Epilogue
She took a deep breath as the door slid open. She was pleasantly surprised to find him still in his Starfleet uniform. As much as she had enjoyed the Maquis uniformed version of Chakotay, this one was hers.
'No uniform?' he questioned, then smiled. 'You have been hanging with the Maquis.'
He paused for a moment before finishing his thought.
'And you look beautiful.'
It wasn't a word she had often heard herself described as, and she felt far from it at that moment, but she couldn't help the smile that crept across her face.
She didn't quite know how to respond to that, so she pretended like he hadn't said it.
'I have to say, I love my Starfleet uniform, but it is nice to be out of it on occasion,' she commented, pushing past him into the room.
His quarters looked gorgeous. While they usually had candles on the table at dinner, he had turned off every other light in the room, leaving only the candlelight to greet her. Her insides grew warm. Now that she knew she wasn't imagining the extra effort he put in for her, it all meant a little bit more.
She felt him approaching behind her before he spoke.
She noted how close he stood as he pulled the chair out for her.
'Sit, I'll grab us a drink,' he spoke quietly.
Her stomach did a slight flip in the moment before he walked away.
Could she do this?
Yes. She could.
She sat in silence as he considered what drink to pour them. How could everything one person did suddenly seem so much more? Her ability to just sit behind a table and wait for him to come back was eroding with every second he wasn't there.
For a moment she considered following him, grabbing him and kissing him like she had done with the other Chakotay, but at that moment he returned to the table.
'I hope red wine will suffice,' he began filling up her glass.
'Red wine is fine. So what did I miss while I was off playing Maquis?' she asked.
He laughed and looked up at her.
Yeah that look definitely made her stomach tie itself into a knot. A slightly uncomfortable one.
Was she ready for this?
'Well mostly we were working on getting you back,' he finished filling his own glass and put the bottle down.
He took a seat across from her and leaned in. Her instinct was to move away, but she didn't, forcing herself to continue leaning on the table. They weren't too close.
They weren't close enough.
She reached out and lightly touched his hand. 'Thank you, I can't imagine what it would be like if I was stuck in a world where you and I both thought we were Captain.'
'I imagine it wouldn't be all that different from when we first met,' he responded.
'Ah, but you let me be Captain.'
He took her hand into his and squeeze it lightly.
'It was your ship,' he responded lightheartedly. 'And it's nice to know that were the circumstances reversed you would have done the same.'
They both fell silent for a moment, so much unspoken between them. She focused on his thumb, lightly stroking the top of her hand, knowing his eyes were on hers, watching, judging –
Burning?
Yes that smell was definitely burning.
'Are you trying to be me?' she asked.
Confused he tilted his head. 'I don't understand – '
She stood up, her hand feeling strangely cold as she took it from his, and she walked over to his Replicator, opening it. He ran to her side and looked in to see the charred meal. For a moment she could see the annoyance on his face, and leaned against the wall to watch, a sly smile crossing her lips.
'Maybe it's not the Replicator in my quarters that's faulty, maybe it's just that we're cursed to never share a decent dinner,' she joked.
He looked at her, his annoyance fading and shook his head.
'I cooked the perfect meal the day you didn't come back you know,' he took a step towards her.
'And I suppose you shared that with the other me,' she responded, slightly annoyed at that thought.
He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, then pulled her into a hug.
She was surprised, although not at all disappointed. His arms around her suddenly felt so natural and she melted into it.
'I missed you,' he whispered quietly.
'I missed you too,' she responded instantly, feeling like those words meant a whole lot more than they said.
He pulled back from the hug and looked her in the eye again. 'Should I get some rations?'
'We could just stick to the wine,' she suggested.
He nodded. Then he turned and headed back to the table. Slight disappointment at the discontinuing physical contact was replaced by hope as he picked up both glasses and the bottle and moved them and himself over to the couch. She followed, taking a seat as he topped up their glasses.
When he took a seat next to her he sat close, putting his arm around the back of the seat without it quite touching her.
He held her glass out to her. She took it and he held his up.
'To your safety,' he toasted, tapping his glass against hers.
She didn't drink, instead watching him take a sip, the way his lips touched the glass was enough to distract her entirely. The lips identical to the ones that she had kissed only hours ago, yet ones she had never touched.
'Chakotay,' she whispered.
He looked at her, some kind of hope and a little bit of concern in his expression.
She had to tell him.
'I kissed you,' she admitted. 'The other you.'
He wasn't mad, but a strange expression crossed his face. She couldn't pick it for a moment, then he spoke.
'Why?' he asked.
Why? Because I'm in love with you, you idiot.
She couldn't find the voice to answer his question and after a few moments he spoke again.
'Not why did you kiss him, but why did you kiss him when you've spent so many years pushing me away?' he clarified.
Her answer was the same and the words still weren't leaving her mouth.
'Because…' she started.
Then she took a deep breath. If she wanted things to change she had to leap.
'Because I love you,' she admitted.
Every tiny bit of tension in her body released and tightened at the same time. Fight and flight were both trying to kick into overdrive together, resulting in her not moving, not breathing. She hadn't meant to say that, she wasn't planning on telling him that quite yet, there were more subtle ways to bring up this topic.
What if he didn't want this?
What if the other reality had just been that different?
His face softened and she let go the breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
'Sorry, I missed that,' he smiled as he spoke. 'Say it again.'
The relief washed over her. The glint in his eye, the soft smile on his lips, they told her everything she needed to know. He felt exactly the same as the other Chakotay did about his Kathryn.
'I love you,' she repeated.
Before she could finish the sentence his lips were against hers and he was kissing her, passionately at first and then softer, his hand sliding down her arm slowly. Then he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. She took a deep breath, she hadn't quite been ready for that.
'I'm sorry,' he breathed heavily as he spoke. 'That was inappropriate.'
She reached up and touched his face lightly, pulling her head away from his so she could look him in the eyes.
'Don't be, don't ever apologise for doing that again.'
He smiled and took her hand in his, dropping their hand between them. 'I fell in love with you the day I met you. I've stood here waiting, not wanting to impose, but not ready to give up hope throughout our entire journey towards home. If you give me permission to do that without apology for the rest of my life, I can assure you, you'll never be leaving these quarters.'
She laughed. 'Chakotay!'
He kissed her again lightly before speaking. 'I love you, Kathryn Janeway.'
'How come you never said anything?' she asked.
It had been the thing bugging her. The other Chakotay had no issue putting himself out there, but for some reason hers had.
'I thought you didn't want this, and I respected your wishes,' he responded. 'But know I would have loved you anyway, always. I have never met anyone like you.'
The third time he kissed her was the end of any further conversation.
He watched her sleeping peacefully next to him. He had never really thought about her sleeping, it didn't seem to match her personality, so seeing her so serene was fascinating to him.
Part of him was afraid that at any moment he was going to wake up, find out this was some horribly amazing dream and she would be gone.
But that moment hadn't come and he'd been lying awake for what felt like hours.
'You watch loudly,' she said, eyes still closed.
He laughed. 'I'm sorry. I don't want this moment to end.'
'It won't,' she mumbled, rolling over so that her back was now facing him but much closer.
She grabbed his hand and pulled it around her, dragging him as close as he could get. He leaned his head against her shoulder, her hair cushioning his face.
'Captain's orders,' she whispered, before her breathing slowed again and he knew she'd gone back to sleep.
'If you insist,' he whispered into her ear, closing his eyes.
He felt more at home that he had in his entire life. All thoughts of Earth and the Maquis left his mind and all he could see ahead was Voyager and Kathryn and this.
And for him that was enough.
