xx

They secured the mine as best they could, wedging chunks of charred and twisted metal beneath it to act as chocks. Sam, McKay and Zelenka had spent precious minutes discussing just how slowly Atlantis would have to move to avoid triggering any further attacks from the deep. The answer was extremely slowly – an inch at a time, if possible. The thought turned Carter's stomach. Every moment they hung over the crevice brought more risk, and every move Atlantis made could potentially trigger the mine she'd worked so hard to deactivate. Catch-22.

Carter was still concerned about what damage a wave impact could do when the mine finally exploded. Zelenka had come up with a forcefield that could be activated once they'd got it out of Atlantis. It would shield Atlantis from the full force of the blast, though Zelenka warned there would still be a considerable jolt.

Sam was tired. Bone, bone tired. Her head ached, her shoulder burned, and she was cold. But this was her City. She'd see this through if it were the last thing she ever did. And god knew it could well be.

"Right," She said, straightening up as O'Neill manoeuvred the last piece of support into position beneath the mine. "That's as good as it's going to get."

"Okay. Now what?"

"Now I give McKay the order to start moving the City… and we wait."

O'Neill nodded. His own exhaustion was evident, and Sam suspected he was nursing blast injuries that he hadn't confessed to her. His wrist was bound and strapped against his chest, though having one arm didn't seem to hamper him. But then, she supposed that was hardly a surprise. After all, Sam knew what other feats he'd had to accomplish whilst nursing worse.

"Ready, sir?" Sam asked.

"As I'll ever be, Colonel."

xx

Jack sunk down against the clearest wall he could find, facing the mine, as Carter gave the order to begin moving the City. This certainly hadn't been what he'd expected when he decided to come out to Atlantis for a visit. Here he was, facing what were very possibly his final minutes on Earth. Somehow, despite everything it seemed fitting. If this were to be his last adventure, at least he'd see it out with Carter. And maybe him being here would provide a means for her to escape, at least. If it did, then it was worth it.

His wrist throbbed, a dull ache underlying every movement. He'd had enough broken bones to relegate the pain to background discomfort, but still, it was there.

Carter signed off with the control tower and came to join him, dropping to the floor beside him. They were silent, each leaning back against the wall. There was nothing more either of them could do. He willed her to rest, to sit there with him and let someone else handle what needed to be done. She'd given the orders, suggested the course – now she had to trust her people to do their jobs.

He had no awareness of when the City began to move, little by little, towards safety. He was aware only of her, resting beside him inside their tiny metal world.

xx

Sam went over it again in her head. What could she have done differently? What should she be learning from this experience if she were to survive it? She sighed, pressing aching fingers to tired eyes. She'd lost count of how many 30 minute check-ins had passed since she'd given the order for McKay to start moving Atlantis. Too many, it seemed, and yet there were many more still to come.

Sheppard had told them that the rescue team were still persisting, led by Lorne. It was going to take a while for them to make their way to the two trapped officers, but with any luck, it would be before Atlantis reached its critical point. Carter wanted to be back in full control by then, if at all possible.

Luck, she thought, is that what I'm commanding by? It should be judgement…

She sighed again, the self-doubt creeping in. The General heard her.

"Carter? What's up?"

She shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable, while aware that her biggest discomfort was within, rather than without.

"Carter?" He prompted.

"Sorry, sir. I just – I was just going over my actions since the mine hit. Trying to work out what I should have done differently. I should have moved the City right away, got it out of range of the crevice and the other mines. If I had we could have dropped the first one before it exploded."

"Carter, there's no point thinking like that." He turned towards her, face grave. "You did what you could. Now you move on. That's all you can do."

"I've got to learn from the experience, sir. If I hadn't-"

"Sure, you'll learn," he interrupted her. "But you're wrong if you think you made mistakes. From what I saw, you did just fine."

She laughed, a little more harshly than she intended. "Fine? This city had a hole blown in it on my watch… I don't think that qualifies as fine, General."

"Nothing you could have done about it, Carter."

"I could have swept the area. The ocean. I should have checked what was down there."

He shrugged. "Maybe you should have. But there's no guarantee you would have found the mines, even then."

"So I should just to chalk it up to experience, deal with the regret and move on?"

"Yup. That's how I did it, back at the SGC."

"Do you have regrets, sir?" She asked, a little surprised. "I mean, about the way you handled SG-1?"

He looked at her. "Sure, Carter. Every commander has regrets. Tons of 'em. That's just part of it."

She nodded. "I guess I have more of that to look forward to then."

He smiled at her then. "You'll do great, Carter. You are doing great. I can't think of a better person to do this job."

"Thank you, sir."

O'Neill drew his knees up, resting his arms on them. He said nothing for a couple of minutes, and Sam could see the pensive look on his face. In that moment he looked so much more like the Colonel she'd known, way back when. Then he looked up, right into her eyes, and her heart tripped over itself. It was a sensation she hadn't felt for a long time, and it took her by surprise. She'd thought all that was in the past.

"I do have other… regrets," he said quietly, and despite herself her heart began to thud. "Sometimes, I wonder if it really would have been such a big deal."

"Sir?" she asked, not sure she understood.

He indicated between them with a grimace, an endearingly familiar indication of how uncomfortable he felt, even this many years later.

"As a General now, looking back…" He paused, shaking his head. "I wonder what it was all about. We beat the Goa'uld. We freed a galaxy from oppression. Would us being… " He stopped. "Would it really have ruined all that?"

Sam didn't know what to say. This was the closest, in over a decade, that they'd ever got to confronting this thing that had hung between them for so long. And suddenly she realised that it was still there, that it had never gone away. Perhaps not as overwhelming, but still solid, still immovable.

He obviously took her silence for discomfort, because he sighed and pinched his fingers at the bridge of his nose. He was about to offer a muttered apology when she cut him off.

"I know what you mean," she whispered, drawing his surprised eyes to her face. "Sometimes I wonder the same thing myself."

They looked at each other for a long moment, before Sam broke the tension with a smile, glancing down at her feet. A thought popped into her mind, and she felt her face flush suddenly. She almost blurted it out, but tamped down on the urge quickly. She was Colonel Carter now, just as he'd been Colonel O'Neill when all this started. She wasn't about to cross a line and threaten his confidence in her, even if he had started the conversation. But he'd been studying her - of course he had – and saw the play of emotions that went with the colour in her cheeks.

"What?" He asked, amused.

"Nothing, sir. It was – not appropriate. I'm sorry."

"Since when were we ever appropriate, Carter?" he asked, and although it was still touched with humour, the question was not completely devoid of bitterness.

She looked at him. "Always, sir. Isn't that the point?"

He raised an eyebrow, and then nodded. "Come on, Carter," he said, voice a little huskier than usual. "Out with it. I told you mine…"

She smiled, shaking her head. "It's stupid."

"I doubt it."

She shook her head again. She couldn't bear the thought of his shock, or even worse, his disdain.

"For the record, Carter," O'Neill said very softly, his intense eyes watching her still. "And in case you don't know it already… Nothing you could ever do, or say, or think… could make me think less of you. Nothing. Got it?"

She laughed a little. Of course he could read her mind, too. Or part of it, at least.

"Okay… Promise you won't laugh?"

He grinned. "Cross my heart."

Still she hesitated, and he leaned a little closer as a prompt.

"It's just…" she began, wishing she'd never started this train of thought. "I don't know… it's just…"

"It's just what, Sam?"

His use of her name floored her slightly. His eyes were warm, his smile genuine, and she felt a rush of affection for this stupid, screwed-up life they'd shared together. Because whatever else they'd been, they had been together.

"Thinking about it now, it feels like we were married for years," she said, letting the words out in a rush before she had time to think again, "Without… without…" she tailed off, unable to continue.

"Without… any of the good stuff?" he supplied.

She smiled, self-conscious. "Yeah. Exactly."

He nodded, glaring at his feet. "I've known marriages that have been briefer, and less intense."

Silence descended, and into it Sam felt all her convictions tumbling away in a whirl of uncertainty. She'd been so sure that all this was done with, that she was past it. Not that she'd ever consciously told herself as much. She'd just… got on with it, like she had always done. He'd left the SGC and she'd missed him, but there had been so many other things to sink her attentions into. And eventually, missing him had stopped being the sharp physical pain it was at first. Then Atlantis had come along, and she'd taken it. But now, now that he was here -

"Penny for them, Carter?" His soft voice interrupted her reverie. She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. "Question is," he continued, after a moment. "If we were married then, what are we now? Divorced?"

She blinked dumbly, not daring to look at him. They'd gone through the first blush of attraction, the burning of desire, the fierce loyalty that came with being a team. They'd been joined at the hip, through force of circumstance as well as choice. And it had all solidified, finally, into the sort of security and familiarity that any married couple finally reaches once the fires of passion settle down. But they'd never given into that passion, and they hadn't parted badly. She didn't feel like it was time to end it, to cut him off, and judging by the way her emotions were cartwheeling, her desire for him was still there - a little dusty perhaps, but constant. And if it was still there, even now, after all these years and everything that had happened between and around them – what else could it mean but that it would always be this way? For her, at least.

Beside her, he moved, shifting closer until their arms touched. He turned towards her, but Sam still couldn't bring herself to look at him. She had no idea what was in his head, but he'd brought up the idea of separation. A final, complete separation. Had he got someone else? Oh God, was that why he was here? Did he feel the need to tell her about it, to break off this long dance they'd shared once and for all? If he was going to continue that train of thought then she didn't want to hear it. Let them just get through this and go back to what they had been – light years apart, with no need to say anything about it.

He leaned forward, trying to see her face. Her heart was beating so hard it was painful.

"Lotta water under the… City, huh Carter?" he whispered, and despite her anxiety, she laughed, shakily.

"Yes sir. Such a lot." Sam swallowed tears, determined not to let the pain of this show. Just stop, she begged him silently, please just stop…

"Sam-" he began, but whatever he was about to say was interrupted as the City gave a terrific jolt.

She scrambled to her feet, snapping into command mode. "McKay? What the hell was that?"

"Another mine," he shouted back, "our movement activated it – it clipped us, exploded close enough to give us a kick."

Carter moved towards the device, squatting heavily among its nest of debris. "Well, I think we were lucky that time. No change here, so I-"

But they hadn't been lucky at all.

"Carter?" O'Neill asked, at her elbow. She glanced up at him, and knew she must look frantic.

"it's armed," she said, "the mine's armed."

"What? How can you tell?"

"The sensor lights have switched from red to green." She turned, raising her voice, "McKay, we have a problem here."

"Oh no. Don't tell me-"

"How long have I got?"

"Not long… 90 seconds? Two minutes at the most. Sam, you've got to get out of there."

Sam ignored him, instead asking, "How close are we to the crevice?" As she spoke, she ran to the mine, beginning to drag the carefully arranged 'chocks' away. She indicated for O'Neill to do the same.

"Pretty darn close!"

"We don't have a choice. If it blows here, we lose power. Have Zelenka ready to stand by with the forceshield." She glanced up at O'Neill "Sir, we're going to have to push this thing –"

"I got it, Carter," he shouted, raising his voice as the mine began to emit a high-pitched whine, "Let's do this!"

Kicking the last debris out of the way they began to push the object towards the hole it had created. It was heavy, and as the whine became louder, Sam felt the adrenaline bleach from her body, replaced by an exhausted determination that cleared her head. With one last, magnificent effort, they tipped the mine on the lip of the hole. It teetered, and a fraction of a second stretched to eternity. Sam looked across to O'Neill, and for some reason the image of his face in that fraught moment was caught like a snapshot in her mind. And then it began to fall.

But something went wrong. As it dropped, the mine caught on to her boot, and suddenly she felt herself falling too, plunging like a stone towards the ocean beneath, crashing into the jagged sides of the torn hole as she headed towards oblivion.

The last thing she heard was O'Neill, screaming her name.

xx

To be continued…