Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto dammit!

Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)

Chapter Nine - Hi, Welcome to EVIL High!


[The italics are the words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]

In this chapter we are entering the realms of the high school fic. Many have tried, not all have been successful…

We're taking it one step further too, what with the addition of the Akatsuki into the mix…

Now observe the example I have cooked up!


It was all quiet in the school building for about three seconds until-

"Hey there everybody! Kira-chan is here! Yeah! Get excited!" The star of this one-shot burst into the class room, greatly startling the pupils assembled. "Ha! I bet you all thought that 'cause I'm new and stuff that I'd be shy, huh? Well you thought wrong!"

"Excuse me young lady…I was going to ask you to introduce yourself but you've, um, done that yourself already so…" The teacher shrugged. "Just take that free seat near the back there and attempt to talk normally to the other students before homeroom is over."

The brown haired girl did as she was told, before turning to the nearest person and smiling manically. "Hi there!"

The guy winced away from the loudness. "Um h-hello…"

"What wrong?"

He wondered briefly if it was appropriate to say, "You're what's wrong." Instead he settled with, "Oh, just not a morning person that's all."

"Oh really?" Kira put on a mad/concerned expression. "Maybe you're not getting enough sleep!"

"I, um d-don't think that's the problem-"

He was cut off as a silver haired figure sauntered into the room.

"Hidan that's the third time this week you've been late…" The teacher started, only to be silenced with a glare. "Just take a seat-Ah! That's if you want to of course, you don't have to sit down…"

"Who's that?" Kira asked - or should that be shouted.

Hidan turned his glare onto the brunette. "Who the f*ck do you think you're talking about?"

"Well you, silly!"

There was a collective gasp from all in the room. Oh no she didn't!

The silver haired guy marched up to Kira and bent down so he was level with her. "Listen up bitch, me and the guys say what goes around here, and I don't f*cking appreciate you" - at this point he jabbed a finger into her chest - "calling me 'silly'. People that pull stunts like that end up-"

"At the bottom of a river?" Kira suggested brightly, her expression curious.

"No, I was gonna say 'f*cked' but that's good too…I might have to use it…If you don't mind?"

"Nah. But you should be threatening me so…"

"Oh right, sorry." Hidan paused momentarily to get himself back into the mood. "So if you wanna survive around here, don't and I mean f*cking do not prance about here like you're the high queen of the school, 'cause I can tell you now bitch, you're far from it. You're not even the chewing gum on the bottom of my f*cking shoe."

"Nice counter! I mean…You're a bastard!"

Another gasp. Oh no she didn't again!

"Me and you ain't gonna get on very well now, are we?"

"I'll make sure of it, you big bully!"

"Bitch!" With that, Hidan stomped out of the room.

~Time jumping! (Oh you kids and your time jumping!)~

On the school roof a few weeks later, the hardest people in the school met up.

Pain, the orange haired leader, called for silence. "Guys."

They carried on talking.

"Guys."

Talking.

"Listen up you gay f*cktards!"

They shut up. Pain gave a rare smirk, mentally noting to use that line for attention in the future.

"Right…I'm sure you're all aware by now of a new pest to the school."

"Ah yeah, un. That brunette girl…Uh…Kira, yeah," Deidara said, popping his gum like a bad ass.

"Thank you Deidara…Now, seeing as she's causing so much trouble around campus, I feel we should recruit her." He stopped. "Also as Hidan and Kira have sworn to be enemies, if we recruit her, it means we can start a very clichéd love story."

"Finally it's my f*cking turn!" Hidan complained, throwing his arms out like a spoiled child having a tantrum. "I mean seriously! Kisame had a go and he's a mutant fish man and Zetsu went twice! Hell, I thought f*cking Kakuzu would get a f*cking go before me and he's old!"

"Nah, he only loves his money," Sasori input as said member spotted a penny on the floor and made a dramatic dive for it.

"Can Tobi look at Kakuzu's shiny penny?"

Kakuzu hissed.

"Well, now that we've established the plot of the story - and that you are all, indeed, idiots - let's set out to corner this Kira girl." Pain gave a very out of character grin. "And remember: bonus points if she mistakes it for harassment!"

"…Creepy dude…Just creepy."

"Shut up!" The orange haired one whined. "I'm the leader, I say what goes! Tell them Konan!"

"Oh Kami-sama…Right guys, seeing as our 'leader' is being a little pathetic, I'll give the 'move out' order. So move out!"

And with the order, the guys all moved swiftly…to the door.

…And ten minutes later they were still there as they'd all moved at the same speed and attempted to get out at the same time, resulting in them ending up stuck in the doorway.

~ It's the second time skip! ~

Kira was running. From what, she didn't know, she just felt as though she just had to, so she did.

Much like other amazing running scenes, Kira ended up at a dead end, her exit blocked by two imposing figures.

"Ah yes…Kira…" The first said.

"Oh, it's just you Akatsuki guys! Phew! For a second then, I thought you were my algebra and physics teachers!"

"I'll probably regret saying this but…why, un?"

"Well between you and me…" She beckoned them closer, giggling slightly. "I missed out one question on their homework sheets!"

"Hey, Danna…Isn't this what could be described as an 'epic fail', yeah?"

"I wish this example didn't have me included in it." The first guy sighed. "Anyways, Kira, come with us to the roof."

"Sure thing!" The girl replied chirpily, skipping to join them in their walk to the roof.

~ Third time's a charm! Up on the roof! ~

"Hey there guys!" Kira yelled when she saw the Akatsuki members standing there. "I must say it's amazing to see you all and- You!" She pointed dramatically at Hidan, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah bitch, me." He paused. "Y'know, I've changed my f*cking mind…I don't want to do this shit anymore! Why the f*ck do I have to have a love story with her?"

"A love story?" The brunette repeated. "I…I didn't realise you thought of me that way, you silver haired bastard! I accept your confession!"

"Huh?" Only then did the silver haired man realise his mistake. "No, Jashin-sama, no! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Come here you big lump!" With that, Kira threw herself at Hidan and hugged him tightly.

"I'll stop f*cking swearing! I'll read to Tobi for a f*cking week! Hell, I'll do anything…Don't sentence me to this!"

"Well you did know about it, moron, it was mentioned earlier." Kakuzu looked up from his money long enough to point out the fact to his partner.

"F*ck you Kakuzu!"

"Hidan honey, shh…"

"G-get the f*ck of me!"

The other members simply stood there clapping sarcastically.

"Tobi says congratulations!"

"I'm so happy for you Hidan, yeah."

"You both look wonderful together."

"You're acting like we're f*cking married! Shouldn't you be f*cking pointing out we 'got together' too quickly?" Hidan was still struggling away from his 'girlfriend'.

"Marriage?" Kira said slowly.

"C-c-crap! I didn't f*cking mean it like that!" Successful in his attempts to get away from Kira, he sprang back and ran, the girl chasing after him.

"Wait Hidan-kun! We have to plan our wedding and the names of our five children!"

"Hey…Shouldn't we have made her Akatsuki member and then told Hidan to mention the 'love story' thing?"

"Ah whatever. Besides…It isn't up to us…It's up to…the great ones."

"Yup."

"Yeah."

"Indeed."

Silence, besides the screaming of, "Get the f*ck away from me you bitch!"

Sasori tapped his foot idly. "I put twenty on Hidan climbing a tree to escape."

"He might steal a car, un," Deidara replied.

"I'm with Dei."

"Sasori does have a point…"

"Shall we cut class to go watch?"

"Hell yes!"

And with that, all the bad ass members sloped away to watch the normally fearless Hidan being scared to death by an OC.


This one is a bit strange. The OC isn't officially a member, however, her 'dating' Hidan almost certainly guarantees her membership…Or does it?

Ponder that.


Gahhh…I'm becoming random with these updates. Gomen!

Anyways, I have good news once more! Remember I said in chapter six that I had 'at the max, four more chapter ideas left in me'? Well guess what? There will be a bonus chapter after the next one's epic finale! The bonus chapter is the original idea for this chapter before I scrapped it. So yeah…A little bit of happiness [I hope] in the crap-ness of the world right now…I hope to Kami-sama above things get better in Japan…

Thank you to Echo Uchiha, LizaKon and Her Friends Are Sexist [is it weird that I've noticed you've changed your pen-name? Not too stalker-like I hope? ^^']. I thought the last chappie sucked so thanks for disagreeing with my judgement!

BTW, I have a poll for what to write after this is finished on my profile. It'd really help me [and M!] if you voted ^_^'

Please review! See you all soon!

PS: 'The great ones' is just Pain refering to all authors 'cause we have the power! XDD See ya ;)