Chapter 9: Out of my League: Orbis Agnosia
"A-are you sure it's fine?" I asked her as she opened the door.
"I-I told you already," Sona blushed as she looked up at me. "You agreed to live together for the meantime, yes?"
"I know but," I averted my gaze as the doorway opened and paved the way to her bedroom. "You never said we'd have to share a room."
It was a bit awkward that night. We were apart by a few inches with our backs to each other. I couldn't sleep. And somehow, I think she couldn't too. I, for now, I enjoyed the warmth we shared under the covers, though we are apart.
"This was...not exactly what I expected," I heard her voice. She sounded somewhat amused.
"What were you expecting?" I chuckled and turned around. She still had her back to me so I moved closer. I then placed my arms around her and leaned my head on her hair. I nuzzled her hair gently. The fragrance of her hair was breathtaking. The smooth texture of her ears on her head was...wait. What?
I lifted the covers and I found that Ahri had somehow managed to sneak in and was already burying her face on my chest. I almost fell out of the bed as I leaned back. Sona turned around and seemed rather annoyed. Ahri had that sly grin on her face as she placed her hands on my chest and pushed me down. Her clothes were a bit undone too.
"Maybe I should teach Sona how to allure a man," she giggled and leaned closer to me. However, she suddenly sat up with a pained look on her face. She turned to Sona and glared at her. Sona was gripping one of her tails.
"What are you doing here?" She asked the nine tailed fox.
"I'm not going to let you keep him all to yourself," Ahri replied and tugged her tail away from Sona's grip. They were glaring at each other. I don't think I should stay here in case a fight would ensue. I leaned back a bit way too much and fell off the bed. The sound of me landing on the floor was enough to catch their attention.
"I think I'll go out for a walk," I chuckled as I got up and put on my scarf and shoes.
"I'll go with you," Sona offered. Ahri was about to as well but I stopped them.
"No, it's fine," I told them and smiled. "You two should resolve this for a bit. Try not to kill each other, alright?"
I left the room in a bit of a hurry. They probably noticed I was acting rather strangely. They had a keen sense when it comes to it. How they do it, I have no clue.
"He's hiding something, isn't he?" The nine tailed fox asked the maven of the strings.
"Should we follow him?" She replied to the vulpine beauty.
"If you wish," she looked at the graceful musician with worried eyes. "But I fear we might not like what we would see."
I came across the lake, one which I ended up drenched in the rain in which a quarrel with Shyvana had ensued. I looked upon my reflection and found that it was not me that looked back. It was her again. I clenched my chest as I felt that ever familiar sharp pain, one that always felt whenever I would soon be flung into yet another world. It was as I feared. My time here is almost up.
"It's painful isn't it?" She smiled softly and looked at me with caring warmth. "How long has it been already since I offered you a way back?"
"More than I want to recall," I replied and sighed. "I don't know which is more painful, the fact that my life ends as I feel like I belong or what those involved with me feel whenever I get forcibly taken away. Somehow, it made me realize that the pain I feel is nothing compared to theirs."
"Why won't you accept my offer already?" She asked and placed a hand to her lips.
"Because you won't even trust me with your name," I laughed and shook my head. "You claim yourself to be a goddess. How can I be sure that you're not the one throwing me all over the place?"
"Hey now," she whisked her hand and splashed some water towards me. "I told you that I've watched over you. I hate to see you in so much pain. I want to save you from this never-ending cycle. You know about my feelings, yet you do not reciprocate. Even I get hurt too, you know."
"I'm sorry," I knelt and reached a hand out towards the water. My hand went under the water and she grabbed hold of it. I can feel her warmth. "I just am not sure whether your feelings for me are of pity or of affection. Besides, you've stalked me for how long already?"
"I wouldn't call it stalking, you know," she pouted and let go of my hand. She crossed her arms and looked away, her vulpine ears twitching as I pulled my hand up. Her red hair moved with the rippled and she sighed. "I told you that I've loved you for a long, long time already. I understand that you're wary of me but..."
She started to get annoyed and frustrated now. She placed her hands on her hips and shouted her frustrations at me. "Why is there another vixen getting involved with you? I mean, if it was another fox-girl, I'd understand but a nine tailed fox? And I thought you didn't like who I am."
"Wait," I raised a brow and laughed. "You never told me you were a nine tailed fox."
"Eh?" She realized what she did and covered her mouth. She blushed as she glared at me. She then reverted to crossing her arms and pouting. "Well, y-you should feel privileged to get that bit of knowledge about me. After all, I am a goddess."
"I don't get you mostly," I looked at her and was almost tempted to reach out to her. "You say you love me, and you get jealous but...why haven't you taken me by force yet? If you're a goddess, you should be able to do it, right?"
"Mou~" She shook her head a bit and sighed. "These things have some form of procedure, you know. Don't you think it's painful for me to watch you get together with other women? You're so heartless. You even take things further with almost all of them! Why, I don't think I ever saw you with a woman you haven't bedded!"
Water splashed all over me. I think she was getting really frustrated now with me. I fell back and landed on my butt in the water. The water in front of me rose and a faint image of her stood in front of me. "You're really the worst, you know. But I still feel like I'd feel complete with you by my side."
"You..." I looked away. "You're too kind. You could see everything already yet you kept on trying to persuade me to agree. Yeah, I'm the worst. The truth is I did not trust you at first. Even now, I don't trust you fully. I did not hesitate to do those things. I was trying to make you hate me. I was trying to deter you from pursuing any more of this. But...this is too much."
"Despite that, don't think I'll just give up on you," she said with a soft smile. She walked up to me and placed a hand on my chin. I looked at her for a bit. "The longer the wait, the more satisfying it is, right?"
"Wait...what with that grin?" I saw that she had a sly grin on her lips.
"Oh, this?" She chuckled and backed away a bit. "If you finally agree, no, when you finally agree. I'm going to make sure no other woman will come between us. I'm going to savor you after making me watch all those affairs for so long," she clapped her hands and skipped happily. She was like a little girl but her words were both teasing and threatening.
"Yet you still won't give me your name," I got up and looked at her.
"You'll find out when you agree," she stuck her tongue out at me and her image sank back into the water. She winked and blew me a flying kiss before the ripples of the water caused her image to disippate. I soon found myself staring into the water onto my own reflection. It started to rain. I find myself in the same situation I was in before. I decided to head back to Sona, where I felt at home at the most right now.
Again, Sona was waiting for me with an umbrella in hand. It was too late for me to take shelter from the rain but I joined her anyway. She placed a gentle hand on my face and smiled. "It's alright," she told me. "Even the strongest have the right to cry."
Her words shook my heart and I looked at her. My eyes soon started to water up. How long had I been keeping it inside, all this pain and suffering? I put on a strong facade but even I need to accept the truth every now and then. It's true that I welcomed this pain and suffering as repentance for my past sins but I also had the right to admit my own weakness. Would I be a coward to accept that vulpine goddess' offer? Won't I be admitting my weakness if I just run away? I was a hypocrite. I was not following what I told Katarina. In the end, I also had a weakness that I could not get over.
"Sona...I..." I couldn't say the words I wanted to say. I simply started to cry. She let go of the umbrella and the rain fell on us. She embraced me tightly and leaned hear head on my chest. I buried my face in her hair as I cried my heart out. I can feel her shiver. She was crying as well. Did she take a look in my mind once again? I could not bear to tell her those simple words.
"It's alright," she spoke in my head. "I knew that it was too good to be true. But even if for just a little while longer...just things stay the way they are. Please don't try to make me hate you...just show me your true feelings and just that will be enough."
"Will it? Will it really?" I held her tighter. I don't know if my tears stopped falling or it was just getting mixed in the rain. I am the worst to make such a gentle heart weep of sorrow. "You have the right to cry too. You have the right to be honest with your own feelings as well."
She looked at me with eyes dyed red with tears. She again placed her head on my chest and I heard her voice. This time, she told me her true feelings. "I want you to stay! I want you to just be with me for as long as possible. I don't want you to go. I don't want to let you go..."
How long did we stay under the rain? How long did we stay in each other's embrace? How long will it be until we will be torn apart? I wonder...how much more will I have to hurt her? She, Ahri, Shyvana and Katarina, I felt like I just toyed with their feelings. I don't even think I deserve this.
"I really don't..." I muttered as the rain was starting to abate.
"People do crazy things when they're in love," Sona said as she looked up at me. She smiled, the best that she could, which pained me to see her so. I looked down, frustrated with my own weakness that ended up hurting those I have gotten involved with. And I still continue the cycle, with full knowledge that I will end up hurting more and more.
Sona let out a soft squeak as I suddenly carried her. She looked up at me and blushed, speechless as I started to take her home in a bridal carry. I tried to smile my best at her. "For a moment's reprieve, I will try to be with you for as long as I can."
It might not be enough to soothe the pain that will occur, but I can at least fulfill her wish. It would be the last thing I can do, whether I like it or not.
