away. She had not quite observed this little thing back when they were in Thirteen because every time they meet, someone else is always around, so she probably did not attribute it solely to him.
Gale twists lightly on her direction, his gorgeous face marred by the frown and the dark circles around his eyes. Johanna does not know what he must see on her face.
"What?" he says. "C'mon, it'll leave in a few minutes."
Johanna glares at him because if she does not, he might notice the heat rushing up her cheeks. He does not, though, since he has already turned his back on her and toward the bus. She places her glare on the side of the vehicle instead and quickly follows him.
They sit on the middle side, Johanna beside the window. Johanna is not in the mood to speak and Gale does not appear keen on opening up a conversation either. There is an air of somnolence around them and neither seems to resist it.
Johanna relaxes on her back as Gale does so. He closes his eyes and remains stationary — until the bus moves. He shifts his body in a way that faces directly at her. Then he opens his eyes and catches her staring at him again, too late to change direction.
"Is anything wrong with my face?" he says, the trace of suppressed laugh in his voice.
"You're too beautiful," she sluggishly jests, eliciting the laugh from him.
Hmm, Johanna thinks as her eyes give in to the pressure of slumber.
She wakes to the movement of someone gently shaking her. The feeling of being tired is still weighing her down, but she manages to open her eyes — only to see Gale's shoes. She recalls that she leaned against the window before she drifted off to sleep. What she cannot remember is the arm lazed across the back of her neck, without which she would have fallen on the floor.
"Hey," Gale murmurs. "We're almost there."
Her face lifts and gazes blearily at him. He appears to have awakened a few minutes earlier than she has because he seems a bit refreshed already. She sits up and fixes her hair that is slightly ruffled from leaning against Gale for hours.
Johanna looks outside the window and sees tall, canopy trees lining the road on one side and vast tracts of grassland on the other side, towered upon by the mountains in the distance. Johanna turns to the front and sees that the road passes through a hill where modestly built houses are scattered. In a few minutes, the bus will be running on higher ground. Johanna looks back at Gale.
"This place is really far‒off," she says. "How are the people coping?"
"Outer villages help each other out since they are far from the center," he says. "For instance, kids go to school here. In this village. And even though every village has its own kind of market, the next one has it bigger. More supplies. My mother occasionally goes there to purchase things not found in the market here."
"That still sounds inconvenient," Johanna points out.
"Why do you think we're trying to prioritize roads?" Gale asks, but Johanna knows it is more of an emphasis for her benefit. He stands making her realize that the bus has stopped.
"Let's go," he says, pulling their bags down before striding out. She steps out of the bus and the first thing she sees when she removes her glasses is a quaint house with a front porch not far away.
Gale's family awaits them.
ooOoo
THE knock Gale makes causes a high‒pitched scream that appears to come from inside the house. A girl's voice, apparently.
"He's here! Mom, Gale's here!"
Then footsteps. The next thing Johanna knows, a door opens and reveals four people — a woman and three children. Johanna is surprised to learn that the shrill scream came from the tiny being perched on her mother's arms. Upon seeing Gale, she squirms and reaches for him. With a laugh, Gale takes his sister in one arm as he leans down and hugs his mother in another. His brothers give their own contributions by punching somewhere in his body, which she knows Gale will never mind. All of their faces unquestionably show excitement for him. She is not in the place to speak right now.
"Mom, you've known Johanna. She was also in Thirteen with us," Gale says, all for the sake of proper introduction. Because they are all part of the rebellion and they come across one another in the underground district, but they did not even get the chance to get to know each other. Gale gazes at her and says, "My mom, Hazelle. And these are Rory and Vick and Posy."
All Johanna can do is smile at them. What is she supposed to say? Expect her to lose confidence in situations like these.
Hazelle smilingly approaches her. "Come inside. I am making Gale's favorite. I hope you like rhubarb stew."
She takes Johanna in the arm, cautiously so; it is as though Johanna is going to jerk it away. But Johanna finds herself letting Gale's mother guide her inside while Gale and his siblings make up for time lost.
The smell of Hazelle's kitchen assaults her senses the moment Johanna steps inside it. If it is the smell of rhubarb stew, she wonders how it is going to taste. She racks her brains as to why the food is familiar, but nothing comes to her mind. Hazelle leaves her side and goes to check the dish she is cooking. Johanna does not know what to do so she simply looks around.
The kitchen is neat, a sure sign that Hazelle does not commonly allow anyone in her territory. It is also complete — not grandiose complete, but reasonable complete. Gale really must have given his mother something to look forward to every morning.
Johanna feels like she has to make up to Hazelle. She asks her how long they have been living there.
"A few months now. We moved here just before the kids started school," Hazelle says before she takes a sip of the stew. Her eyes return to Johanna. "How about you?"
"I went here almost a year ago. Been working here ever since," Johanna answers.
"What happened to Seven?"
Johanna answers. "Change of scenery, I guess."
Hazelle nods. She takes a potholder lying on the counter and uses it to transfer the pot of stew from the stove into the counter. She then takes a middle‒sized bowl from the cabinet, which she fills with the stew. Johanna realizes she is being useless so she offers to take the bowl into the dining table outside.
The dining area is separated from the living room by a dividing cabinet, a television in its center. The other parts are vacant and open so they serve as windows that reflect whatever is happening on the other room.
Gale is sitting carelessly on the floor, Posy on his lap, Rory and Vick, on his sides. They are laughing at something one of the boys said. Johanna is about to put the bowl on the table and turn back when Gale lifts his head and meets her eyes.
For a second he looks surprised, the remnants of a previous laugh on his face. Then he sees the bowl on her hands and something passes through his eyes. Johanna cannot place it but something in that gaze makes her want for something cold.
She hastily lays the bowl and walks back into the kitchen.
ooOoo
"WHAT are you thinking?"
Johanna twists toward the direction of the door. She is sitting recklessly on the railing of the porch at the back of the house, marveling at the trees that inhabit this part of the district. Her eyes land on Gale.
"Sleep," she says.
The lunch has gone smoothly, or — now that she comes to think of it — rather vibrant. It is not at all surprising, given that the table is filled with children, Gale the eldest.
"Why don't you take a nap? Mom's already arranged your room," Gale suggests.
"Where am I sleeping?" she asks. From what she has estimated, the house can possibly have three rooms, at most.
"In the kitchen," Gale answers sarcastically.
Johanna glares at him before she explains herself. "I meant am I inconveniencing one of your siblings?"
"No." Gale shakes his head. "You're inconveniencing me."
"Are you going to answer me seriously or should I choke the answer from you?" she bites at him. Damn him for making fun at her expense.
Gale laughs as he approaches her. "Mom and Posy share a room. Rory and Vick, too. That leaves my room for you to sleep in."
"What about you?" Johanna asks.
"I'll sleep with Rory and Vick."
"Aren't you tired?" she asks again. After all, they both lack rest.
"The boys went to the market to buy some wires and ropes. We're making something," he says, the last sentence spoken a bit more quietly.
Snares, definitely. This suddenly piqued Johanna's curiosity. Gale is the best snare‒maker she has ever heard of — Katniss made painfully sure to cement that fact. She almost allows herself a grimace.
"I've changed my mind. I'm not sleepy," she says. Why lose the chance to watch him make one now?
He smiles. "Are you sure? You can always watch me make one anytime, you know," he says as if he can read her mind.
She shakes her head. Gale walks toward her and sits on the opposite side of the railing. He leans against the wooden column, faces her directly.
"Any plans on using those snares?" she asks.
She does not know if Gale still hunts. It's not like that kind of topic just pops into the conversation and she hasn't asked him anything about hunting. If she can avoid it, Johanna does not want to hear the name Katniss coming out of his lips.
"Possibly. I haven't checked the forest here yet, though. Do you want to?"
Anything good about trees is an indisputable subject for Johanna. But Gale's question does not sound fine on her ears. She does not like the implication that Gale has seen a new hunting partner in her — even though Gale probably does not mean it that way. It makes her feel like she is only good as a fallback.
"I prefer being alone," she says. And, as if it is not enough, "And I chop trees. I don't hunt."
It irks her, the way everything about Gale seems to be tied in with Katniss. No one needs to tell her that, and it is worse because the unspoken details are the most aggravating.
Rhubarb stew. Of course. She remembers it now. Once, she and Katniss bumped into an old woman in Thirteen who, Katniss informs her, made the most delicious stewed rhubarb in the world — one of Katniss' favorite dishes, too.
"There's no need to lash out on me," he says coolly. The atmosphere around them becomes chilled with every word they throw at each other. Johanna suddenly lost interest in the idea of watching him make snares.
She goes down the railing and walks inside.
ooOoo
SHE opens her eyes to the darkness that surrounds her. It must have been late in the night because the only sounds she hears are those from the woods. There is not even a slight indication that anyone in this house is still awake.
She chose to sleep the remains of the afternoon after that spat with Gale. Better than to see his annoying face, she quickly looked for his room. It is a clean room and almost no indication that Gale ever slept there, nothing to further irritate her, so she slept easily.
Her stomach produces a grumbling sound. Johanna decides to trespass the kitchen in the hope that that there is something edible left for her to gobble. She carefully climbs down the stairs.
Light coming from the kitchen tells her that she is not the only one in need of food. She enters to find Hazelle covering something on the table. The woman must sense her presence because she turned almost at once.
"I'm sorry I slept through dinner," Johanna blurts out.
Hazelle smiles. "I've just prepared something in case you wake up."
"You didn't have to," she says a little timidly. When was the last time someone did that to her? She cannot recall anymore.
But Hazelle merely waves her hand. "Nonsense," she says. She then goes to get two plates from the cabinet and places them on the table afterward. "Here, let me join you."
Johanna accepts the other plate and sits down. For a while, they are silent.
"I'm sorry if my son doesn't know how to entertain his guests." Hazelle laughs.
Johanna smiles, not keen on talking. But the woman continues.
"He slept early, too. Bushed, you could say. Both of you must really be working hard on your jobs since you look worn out," Hazelle says.
Johanna smiles again at Hazelle. She really does not want to talk to Gale's mom.
Don't go there, Johanna.
But it has already staggered Johanna, the way a painful memory of her own mother can effortlessly resurface. She resorts to looking down at her food.
"Gale is planning to go hunting tomorrow. Are you going with him?" Hazelle keeps on breaking the silence.
She wonders how much Hazelle knows about Gale and Katniss. But if Johanna knows so much, what doesn't a mother know?
"I don't think so," she finally answers. When Hazelle continues to look at her, she tries to think of an excuse. "But I'm probably gonna explore your woods."
"I don't think that's a good idea — "
"I'm gonna be fine," Johanna snaps.
Hazelle gives her a worried look, but she does not push. Good, she thinks. She might not be able to counter the woman the next time.
"If you say so. I'll leave you to your food now. Just search the fridge if you need more," Hazelle says gently as she gets up from her chair.
Johanna heaves a sigh of relief when the footsteps died away.
ooOoo
A rather peculiar scene greets Johanna as she walks into the kitchen. Posy is sitting on the table and looks very engrossed in stirring a cup of coffee while her mother is nowhere to be seen.
She scans the kitchen. The early trace of a good sunny day passes through the only window in the room. It makes Johanna hope that maybe something good will happen today.
"Hi," Johanna starts, greeting Gale's little sister. "You look busy."
She takes the seat nearest to the girl. Posy stops stirring and examines the coffee. "Is this fine?" she asks.
Johanna pretends to study the coffee before she nods. She is surprised when Posy pushes the cup right in front of her.
"That's for you. Mom says you're going out into the woods alone so I made you coffee."
She has to admit it is a sweet little thing. Johanna takes a sip. Not bad. She is wondering where Hazelle is when the back door opens to reveal the woman carrying a small basket of vegetables. And an axe.
"I figured that if you're still determined to go to the forest today, I might ask our old neighbor to lend his chopping axe. Gale also left you some rope. I'm gathering you'd need one?"
Johanna finds herself gaping at Hazelle. Has Gale's mom really gone to that extent for her? These thoughts can really render one's tongue temporarily dysfunctional.
"It's too much," she mutters.
Hazelle stops her preparation of the vegetable and lifts her face to stare at her. "Consider it a Seam attitude. When you live your whole life in fear and uncertain of what tomorrow might bring and you know and understand that another person had it worse than you, you tend to help that person," she says heavily then chuckles. "It is, for me. For Gale. For people like us."
What kind of response does Johanna give to that? She finds it difficult to formulate one.
"So does that mean that you'll bring food, too, like what Katniss does?" Posy butts in.
Did — not does. Not anymore. Johanna feels a fierce need to correct Posy. But Posy is just as innocent as any six‒year‒old kid. She gives her a brief smile before she turns to Hazelle. "Thank you. I'm just gonna change."
She flees to her room as quickly as goddamn possible.
ooOoo
THWACK!
The tree gives its first sign of surrendering to her. She takes a glance at the rope tied to it and then to the rope's other end, which is tied to another tree located farther. Then she looks up to check if her tree is already starting to swing.
A drop of sweat flows down the side of her forehead, but Johanna can only slightly give attention to it. In fact, most of her attention is not on what she is doing. Voices swirl in her head and they try to form a vortex that gradually expands every minute, threatening to overpower her sanity.
"So does that mean that you'll bring food, too, like what Katniss does?"
THWACK!
This is something she has not foreseen. At first, all she wanted was fun — apart from the uncontainable desire to give Gale a lesson. A distraction. Something to pass her time while she picks up her life. She thought the road to him is as clear as glass, but the further she goes the more she trips over the pieces Katniss left.
THWACK!
"Possibly. I haven't checked the forest here yet, though. Do you want to?"
And if she agreed to going with him, what would it have looked like? All Johanna can see are two nasty scenarios. If it did not go well, the day would have been ruined and it is going to be an awkward subject for both of them. But she is sure it would have gone well. That is the second picture — and it is far worse. Because it is another possibility for Gale to see her as a replacement.
The way she and Gale are behaving, it is not hard to observe that right now they are in limbo, contained in an amorphous stage of avoidance and deception.
THWACK!
"Come inside. I'm making Gale's favorite. I hope you like rhubarb stew."
She liked the food. Really. She tasted it out of curiosity, knowing it is his favorite. She tasted it not knowing it is also Katniss'. How would she have reacted if she remembered it a little earlier? She chuckles. Maybe she and Gale would now both crave for it, the irony.
It's sickening. If they hit it off, he is just going to associate her from those of the past. Like giving her clothes that Katniss discarded.
THWACK!
"What's it to you?"
He said it then. What's it to her now?
THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!
The tree gives an alarming final sway and Johanna walks briskly away as it falls to the direction where the other end of the rope is tied. The thunderous collapse almost shocks her but she does not look back as she continues to stride. She will return for the tree, she is sure of that.
But for now, she needs to get away.
