Chapter 9: Forgive and Forget
Sam's thumbs rubbed soothing circles into my back as I tried to control my tears. We were sitting on a fallen log deep in the forest. Even now, when the anger was gone, I could feel where my body horded it, ready to let it go once I was angry enough, and that scared me. I did not want to lose control like that again. As the sun rose, I finally stopped my tears. Sam pushed me gently away and inspected me. "Are you ok?" was all he said. I nearly burst into tears again. What was wrong with me? Where was the always wary, expressionless Alexa? The ever watchful and distrusting! Here I was, BAWLING my eyes out on some werewolf I met yesterday! Where was my defensive barrier? And how could he not be angry, or scared? Why?
"Sam, how can you say that? I so nearly killed everyone there today. I would have slaughtered anyone, friend or foe. And yet you forgive me already!" my voice cracked at least once. He sighed and looked me right in the eye.
"Alexa," he began, "as werewolves, when we get angry, or scared, we lose control too. That's why we act the way we do. Cause if we were to explode or lose control with a human standing there, or a pack member but in human form, we would just attack. It's all instinct." His voice was bitter and sad now. "You have no idea how well you handle everything that has happened to you. It's like, effortless to you! On-once I did just what you did today, I lost control. And I hurt one that I love. And everyday I am reminded, of what I did, and that is why I control myself so well." We stared at each other for a moment. I realized how much it must have cost Sam to admit that to me.
"Thank you Sam." He relaxed when he heard me. I sounded back to normal. And I was, for now. The only thing on my mind was leaving. I knew that those Cullens would be back, and when they came back, I'd be gone. His words had given me hope. If he could do it, then I could too, maybe I could even blend in with normal humans. He and I walked back to the house, slowly, composing ourselves. When we got there, Jacob was pacing in human form.
"Are you ok?" he asked. All the wolves came up to nuzzle or lick me. I let out a weak laugh.
"Yeah. Where did…" I trailed off. He raised an eyebrow, but caught on quickly.
"They left. What do you want us to do Sam?" Sam debated silently. "Patrol our borders quickly, then come back and report. The Cullens can't just get away with strolling over here whenever they want." All of the wolves dashed off, Jacob following.
"Sam, go sleep. I will be fine." I tried to sound convincing. I was itching to read that sentence in the book that was under the couch, then get the hell out of here. "I'll wake you up when they get back." He tried to argue, but he was tired. I knew they all were.
So I pushed him towards his air mattress. In seconds, he was snoring. I dashed back across the room and knelt. Swiftly, I removed the book from its hiding place. I did the mad dash to page 110. And I read, read the story of an ancient race, the elves, and how they were crafty yet emotional creatures. I read about how they would fight fiercely, often to the death to protect themselves, but many elves were forced into lives of slavery…I threw the book across the room. It broke with a thud. I picked up the destroyed book and ran to the forest, trying to control the fear and anger. My palm began to tingle…With a harsh moment of self control, I clenched my hand into a fist, then buried the book under a stump. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. It's not your fault…just calm…your in a meadow…and there are birds chirping. The anger shrank and twisted away from my thoughts.
I smiled in triumph, then frowned. Reading so much about what had happened to elves in that book made me wonder about the Cullens. On one extreme, I wanted to kill them, just for being vampires. But then again, I felt guilty for blowing up in their faces. Feeling eccentric and slightly mad, I ran back to the house and packed my things. I had decided, I was going to apologize then get the hell out of Washington. I would go somewhere remote, somewhere where I didn't have to think. I wrote a quick note to Sam, trying to explain then bolted out of the house, and followed that burning-to sweet trail. I ran faster and faster…until I was on a long, winding driveway.
Then, I jogged towards the heart of the stench, trying to smooth my wild hair and thoughts. This is NOT Volterra. This is not the Volturi. Calm down. I stopped dead as I saw the house, and was immediately relieved. This house was nothing like the grimy stones and huge shutters of my former prison. It was a white house, with huge windows. Breathe! I reminded myself. No one is going to hurt me. Just go ring the goddamn doorbell! I tried to hide my shaking hands as I rang the bell, feeling like an idiot, and knowing that I had probably finally lost it. At least Aro would be happy.
ROSALIE POV
Emmett was playing video games with Jasper, Bella was in a conversation with Edward, Carlisle was in his study, and Esme and Alice were trying to make cookies when the bell rang. I dropped my magazine, and Edward's eyebrows shot up. Jasper and Emmett actually looked away from the game. Carlisle appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and Alice and Esme poked their heads around the corner.
"Was that…the bell?" Esme breathed.
"I think so." Carlisle said, dazed. We almost NEVER got visitors. Everyone was afraid of the mysterious Cullen house.
"Well go answer it!" I snapped, already losing interest. It was probably a prank anyway. Edward got up and walked to the door…and gasped as he opened it. Standing there was that girl. She looked scared out of her mind. She had been pacing when the door opened, and now was looking up at Edward, terrified.
ALEXA POV
I looked up when I heard the door open, and flinched. It was so, so stupid to have come here. Who was I kidding, apologizing to vampires? The smell of the vampire before me was driving me crazy with fear. Memories began to creep back before I could stop them. The guard laughing as I tried to get free from a steel bear trap on each arm, me screaming as I tried to heal myself when the ripped off an arm, them sneering at my poor attempts to protect myself…
I snapped out of it, pushing the memories roughly away. I shivered and as I took a deep breath, I shuddered. "Forgive me!" I managed to gasp, blood draining out of my face.
The vampire stepped back, probably expecting me to explode again. I turned, and began to run. "Wait!" I heard one cry. I stopped dead in my tracks. What fresh hell was this?
I turned, trying to control my shuddering, yet ready to fight. One stepped out of the house. She had mahogany hair that fell to her shoulders, and a heart shaped face. She had her palms turned towards me, outstretched.
"Please don't run! We won't hurt you!" I flinched at the sound of her voice. So soft, so smooth, so comforting. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I looked up at the sky, and sucked in deep breaths of fresh air. "I am Esme. You are Alexa, is that correct?"
