A/N: Ok, we're coming down to the final stretch of this story, with Manfred and his 'perfect' wards finally ending this hellish vacation experience. The next chapter will be the final one, and I am both excited and a bit sad for it.

But I digress. Here are ages for the new characters in this chapter.

Byrne: 36

Kay: 6

Cammy: 14


Buyer's Discount Select Medicines was your typical nationwide pharmacy chain- white walls, shiny, beige linoleum floors, and aisle upon aisle filled with products you wouldn't want to buy at pharmacies, like cooking supplies, Halloween costumes, and wood sculptures of various sizes. But to Manfred, when he and Franziska walked through the automatic doors, he felt like he was on cloud nine. Heck, after having to listen to America, F*** Yeah without end for a solid 20 minutes, anywhere would be Heaven by comparison, even a defense attorney's office... though that was a bit of a stretch.

"Papa, can I please sit down on that bench over there?" Franziska groaned, weakly pointing to a red metal bench off to the side.

"Fine, but don't move from there until I buy the necessary supplies."

"Trust me, Papa. I'm too fat and disgusting to go anywhere!" Franziska angrily whimpered as she slowly slinked over to the bench before flopping face down on it.

With an exasperated sigh and a slow head shake at what his once-perfect daughter had been reduced to, Manfred made his way over to the checkout counter in order to find out where in this store full of inessential wares he could find menstrual pads. However, instead of finding the line empty, as one would expect around 11:30 at night, the veteran prosecutor was filled with disdain as he saw Byrne Faraday, of all people, standing in front of him, arguing with his young, pink-cladded daughter who had her black hair cropped up in an upwards ponytail and was holding a Dracula costume.

"But, Daddy! I want it!" Kay whined in a raspy voice.

"Kay, we came to fill your amoxicillin prescription for your strep throat, not to buy Dracula outfits." Byrne stated in a calm, yet stern tone.

"But it's really cool!"

"Then I'll buy one for you closer to Halloween."

"But I want it now!"

"Why, so it can just sit in your closet gathering dust for the next five months?"

"No, I wanna wear it every day!"

"Kay, you can't wear a Dracula costume as your regular outfit. You'd look ridiculous."

"No, I'd look awesome because Dracula flies around in the night and is all cool and stealthy and stuff!"

"Kay, don't argue with me. Please put that costume back where you found it so we can pay for your medicine and go back to the condo." Byrne commanded with a slightly angrier tone.

"No! *Cough!* And there's nothing you can do to make me!" Kay pouted as she glared daggers at her father, prompting him to attempt to rip the costume out of her hands. However, Kay, being the tenacious little girl that she was, refused to let go, engaging her father in a game of tug-of-war over the costume.

"Kay, let go of the costume this instant!" Byrne snapped.

"Never! *Cough!*" Kay snarled.

"Please listen to reason." The prosecutor pleaded with a look of concern in his brown eyes. "Do you want to look like Prosecutor von Karma?"

"And just what is so wrong with how I look, Faraday?" Manfred growled with crossed arms, not ready to let some pitiful excuse of a prosecutor drag his good name and wardrobe through the mud.

"P-Prosecutor von Karma…!?" Byrne gasped in horror as he turned to face his senior prosecutor, his eyes the size of saucers and full of fear. "Ho-How long were you standing there?" Crap! You mention his name once and he appears out of nowhere like Voldemort!

"Long enough to hear that remark about my outfit. Now, once again, what exactly is so wrong with it?"

"Well, it was probably fashionable… back when they were signing the Declaration of Independence." Byrne joked. "But seriously, that outfit of yours is just so out of place. Speaking of which, where is your suit coat and cane? Did they finally turn to dust?"

"It's a long story that I'd rather not get into…" The perfectionist prosecutor sighed with crossed arms as he squeezed his bicep. "But back to the topic at hand, Faraday, have you looked in the mirror as of lately? My outfit may be archaic to the dregs of society, but at least it exudes prestige and power- two traits that are pivotal to a prosecutor's success. My attire strikes fear into the hearts of my opponents while you and that bandana of yours make them believe that you're going to play your guitar underneath a waterfall while singing about your feelings." Manfred sneered.

"It's called 'business casual', von Karma. You know, the fashion sense where you try to be both presentable and comfortable? But I wouldn't expect you to understand it since it was established during the 21st century, whereas your fashion sense was developed a little before fire."

"Of course you'd want to feel comfortable. After all, it must be so arduous having to be constantly ridiculed by Elton John during your little playdates."

"Oh please, your outfit's so old that you probably got it as a hand-me-down from Methuselah when he thought it was outdated."

"Yes, yes, my outfit is old. You've already beaten that topic to death." Manfred groaned with a roll of his eyes. "Now step aside so that I may attend to my business here."

"Sorry von Karma, we were here first and we aren't leaving until we pay for Kay's amoxicillin. However, I can't do that until she puts that little costume back where she found it." Byrne got down on one knee so he could look his daughter in the eye. "So Kay, won't you please return your costume so Prosecutor von Karma isn't kept waiting?"

"No!" Kay snapped with crossed arms. "And there's nothing you can do to-"

Kay was cut off as Manfred snapped his fingers, unleashing a burst of air that knocked the father/daughter duo in front of him off to the side and out of his way, parting them as Moses did the Red Sea.

"That was easy." The veteran prosecutor smirked as he took the Faradays' place in line, satisfied that he could resolve the situation without his trusty stun gun, which he had left at the beach house so it could charge.

"What the heck, von Karma? That's our spot! Give it back!" Byrne objected.

"Yeah, you big meanie!" Kay angrily chimed in.

"If you valued it so dearly, you shouldn't have been so quick to leave it." Manfred nonchalantly responded.

"'Leave!?' You ejected us from it against our freewill! How do you even knock two people back with a finger snap, anyways?! Who are you, Count Dooku?" Byrne yelled.

"Cry me a river, Faraday. You snooze, you lose- that is the ancient proverb of the von Karma family. Speaking of which…"

Manfred directed his attention to the sole cashier- an adolescent girl who had the gall to actually sleep in front of him, her shoulders slumped over, causing her long, chestnut-brown hair to cover her face.

"Excuse me, miss?" Manfred calmly stated, thought earning no response. "Miss…? Miss!" The veteran prosecutor growled, becoming more and more aggravated with the cashier with each passing second.

Eventually, having finally reached his limit, Manfred loudly snapped his fingers once more, causing the adolescent girl, whose outfit was unbuttoned at the top, revealing her ample bosom, to snap awake… though not by much, if the sleepy look on her face was of any indication.

"Hi, I'm Cammy and, like, welcome to Buyer's Discount Select Medicines. How can I help you? If this geezer asks for a slushy, I'm spitting in it.

"Yes, do you have… pads?" Manfred awkwardly asked, preferring not to spout his daughter's personal issues to an airy child.

"Pads?" Cammy asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion. "Can you be more specific?"

"You know, pads…. that you get for young girls to…. Stop bleeding." Manfred reluctantly stated, his face becoming noticeably red as he delved into awkward territory of PMS.

"Oh, ok. I'll, like, go get them for you." Cammy said as she slowly meandered out from behind the counter and into one of the aisles. A dad dealing with his daughter's first period, eh? I'll show him what happens when he makes me work…


A few minutes later, Cammy had still not returned to the counter, much to Manfred's disdain. Though it didn't help the veteran prosecutor's anger one bit with Kay coughing right on his back as she and her father stood behind him.

"Faraday, make your daughter cease coughing on my person." Manfred curtly commanded, not even bothering to turn around to look at his colleague's glaring face.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you stole our place in line." Byrne angrily retorted.

"You know, Faraday, it's quite unbecoming for a prosecutor to hold such a petty grudge." Manfred ironically commented as Cammy sauntered back behind the counter. "Took you long enough. Did you get the… pads?"

"Sure did." Cammy drowsily responded as she placed a pair of Hello Kitty kneepads on the counter.

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, you wanted pads that stop bleeding, so I got you kneepads with a cuuu…" The busty cashier's body slumped over as she fell asleep, a snot bubble forming which expanded and contracted with each breath, but was awakened once more with another powerful finger snap from Manfred. "So, will that be all?"

"No, because you didn't get what I asked for. I need pads that prevent girls from bleeding when they… mature. Now take those ridiculous kneepads back to where you found them and bring me the product that I actually want." The veteran prosecutor ordered as he shoved the kneepads back to the sleepy cashier, who then proceeded to take them and leave the counter once more.


As Manfred was waiting for Cammy to return, Ema, who was as excitable as ever, ran into the store as Lana, with bloodshot eyes and ruffled hair that looked like a wild animal was living in it, staggered in like a zombie behind her.

"C'mon, Lana! Why you moving so slow?" Ema impatiently asked.

"Don't talk so loud, Ema…" Lana groaned as she rubbed her head. "Need… caffeine… Need… caffeine… Need… caffeine…" The young woman muttered to herself as she mindlessly shuffled down one of the aisles, completely unaware that her little sister wasn't following her.

Meanwhile, Franziska was lying on the bench; her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to get some sleep and relief from her cramps. However, that was made all the harder when she was interrupted by a jovial 'hi!' right in her ear. And sure enough, upon opening her eyes, the aspiring prosecutor opened her eyes to see the Ema foolishly getting right in her personal space.

"Go away." Franziska growled at the young girl.

"That's no way to talk to a friend." Ema objected, completely oblivious to the fact that Franziska that Franziska in no way hid her disdain for the obnoxious aspiring scientist.

"I am not your friend. Now go away before I make you go away!" Franziska snarled as she weakly whacked her riding crop against the bench, causing a faint metallic 'tang' to ring out.

Ema, in a desperate attempt to shift the conversation with her newest and only 'friend' to a more positive subject, scanned the store until something interesting caught her eye.

"Hey, look, there's Dracula!" The aspiring scientist squealed in excitement. "I thought that vampires were scientifically impossible, but yet here he is!"

"What are you foolishly blabbing on about, you foolishly foolish girl who doesn't know how to shut her foolish mouth?" Franziska snapped.

"There, at the front of the checkout line!" Ema stated as she pointed to Manfred, prompting Franziska to weakly smack the bench with her riding crop again.

"Foolish girl! That's no vampire, that's my foolish Papa that hates me because HE'S NOT GETTING ME POTATO CHIPS! WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG, PAPA!? I'M DYING HERE FROM THE CRAAAAAAAAAMPS!" The silver-haired girl screamed at the top of her lungs, her face reddening as she glared daggers at her father.

"What do you think I'm doing, having tea at the marina? Be patient, girl." Manfred retorted as Cammy returned with a pack of Brillo Pads. "Brillo Pads, seriously? What in Santa's name do Brillo pads have to do with a girl bleeding when she matures?"

"Well, when a girl gets old enough and she has to help out around the house for her allowance, Brillo Pads help them clean the dishes fast so their hands don't chap and bleed." The cashier stated with a spacy look on her face.

"My daughter is a von Karma, and no von Karma would be caught dead cleaning a dish. I don't know how a person can be so inept, but… You're seriously sleeping again?" Manfred snarled as noticed Cammy slumped over again, prompting him to snap his fingers yet again to wake her up.

"Wha…" Cammy groggily replied as she wiped some loose spit from the corner of her mouth. "So, you don't want the Brillo Pads?"

"I'm going to say this slowly so that your little brain can comprehend it: I need pads that stop my daughter from bleeding… below the torso. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'll go… I'll go get them for you." Cammy muttered, struggling to stay awake as she left the counter for a third time.

As the busty cashier sauntered into one of aisles, Lana, who was gulping down a can of Red Bull with one hand and carrying two small six can cases of the energy drink in the other, stepped into the checkout line behind Byrne and Kay, with the latter once again coughing on Manfred.

"Oh, that's my sister! That's Lana! Hi, Lana!" Ema chirped, shaking Franziska with one hand while energetically waving to her sister with the other, prompting the older sibling to unenthusiastically wave back.

"I. Don't. Care!" Franziska snarled.

"You sound angry." Ema stated matter-of-factly, as if this was some newfound information that no one could possibly hope to understand.

"Really, I haven't noticed… what with me having cramps and feeling fat!" Franziska sarcastically snapped.

"So, to brighten the mood and pass the time, how's about we do a Mab Lib?" Ema excitedly asked as she pulled out a pencil and a little blue book with white stripes out of her lab coat.

"I'd rather die… or see you die" Franziska groaned as she rubbed her temples.

However, as always, Ema was absorbed in her own little word, ignoring the silver-haired girl's snide comment as she flipped open the book.

"Ok. 'Jimmy was running down the street when he saw a…' I need a noun."

"Fool." Franziska curtly responded.

"'Fool…'" Ema muttered as she filled in the blank. "Alright, now this party's really getting started! So let's keep it going…!"


A few minutes later, Kristoph and Klavier entered the store, with the former- having an improved appearance from the golf course thanks to a new pair of glasses and a suit that wasn't torn-glaring daggers at his younger brother.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Khris!" Klavier jovially proclaimed.

"Look, we are not here to dilly-dally, Klavier. For every moment we are out of the condo, we increase our chances of Mother finding out and being, well… herself. Therefore, while you get what you need, I'll hold a place in line to save time. If you are not at the checkout in five minutes, I will find you and we will return to the condo emptyhanded. Understood?" Kristoph sternly asked.

"Ok, bro. Geeze, don't be so uptight just 'cause you couldn't get a date. Just think of it as us getting to spend some more quality time together!" The young boy said in a sing-songy tone as he wrapped his arm around his brother's waste, only to be pushed away.

"I would have gotten a date had that horrid girl not assaulted me, or if the heavens themselves didn't try to strike me down with that vile golf ball. Even then, it is ten to midnight, so I still have plenty of time to get a date."

"Riiight, bro..." Klavier sneered with a roll of his eyes. "Just keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better."

"Just go get your snacks, you little plebian." Kristoph venomously replied as his nuisance of a brother ran off, prompting him to make his way to the checkout line.

I hate it when that revolting brat is right. How am I supposed to get a date in a pharmacy store in only ten minutes? Sure, I am a king among men with an intellect ranking among the greatest minds of all time, but I am still only a mere human. I can't perform miracles. A smirk spread across Kristoph's face as he noticed Lana standing at the back of the line. …Or maybe I don't have to… It's go time, Kristoph- all or nothing.

After getting tapped on the shoulder, Lana slowly turned around to give whoever had the gall to bother her when she was so tired the death glare of a lifetime, only to do just that as well as snarl in contempt upon seeing that the culprit was the annoying boombox kid from the boardwalk.

"Enchanté, mademoiselle." The periwinkle-cladded adolescent said with a bow, trying to look as elegant as he could. "You look quite fetching on this fine evening."

"Look kid, I am not in the mood for any of your sad attempts to flirt with me. I just want to buy my energy drinks and go home." Lana growled as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"My, my, aren't you the feisty lass, Miss…" Kristoph said with a smirk and crossed arms.

"None of your business." The disgruntled woman curtly stated before turning her back to the periwinkle-cladded adolescent. "Now can you please stop talking to me?"

Well, excuse me for trying to start a conversation." Kristoph snapped with a scowl as he pushed up his glasses. "Is it such a crime to ask a lovely woman like yourself for her name?"

"Not as much as it is for a kid like you to come to a place like this in the middle of the night without his mommy. So why don't you just go run back to her minivan and leave me alone." Lana sneered, still keeping her back to her young suitor.

"One, I'm 15 and A HALF years old. Second, I walked here with my little brother. I am no mere child, ma'am."

"Whatever you say, kid. Whatever you say…" The tired college student snickered with a roll of her eyes.

"You know, I wouldn't be so quick to shrug me off, ma'am." Kristoph hissed.

"Oh, and why's that? Are you going to run crying to your mommy?" Lana said in a baby talk tone.

"I'll have you know that my mother would only serve to make things much worse for both sides in a conflict. No, I am Kristoph Gavin- a straight-A honor roll student and the treasurer of Cee O'cheets High School- skipping third grade, might I add- who requires no one to fight his battles for him. And one day, I'll be a big-time lawyer with so much power and money that you will be begging me to no end just to give you the time of day. So look down upon me now, for in a decade, you'll have to crane your neck to the point of straining it just to gaze upon my lofty status!"

"Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that right now you're a little kid standing in a pharmacy line." Lana wryly retorted as the periwinkle-cladded adolescent, whose face was starting to redden, glared daggers at her back, finding himself so overcome with anger that he was unable to speak.

Damn that heartless harlot! Damn her to whatever foul pit in Tartarus Wright calls home! Now not only am I going to have to endure playing with Klavier, I have to awkwardly stand behind this cold shell of a woman until she gets to the counter. The miracle never happen- er, happened. What is wrong with my grammar…? And what's taking that man up front so long? And why does he look like Nosferatu…? Kristoph mused to himself as he stuck his head out to the side to view Manfred impatiently waiting at the front of the line as Cammy returned to the counter with a box of wide Band-Aids- the kind used for larger scrapes and cuts that are more reminiscent of a notecard than a bandage.

"No." Manfred venomously stated before throwing the box at the busty cashier's head. "Try again."

"What do you mean? I got what you wanted." Cammy drowsily responded with her head cocked to the side in confusion, completely oblivious to the fact that the older customer just pelted her with a box.

"I wanted pads, not Band-Aids! In what world is a Band-Aid a pad?" The veteran prosecutor huffed with crossed arms.

"Well, the big ones kinda look like pads, and you put them on anything below the torso- knees, legs, whatever- and they stop bleeding. So it's all good, right sir?" Cammy said with heavy eyes and a big grin that made her look sedated.

"I was referring to a more… intimate… area." Manfred awkwardly stated, still embarrassed about the whole ordeal, but slowly becoming blunter with each idiotic move on the cashier's part.

"Oh, oh, I got ya… I got ya… Why didn't you say so sooner?" Cammy jovially replied in that sleepy voice of hers as if such a delicate matter was a frequent topic of conversation to her.

"Because I've never had to deal with this kind of issue with my daughter before. And it doesn't make it any easier when you keep bringing out unrelated items." Manfred calmly stated with crossed arms, squeezing his bicep to help vent any excess rage.

"Alright, sir. I'll be back with what you need in just a minute." The busty cashier said as she once again sauntered away from the counter and into one of the store's many aisles.

Who knew that Nosferatu had such difficulties with shopping...? Kristoph pondered as he watched the scene before him with a look of bewilderment. Hopefully Klavier will be faster, for both our sakes…


"Alright, we got it done!" Ema proudly chirped as she finished filling out the last blank on the current page of her Mad Lib book. Wanna read it?" The young aspiring scientist asked as she extended the book to Franziska, whose response was to grip her head and turn her back towards the annoying girl with a groan. "Alright, I'll just lead it out loud… 'Jimmy was running down the street when he saw a… fool. The fool… Ema Skye… was... being foolish… which made Jimmy… furious. Jimmy responded by grabbing a… hammer… and… throwing it… hard… at Ema Skye, making her… cry. Ema Skye proceeded to… bleed until Jimmy gave her a… bomb… and she… died.' That was a bit dark, don't you think?" Ema said with a concerned look.

"I think you should go away." Franziska growled.

"I disagree. Nothing is dark when you brighten up the room with that lovely voice of yours…" A young male voice said in an annoyingly suave manner from a distance.

"You…!" Ema hissed, glaring daggers at Klavier as he approached her with a grin on his face and a Slurpee in his hand.

"I'm surprised that you remembered me. But then again, my mom's always telling me that I'm so handsome and talented that I hold a special place in everyone's heart." The young Casanova smirked as he took a sip from his Slurpee.

"Yeah, like a blood clot." Ema stated with crossed arms and a pouty face.

"Aw, if there's one thing I hate more than bath time it's seeing a beautiful lady upset. So how about you turn that frown upside-down with a sip of my Slurpee?" Klavier asked, extending the frosted beverage to the grumpy girl with a shake of his wrist.

"No!" Ema huffed, raising her nose in derision at the blond boy's gesture.

"Are you sure? It's cherry…" Klavier said with an enticing tone, a repeat of his juice box offer from earlier, but this time earning a much worse ending.

"I. Said. NO!" Ema screamed, punching the young boy as hard as she could in the gut, causing him to fall to his knees crying as he dropped his Slurpee which spilled out all over the floor in an icy red puddle.

"What did you do that for?!" Klavier sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks as he gripped his wounded stomach.

"That's for knocking down my sandcastle earlier, you big meanie!" Ema angrily stated with her hands on her hips.

"Seriously?! That was like, a bajillion hours ago! Why are you getting so upset about something that happened so long ago?"

"The bubonic plague happened long ago, but that doesn't mean that I like it! The same can be said for you!"

As Ema lorded over the little Casanova, Kristoph, having grown tired of waiting, angrily stormed over to his younger brother.

"Klavier, I told you no… Why are you on the ground crying?" The periwinkle-cladded adolescent asked with a look of concern as he bent down to help his younger brother up.

"I… I was trying to be nice, and… and attract that girl who rejected me at the beach…!" Klavier sniffled as he pointed at Ema, who still looked embittered. "But… But she was mean to me and hit me really, really hard in the tummy and made me drop my Slurpee!" The young boy wheezed as he gestured to the mess on the ground before him that used to be his snack. "Beat her up, Khris! Beat her good!" Klavier yelled, pushing his older brother towards the girl who had wrong him so horribly.

"Klavier, as much as I'd love to fight for your honor, despite what happened at beach, we don't have time for such trivialities. We have to leave now." Kristoph coolly stated, trying his best to hide the slight apprehension forming in his voice as he grabbed his younger brother's arm and started walking towards the store's exit.

"What do you mean? We've only been here for, like, a minute!" Klavier pouted.

"Yes, but the checkout line is at a complete standstill because the strange old man at the front refuses to be direct with what he wants and the cashier has more air in her head than a hot air balloon. To stand in that line would essentially make us sitting ducks. That's why we need to cut our loses and get back to the condo before-"

"HELP! HELP! MY BABIES ARE MISSING! HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BABIES!? THEY DISAPEARED WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! THEY HAVE THE FACES OF ANGELS AND CUTE, LITTLE BUBBLE TUSHIES!" A crazed woman yelled from outside the store.

"No…" Kristoph muttered under his breath as he brushed a few stray hairs out of his face. "We're too late…"

Suddenly, a woman rushed into the store with saucer-sized eyes filled with worry as she squeezed the life out of the handle of her small auburn purse. In terms of appearance, she was a dead ringer to Kristoph, sharing the same height, eyes, and body type- though in regards to her frame, she was a little less bulky. But at the same time, her appearance was distinct enough from the elder Gavin brother to set them apart. For unlike Kristoph, whose face was more chiseled, hers was a bit more rounded. This, in conjunction with her circular pink-rimmed glasses, gave her a more feminine look. And while the two of them shared long, blond hair, they wore it completely different. For while Kristoph had his styled in a clear, crisp drill-shape, the woman let her silky blonde locks flow down her back and shoulders in smooth waves. As for her attire, this woman and Kristoph's were polar opposites- his periwinkle suit, an outfit that he liked to wear to display a form of class, greatly contrasted the casual look of her mint-green blouse and crisp blue jeans.

"Has anyone here seen my babies?!" The woman asked in a panicked tone, frantically scanning the area. "They're two boys named- KRISTOPH! KLAVIER!" She shrieked when she spotted the Gavin brothers before rushing them like a linebacker and squeezing them in the hug of a lifetime. "OH, MY BABIIIIES…!" The woman wailed as tears of joy and relief streamed down her cheeks.

"Mother, please don't... Not in public" Kristoph pleaded, trying to wriggle free from his mom, which only made her squeeze him and his brother even tighter.

"I can't help it, Khrissy! I was just so worried about you and Klavier! I went to give you both your midnight forehead kisses, only to find that both of your beds were empty! Don't you EVER scare your poor mama like that ever again!" The distraught woman sternly hissed to her older son before releasing her grip on the two boys.

"Trust me, Mother, you don't have to worry about that. I didn't even want to come here."

"Yet here you are, standing in the middle of a Buyer's Discount Select Medicines!" The irate mother objected gesturing to the store as a whole. "Why did you come here? Are you selling drugs? Are you trying to start a gang? Did that hooligan Phoenix Wright put you up to it?!" Mama Gavin snarled as her left eye started twitching.

"Mother, I-" Kristoph tried to talk, only to be interrupted by his mom.

"From the moment that Phoenix boy took your pudding cup, I knew he was trouble! I knew it! I marched straight to that school and demanded that little brat be put in his place, but would Principle Leegents listen to me? Nooo! He said I was overreacting! Was I overreacting, Principle Ned Leegents? Was I?! Because now Phoenix Wright is forcing my angel of a son to perform drug runs! And if that wasn't bad enough, that spiky-haired hell spawn felt it was necessary to put both my babies in harm's way!"

"Mother…" Kristoph angrily sighed as his irate mom, who was now visibly red in the face, continued her tirade.

"But how do you expect a boy to turn out when his mother is a trashy, lowbrow, slack jawed, miserable excuse for a woman like Gerana Wright!? She thinks that she's so high and mighty just because she keeps getting elected as PTA president every year! But does she stop to thank me, the vice president, for all that I do? For all the times that I've had to step up and clean up her messes because she procrastinates until the last second?! No! No, she doesn't! She acts like she's the greatest thing since sliced bread, giggling and sipping coffee with Anita Butz while bragging about how her braindead child got a C in Algebra! It makes me sick!"

"Mother, can I please talk now?" Kristoph growled, finally reaching the end of his rope.

"What is it, my little petunia?" The woman sweetly asked, her attitude taking a 180-degree turn, prompting the periwinkle-cladded adolescent to slightly shudder at his mother's public use of her pet name for him in public… as if his dignity could take any more of a beating.

"We only walked here from the hotel because Klavier wouldn't stop poking me and blowing in my ear until I agreed to buy him a snack. If you're to be angry at anyone, it should be him." Kristoph stated as he glared at his younger brother.

"Is this true, Klavier?" Mama Gavin sternly asked with her hands on her hips.

"No, Mommy. I'm a good boy." The little boy innocently replied, flashing his mom his most convincing puppy dog eyes.

"Klavier…" The woman said as she narrowed her stare at her younger son.

"Yes, Mommy…" Klavier groaned, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I can't believe this! Your father and I tell you both over and over again about the dangers of going out at night, and yet you refused to heed our warnings! You boys should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"Yes, Mom." The Gavin brothers said in unison.

"Do you think your father and I tell you these things because we like it? No! We do it because this world is filled with all kinds of sickos who come out at night and would love nothing more than to hurt two beautiful angels like you! Look at that creepy vampire man at the front of the line! He could have tried to molest you!" The distraught mother yelled, gesturing to Manfred, prompting the veteran prosecutor to very briefly cast the Gavin family a scowl before returning his attention to the counter.

"Yes, Mom." The Gavin brothers said once more.

"Good. Now I hope that you enjoyed your snack, Klavier, because neither of you boys are getting desserts for a month."

"But, Mommy! I didn't get to eat my snack!" Klavier whined.

"What do you mean, Klavier?" Mama Gavin asked with a confused look on her face, knowing how quick an eater her younger son was when it came to sweets.

"My Slurpee spilled all over the floor." The young boy whimpered, pointing to the sloshy red mess behind him.

"Well, you should have been more careful, sweetie." The woman softly told her younger son as she stroked his hair.

"But I was careful!" Klavier pouted with a stomp of his foot. "But I dropped it when I was punched really hard in the tummy by a mean girl!"

"What?" The mother gasped. "When did this happen?"

"Just now by HER!" Klavier yelled, pointing his finger back at Ema, who was too busy trying to do more Mad Libs with Franziska to take notice of the Gavin family's discussion.

"Well, don't you worry, coochie bear. She's going to wish she hadn't laid a finger on you after I pootie tang her!" Mama Gavin huffed before storming over to Ema with a crazed look in her eyes.

After being tapped on the shoulder, Ema stood up and faced the blonde lady who was glaring daggers at her.

"Is something wrong, ma'am?" The young aspiring scientist asked with a mixed look of worry and confusion.

"Don't play dumb with me, young lady. I wasn't born yesterday!"

"What… What are you talking about? I didn't do anything" Ema whimpered, obviously startled by this weird lady coming out of nowhere and yelling at her.

"Oh, so you didn't punch my darling Klavier in his little stomach?" Mama Gavin sternly asked, gesturing to her younger son, who responded with a wave and a grin.

"I only punched him because he knocked down my sandcastle earlier today at the beach!" Ema objected with a pouty face and her hands on her hips.

"I'll talk to Klavier about this later, but that does not warrant you beating up my baby boy! He is delicate like a flower and should be treated as such! Now apologize to him!" Mama Gavin yelled, sternly pointing at her younger son.

"No!" Ema objected with crossed arms and a stubborn look in her eye.

"No?!" The older woman repeated with a mixed tone of anger and disbelief. "NO?! Don't be flippant with me, young lady!"

"I'm not being flippant!" Ema retorted. "I had every right to punch that big jerk! Not only did he knock down my sandcastle, but he wouldn't stop trying to flirt with me no matter how many times I told him to stop!"

"Klavier can't help it if he is sensitive and charismatic! It's one of the many traits that he gets from me that make him a sweet, darling boy! And frankly, you should feel blessed that he's like that and not like his father! If I were you, I would rather have a guy complementing me and making me feel special rather than a man whose main pickup line was 'Hey, I'm going out to dinner. Want to come?' Sure, my husband is a decent man and a good provider, but would it kill him to be a bit more sensitive? I mean, I work so hard to keep a clean house, cook him good meals, and exercise to maintain a good figure, but does he notice? No! He goes straight to his chair and watches the news! I'm lucky if I get to hear him complain that he had to spend a few dollars on parking because he couldn't find a free spot three blocks away from his law firm! I would kill for just three seconds of my husband acting like half the gentleman that Klavier is, yet here you are complaining as if my sweet, little coochie bear is some kind of monster!"

"Alright, Alright! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just stop yelling at me!" Ema screeched, taking a step back to distance herself from the deranged woman. "I only did it because my sister Lana told me that's what you do to creepy guys!"

"Oh, really? Where is your sister? Because I am not going to stand by and let some impudent girl cause grief among mothers nationwide by hurting their sons for her own sick kicks!"

"Over… Over there." Ema whimpered, trying her best to hold back the tears forming in her eyes as she pointed a shaky finger at her sister.

"Well, it's pootie tanging time!" Mama Gavin bellowed as she marched towards Lana.

"Yeah, alright Mom!" Klavier cheered, pumping his fist in pride at the sight of his mother making a scene.

"No, Klavier, not 'alright mom'." Kristoph groaned, pushing his glasses up to hide his cheeks which were red from embarrassment as his mother tapped Lana on the shoulder.

However, unlike her sister, the college student acted completely indifferent and didn't bother to turn around or even so much as give a single word of acknowledgement.

"Excuse me, young lady." The disgruntled mother irritably stated with a dirty scowl on her face.

No response.

"Young lady…" The agitated mother growled, clearly losing her last bit of patience.

Still no response.

"Can't you see that I am trying to talk to you?!" Mama Gavin roared as she grabbed Lana by the arm and forcefully turned the college student to face her.

"Who… Who are you?" Lana asked with a tone of shock and unease, obviously perturbed at the fact the she was being accosted by some loony woman in a pharmacy at midnight.

"I'm Kharmen Gavin- PTA vice president, homemaker, and mother. And because of you, my baby was hurt!" The enraged mother snapped as she gestured over to her sons.

"Oh my god…" Lana said with saucer-sized eyes and her mouth hanging open as she looked at the Gavin boys before looking back at their mother and again at the boys. "You actually told on me to your mom because I wouldn't date you?" The brunette girl asked in utter disbelief.

"Yes, because this is the face of a man who wants his mother intimately involved with his love life." Kristoph wryly retorted, still hiding his face out of shame. Dear God, it's homecoming all over again…

"Right…" Lana sneered with a roll of her eyes. "It's people like you that show just why participation awards are a bad idea and why you shouldn't hug your child too much."

"I'll have you know that all the awards that I have won from various competitions- debates, spelling bees, and Scrabble tournaments- were won by skill. The periwinkle-cladded adolescent growled.

"That's right! And for those few that weren't received because of my baby's big, brilliant brain were won after I gave those judges what for! And what do you mean you won't date Kristoph?! He's smart, he's polite, he has a good sense of humor, and he is so in touch with his feelings that he is not afraid to admit his love of Shirley Temple movies! Those are just four reasons why any girl would be lucky to date my son! FOUR!" Kharmen angrily proclaimed, holding up four fingers to emphasize her point. "And don't even get me started on his cute, little tushie! It's like two perfect little gumballs! What girl in her right mind wouldn't want to take a bite outta that tushie? Hubba bubba!"

Ok, NOW it's homecoming all over again! Kristoph internally yelled, pressing his hands against his eyes and mouth as he let out a muffled scream of embarrassment. Sure, his glasses were digging into his face, but that was the least of the periwinkle-cladded adolescent's issues.

"One that had the misfortune to be hit on earlier today at the boardwalk when he played It's Raining Men on a boombox and started doing squats despite my friend and my protests." Lana objected.

"So you're the one who beat my Khrissy-wissy with his new boombox?" Kharmen growled, glowering at the college student with crossed arms. "I had to hear his father complaining about the $20 wasted on it all night because of you?!"

"No, that was some weird purple-haired girl named Ariane or Flora or something like that- I wasn't really paying attention to that. But thank God she stepped in when she did and gave us a chance to get out of there, because I don't know how much more squatting I could take. I mean, the kid was really getting into it- like he was trying to drill for oil or churning butter! And don't even get me started on the creepy grin he had on his face while doing it…" Lana said with a shudder.

"Kristoph can't help it if he's a passionate man! That's one of the many wonderful things he got from me- along with good hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a lovable, easygoing disposition. In fact, my baby is so thoughtful that he wasn't squatting, but rather practicing his lovemaking so he can make me beautiful grandbabies! Plus, he's a smart boy, a genius even! He skipped the third grade, you know?" Kharmen boasted with a smug grin. "You told her about you skipping the third grade, right honey?" The proud mother sweetly asked as she turned to face her eldest son, who was still hiding his face.

"Yes, mother! I did!" Kristoph huffed in exasperation, embarrassed to the brink of tears after his mom's lovemaking comment.

"Don't get snippy, Khristoph. I'm only trying to help." Kharmen innocently responded before turning back around to face Lana, who looked utterly beside herself.

If by 'help' you mean helping to make today even worse for me, then good job, Mother. Mission accomplished! The periwinkle adolescent internally fumed as he could only stand by and watch his mom embarrass him even more with each passing second. And to make matters worse, Klavier was pumping his fists with a big, goofy grin on his face as if he was watching a sports game!

"So, what time can Khristoph and I pick you up for the date?" Kharmen sweetly asked with a warm grin.

"For the last time, I don't want to date your son!" Lana angrily protested.

"Oh, so you think you're better than my son? MY Kristoph!?" Kharmen snarled.

"YES!" Lana screeched at the top of her lungs, her face becoming noticeably red. "Yes, I do!"

"Nonsense, no girl is too good for my Khristoph." The disgruntled mother responded in a cold, certain tone.

"Have you ever looked at your son? He wears a purple suit-

"Periwinkle!" Kristoph angrily chimed in. "My suit is periwinkle!"

"As I was saying…" Lana growled, quickly flashing Kristoph a death glare. "Your son wears a purple suit, has an irritating, grating personality and doesn't know the meaning of the word 'no', has hands that are more feminine than mine, and don't even get me started on his hair…" The college student stated with disdain, gesturing to the Kristoph. "What is that style supposed to be? Some sort of drill head, or pick? Because if it's the latter, I hope he trips and gives himself a lobotomy with it!"

"Oh, you did not just insult my baby's hair! Because my baby has beautiful hair- the most gorgeous hair you could ever hope to set your eyes upon! And why wouldn't he? After all, I personally style it every morning." Kharmen boasted with a smug grin.

"Oh my god!" Lana burst into laughter. "And here I thought that your pisshead son couldn't get any more pathetic! Hahaha!"

"Well…!" Kharmen huffed in derision with her hands on her hips. "If it's 'pathetic'- and I use the term so very, very loosely- for a mother to make sure that her son looks spiffy, then I don't want to wonderful! If you can't appreciate the wholesome, heartwarming bond between a mother and her son, then you really aren't good enough for my baby…!"

"Glad to hear!" Lana jovially said with a warm smile.

"Which is why you will be going on a date with my Khrissy-wissy, even if it's the last thing I do."

"What!?" The college student shrieked, reeling back in shock.

"You heard me."

"That makes absolutely no sense! If you don't think I'm good enough for your son, why would you continue to insist that I date him?"

"You poor girl…" Kharmen smirked with a shake of her head. "I'm not having you date my baby because I like you, but to show you what you will never get to have. Because once you have dinner with Kristoph, you will never find happiness with another man. You'll try, going on date after date with man after man, but no matter how handsome they are, or how much money they have, they will all look like sniveling little boys when compared to my son. And as the years go on, your looks shall fade and your body will wither and become barren, sealing your fate to a life of loneliness, with your only company being the sweet memories of the low-sodium, high-fiber dinner you had with my son and your bitter tears."

"You're insane!" Lana yelled with saucer-sized eyes.

"Am I? Am I!?" The deranged mother growled, leaning forward as her left eye started to twitch.

"Yes, considering that I'm 21 and your son is barely old enough to see PG-13 films! Seriously, this is the kind of stuff that episodes of To Catch a Predator is made of!"

"Kristoph's father is 44 and I'm 32. Age is only a number. See you next Tuesday, Lana." Kharmen venomously stated as she made her way out of the line.

"That is if you can find where I live." Lana replied with a smug grin and crossed arms, prompting the irate mother to turn around and flash her an eerily calm, yet cold, look.

"I know what you look like, I know your name, and I have a surprising amount of free time. It's not a matter of if I'll find you, but rather a matter of when. Come boys, we're going back to the condo." Kharmen said with a wave of her hand as she walked towards the store's exit with her two sons following closely behind her.

"Well Klavier, looks like I won our little bet." Kristoph smirked.

"Nu-uh!" The young boy pouted. "You didn't ask her out, mom did! Plus, it's like a bazillion minutes after midnight!"

"Klavier, Klavier, Klavier…" Kristoph chuckled as he pat his younger brother's shoulder. "This is our mother we're talking about. We only date if she says we're allowed to date."

"I guess you're right…" Klavier groaned.

However, the young blond boy's moment of self-pity was cut short when he heard a familiar masculine scream filled with anger, prompting him to stop in his tracks and turn to face the counter, where Manfred was glaring daggers at Cammy while squeezing the life out of a roll of toilet paper.

"I swear, you are the second most idiotic person I have ever met! Are those large breasts that you're so shamelessly flaunting cutting off circulation to your brain?!" The veteran prosecutor roared as he pounded his fist on the counter.

"S-Sir, please calm down." Cammy nervously stuttered with a terrified look in her eyes as she held up a little teddy bear that she kept behind the counter like a makeshift shield after quickly buttoning up her top, realizing that her plan to have a little malicious fun was backfiring big time.

"Calm down!? How am I supposed to be calm when my daughter is having her first period and I have no idea what to do!? That's right! My daughter is menstruating! I didn't wish to be so blunt, but you have left me no choice! So either get me some menstrual pads, or so help me Santa, I will sue this store for everything it's worth 12 times over!" Manfred bellowed at the top of his lungs before snapping his fingers, creating a burst of air that knocked the teddy bear out of the busty cashier's hands and pushed her back a bit.

"Y-Yes, sir!" Cammy timidly replied before rushing out of the counter once again and into the aisles.

"Well, it looks like I'm finally getting somewhere." Manfred smirked. "Maybe I can get through the rest of the night without-"

"There he is, Mommy!" Klavier yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the veteran prosecutor. "There's the mean man I was telling you about that tried to beat me up at the beach!"

"Oh, it's pootie tanging time!" Kharmen bellowed, storming over to Manfred with clenched fists and a death glare before forcefully jabbing his arm with stiff fingers. "Excuse me, sir."

"What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy?" The veteran prosecutor curtly asked.

"Yes, and this will only take a minute. You see, earlier today, my son, Klavier," The protective mother gestured to her younger son, "was playing on the beach when he was attacked by an elderly man with a cane that he insists is you. Is this true?"

"What evidence do you have to support this accusation?"

"The word of my son is all the evidence I need." Kharmen proudly retorted.

"Well in that case, you're building your case on lies." Manfred sneered.

"What?" Kharmen hissed in outrage.

"You stated that your son's attacker was 'an elderly man with a cane'. If that statement is true, then wouldn't I be walking with a cane? So, care to explain this little inconsistency?"

"You could have just left it at home."

Manfred shook his head with a smirk on his face and a finger waggle. "If only life was so convenient… If I needed a cane- which I don't because I am the panicle of perfection- how would I have the luxury to just 'leave it at home'?"

"Well, umm… Ehh… I-I-I, uh, think…" Kharmen stuttered, completely caught off-guard by the situation. Sure, she was used to getting into very heated discussions with others, but the passionate mother wasn't used to them actually stopping the momentum of her argument with cold, hard logic.

"Objection! I think the more obvious and likely answer is that your son is attempting to deceive you. Go on boy, confess to your crimes!" Manfred roared with a snap of his fingers, prompting Klavier to hide behind his mother's leg.

"But Mommy, I'm telling the truth! That man threw his cane at me and tried to beat me up! Honest!"

"Even now, the boy continues sowing the seed of deceit! Are you going to leave this misdeed unpunished?"

"No, I won't…" Kharmen coldly growled, pushing up her glasses.

"Good." Manfred smirked. "Now, show- Uuaaaaaaaargh! Not again!" The 'perfect' prosecutor screamed in pain as the enraged mother took out a bottle of mace from her purse and sprayed him right in the face, rubbing his eyes before she literally pushed him out of the line and onto his back.

"Thanks, Mommy!" Klavier chirped, hugging his mom's leg as she pat him on the head.

"Don't mention it, coochie bear. It's what good mothers do." Kharmen sweetly replied before blowing on her bottle of mace, like a victorious cowboy in western film would do with his gun, before returning it to her purse. "Now let's actually get back to the condo and get some shuteye."

As the Gavin family left the store, Cammy rushed back to the counter with a box of menstrual pads.

"I got them! I got the pads for you, sir!" The young cashier huffed, struggling to catch her breath. "Sir? Sir…?" Cammy asked as she scanned the area, confused as to where her aggravated customer had run off to.

"Down here." Manfred groaned, rubbing his eyes as he slowly picked himself up off of the ground.

"Well, I got you the pads that you wanted, so… Here you go." Cammy said as she handed the veteran prosecutor the accursed product that had probably taken an additional ten years off his life.

"Thank you!" Manfred proclaimed in exasperation. "Now, how much will this be costing me?"

"Hold it, von Karma!" Byrne objected as he stepped up to the counter with Kay. "You've got to go to the back of the line."

"What are you talking about, Faraday? I was at the front of the line until that deranged woman assaulted me."

"Well, if you valued your spot so dearly, you shouldn't have been so quick to leave it." Byrne snidely retorted.

"Yeah!" Kay angrily chimed in.

"Don't you use my own words against me, Faraday, and give me back my spot!" Manfred snarled with a snap of his fingers.

"Tell you what, von Karma: since I'm a nice guy, I'll give you your spot back…"

"As you should."

"After I'm done paying for my purchases, that is." The scarf-wearing prosecutor said as he put the bottle of amoxicillin on the counter. "Yes, I would like to pay for my daughter's medicine and..." Byrne grabbed the Dracula costume out of his daughter's hands and placed it next to the amoxicillin. "a Dracula costume."

"Yay! Thank you, Daddy!" Kay squealed with a toothy grin.

"Yes, but the cost is coming out of your allowance." Byrne stated, instantly extinguishing all joy in his daughter's face.

"Alright. That'll be… $28.52. Will you be using cash or credit?" Cammy asked with a hint of nervousness in her voice due to the fact that the creepy Dracula man was glaring daggers at her and looked like he could attack at any moment.

"Credit." Byrne stated as he took his credit card out of his pocket and handed it to the young cashier.

"Okeydokey." Cammy stated as she swiped the prosecutor's credit card in the machine before putting his receipt and purchases in a plastic bag. "Have a good night." The adolescent girl stated as she handed the scarf-wearing prosecutor his bag.

"Oh, trust me, I will… See you tomorrow, von Karma." Byrne sneered at Manfred, waving to the veteran prosecutor as he and Kay left the store.

"Same… only I wish to see you wedged in the grill of a car." Manfred venomously stated as he tried to step up to the counter, only to be pushed aside by Lana. "What are you doing, girl? I'm next."

"Not if you aren't in line." Lana irritably stated as she put her energy drinks on the counter.

"Do you know who I am, girl?" Manfred growled.

"Sir, I am a junior in college during finals. You could be Death for all I care, but that or anything won't make me move from this spot."

Manfred tried to disprove that statement by pushing Lana back with a mighty snap of his fingers, as he had done to Byrne and Cammy, but sure enough, no matter how many times he tried, he couldn't push her back as she paid for her items.

Thankfully, given her current state and what she went through that night, Lana was in no mood to stick around, so as soon as she paid for her energy drinks, she grabbed them and immediately walked towards the exit.

"Come on, Ema. We're leaving." Lana called out to her sister, who was busy trying to get Franziska to do more Mad Libs with her.

"Aw! But we were having so much fun!" Ema pouted.

"Foolishly speak for yourself!" Franziska snarled.

"Don't fight with me, Ema." Lana sighed in exasperation, rubbing her eyes with her left thumb and index finger in an attempt to calm herself. "I may be dead on the inside from all the studying I had to do today, but I've got enough energy to take away your chemistry set if you keep us here any longer.

"Fine…" Ema groaned as she walked over to her sister before the two girls proceeded to leave the store.

Back at the checkout counter, Manfred slammed the box of menstrual pads on the counter. "Ring it up. Here is my money." The veteran prosecutor curtly stated as he took a $20 bill out of his pocket and placed it on the counter, which Cammy quickly picked up and placed in the register.

"Alright, is there anything else you need, sir?" Cammy timidly asked as she handed the 'perfect' prosecutor his change, trying her best to stay awake until the disgruntled vampire man left the store.

Looking over at Franziska, Manfred was greeted to the sight of her glowering at him with a ferocity that he had never seen before… a ferocity that basically meant that if he didn't get his youngest daughter a snack, despite Gilberta's warnings, he would be subjected to pain and misery that was not worth it after all he had to deal with in this Santaforsaken pharmacy alone.

"Give me a few bags of chips." Manfred sighed as he slid $5 worth of change towards Cammy, who put it in the register before going into one of the aisles and returning with a several bags of chips.

After putting the chips in a plastic bag with the box of menstrual pads, Cammy handed it over to Manfred who wasted no time in leaving the line, pulling Franziska up off of her bench by her arm, and leaving the store.


Fortunately for Manfred, things were starting to get better: the cab ride back to the beach house was perfectly quiet thanks to him threatening to throw Palaeno out of the vehicle; Franziska's disposition drastically improved after devouring her chips- bringing Gilberta's reliability into suspicion- and she went to sleep with no issue; and to make things better, Ty Stirr, the shady carney who caused so much trouble, came by early the next morning to move into his new beach house. This last part was especially good due to the fact that blood stain from the previous night could be pinned on Stirr, making it where at least some of Blaise's anger could be transferred away from the veteran prosecutor and onto the carney.

So even though Stirr was wearing his suit coat and walking with his cane, Manfred shook the man's hand with a grin as he, Edgeworth, and Franziska left the beach house with their suitcases, much to the maroon-cladded adolescent's confusion.

"Uh, Mr. von Karma, why… why is that carny wearing your suit and walking with your cane?" Edgeworth asked, pointing back at Stirr who was walking into the beach house.

"He saw me last night and was so moved by my perfection that he desired to emulate it. Is that so wrong?"

"No, but why did he think that Chief Prosecutor Debeste's beach house was his? And why did you let him go inside? And why-" Edgeworth was cut off by his adoptive sister lashing his arm with her riding crop.

"Miles Edgeworth, stop wasting our time with such foolishly foolish questions! If Papa does something, then there is a perfect reason behind it. Right, Papa?" Franziska smirked, looking up at her father for a sign of approval, which he gave in the form of a nod.

"Correct, Franziska. Now, because we have no car, I 've had to call a cab."

"A cab?" Edgeworth asked, cocking his head in confusion. "Why couldn't you just call our limo driver to pick us up?

"Yeah, Papa! I don't want to deal with the foolish Cohdopian man who kept foolishly singing America, Fudge Yeah!" Franziska pouted, earning her a strange look from her 'little' brother.

"Trust me, I don't want to do this as much as you both, but I told the staff that I was prosecuting a trial in Albuquerque and I intend to keep it that way." Manfred sternly stated with crossed arms. "If any of them find out that we spent the day at a beach house, it'll open the floodgates for them to start asking for vacations and sick days. But as for our driver, the chances of us getting the same person twice in a row is a million-to-one. We'd be more likely to be struck by lightning."

But unfortunately for the veteran prosecutor, his short burst of good luck had finally run out, because standing right next to the cab parked at the end of the beach house's driveway, smiling and with clasped hands, was Palaeno.

"Oh my gosh, it you again! Hi, Mr. Mozart-man!" The blond cabby excited stated, vigorously waving his hand like someone trapped on a deserted island trying to flag down a ship.

"Mr. von Karma, do you know this man?" Edgeworth asked.

"Unfortunately…" Manfred groaned. Now where's that lightning?

"And it looks like you brought one of the Village People with you!" Palaeno squealed. "Hey, can you sing YMCA for me?"

"Um, sir. I don't know what would give you that idea, but I am not a part of any band." Edgeworth responded with a confused look.

"Oh, you're not? Because I could have sworn you were, since you're wearing such a strange looking outfit and you give off that vibe of being…" Palaeno awkwardly said, looking down at the ground while rubbing his hands together like a praying mantis. "how Americans put it, 'out of the closet'."

"You think I'm GAY!?" Edgeworth shrieked, reeling back in horror as Franziska burst out into a fit of laughter.

"Hahaha! Twice in 24 hours! Is… Is there something you're not telling us, Miles Edgeworth?" Franziska sneered, pointing her riding crop at her 'little' brother as she continued laughing, much to his chagrin.

"I will have you know, sir, that I have never once fancied men in my life, and I have no idea what would make you think otherwise." Edgeworth scolded, shooting the cabby a cold glare.

"I didn't mean to offend you, sir!" Palaeno jovially expressed with a grin and his hands held up. "I just figured that since you're wearing pink-"

"AAAAAAAARGH!" Edgeworth screamed at the top of his lungs with his clenched fists held high in the air. "MY! SUIT! IS! MAROOOOOOOOON! MAROOOOOOOOON! MARO-" The maroon-cladded adolescent was cut off by his adoptive sister lashing him with her riding crop.

"Miles Edgeworth, stop screaming like a fool! You're going to give me a headache!"

"You'd don't understand, Franziska. Why is it so hard for people to see the difference between maroon and pink?! Do people do this because they're too moronic to grasp basic color comparison, or does the universe feel the need to torture me every chance it gets?"

"Trust me, Miles, it's the latter. Now get in the car. We don't have time to waste standing around talking about such pointless trivialities." Manfred sternly stated.

"Yes, Mr. von Karma…" Edgeworth sighed as he and Franziska put their suitcases in the trunk before getting into the back of the cab, followed by Manfred doing the same with his suitcase before sitting in the front passenger's seat.

"Ok, so where to?" Palaeno jovially asked as he sat down behind the wheel.

"Hope Springs Airport." Manfred curtly stated with crossed arms. "And be quick- my children have flights in about an hour."

"In that case, away we goooooooo!" Palaeno excitedly bellowed as he slammed his foot on the gas pedal and sped away from the beach house.


For the first few minutes, this trip appeared to be identical to the one back from the pharmacy with Palaeno not saying a word. But right when Manfred was just starting to think that this 'vacation' of anguish and misery was finally over, that he had suffered all the pain he could possibly suffer, the blond cabby decided to open his mouth.

"During our last trip, I couldn't help but feel that you were angry about something." Palaeno morosely stated.

"Really?" Manfred wryly asked with crossed arms as he squeezed his right bicep.

"Yes, and I think I know why, and I am so sorry."

"Forget about it."

"Thank you for your kindness, Mr. Mozart-man, but it was inexcusable what I did."

"No, really, forget about it. I just want to move past the awful day that was yesterday."

"I will not 'forget about it', sir! When Colias Palaeno does something wrong, he makes things right!" The blond cabby proclaimed as he slammed his hand on the dashboard.

"What are you talking about?" Manfred responded with a confused look. "You may have been annoying, but you didn't wrong me."

"Don't try to make me feel better, Mr. Mozart-man. When we first met, I was so excited to show my love for this country, that I had completely neglected to talk about my home nation of Cohdopia, making you feel hurt that I couldn't express my pride in my country around you."

"Trust me, that couldn't be farther from the truth. If you want to see me happy, then just focus more on driving and less on talking."

"You don't have to hide the hurt any longer, sir, because I am going to compensate you tenfold!" Palaeno proudly stated before turning on the car's CD player, prompting a proud orchestral song to start playing through the speakers, and singing the proud anthem of the Cohdopian people in time to the instruments.

Cohdopia is the greatest nation.

All other nations are run by cowardly men.

Cohdopia's number one exporter of whitcrystal oil.

No other country exports whitcrystal oil.

Cohdopia's home of the Primidux Statue,

It's gold and has a look of regality.

Many say that it's a rip-off of The Thinker,

But that jerk Rodin stole it from us.

Cohdopia, Cohdopia, you're a wonderful place,

From the Oreamnos Mountains to the forests of Cervidae.

Cohdopia likes all countries, but not Borginia,

They're mean, smelly, people that want to steal your money.

Cohdopia has the best industry of all,

We make things really fast and cheap.

We do this by banning all the filthy, scheming Borginian unions,

Employees work all night for 3 euros an hour.

Cohdopia, Cohdopia, you're a wonderful place,

From the Oreamnos Mountains to the forests of Cervidae.

Come and kiss the mighty pinky of King Danaus,

Or he will hit you many times with his big scepter!

"So, what do you think? Pretty awe-inspiring, isn't it?" Palaeno proudly asked.

"It's… something." Edgeworth said, not exactly sure what to think.

"I thought you said that you felt that every country was so fascinating and pleasant. What makes Borginia different?" Manfred smirked, savoring the irony of the situation.

"I said that about every country I stayed in." Palaeno jovially corrected the veteran. "And no Cohdopian would ever even so much as step foot in the cesspool known as Borginia. Want to know why?"

"No. Forget I even said anything." Manfred hurriedly stated, regretting even opening his mouth in the first place and cursing his constant need for superiority.

"Speak for yourself, Mr. von Karma. For I, on the other hand, am quite curious." Edgeworth stated, earning a glare from his mentor.

"Well, if you insist, young man… It all began in the year 1770 when King Battus Polydamas Antiquus, a king whose might and wit was matched only by his devotion to his people, took a stand against the Borginian merchants who were slowly destroying our fine nation away from the inside with relentless price gouging. Thus, under his guidance, the Knights of Cohdopia were formed and were sent out to…"


For the next 30 minutes, Palaeno went on to speak of the exploits of the Knights of Cohdopia, which included, but not limited to, expelling all Borginian merchants from the capital city, burning down all Borginian shops, and stealing candy from each and every Borginian baby- and if a Borginian baby didn't have any candy, they would be given a piece just so it could be immediately stolen back. Though Manfred couldn't care less about these details as the upbeat cabby went on and on about his country's history. Sure, the veteran prosecutor tried to stop the story by changing the topic of discussion on several occasion, but each and every time he was foiled by Edgeworth, who oddly enough seemed interested in such pointless drivel. Though knowing the boy's family history, this 'interest' was probably a product of the same gene that compelled his father to make life harder for perfect prosecutors.

But at least Manfred wasn't alone in his feelings of disdain, for Franziska made her contempt for this foolish history lesson obvious, glaring daggers at her 'little' brother and lashing his leg with her riding crop whenever he appeared to be intrigued by the story.

"…The Borginians thought they had won when they assassinated King Battus with the atroquinine made from their evil cocoons, but little did they realize that this act of treachery only fueled our hatred against them. And so, by 1771, we had succeeded in driving each and every Borginian back into the dark, soulless swamp that is their motherland. And would you look at that, we're already here." Palaeno noted as he pulled into the airport, stopping right at the front entrance. "Good thing I decided to tell you the short version!"

Since when is a half-hour of anything the 'short' version? Manfred thought to himself with saucer-sized eyes.

"Thank you for the story, sir. It was quite…different." Edgeworth said, struggling to find a nice way to express his doubts regarding the validity of the tale, with a half-bow.

"Don't mention it, young man! I wish both of you a happy flight!" Palaeno chirped with a wave as the maroon-cladded adolescent and his adoptive sister exited the vehicle, claimed their respective suitcases from the trunk, and walked into the airport… but not before Franziska lashed Edgeworth's back with her riding crop, causing him to yelp in pain. "They're such wonderful kids! You must be so proud of them!"

"Yes, they're the light of my life and make every day an adventure." Manfred wryly groaned as the blond cabby drove out of the airport and back onto the highway. "Now, can you please stop talking to me? I need to regain my composure before returning to the Prosecutor's Office."

"Are you sure?" Palaeno asked with a look of disappointment. "Because I'm willing to help us pass the time by telling some cherished Cohdopian children's stories- The Butterfly and the Venus Flytrap, The Goat and the Lion, The Gardener and the Prickly Rose…"

"Trust me, I am perfectly content with silence."

"Ok, it's cool. But can I ask you a favor?"

Manfred briefly pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "What?"

"If we run into traffic, is it alright if I play some music? Traffic jams make me antsy."

"Fine. But I highly doubt there will be any traffic. I should know- I travel down this highway if I need to prosecute in an adjacent state, and never once in my long career have I encountered anything worse than some slight slowdown at this time of day. Wait, why are those cars up ahead not moving…?"


"Why am I not surprised?" Manfred snarled with crossed arms. "Everything else related to this accursed trip has gone wrong, so why should the drive back be any different?"

"It's not that bad…" Palaeno warmly said.

"'Not that bad'? Are you blind?! We've been sitting in this traffic jam for the past 5 minutes and have barely moved a single millimeter! In what world is that 'not that bad'?" Manfred retorted, gesturing to the wall of cars surrounding their vehicle.

"A world where we get to listen to the Cohdopian national anthem!" Palaeno squealed in excitement as he turned on the CD player, causing the sound of the proud orchestra to blare through the speakers once more."

"If you sing one word of that song, the next person you'll be performing it for will be King Battus." The veteran prosecutor loudly threatened, but unfortunately, the blond cabby was completely unfazed as he kept smiling his usual smile.

"Sorry, Mr. Mozart-man, no dice! You promised that I could play music, and this is the song that will be playing. So until we get out of this bit of traffic… Cohdopia is the greatest nation…!"

So for the next three hours, Manfred had to listen to Palaeno sing the Cohdopian national anthem over and over again without pause, with each successive round getting slightly more irritating than the last. Though after the first 30 or so rounds, the pain of having to listen to the song wasn't so bad… mostly because the 'perfect' prosecutor was diverting much of it into his head as he repeatedly bashed it against the dashboard.

But if Manfred knew what was in store for him when he returned to the Prosecutor's Office, he would have never wanted that traffic jam to end.