Ah, you guys! :hugs: You are amazing. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you're fabulous and you're darlings and I love you. I got straight to work on this chapter so I could have it up super quickly as a thank you, but then FFdotnet wouldn't let me log in... :C

I still don't own Naruto.


After ten minutes of running, Sasuke managed to slip unseen into a knitting shop, where he hid behind a wool display for- a good part of an hour before daring to come out, now wearing a misshapen, over-large Christmas jumper and a woolly hat ("You can't go round shirtless, dear, and besides, I'm never going to sell this, you may as well have it," the shop owner had said. The hat he'd bought, partly because he felt bad taking the jumper for nothing and partly because it would help the disguise).

Not a girl under the age of twenty in sight. He was safe.

Probably safe.

The bus stop he'd been making for earlier probably wasn't safe; he wouldn't put it past a few of the more persistent girls to lie in wait for him. He decided instead to head for the bus stop near the park:- he's have to change at the bus station but god, anything was worth it to avoid meeting up with those girls again.

It was another hour before he got home. He was greeted at the door by Itachi, tossing Naruto's phone up and then catching it again.

"Enjoy your date, Sasuke?" he asked, smirking.

Sasuke glared at him foggily, still slightly disorientated from running for his life- or at least for his remaining clothing.

"Bastard," he managed, and then stalked past him and collapsed onto the sofa, where he stayed for the rest of the night.


Fugaku frowned at the newspaper: the headline "GIRLS GONE WILD: caffeine crazed teenagers mob coffee shop" glared out in bold print from over a photograph of Bean Loved in a rather dishevelled state.

"'The culprits were rounded up by police and made to tidy up the mess they'd made. A spokesperson for the police told the Konoha Messenger that no further measures would be taken, as no lasting damage was caused, no one involved had any past problems and they are truly repentant. The cause of the fight has yet to be found, but is believed to be over a boy' … I hope neither of you boys associate with these girls," he tutted. "Your mother would never have dreamt of behaving so poorly, boy or no boy, and neither would any other respectable girl."

In the corner of the room, Mikoto paused, gave Sasuke a knowing look, and stifled a giggle.

"We don't know them, dad," said Itachi smoothly. "Do we, Sasuke?"

Sasuke shot him a murderous look. "The only girl I 'associate' with is Sakura, dad, and she wasn't there."

"Sakura... she's a nice, polite girl. Very good. I know I can trust you boys not to get yourself into this kind of unpleasant business."

Sasuke kept his gaze fixed on Itachi. He contemplated telling his father just who was responsible for yesterday's fangirl riot, but decided against it because A) it went against the spirit of their competition and B) Fugaku would never in a million years believe Itachi could ever do anything that wasn't perfect in every way.

Itachi was going to pay for this one. Convincing his family and the whole school he was gay, well, Sasuke could live with that. But bringing the fangirls into this? Oh, he'd gone too far.

The only question was... what could Sasuke do to humiliate his brother and make him admit defeat? Itachi was always, always one step ahead. Itachi was unflappable; ever dignified, ever organised, never a hair out of place.

But there had to be a way to ruffle a few of those perfect feathers. And Sasuke would find it.


"Welcome to the end of year assembly. To those of you who don't know me, I am Itachi Uchiha, head of the student council... ugh, I can't get this right."

"Maybe you should open with a joke, yeah?" suggested Deidara, lounging upside down on Itachi's beanbag, long blond hair fanned out on the floor. Itachi shot him a look.

"Am I a joking person, Deidara?"

"I'd say more of a dry, sarcastic kind of guy... oooh, I see what you mean, yeah."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Sasori?"

He turned expectantly towards the redhead, who could usually be relied upon to be sensible- but currently, he was sat at the end of the bed not paying attention. Itachi sighed.

"Sasori!"

"Huh? Oh, right. It's great, you'll do fine, can we do something interesting now?"

From his place on the floor (where he'd collapsed dramatically ten minutes ago, declaring that he'd died of boredom) Hidan cheered. "I'm with Pipsqueak!"

Sasori shot a glare in Hidan's direction. "Call me that again and I swear to god I will hurt you."

"Sasori, don't threaten Hidan, he can't help being an idiot. Hidan, stop being an idiot. Itachi, your speech is boring, but don't worry, it's an assembly so no one's going to care," said Pain, rolling his eyes. "I agree with Sasori- and Hidan- let's do something else."

Hidan cheered again.

"Shut up, Hidan, you said you were dead," groused Kakuzu. Hidan booed.

"I second Kakuzu's idea of shutting Hidan up, yeah!"

"Fuck off, Deidara! Just because I called you a pansy-ass art freak!"

"Hidan, shut up," said Pain. Hidan grumbled and griped, but more quietly. Pain's word wasn't law, and he could and would disobey any time he liked. He just... didn't feel like it right now. Yeah.

Pain turned back to Itachi.

"Look... it's fine. It's a great speech, Itachi. No one's expecting Shakespeare; all you have to do is introduce yourself, tell them what they need to know and get off the stage. You'll do fine. Now stop worrying, put the speech away and let's talk about something more interesting... like, for example, your brother's inevitable revenge. He's not going to give up, you know."

"I know."

"So... what's next?"

Itachi frowned slightly. "I'm not sure. He seems pretty serious about this one... he's keeping his secrets well," he sighed. "Ah well. I'll find a way to catch him out."


"Are we set, Naruto?"

Naruto grinned devilishly.

"Yup. He won't suspect a thing."

Sasuke nodded, glancing over his plan one last time. "And our... friend?"

"I gave him the bag. He's ready."

Sasuke grinned. "Good," he muttered. "Itachi is going down."