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I'm trying to write one chapter a day; it worked out for so far. I don't know if I'll be able to keep doing this. But for now, I can. Enjoy.

TempeGeller


Chapter 9: How I go on…

Leyviena McGonagall

Mom had given me a picture of my wedding day and a couple of others taken a while ago. She said she had no pictures of the last three years. It turned out I had stopped sending her pictures. On the pictures, Luke and I looked pretty happy. He had bright red hair and emerald green eyes. He had his arms around my body; my smiled seemed pretty happy. I could only think about what happened the last three years. I dropped the pictures on the bed.
There was nothing in the newspapers about Luke, if something had happened to him, the press had no idea of it. I wanted to know what had happened. I knew that somewhere in my mind was the secret hidden. Yet I didn't know if I trusted anyone enough to look through my memories. I knew I would be able to trust my mother, but I didn't want to face her with the pain I had liven through.

Hagrid was not someone I could ask to go through my memories, Dumbledore was someone I wouldn't want in my memories either, and my best friends weren't in the country, I wasn't sure that I could ask them to come here. And I was afraid that I didn't trust Severus enough yet. I had only known him a few weeks. I got to know him in this weeks, but I would be afraid to ask him something like that. I wanted to trust him more.

Even without of my memories I could guess that Luke was dead, there was nothing I could do about that. I took the picture and put it in my pocket. I had loved him once, so I wanted to keep him close to me. I stood up and headed towards the great hall. On the way there I ran in to Severus.
"Are you okay?" He asked right away.
"I'm fine." I took the picture from my pocket and showed it to him. "Luke and I were married for sure. Mom says we were happy. And every memory of it is gone."
He took the picture in his hand; when he saw Luke's face, he became a little pale. Something about the boy looked familiar to him. He moved the picture closer to his face, he whispered the name Lily and reached for something in his pocket. He showed me a picture.
"This is Lily Evans. She looks exactly like him. Your husband."

"Luke Evans." I looked at him. "Do you suppose they're related?"

Severus Snape

Luke Evans, he looked a lot like Lily Evans, the same likeness family members had. I couldn't believe that she could be married to someone that was related to the love of my life.
"I think he's dead." She replied. "There is not another explanation why I would have chosen to forget all about him. I couldn't handle the pain of his dead, so I erased it."

I understood why someone would do something like that. There had been days that I thought about doing the same. Maybe I would be happier if I chose to remove Lily from my memory. When I looked at her confusion, I wasn't sure if it was actually a great idea. She wondered what happened to the person she loved. Never sure if they were actually dead. I was unsure if there was actually a way to get those memories back. Could memories always be retrieved? Are were there memories that were gone forever?
"I suppose I am sparing myself pain." She replied.

"Do you think you were getting those nightmares because?" I looked at her. I thought that there was maybe a connection between the nightmares and the dead of her husband. Maybe the memories were trying to make its way back to her. That is what I had happened. I wanted to help her, but I didn't know how to. She looked at me, right than we started to walk to the great hall for breakfast. She looked right in front of her.
"Do you think that the nightmares are connected to my memories?" She looked at me. "Then why did they disappear?"
I couldn't understand either after she started taking the dreamless potion, the dreams had disappeared she said. She said she was glad they were gone. I couldn't understand why her nightmares would disappear. Maybe she had pushed them away. Maybe dreams that were pushed away would stay away.

"They were helpful either." She replied. "Everything was blurry."
"Because you don't remember, that is why."

Leyviena McGonagall

Indeed I didn't remember Luke Evans or the fact that I was married to him. Maybe I could get more information about that part of my life, by writing to Lynn. I didn't know how she would respond if I told her I had another vision of my way in it. How could I tell my friend that I didn't remember who I was married to? How could I tell her that I thought Severus Snape was good looking? Could I ever move on if I didn't know if he was dead? I looked at Severus. He was still pale.

Who was Lily Evans? I looked at Severus; he had feelings for her. I didn't know if she were alive and I was unsure if I could ask about her. Was our relationship good enough to ask him? I looked at him; we stopped walking.
"Who's Lily Evans?" He looked at me, his eyes filled with pain.

"I loved her. I was in love with her. She married Potter." He looked at me.
"Harry Potter's father?" I looked at him. "Do you mean Lily Potter? You lost her, didn't you? Not just in one way, but more than one."

I pulled him into my arms, I knew that he didn't like it, but I still did it. I knew he needed love right now. I rested my head on his shoulder and softly stroked his back. His hands were on my back, and I felt him relax. I wanted to tell him to calm down. I don't know how long I had in my arms, slowly I released him. He didn't have tears in his eyes, but there was a great sadness. I touched his hand once again.

Severus Snape

I would have been afraid to admit that I needed a hug, but somehow she could feel it in her bones. She knew me better than I had known anyone. She needed when I was in pain, and for some reason, she could tell that I was still in pain about Lily.
"You can tell me anything." She looked into my eyes. "Know that I trust you and respect your feelings. If you don't want me to hug you, tell me. You can tell me anything."
"Thank you," I replied. She took my hand once again and squeezed it in hers. She looked straight into my eyes, and for a moment she reminded me of Lily. This was how she looked at before the mud blood incident. This was how she touched me before all this. And if I told Leyviena, I was a death eater that would all disappear. She would hate me as Lily hated me.

"Are you okay?" She repeated.
"I'm fine." And for some reason, I knew that she recognized the lie.

When we arrived in the great hall, she sat down on my usual place. One that I had lost when she arrived her, but she wouldn't give it back to me. She said I had to get used to another spot. The truth was that a place by her side was great anywhere. She took some fruit. I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't know for sure what.
"I'm here for you," I said as I looked at her. "I'm sorry about your husband."
"I'm here for you too." She touched my hand. "I'm sorry about Lily; you shouldn't have gone through any of that. And if you ever feel bad about yourself, know you are very good looking, smart and all together one of the greatest people I've met in a long time. You're brilliant, Severus. You're brilliant in ever aspect."
"You are everything…" I said as I looked in her face.

"Thank you, that's nice to hear."

Leyviena McGonagall

The post came that morning; I caught a copy of the daily prophet, part of me wanted to open it and read something about Luke. There was nothing in it about him. Yet there was an article about a break in at Gringott bank. She stared at moving picture; the vault had been emptied that day. She knew very little about the vault.
"There was a break in." I turned to Severus. "Nothing was stolen."

He looked at me, almost like he wanted to say something. I was sure he was hiding something, but I didn't know what. I knew there had been things I couldn't know as a new teacher. Mom had explained they were hiding something in the school, but they wanted to keep me out of it. Was that what they were trying to steal?

He didn't ask me what vault. I knew if he didn't tell me something, I knew it was because Dumbledore had asked.


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Who do you prefer? Luke Evans or Severus Snape? Explain away!