AN: Dunanunanunanuna - CHAPTER NINE! I'm back from a somewhat pleasant camping trip and got this written down asap. And I decided to post my replies to some of the reviews I haven't replied to yet here so

cto10121, we're all out of chocolate, how does rocky road sound? lol

Alpha Site, I have a spare straight jacket in case you need one. And MORE IS YET TO COME!

Pipsky (I don't know whether I replied to you or not (Kinda short term memory at the moment)) McGonagall has just started.

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THE REVIEWS!

Dunanunanunanuna - Dobby's Sock!

MCGONAGALL: And that concludes our sorting ritual.

FIRST YEAR STUDENTS: Wait, what about us?

MCGONAGALL: What are you all doing here?

FIRST YEAR STUDENTS: We didn't get sorted yet.

MCGONAGALL: Well I guess you should have come earlier then.

FIRST YEAR STUDENTS: We were here the entire time!

MCGONAGALL: No you weren't. Go home now, nobody likes you.

- They slowly leave the hall.

OTHER STUDENTS: Can we eat now?

MCGONAGALL: No. Now if our Headmaster would please come up and talk to everyone else.

- Dumbledore is slumped in his chair fast asleep.

MCGONAGALL: ...Ahem.

DUMBLEDORE: Zzzz…

MCGONAGALL: ALBUS!

- Dumbledore jumps up.

DUMBLEDORE: MY BOWELS!

- Runs off to the latrines.

HARRY: Say what?

- Everyone is silent.

HERMIONE: What a poor old man! His magic skills must be uncoordinated after years of –

DUMBLEDORE: I am just fine thank you very much!

- Runs back into the Great Hall

DUMBLEDORE: Now y'all listen to me as I speak please.

- Everyone is silent.

DUMBLEDORE: Welcome to Hogwarts, yo!

FRED: Hell yeah!

GEORGE: Tell 'em, bruthah!

DUMBLEDORE: As you know, we teach magic here, yada yada yada…but we are dangerous.

HARRY: Well aren't you frank.

DUMBLEDORE: Yeah we have secret passageways and three headed things here that try to tear your head clean off while the forest outside has giant insects and blood sucking suckers so like, look out.

STUDENTS:

RON: The Headmaster is on crack!

DUMBLEDORE: I'm also on dope, weed, and…hold on…

- Flips through script.

DUMBLEDORE: I'm not saying this! This is total garbage.

- Everyone flips through their own scripts.

HERMIONE: ….What's a douche?

FRED: They're like Christians only dey don't do the Christmas thing.

GEORGE:She said douche not Jewish.

MCGONAGALL: This is sick!

HARRY: I'll say. What do we do now?

DUMBLEDORE: Anyone here have a sharpie?

HARRY: Wow…dejavu…

MCGONAGALL: Nooooooo, Albus.

DUMBLEDORE: Oh fine. We can just do the iPod Shuffle.

HARRY: The what?

- "AND HERE'S WHERE THE FUN BEGINS!" – Grabs iPod.

DUMBLEDORE: We're gonna do this chapter to match whatever music is playing on Grimly's iPod.

MCGONAGALL: Don't change the song and don't pause at any given time!

- "Fine…"

DUMBLEDORE: BEGIN!

- Turns on iPod.

IPOD: Shake Tramp – Marianas Trench

RON: Ooooooooayoooooooooooooohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh……..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

FRED AND GEORGE: Bup-bup-bup-budda-up-bup-bup-budda-up-budda-up-budda-up-bup-bup

- Harry starts dancing around aimlessly.

HARRY: Hey, hot stuff.

HERMIONE: Oh, Harry…

- Dances with him.

GINNY: BITCH YOU STOLE MY FUTURE HUSBAND!

EVERYONE: ……

MCGONAGALL: …..How did you get here?

GINNY: I have my sources…

MEANWHILE…

RANDOM FANGIRL: That'll show him to steal my credit card!

DOCTOR: Miss, Howard informs me you haven't given him a sponge bath yet so get to hit.

RANDOM FANGIRL: Oh, just wait until I pay off my debts to the hospital. They'll see…They'll all see…

HOGWARTS…

HARRY: …Future…Husband…?

DUMBLEDORE: NEXT SONG!

- Song changes.

IPOD: Kick me when I'm high – Sum 41

- Dumbledore pulls out some cellophane.

MCGONAGALL: I know the lyrics say, "Clings to be like cellophane" but honestly, Albus…

DUMBLEDORE: Oh whatever.

HARRY: Yeah. Whatever.

- Harry starts to kick Ron.

RON: Ow! Ow! I thought we were friends!

HAGRID: I used to be such a nice boy!

HERMIONE: Kick me when I'm high!

HARRY: …….Okay.

- Starts kicking Hermione.

MCGONAGALL: So what're you doing with that cellophane anyway?

- Dumbledore stares at Minerva.

MCGONAGALL: I don't wanna know, do I?

DUMBLEDORE: Nope.

MCGONAGALL: NEXT SONG!

- Song ends. Next one starts.

IPOD: The Grace – Neverending White Lights

EVERYONE: …..

HARRY: I feel emo. And I'm not supposed to feel that for another five years!

HAGRID: Dis is depressing.

RON: TTTT

- "…..Should I change the song?"

EVERYONE: Yes!

- Song changes.

IPOD: I Write Sins not Tragedies – Panic! at the Disco

RON: Oh what a glorious day for a wedding!

DUMBLEDORE: But nobody's getting married.

HERMIONE: I'm a whore!

HARRY: Well no sh-

MCGONAGALL: THAT'S IT! WE NEED TO GET THIS SORTED OUT!

- Music stops.

MCGONAGALL: This chapter sucks!

- "Well I feel like crud today so I can do whatever the heck I want bee-yatch!"

MCGONAGALL: Oh know you di-in't!

- Cat fight begins.

MCGONAGALL: I never did like you ya know!

- "Well there's a shocker! All this time I thought those dead mice you were leaving in my sock drawer were meant to be sentimental!"

DUMBLEDORE: You left dead mice in her sock drawer? Sick.

MCGONAGALL: I'm half cat what did you expect?

HARRY: Does anyone else feel awkward?

STUDENTS: Yeah.

RON: Dobby's sock!

EVERYONE:

- Grimly and Minerva stop fighting.

MCGONAGALL: ….Truce?

- "Truce. You have my blessing."

MCGONAGALL: Thanks.

- Walks over to Ron, picks him up and shoves him in the compost.

- The rest of this story will seem even funnier if you imagine Ron's voice really high pitched and squeaky like on Potter Puppet Pals :P

RON: Help! Oh help me please! Isn't anyone going to save me?

- Harry starts but Hagrid shoves him back.

HARRY: I'm supposed to be the hero here!

HAGRID: That's not until Halloween so sit down and shut up.

RON: Help! Help!

- Spunk Ransom crashes through the windows.

SPUNK RANSOM: Dunanunanunanunanunanunanunanuna – RPattz!

EVERYONE: Gasps!

RON: What? What's going on?

SPUNK RANSOM: Release that ginger haired child from the garbage!

DUMBLEDORE: You can't stop us now, Spunk Ransom!

- Cackles evilly.

SPUNK RANSOM: Actually I can.

- Pulls out a suitcase.

SPUNK RANSOM: Considering I'm gonna be in this gig three years from now,

- Pulls out contract

SPUNK RANSOM: I have the rights to do whatever I want.

MCGONAGALL: Well in that case you can…um…Spunk?

SPUNK RANSOM: Yes?

MCGONAGALL: There's uh, something on your arm.

- Spunk looks down at his left arm which Hermione is clinging to and drooling on.

HERMIONE: Yer haaaaaawwwwwwwwwt….

SPUNK RANSOM: Oh is that all, Minerva? I get this all the time-

MCGONAGALL: Your other arm, Spunky.

- Looks at his right arm which Ron his clinging to and drooling on.

RON: Reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllyyyyy haaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwt…

SPUNK RANSOM: ...Still kind of common for me.

- George flips through the script.

GEORGE: It don't say yo name here.

SPUNK RANSOM: I'll be undercover at the time. You'll all know me as…that guy from Hufflepuff!

- High pitched chorus of "Hufflepuff!" plays.

GEORGE: What guy from Hufflepuff?

SPUNK RANSOM: The guy from Hufflepuff.

FRED: In case ya didn't figure it out, dude, ders more than one Hufflepuff kid in dis hood.

HUFFLEPUFF STUDENTS: Yo.

SPUNK RANSOM: Well uh…I'm that…the one that…dead…Excuse me!

- Crashes through another window and leaves.

HERMIONE: Come back! I'll do anything for you!

HARRY: Anything?

DUMBLEDORE: Not now, Potter.

MCGONAGALL: Everyone off to bed! Prefects lead the way.

STUDENTS: But we didn't eat yet!

MCGONAGALL: Well you should have asked then. Now it's too late.

STUDENTS: We did ask!

MCGONAGALL: No you didn't. What are you talking about? Go to bed, I'm getting sick of looking at all of you.

RON: My Mom says I'm beautiful.

PERCY: No she doesn't. Go to bed.

GEORGE: Yo, dis chapter is messed up!

FRED: Fo sho.

HARRY: Hell yeah, bruthah!

FRED: Step off, Harry.

GEORGE: Yeah.

HARRY: Don't scizzle mah nizzle, bro!

FRED AND GEORGE:

MALFOY: …This is all on one script?

a;lskdfjdklas;

AN: Not one of my best chapters I think but It probably had to do with the lack of internet and online comics while away.