-1Chapter Five: The Empire's Reach
At the border of Renais and Grado stands Serafew, a town with citizens of both countries. Serafew is the traditional meeting place for rulers of both countries to meet. It's where Vigarde would regularly taunt Fado and bully him into giving him more and more tribute.
The fact that no meeting was held in Serafew before the invasion of Renais is proof to many that this is a real war, that Grado truly means to conquer Renais. Now Serafew is controlled entirely by Grado, and Renais citizens are oppressed where they dare show their faces in the city.
A man with long red hair, a black hat, and black clothing, wandered Serafew, an air of arrogance about him. He had a long, curved sword of red metal that he periodically tapped against his boots as he lifted them from the ground.
"Ah, what a nice day in this dreary town. Almost enough to make me forget that I'm serving a bunch of nihilistic tightwads that don't actually want to pay me any money. In fact, they pay so little, I run out in mere moments. How am I supposed to gamble with this miniscule paycheck?"
He noticed a building built in the style of a coliseum, which made absolutely no sense since the Romans did not exist in Magvel. "An arena… maybe I should check I out, fight to get a bit of gold. Not like there's anything better to do. No fights EVER break out in this boring town…"
Suddenly a woman with long blonde hair under a pure white habit ran right into the mercenary, knocking both over. The mercenary helped her up as she spewed out apologies. "No worries, Sister. My, but you're a lovely cleric, aren't you?"
The woman broke off in her apologies to stare at him. "Um… thanks?"
"You're welcome. But you can thank me more thoroughly by going out to dinner with me. Interested?"
The woman blinked again, then pulled slightly away from him. "I'm sure you're… nice and all, but I really don't have time for this flirting business. So will you just… move? So I can flee for my life? Oh, thanks. Bye now."
The mercenary blinked as the woman ran away. "Guess I was too forward… Nah. My approach is perfect. I mean, I'm so charming! I guess she doesn't swing that way. Oh well, I guess I'll head to the arena."
Not far away, General Glen, the Wyvern Lord of Grado, had flown to meet the commander of the Serafew border guard, accompanied only by one other wyvern riding soldier.
The knight who led the border guard, Commander Saar, saluted Glen as he landed. The commander was an unhappy looking older man with his head slumped forward. He was obviously much older than the General, but showed respect to him.
"Commander Saar," Glen said, "You have new orders. Princess Eirika of Renais is known to be heading this way in an attempt to invade Grado. You are to apprehend and capture her."
"This way? Why would she be stupid enough to actually pass through a Grado controlled city?"
Glen shrugged. "No clue. Maybe it's that harebrained tactician, or that sub-par paladin. Someone's giving her some crappy advice. Anyway, capture her."
"If she resists, do we have permission to execute her?"
Glen pondered that. "Well, since not doing that would be breaking one of those Evil Overlord rules, I'd say yes. After all, we wouldn't want to be dumb Evil Overlords."
"Evil, sir?"
"I dunno, whatever you want to call us. Misled, misunderstood, whatever. Just catch her, and if you have to, kill her to do it. But make sure you get her bracelet and give it to me."
Saar looked concerned. "Are you leaving, General?"
"What? No. I KNOW she's coming, so of course I'm going to be in the area. It'd be STUPID not to. I bet that's an Evil Overlord rule too, but I wouldn't know which."
"I thought we were misunderstood…"
"Oh, we are. Sorry about that Saar. Anyway, I'll be around, probably cruising pubs and stuff. See ya later. Make sure to holler when Eirika gets here." With that, Glen and his companion started to fly off. Then Glen stopped to turn back. "Also, a traitor to the empire is supposed to be in town."
Saar rolled his eyes. "Why is EVERYONE stupid enough to pass this way? Do they think we're slack on defense or something?"
"Well you are the most under-funded platoon, and your troops are pretty low in the experience department."
"Pardon?"
"Oh, nothing. Anyway, same deal as Eirika, minus the bracelet thing, obviously."
"Yes sir!" Glen and his companion flew off, before stopping again, for some reason. The other rider, who had the same blonde hair and tan skin as Glen, but a craggier face, with a scar on his chin. "Something troubling you, brother?" he asked.
Glen shook his head. "Nothing, Cormag. Now let's go hit the pubs and drown my worries about the morality of the empire in booze!"
Cormag frowned, but followed silently.
Eirika's group had arrived at the gates of the city. The Princess looked around. "Serafew. So many memories… mostly bad ones. We passed through here when father made us wards of the Emperor. First me, then my brother. All as a sign that we wanted to be friends. I remember the hostility we received from the Grado… Until I met Prince Lyon, that is."
Seth looked around. "This city has always been a tense place. Now it is firmly controlled by the Grado. Still, it doesn't seem well fortified. I suppose the Emperor doesn't think it's worth guarding, and so doesn't pay much attention to it."
Mathwin sighed. "You two talk too much. Blah blah blah Lyon, blah blah blah, lost peace, blah blah blah undermanned. Geez, people!"
"Excuse me…" A man with short gray hair, but an otherwise youthful face, appeared. He looked like he had been out in the wilderness for a while, by his weathered appearance. "Have any of you happened to see a girl with indigo hair, dragon wings, and a particularly nasty disposition?"
Seth glanced toward Eirika, but quickly averted his eyes. The rest of the group just shook their heads.
The gray-haired man sighed. "Well, thanks anyway." He then turned to walk away.
Eirika watched him go. "There was something strange about that man…"
Moulder frowned at her. "Strange? My, but you love pinning completely incorrect adjectives to people, don't you? Next you'll say that the emperor is charitable and that Mathwin is diligent!"
"I'm getting tired of people mocking me when I'm standing right here…"
Seth rolled his eyes. "Anyway-"
"STOP! Seize the traitor!"
Mathwin jumped behind Seth. "I didn't do anything!"
Moulder frowned at the tactician. "I believe they were referring to that cleric they are currently chasing down."
"Oh… hah, right."
Said cleric was chased up against a wall by a group of Grado soldiers. "Traitor! Surrender or we will be forced to use lethal force against you!"
The blonde cleric shook her head vigorously. "Please! Listen to me! The emperor is a nut!"
"How dare you make sexual innuendo about our emperor! That's just inappropriate! You want us to get a mature rating, lady?! Get her and make her particularly unhappy!"
The cleric screamed and ran, right into Eirika. "Goodness, I'm clumsy today!" She yelled as she hit the ground. The woman looked up at Eirika, but the princess made no move to help her up. She struggled to rise, until Franz rode over to help her. "Thank you, young man…"
The Princess frowned at the Cleric. "So you're a traitor? Maybe if we turn you in, we'll get off easy getting past the Grado."
The woman gasped. Seth shook his head. "Wouldn't work." The cleric sighed in relief.
"I dunno…" The cleric gasped again until Seth smacked Mathwin over the head. "Okay, fine, it wouldn't work!" The cleric sighed in relief again.
Eirika rolled her eyes, looking to the woman. "So you are…"
"Oh, I'm Natasha, a cleric in the Temple of Grado. And I need to tell you-"
"Don't care."
"What? But aren't you here to face the threat of Grado?"
"Not really. I just want to save my brother. Then we'll go hide in Frelia and let Hayden take care of the bad guys."
Natasha blinked, then looked around nervously. "But- but someone has to help! Please?"
"Still don't care."
Natasha looked on the verge of tears, then apparently had an idea. "Well, you need to fight through here anyway, don't you? Might as well accidentally save my life by fighting off all the enemies. Please?"
Eirika looked up to see the approaching soldiers hesitate. "Well, I suppose, but only because Serafew is already in the way."
Natasha sighed in relief (again). "Thank you thank you THANK YOU!"
Eirika shoved Natasha off her leg. "Wonderful. Now, as a cleric, you can heal, right? Because Moulder isn't very good and I was hoping we'd find someone a bit better."
The older priest blinked, than frowned angrily. "Why I never! I follow you people around for three weeks, keeping you alive and putting myself at risk, and this is how you thank me?! I'm old! I shouldn't be out like this!"
Mathwin rolled his eyes. "Whatever Moustache."
"It's Moulder! Moulder! MOULDER! My name is not moustache! And stop mocking my lip fuzz! I'll have you know that it received the Mario Award two years ago, against some scary competition! I beat Athos and Bartre in a close match! Are you even listening to me?!"
The group, however, had moved on. Moulder howled in rage, then wandered away. "Fine! If they don't want me, then I'll leave!"
Mathwin walked over to a nearby tourist and ripped the map out of his hand. "Hey!" The young girl shouted, waving her fist angrily, before stomping off.
Natasha blinked at Mathwin. "That's not very nice…"
The strategist shrugged. "Not like she's ever going to be some incredibly powerful armored knight that easily whoops every butt in sight under my command. So who cares? Anyway," Mathwin unfolded the map of Serafew, looking around on it curiously. "There's an arena over here. Maybe after the battle, we can head over there and get some extra experience and gold. Certainly nothing bad about that. More importantly is raid- I mean, visiting all the houses that offer out free goodies to us hero types."
Seth raised an eyebrow. "And here I thought 'surviving' was the most important part."
"What? Why would that be? It's not like you're the only paladin we're ever going to recruit." Seth scowled at Mathwin and turned away. "Anyway, we're here, outside the walls. There are three points of entry that we'll need to watch out for. Colm and Neimi, you- Oh yeah, they're floating down the river. Well then, I guess it's just Vanessa taking the far west road by herself."
The pegasus knight choked on the mug of coffee that she inexplicably had. "I have to do what now?!"
"Oh fine, Gilliam will go with you."
The knight sighed. "I have to do everything…"
"Geez you people… fine, Garcia, you go too then."
Eirika frowned. "Is there going to be anyone left to take the other two points of entry?"
"I'm getting to it! Eirika, Seth, Franz, and Natasha, you take the double stairs. And watch out: I see a myrmidon over there, and from the looks of it, he's got a nasty Killing Edge. Those things hurt, so try not to let him get too close. Anyway, Ross, Artur, Lute, you've got the last staircase."
Ross whooped with joy, but Lute sighed. Mathwin frowned. "What NOW?!"
"Would it not be better to keep a healer with every group?"
"Well since Moulder left, we only have Natasha…"
"What about Seth? He's a paladin, so he can heal at least MARGINALLY well."
Seth blinked at the mage. "What? No I can't."
"I can't stand you paladins who think you're too good to be bothered with healing. I know you have the plate mail and all, but remember that you're a HYBRID. That means you heal, tank, and do damage. You can't just do one and ignore the needs of the rest of the group."
Seth blinked again, sighed, then started to ride off. Lute shook her head. "Paladins. This is why I wish I'd rolled an Undead rather than a human. Shaman are so much better anyway."
Mathwin stared at her, then shrugged. "Whatever lady. Just get going. I'll be checking out the trick-or-treating around here."
The red-haired myrmidon sighed, leaving the arena. "Not a speck of gold for all my trouble. It's enough to depress a man. To think I can't even beat a-"
"You there! Sellsword!" A soldier ran up, glaring at the mercenary.
"That's Joshua to you. What do you want?"
"Why aren't you at your post? The battle's already begun!"
Joshua turned to see the enemy lining up at the double staircase. "Really? I hadn't noticed."
"You didn't notice the big red letters that flashed over your eyes saying 'Opponent's Turn?'"
"Nope, I was too busy in the arena. Say, how'd you like to join me in a little match? We won't play for kills, of course, but it's a good way to get and/or lose some money."
The soldier glared at him. "This is not the time for infighting! Even play infighting! Why, Commander Saar would-"
"Blah, Saar's a fat old moron. Who cares what he thinks?"
The soldier gagged, then marched away in a huff. "The Commander will hear of this, and he'll dock your pay!"
Joshua sighed, swinging his sword experimentally. "Some people just can't take a joke…"
"I'm glad that flood finally subsided. My sneaky cloak is ruined!"
Neimi glanced at Colm, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I really needed a tissue…"
Colm sighed. "Whatever, okay? Anyway, now that we've lost those creeps AND robbed them blind, let's head into that town there and shack up for the day. I'm beat."
Neimi nodded, but was already worried about the soldiers patrolling the city, looking rather angry. "So Colm… what did you take from Princess Eirika?"
Colm grinned. "Well… hey! Where's… oh crap! I left all my stolen goods in that loser Franz's saddlebag!"
"Why'd you put it there?"
"Well I needed a hiding place… Man, I am such a lousy thief!"
"Oh my! Now there's a cutie!" the myrmidon Joshua approached, grinning at Neimi.
Colm blinked, then grimaced, getting in Joshua's way, his dagger drawn. "Okay, Mr. Baddie! Prepare to be in pain!"
Joshua batted Colm out of the way so he could then grab Neimi by the hand, stroking it and smiling genially. "Well there, you adorable little thing you, what are you doing here?"
Neimi blushed. "I'm- um- I'm-"
Colm stood up, shoving Joshua away. "She's with me, bucko! Now shove off!"
Joshua rolled his eyes, then batted Colm away again. He smiled at Neimi. "Um… please don't hurt Colm… He's my friend…"
The myrmidon raised any eyebrow at Colm. "This uncouth ruffian? Are you sure? A lovely young lady such as yourself can do better than this riffraff, I'm sure."
Neimi blushed again, "He's- he's still my friend…"
Joshua shrugged, helping Colm up. The thief, when he was on his feet, immediately pulled away from the mercenary, brushing himself off. "I didn't need help… cummon Neimi. We've got better things to do."
Neimi allowed Colm to drag her off, but turned to wave at Joshua. Joshua waved back, grinning. "Looks like I can still get the girls. Yep, that cleric was just a fluke. Just… a… fluke."
Mathwin wandered into one of the houses, and was met by a woman with red hair in a long braid and a rather skimpy outfit. She smiled with rouged lips. "Hello there."
"Er… hi."
"Did you come to see me dance? I'm afraid I just finished, and my toes are rather sore from all that dancing. Maybe next time, dearie. Oh by the way, would you like one of these items? A wealthy patron gave them to me, but I simply can't carry them all. You can sell it for gold, or perhaps use it to improve your skills. So anyway, take it! What good is wealth if you don't use it to help others?"
Mathwin blinked, taking the hefty shield she offered. "Um, thanks. Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?"
The woman blinked. "Why yes, actually. I always ignored it, figuring that they were just silly, or perhaps impatient. I mean, it doesn't seem like a talk that much to me. In fact, I think I'm rather shy and quiet. Makes me more attractive as a dancer, don't you think? It's sort of a contrived personality, I know, so I'm not REALLY shy and quiet. But I'm not overly talkative either. What do you think- Hm? Hey, where did that man go? He forgot to take this Master Seal I was going to give him? Oh well, to the trash it goes!"
Eirika, Seth, Franz, and Natasha took up positions at the two sets of stairs that led into the town of Serafew. Franz and Seth used their horses to block the path, while Eirika and Natasha hung back.
Suddenly, two scruffy-looking bandits appeared just next to Eirika. "Sweet!" One shouted, "Let's steal our way through this pathetic town!"
The other bandit turned to the first, "But it's crawling with enemy troops that will kill us on sight… and it's not really pathetic because it's actually pretty big…"
The first glared at the other. "Shaddup! We're enemy units, and the Grado boys are enemy units. Thus, they won't attack us because they'll think we're on their side even when we're raiding their town. Get it?"
The bandit blinked, then shook his head. "Not really , no. Why would we all be enemies? Who are we the enemies of? Is it really fair to lump us into this black and white category thing? Why am I, a bandit, interested in the dichotomy of good and evil? Why would the Grado think we're on the same side?"
The first bandit sighed. "Look, let's just raid some villages, alright? And stop thinking! It's… not right!"
Eirika cleared her throat, causing the two bandits to finally notice her. "Oooh! A lady with a sword! Let's chop her up!"
"Why?"
"Stop thinking!"
Eirika sighed, then proceeded to shish-kebab one. The other jumped at her, managing to cut her along her back. Eirika fell, and Seth had to turn around and deal with the bandit with his sword. The paladin looked at the Princess, concerned. "Are you alright? Is it bad? Can you move?"
Natasha was already healing her. "Don't worry, Sir Seth. She'll be fine."
Seth nodded, turning back toward the advancing Grado soldiers. He noticed Franz smiling at him. "What?"
"You… like… Princess…" Seth smacked him over the head before he could finish that statement.
Why do I get stuck with the suicide route? What does that stupid tactician have against me? I don't think I ever did anything to him… is this about surviving and killing all the bandits way back in Ide? What did he want me to do, die?!
Gilliam stomped along after Garcia placidly. Vanessa followed, keeping her pegasus on the ground, trotting. So far, no enemies.
Except the archer hiding in the bush that proceeded to shoot at Vanessa, causing her mount to spook and fly upwards. Why does this keep happening?!
Gilliam turned (slowly, of course) to see the archer, whose arrow pinged off his absurdly heavy armor. As Gilliam drew all the attacks, Garcia rushed forward to chop the archer's head off. The two G-men gave each other high-fives, then looked up, wondering what happened to Vanessa.
Then an axeman and a swordsman came at them, and they forgot.
Ross was laughing triumphantly over his new position as guard, while Artur and Lute sighed. "Does he realize that no one has even attacked him yet?"
"I would think so. After all, other than being in that preadolescent stage of stupidity and being so obsessed with his father than he wants to be a great warrior like him, but doesn't realize that his father is actually a sub-par fighter."
Artur blinked at Lute, then turned away.
Ross turned to glare at Lute. "Oh yeah? Well what's YOUR dream?"
Lute's eyes flashed. "Why, I dream of achieving level 60 and finally gaining access to all that end-game content, like high-level raids, and Arcanist gear, and all that. Then I shall become the most powerful juggernaut of firepower the world has ever seen."
Ross took a step away, then looked at Artur. "How about you?"
The monk blushed. "Well… you see… I want to be a superstar singer!"
Ross blinked in shock, while Lute shook her head pityingly. "A… singer?"
"Yeah! Pope Mansel has already promised his support if I- um, do something for him. Anyway, I've got talent! Want me to demonstrate?"
"Not really-" But Artur had already jumped on top of the low wall they were guarding.
Lute covered her eyes. "Oh no…"
Artur started to dance (mostly by swaying his hips from side to side and waving his hands randomly), while singing (translation: shrieking) a song. "You ain't nothing but a hound dog! Crying all the time!"
Ross covered his ears. "My brain is melting! Good holy heaven, I think it's going to explode!"
Lute just shook her head again. "You ain't nothing but a hound dog! Something something something! Blah blah blah and you ain't no friend of mine!"
Artur jumped down beside them. "So, what did you think? I know I missed a few lines…"
Ross was on the ground, twitching. "I guess it was a bit too much for him…"
The two magic users shrugged, then looked up to see three generic enemy soldiers charging at them, looking rather fearsome with their large spears. Lute stepped forward while Artur fell to his knees by Ross, shaking him frantically. "Wake up! Wake up Ross! We're just fragile magic types! One smack and we're down!"
There was a sound of blasts of air, and the screaming of mutilated humans. Artur looked over to see the mangled corpses of the two soldiers frozen several feet from Lute. "What- what the hell did you do?!"
"I used my Cone of Cold to freeze them in place, then slaughtered them with my Arcane Missiles."
"Lute, neither of those spells exist! Did you buy them from a glitch store or something?"
"No, I spent a large amount of money buying them from my trainer. You people are so unimaginative, with your stupid spells that don't do anything other than damage."
Artur blinked, then shook his head. Ross chose then to sit up, looking around. "Did Artur stop singing? Because pretending to be in a coma is boring…"
More soldiers approached Seth and Franz, who were mostly successful in repelling them. The two knights (well, one paladin and one cavalier) moved forward, while Eirika ran up beside them, rapier in hand. Natasha stayed close, ready to heal.
Meanwhile, Joshua was sighing and getting ready to attack, when he noticed Colm and Neimi again, sneaking around. He strolled over to the archer, as she waited for her 'boyfriend' to sneak into a house. "Hiya cutie. What's happening?"
Neimi yelped in fright, then turned to Joshua. She blushed and smiled again. "Um… nothing…"
"Say, you don't happen to know those scruffy knight types over there, do you?"
"Yes, that's Princess Eirika of Renais. Colm and I were helping her when we were washed away in a flood. I guess now we can rejoin her, though!"
"Yeah, about that…" Joshua scratched at the back of his head, "See, as a mercenary working for Grado, I kinda have to kill you now."
Neimi paled. "Um… do you have to?"
The mercenary shrugged. "Yeah, actually. Although… you ARE pretty cute. Maybe… say, do you like to gamble?"
Neimi blinked. "That's illegal."
Joshua grinned. "Nah, don't worry about that. Who is going to yell at us? Everyone is too busy killing each other. But if you don't want to, I guess we can start…"
The archer yelped. "Okay! Gambling it is! What will we do? Roulette? Poker?"
He waved his hands dismissively. "No need. I was thinking we just flip a coin." He pulled out a coin, "Heads or tails?"
"Um, heads- no tails! No wait, I like heads! Gah, that sounds wrong! I meant tails! But that can be misconstrued as well! Um…" Neimi pulled at her pink hair.
Joshua rolled his eyes. "Tails it is!" With that, he flipped the coin into the air, caught it, and slapped it onto the back of his wrist. He pulled his hand away, then looked at the coin. "Um… heads."
Neimi swallowed nervously. The two looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Joshua looked around, then asked "Best two out of three?"
"Yes please!" Neimi shouted.
Joshua flipped the coin again, catching and putting it on his other hand. He pulled it away. "Um… head again."
Neimi wiped at her forehead. "Three out of five?"
Joshua repeated the whole coin flipping thing, then only uncovered the coin enough for him to see it. He grimaced, then looked up, staring past Neimi. With a shout, he pointed behind her. "Isn't that Christina Aguilera?!"
"What?! Where?!" Neimi spun around, looking around excitedly.
"Oh, oops. My bad. Anyway- hey, it's tails! Looks like I'm on your side now!"
Neimi turned back to him. "But don't we need to get tails two more times?"
Joshua frowned. "Can we just skip that part?"
"Yes please!"
Colm flew through the window of the house he was trying to pillage, followed by shouts from the occupant. He stood up, holding a very thick sword. "Well, I managed to get this armorslayer- Hey, what's that bum doing here?"
Neimi turned to smile at him. "Joshua is going to help us now!"
The myrmidon snatched the sword from Colm's hand. "Thanks, buddy. That'll be useful."
The thief gaped. "Hey, that's mine! Neimi, we don't need this bozo's- whoa now, I was kidding! Don't point that sword at me, okay?"
Joshua smiled at Colm from under his hat. "Got it, buddy boy."
Vanessa finally landed back on the ground, right next to Mathwin, who was still lugging around the massive Dragon shield. The pegasus knight was looking rather unhappy. Stupid winged horse, jumping at every stupid arrow! Why did I have to become a sissy pegasus knight?! Why couldn't I be born in Grado and become a Wyvern Rider instead? Why does the world hate me so much!
Mathwin glanced over at her. "What's got your panties in a twist?"
Vanessa glared at him. "Nothing!" She snarled.
"Hoo, okie dokie then. Put the fangs away, scary lady. Say, wanna help me with this absurdly large thing?"
Vanessa rolled her eyes, grabbing the large shield. "What is it?"
"It's a Dragon Shield. Apparently, using it permanently increases your defense stat."
"Oh." That doesn't clarify anything, you moron! What's a stat? Do I have those? Will it make me less of a fragile sissy? If so, maybe I should just use it… I wonder how- oh, maybe this button here at the back. Vanessa pushed the button. The shield exploded with a bright array of sparks, which absorbed into her. She immediately felt as though someone could throw a spear at her and it would bounce off.
"Hey!" Mathwin cried, "I was saving that for some pansy that needed- Oh, well, I guess you did kind of need it…"
Vanessa shrugged. "Sorry." "Pah, fool! Now no one can stop me! I ride off, to battle! Bwah hah hah hah!"
"Vanessa… why were you just cackling wickedly?"
The green-haired pegasus knight blinked. "Did I do that… out loud?"
"Um, yes. Have these internal monologues been going on long?"
Vanessa flushed, then flew off. Mathwin sighed. "Thought so."
Garcia sighed. "We're not really doing anything interesting. We killed maybe two enemies, and now we're just sitting here, waiting for everyone else to catch up. We don't even have any witty dialogue."
Gilliam shrugged. "What did you expect? We're two loser characters, and there's a whole lot more in the group, who are both more powerful and more amusing. Someone has to be ignored."
Garcia shook his head. "Why me though? I've got great back story! I have a son and a wife that I became angry with ten years ago and have not spoken to since!"
"A HAH!" Out of nowhere, Garcia's wife tackled him, striking him repeatedly with a very dented frying pan, "You admitted it! You know I'm not dead! You admitted it! I've got you now!"
"Um, Garcia? Looks like you've got someone on your back."
Garcia blinked, glancing around, then screamed in terror. "It must be the ghost of my dead wife!"
"You LIAR! You know I'm not dead! I'm going to KILL YOU!"
Gilliam rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess I'm the only person who useless both for comedy and combat. I'm going to walk around," The knight began stumping, and after two minutes had made it about two feet, "Oh yeah, I'm subject to fat jokes. I think I liked being ignored better."
"You know, when I was your age-"
Mathwin cleared his throat. "Can we skip the playful banter and get to the part where you give me an item then close off your house to bandits?"
The old man blinked, then shrugged, handing the tactician a book. "That has my secret techniques in it. Thus, the title."
On the cover were the words "Secret Book". Mathwin frowned at it. "Well, a power up is a power up."
But before could figure out what it was for, Vanessa swooped out of nowhere and snatched it from his hand, flying off while cackling. The strategist shook his fist angrily at her. "Stop stealing all the power ups!"
The old man grinned (toothlessly). "Don't worry, sonny. If you'd listened to my story, you'd know that that was a book on the secrets to crochet."
Mathwin raised an eyebrow. "Then why were you giving it to me?"
He scratched his chin to think about that. "Ya know… I don't really know. Senility is a killer, you know."
Artur, Ross, and Lute rejoined Eirika's group as they moved north, deeper into the city. Soon, Joshua, Colm, and Neimi came south to meet them. Colm grimaced at the sight of them. "I thought I was rid of you losers!"
Eirika shrugged. "The feeling is mutual."
Joshua stepped forward to take the Princess's hand, kissing it elegantly. "My lady, I am Joshua, a humble mercenary who will now be working for you. My rates start at-"
"Um, Joshua…." The myrmidon turned to look at Neimi, who was scraping her foot nervously, "Our bet didn't mention payment."
Joshua thought about that, then sighed. "Dammit, you're right. I guess I'm working for free…" Colm laughed at him, while Eirika pulled her hand free to wipe it off on Seth's leg.
Mathwin chose then to wander over. Eirika frowned at him. "You did not receive any gifts from the townspeople?"
"I did!" the strategist exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, "But Vanessa stole them all and used them on herself!"
The Princess sighed. "Anyone else happen to get anything?"
Joshua whistled, holding the armorslayer behind his back. "You know," Eirika said, watching him, "Whistling just makes everyone look at you."
Colm smacked himself in the forehead. "That explains so many failed burglaries!"
Mathwin started clapping his hands together to get the attention of the assorted people. "Now's that time when we hit the arena for several hours to gather money and get some of you weaklings up to par!"
Seth sighed. "Can't we skip that? We have a Prince to save, an angry empire to avoid, and you want to spend all our time in an arena that resembles a structure that doesn't exist in our world?"
"I hear you talking, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah." Mathwin turned away from the sub par paladin to walk towards the arena.
Colm sidled over to Seth. "Heh, now even the narrator is referring to you as sub par! You're screwed, dude!"
"Get away from me before my very small amount of restraint snaps and I reach over and strangle your childishly thin throat!"
Colm sidled away, and tripped.
Gilliam sighed, having finally reached a door. "Now I can check this house for supplies-"
Suddenly the door burst open, causing him to fly backwards. A middle-aged man with blue hair ran out, shouting something about time being money. He dropped a torch on the way out.
"Now wait a minute!" Gilliam shouted, "There are only so many plot discrepancies I can stand! Hey narrator! Since everyone else seems to be passing the fourth wall today, I'm doing it too! It's supposed to be Amelia in here! Merlinus is NOT in this game!"
Well, Amelia appeared earlier, remember? Mathwin stole a tour map from her?
"Oh yeah… well it's still not right!"
"Well, I feel stronger and richer from that very long bout in the arena." Franz flexed. "Oh yes, the ladies will be unable to resist me now. I doubt that any of them will be able to- SWEET MOTHER OF HOLINESS, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ROSS?!"
Ross had suddenly gone from spindly little boy to big, beefy adult warrior, though for some reason his face was the same. The young bodybuilder grinned at the knight. "I am not a journeyman anymore! This is what I call a promotion!"
Mathwin examined Ross. "A pirate? I guess that makes sense. I guess you're planning to trade the versatility of a hero and warrior's dual weapons for the higher critical rate and stronger attack of a berserker?"
Ross blinked. "Well… nah. I just think pirates are cool! Now I get to say 'arrr'! Oh, and I have two axes!"
Mathwin shook his head as the no longer quite so little boy flexed his absurdly huge muscles. "Oh, the sorry state of the young. This is why more people should be spineless cowards like me."
Eirika blinked at Mathwin. "Why?"
"I don't know. I was just thinking that I wish more people were cowards so I could feel better about myself." The strategist shrugged.
Franz was glowering at Ross. "This doesn't mean you get to skip your etiquette lessons! You still need to learn how to eat, sleep, and bathe properly! But how am I going to fit you in a decent outfit now that you have grossly rippling biceps?"
"Artur, I don't understand why you're bothering with this level twenty business. Why do you not simply wait to reach sixty?"
"Lute, I still don't know what you're talking. Even Ross, who gets an extra ten levels over all of us, can only reach a maximum of fifty. Sixty is simply impossible!"
Lute rolled her eyes. "You people… Oh well. What happens when you reach twenty? As a mage, I'll learn my first teleport, but you're a… monk. What do you get?"
"Um, what everyone else gets. I won't be able to ascend in levels any more until I use a Guiding Ring to make myself into a promoted class."
Lute shook her head. "Makes no sense. This system is just so inherently flawed… You'd think you were playing a turn-based strategy game or something."
"Game? What?"
Gilliam and Garcia, his wife still beating him over the head, approached the group. Gilliam looked unhappy. "You couldn't have told us that you were going to spend hours in the arena? We've been worried sick!"
Mathwin shrugged. "Guess I forgot. You guys aren't important anyway."
Garcia shook his head, than noticed Ross. "What the- you put my son on steroids!"
Joshua cleared his throat. "Maybe we should go fight the boss now? I'm sure he's starting to wonder what's taking so long."
The tactician glowered at Joshua, mad that the myrmidon had stolen his bossiness cue, then pointed the group in the direction of the boss.
As they made their way over toward the Commander of the Serafew Border Guard, said Commander was busy picking idly at his toes. "Are they EVER going to get here?" Saar complained.
Suddenly: "Skree-AUGH!"
When Eirika and her companions arrived, Saar was already dead, his armor opened as though someone had taken a can opener and peeled it open. Seth rubbed at his head. "What the hell happened here?"
"I did!" The group turned to see Vanessa, twirling her lance and grinning maliciously, "I have become so bad ass and powerful that I no longer fear anything! I can even voice my inner monologues and not worry that people won't like me for what I say! I don't need you losers any longer!"
All she received from the group was blinks. She frowned. "What? No cries of shock at my betrayal? I'm going to start killing you, you know!"
"But you're still a low level pegasus knight," Mathwin pointed out, "The only reason you beat fatso here was because of that heavy spear that you got out of nowhere."
Vanessa blinked. "You mean.. I'm not bad ass powerful?"
"Nope. You're still a pansy."
Vanessa flushed, then smiled sheepishly. "I was… kidding?"
Eirika shrugged. "Sure, fine, whatever. Doesn't bother me at all. I was just going to have Seth spear you, or the now buff Ross chop your head off."
Vanessa glanced at Ross, and her eyes bulged with shock. "Ross! You're huge!"
"I know!" Ross flexed, "So, now will you go out with me?"
"…No. You're still a minor, and I still don't like you, you chauvinistic pig."
Ross sighed. "Meanie…"
The group turned and started walking back the way they had come. Vanessa followed, grumbling.
Then out of nowhere, a large wyvern landed directly in their path, ridden by a blonde man in armor, with a large spear in hand. "Princesh Eirika! I have come to sheize you in the name of hish Imperial Majeshty, Emperor Vigarde, hic!"
Seth blinked, riding a bit further to examine the Wyvern Lord. "General Glen? Are you drunk?"
Glen swayed in his saddle. "Don't be ridiculoush! I'm completely shober! Not a drop more than I can handle, hic!"
Moulder staggered out of a nearby tavern and over to Glen. He grinned evilly at Mathwin. "Ushlesh, huh? I got the big bad pickled! I done my part… hic!" With that, the mustached priest collapsed.
Glen started to sway more, than fell off his wyvern, and started snoring. Another wyvern rider, on a smaller beast with a smaller lance, came out, sighing. "I told you not to drink so much, Bro! You're such a terrible role model!"
Seth raised an eyebrow at the newcomer. "Cormag, is it? The brother of General Glen? What are you two doing here?"
Cormag glared at the paladin. "We came to make sure we could capture Eirika, because we knew she was coming and so didn't want to leave and thus allow her to escape. But my brother was depressed by the moral dilemma caused by the Emperor's genocidal tendencies against Renais, and decided to drink his agony away. Then this priest with the impressive lip fuzz showed up and got him to drink even more, and well…"
Eirika rolled her eyes. "Are all Grado higher-ups so stupid?"
"Hey!" Cormag yelled, "Don't talk about my brother that way! I'm gonna take out my wrath on you, take your bracelet, and redeem my brother by giving it to the Emperor!"
Mathwin crossed his arms. "What's so special about her stupid bracelet?"
Eirika turned to him. "It's a symbol of my lack of individuality."
"Whazzat?"
"As a twin, I stereotypically must be closer to my brother than I would have been otherwise. Since he's my twin, I feel that he's 'a part of me', again, according to stereotype. And to further the stereotype, he and I have a matching accessory."
"Geez, sucks to be you, huh?"
Cormag sighed. "Are you two paying any attention to me?!"
Gilliam muttered "Welcome to my world."
Cormag roared with wrath, his wyvern rearing up into the air, then flying at them with lance extended. Neimi jumped forward and shot an arrow at the beast. The wyvern yelped in terror and flew straight up and away.
Well Vanessa thought, At least I'm not the only one with a pansy flying animal.
"Dammit!" Cormag shouted from an increasing altitude, "I'll get you later, you fiend!"
The group bought (or rather, took over) rooms in the inn. Seth, Eirika, and Mathwin brought Natasha down into the common room to speak to her. "Thank you," the cleric said "For saving my life."
"No problem. We love saving traitors," Mathwin answered in his dour voice.
Seth peered at her, causing Natasha to become rather uncomfortable, "Why were the Grado trying to capture you, a cleric?"
Natasha looked down at her hands. "Yes, as to that… you see, I was a cleric in the Imperial Temple, under the high priest Father MacGregor. As you know, the Emperor has become increasingly hostile over the last year, keeping up almost monthly raids against Renais, unlike before, when our two countries had but an uneasy peace… Well, when this war began, rumors started to fly about. Father MacGregor learned the truth behind the Emperor's motives: He is trying to destroy the Sacred Stones?"
Eirika blinked. "…So?"
Natasha paled. "WHY?! The Sacred Stones are the sacred treasures of our land! Even now, they are all that keeps evil at bay!"
"That's silly," Eirika retorted, "And clichéd as well. Five gems keeping evil at bay… goodness you religious types are silly."
Natasha shook her head frantically. "Regardless, the Emperor is completely willing to invade every other country, killing anyone in his way, to steal and destroy the Sacred Stones! Even if you do not hold any faith in the power of the gems, you must realize that he will kill countless people!"
Eirika shook her head. "I don't care. All I care about is saving my brother, then returning with him to Frelia so we can be safe until this whole conflict blows over. I am not going on some mystical journey to save the world."
"But-"
Seth shook his head at the cleric. "I stand by the Princess on this. We are but a small contingent. Even if we wanted to, we could not oppose the Grado army and stop them from, as you saying, invading the rest of Magvel. It is all we can do to rescue Prince Ephraim."
Natasha sighed. "Then… it seems it was a waste of time talking to you. By your leave, I need to go to Frelia to speak with King Hayden."
Seth frowned. "Out of the question. We're keeping you with us. The last thing we need is for a Grado spy to reveal our location to the rest of Grado. You're staying with us."
"What? You- you think I'm a spy?" Natasha, upset, stood angrily, "I will not-"
"You have no choice," The paladin interrupted. "When we find Prince Ephraim, we will take you with us back to Frelia. Until then, I suggest you keep quiet and do as you're told."
Eirika and Seth ascended the stairs to Eirika's room together. "That was well done, Sir Seth. We must be careful with ANYONE from Grado."
Seth nodded. "Though I do feel somewhat bad for her. I truly doubt she is a spy, but we can't be too careful."
Eirika stopped at her door. "Well, good night then, Seth. We must continue in the morning."
The paladin paused, then bowed. "Of course, Princess."
"Oh, where is that Princess type lady?" The magistrate of Serafew bumped into Mathwin. "Oh, sorry. I just wanted to-"
Mathwin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, skip the gratitude speech and just give me the present."
The magistrate blinked, shrugged, and gave Mathwin a small ring. "I hear this can-"
"I know what it is, gramps. It's a guiding ring which can promote a magic user. Thanks, now beat it!"
Joshua was walking through the night-darkened streets alone when someone ran up to him. His first instinct was to defend himself, until he saw who it was. He smiled. "Hello Neimi. Feeling alright? That was well done, saving the Princess from that Wyvern Rider."
Neimi blushed. "Oh, um, it was no problem. I'm sorry you did not get to use your new armorslayer against Saar though."
Joshua shrugged. "No biggie. There will be plenty of other morons in tin can suits to peel open. I'll get to use it later."
The two talked, walking through the night. Behind them, Colm glowered from his shadowy hiding place.
Cormag finally touched down, back where he had started next to his brother's unconscious form. The younger wyvern rider sighed, stooping down to pick Glen up. Then he grabbed the reins of his brother's wyvern and led it off.
Before going, he turned to glare at the city. "I'll get you another time, Eirika. No one makes a fool out of my brother!"
