The window was cold and slick against his skin as the tears ran down. What had he done?
"Sir? Sir, can I help you?" A soft hand reached for his shoulders, gently forcing Jamie to turn around. The nurse's face was calm and distant but her voice was warm. "If you have lost someone it often is better to talk about it. Just right down the stairs is our relative's center and…"
Jamie waved off. "No, thanks." As he tried to smile at the young woman he realized that the corners of his mouth seemed to be irreversibly pulled down. He hadn't cried so hard since Joe died.
Joe. Gone forever.
And Danny too, almost, and what had he done? His big brother could have died, Linda and Jack and Sean could have been left to live without him… but he had pulled through, and only to be attacked by his little brother.
"It's… it's nothing" Jamie whispered, almost choking at the word. The nurse didn't believe it either. "Every story is worth telling, sir" she said earnestly, "and every memory we have we have for a reason. Even if they didn't know… him or her, they can get to know them by your memories. Trust me, it helps."
She believed him to be the victim. She thought he was the one hurt by loss, when he was just an idiot.
Jamie shook his head, eyes cast down to the floor. After a moment he felt the woman's touch again, soft as a feather, and then she was gone.
The tears stayed. Jamie sank down next to the window. Maybe if he sobbed long enough he would fall asleep. Hopefully he would never wake up again.

Danny was right. It was his fault. If he had just taken the bar – or at least kept his mouth shut now – or had got crashed in Joe's car when Malevsky ruined the brakes – Jamie buried his face in his hands. It was useless. No matter how he turned the past two years around, no matter where he let his thoughts run to… it didn't make sense. And it didn't make a difference.
Because Danny would never be satisfied with Jamie. He was disappointed by him as a cop, but Jamie was pretty sure he wouldn't be happy about him being a lawyer, either. Danny never was happy with lawyers. Or with anybody else who didn't follow his perspective of justice.
No matter what he did… it would always be wrong.
He should have accepted it. He should have lived with Danny as he was, without trying to change him. At least Danny was alive… he had only one brother left.
And now…

"Jamie?"
He stood up before his father could kneel down beside him. "Is Danny okay?"
Frank frowned. He had never seen his son – neither of them – in a state like this. There had been a fight overdue between Danny and Jamie, but this explosion had been unexpected. From the look in his youngest' eyes, unexpected also for him.
"Are you?" he asked gently.

Jamie swallowed. "I'm sorry", he whispered to the floor, "I know I should have… I don't know what was driving me, dad. It was just… he always nags about me being selfish for bringing myself in danger and… does he ever think about him getting hurt?" He finally managed to look at his father. "Does he never think about what he means to us?"

Frank sighed. "I think sometimes he doesn't know." He wanted to say more, but right now it was not his time to settle things. He gently took his startled son by the arm and nodded towards the rooms. "He wants to talk to you."