First off, a million hugs and a huge thanks to everyone who has been reviewing! I was so happy people started to take a liking to this. So i'll work hard at it. Updates will be slow though, because a huge family occurence has happened. I almost packed my bags and left. well, i did pack my bags but i ended up staying home after all. It's a tough time right now, and this chica has a lot on her mind, and soo much stress. And i'm not even in college yet!
Still, despite my being slightly emotionaly unbalanced right now, i hope you enjoy this chapter. And review. Cause they make me smile!
Chapter 8
Happiness?
"Shh!" he chided her lightly pressing his palm against her hand. She shook her head frightened while his other hand wrapped around her head pulling her into his chest. Her loud raspy breaths were muffled by the thunderous storm outside. She tried to let out another cry for help until his hand came down on her mouth. She shook her head unable to just sit around doing nothing. Shaking off his hand she swiftly brought her hand to his face, slapping him as hard as she could. Her attempt was useless. His only reaction was to let out a small grunt as his one hand grabbed both of her wrists. Again he brought her to his chest.
"It's okay" he whispered. She shook her head then froze listening to his soft voice. That was when she gave in wrapping both her arms around his chest, hugging Ikuto back.
"You're up" she whispered "Your arm! What about your arm!" He shook his head. Ever so slightly he reached behind his back so that he could unwind her arms from his torso. She looked at him hurt then let in a sharp breathe when he pushed her shoulders back.
"I'm fine I just got some stitches and drugs. I feel fine" he replied letting go of her shoulders then backing up until his back rested against the wall across from her. They stayed silent listening to the patter of the rain on the roof. Every so often lightening would flash illuminating the hallway as well as his electric blue eyes.
He stared at her solemnly as if he were trying to think of something important to say. His mouth would always slightly open and then clamp shut. Amu's heart raced in her chest. The intensity of his stares was so intense she couldn't help but look away.
When the silence grew to be too much Amu brushed her hair behind her right ear sucking in a deep breath. Ikuto's eyes shot straight to her when he heard the soft sigh. She smiled timidly. The thunder struck again making Amu jump. Ikuto raised an eyebrow at her questionably and she blushed looking the other way.
"I used to be terrified of the thunder" she whispered sliding to her knees. His eyes flickered to the window for a moment then to the sitting girl. A thunderous boom rocketed throughout the room. Her palms rested in her lap as she fiddled with the seams of her torn jacket.
Ikuto's POV
"How did you get over it?" he asked finally curious. He fought back his dying urge to walk across the small space and wrap his arms comfortingly around the girl. She stared at him for a moment with almost pleading eyes. He clenched his teeth sliding down the wall until he sat on the cold granite floor as his hands clenched into fists.
"I didn't really, I guess" she paused holding back a strand of hair from her face as she looked down smiling. "But when I was little my dad would sing me one of his songs and it would make me feel better" she swallowed hard then continued on "B-but when he… but when he d-died I would just cry myself to sleep" she looked away "And when I got a little older I began singing to myself" her lip trembled when the little memories of her parents flooded back to her mind.
His eyebrow arched down as he felt almost…sympathy for the girl. She looked over to him quickly only to look back to the wall biting her lip. He saw her do a double take then softened his expression when he thought he saw her lip pout out. Uncomfortably he ran his hand through his messy black hair, letting in a deep breath while looking out the window "Like what?" he asked in the softest voice he could manage.
"It was called Rainbows" she closed her eyes, bringing her intertwined hands to her chest. He seemed to be genuinely interested when she spoke.
The Earth is crying, it's missing its home
It has to stay here, make the rainbows that it has shown
The sun is above it, laughing at its prey
But the Earth continues to give, so that it can have it's say
Although it was quiet, her voice still rung with such purity and grace, his eyes widened at her angelic voice. The lyrics seamed to flow out of her mouth as her beautiful tone took immediate effect on him. He was mesmerized by her voice. She froze when she saw his chin drop.
"I'm probably not that good anymore" she whispered looking away embarrassed. He could only shake his head at a loss of words for the moment. Her cheeks heated up as his gaze never dropped.
"N-no" he stuttered "T-that was beautiful, your voice is so pure" A smile crept across her face.
"I love singing I've always loved the sound of music" Her eyes slid shut as she let in a content sigh. "It always has such an effect on me. It's like even on the cloudiest of days, well I guess like today, it would bring me from my darkest of memories" His mouth remained open as his eyes tightened ever so slightly.
"What kind of bad memories could you possibly have" he muttered looking at his knees. Her gaze shot to him.
"What?" she asked quietly. Missing what he had said.
"Ah n-nothing" he stuttered. "S-so your dad was a musician?" he asked even though he already knew. He knew everything about her. He knew that her life was perfect. He knew there were no adversities in her life. He knew that she would never have to face any of the hardships he had. This right now was probably the most terrible thing that had ever happened to her and that was nothing compared to what he had ever experienced.
"Yes he was the lead singer in a band. We had such a happy life. Me ,mom and dad" she said looking off into the past. Ikuto gritted his teeth no longer being able to suppress his anger. This girl had always been so happy, always got everything she ever wanted and more. His hands balled up into fists. It wasn't fair to him. He had watched his parent's deaths and this girl would never ever have to feel the anguish he had felt.
"Well that's nice" he said in a harsh tone. That brought Amu back from her reverie and she stared at his new expression surprised. She did not miss his glare as she stared dumbfounded into his eyes. "Must be nice to get everything you ever wanted" he muttered standing.
"What are you talking about?" she asked innocently. He looked away from her he couldn't look at her. Not right now.
"Happiness, everyone, everyone has happiness. Everyone that has ever surrounded me has had happiness of their own, even Kato" He gritted his teeth glaring out the window. "I hate… I hate because I don't love. I don't love because if I were to love then I would be hated" His voice slowly grew in tempo and volume "I will never find true happiness and for that I will be hated." her eyes widened
"W-why would you be hated, who could possibly hate you?" this made him grin.
"Who, you ask?" he let out a hard chuckle then continued "My family, and to have my family hate me is even worse then having every single being in the world despise me! This curse, this god forsaken curse is all my fault and I can't fix it!" his eyes closed as his face molded into the most pained expression Amu had ever seen. He looked like a man being burned at the stake. "When I can't break the curse I'll be shunned for all eternity"
"I don't hate you" she whispered walking towards him. He glared at her furiously then contained himself as a nasty smirk lit his features.
"But do you love me?" he asked. She froze. Her hand had outstretched toward him but then slowly recoiled.
"I, I" his sneer grew as the memory of his dream invaded his mind. It all flashed in his brain. The angel… she was there. She sat beside him gently stroking his arm whispering promises of love in his ear it was all so powerful. The feelings emitting in his chest were all too much until… the pain. The blade struck his heart. He tried to forget the last image but couldn't. The angel had smiled at him, kissing the blood stained blade then leaned down to press her lips to his lifeless mouth.
"That's what I thought" he laughed placing his hand against the wall with his back towards her. His chin lowered against his chest as the pain rocketed through him. "You're cursed remember" he mumbled to himself closing his eyes remembering the angels words "And of course we have come full circle. All of those reasons the curse, the hate, the loneliness. All of it comes back to you, Amu, and that is why I have always hated" he slammed his fists against the wall sucking in a sharp breathe "You, you will always have love happiness everything. Your life has and will always be perfect. But not me, because of you I will never have love" His voice trembled as his angry words came out "Never." he punched the wall once more then rested his forehead against it.
Amu's POV
"No" His eyes opened when he felt her arms wind around his chest "Don't say such things, it's not true!" She too had started crying. It hurt her to know that that was how he felt all those years. She could feel him trembling beneath her and she continued hugging him tighter "Never think that!" she cried leaning her head against his back. "I…I never had true happiness. I never-"
"No" he cut her off "Don't say stuff like that. Don't stand there and tell me that you have ever had one blemish tarnish your wonderful life!" Her teeth gritted at his words. He had no idea what she had gone through either.
"I know" she began trying to keep a calm voice. He turned from the wall to look at her "I know that my life has never reached the same type of grief as yours but…but I have most definitely never lived a perfect life" she sucked in a sharp breathe trying not to lose it "Perfect. I don't think such a word should exist. I don't think such a meaning should exist. Nothing and no one are perfect. Perfect would be me living happily. Perfect would be my parents living and me being able to hold them tight and telling them how much I love them everyday. Perfect is the most foolish word in the history of the world for nothing can compare to its daunting meaning"
"Amu" his anger seemed to falter at her powerful words. He had never thought that she would have such problems. He never thought in his wildest dreams that he would ever feel any sort of empathy for the girl.
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't say such things. I have never felt what you have and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken out like that" Something warm softly touched her hand. He gripped her fragile hands for a moment as if he were trying to hold onto their embrace forever. She felt goose bumps trickle across her skin as his breathe brushed her skin. When he brought her hands a few inches from his mouth her cheeks grew hot. They stayed like that for a moment until he forcefully parted her hands throwing away her embrace.
"I'm sorry" she whispered looking away. He turned around panting then placed his hands on her shoulders spinning them both around so that Amu was to the wall and he was pressed up against her. Both his hands rested on the wall beside her head as he studied her expression carefully. She stared at him without a word. He slowly moved towards her, his elbows bent as he grew closer. Her eyes closed as her mouth slightly opened. His eyes remained open and he paused when his lips were a couple centimeters away from hers. Her lips started moving in anticipation even though their mouths did not meet. He parted his lips as well taking in her sweet scent.
"Ikuto?" She whispered slowly moving forward. He simply smiled then leaned backwards. She opened her eyes when her lips did not press against anything. His blue eyes burned into hers then lit up as a flash of lighting lit the night sky reflecting off of him. She tried to reach for him as he moved off the wall but he pushed her arms away. Ikuto smiled as he pushed her shoulders down so she would sit then sat next to her against the wall.
"It worked" he replied closing his eyes contently and leaning his head against the wall, again a confused expression lit her features as she tried to slow down her ravenous breathing and beating heart.
"What?" 'Was he not just confessing that he hated me? Was he not just going to kiss me?' she shook her head confused. It was so wrong to her she was badly betraying Tadase by wanting this.
"The lightning" he lied folding his arms behind his head "I distracted you from it quite well didn't I?" He was glad his lie worked so well. That was in no way what he was looking for. He was trying to see what her reaction to his sudden closeness would be.
"O-oh" she said trying to cover up her reaction. She felt so stupid as she tried to rub the red out of her cheeks and calm her beating heart. 'Leave him alone!' her conscience roared 'Tadase! It's Tadase remember!' She nodded her head trying to get Ikuto's fleeting movements out of her mind. 'He didn't mean it' she convinced herself 'he hates you remember?' that last one hurt to think of.
"Ha" he chuckled quietly. She looked over to him slowly taking her hands away from her cheeks. Her eyes locked with his.
"What?"
"What are you doing? You look like you just ran into a wall or something and your cheeks are all red" He lightly brushed her cheek with his hand as if trying to prove his point. That of course only made it worse as her cheeks once again turned a brilliant scarlet.
"No!" she said embarrassed hiding her face against her knees "I just, it's really hot in here" she heard him chuckle again. She couldn't show this side of her to him. He meant nothing to her. At best he was just a close friend he would always just be a close friend.
"Well then let's go" He felt so warm beside her. When the warm feeling left her side she looked up to see him standing with his hand out stretched towards her.
"Go? Go where?" she asked taking his hand standing up.
"Let's go for a walk" he smiled walking in a different direction releasing her hand.
"W-where? It's four in the morning?"
"All the more reason to go" He grinned then took off sprinting down the hallway "Every ones asleep, it's probably the safest time of the day for you anyways!" he called over his shoulder.
"Ikuto!" she cried running after him "Wait for me!" it was like he had opened up her shell bringing a whole new side out. All the memories of the previous day erased from her mind as they raced like little children down the hallway.
Everything turned to a blur as she ran as fast as she could. He was so much faster then she and it seemed that all her efforts were useless. Her ankle held no pain at all but she was surprised he could do so well with his injuries. They raced all the way out side then stopped when they reached a small hill surrounded by trees. Amu stopped falling to her knees as she gasped for air. Ikuto just stopped and turned around smiling at the girl.
"Little out of shape are we?" he asked sitting across from her. She panted as sweat drained down her forehead. Everything inside her was burning as she stared into his hyper eyes.
"N-no" she gasped "Y-you're just so fast" she let out a small cough then continued puffing for air. She whipped her forehead with the back of her arm.
"Or you're just too slow" he grinned. She stuck her tongue at him and he chuckled. "Well I can't help it if I'm faster than you" She looked back at him. This must have been what he was talking about. He put on this fake façade of being happy but she could see it. His eyes were dull and lifeless. She wanted to change that. She wanted to show him what true happiness was.
"Well you could do the gentlemanly thing and let me win" she teased shaking a finger at him.
"Pfft, that's what losers do" he said shaking his head. She laughed at his reply.
"Oh so your one of those" she giggled placing her hand against her mouth. He narrowed his eyes at her leaning back on his hands letting the misty rain wash his face.
"One of what?" he asked
"One of those so determined to win type" she scolded him teasingly.
"Well I can't help it" he said lying backwards completely. She smiled crawling over to his resting positions. Exhausted she fell to her back rolling onto her side resting her arms behind her head. He turned his head towards hers the same time she looked at him.
"So how are you really?" he asked in a solemn tone. She swallowed a large lump in her throat so that she could answer him truthfully.
"How do you think?" she asked with a trembling voice, she missed Tadase she missed singing. She missed her old life. He studied her features carefully then sighed propping himself up on his elbow looking down at her.
"I'm sorry" he whispered closing his eyes "I'm sorry cause it's my fault" Amu lightly pressed her finger against Ikuto's lips, leaning over to her side so that she could face him.
"Shh, it's not your fault. It's not like you were the one who chose for me to come here" she whispered. His eyes widened as he saw a tear glisten in her eye. How many times had he told her he hated her? And now just the sight of seeing her sad killed him. What hurt even more was the fact that what she was saying right now was exactly true. He was the one who had chosen for her to come there.
"Amu" he mumbled against her finger. She shook her head and he stopped.
"No, I need to tell you. Yeah when I first got here I was furious, I was devastated, I was…lost. But then something happened. A man had attacked me that first day and I thought that would be it for me but then" she paused to look at him seriously taking her finger away from his mouth then moving it to his cheek "But then someone cut in. It was the first time anyone had ever stood up for me, ever protected me. He looked at me that day and I felt…I felt safe" a small tear slithered down her cheek "And for that all I have to say is…thank you"
"Amu?" he whispered, it killed him that all her sorrows were his fault. Sure in words he would always say it was her fault and that she had ruined his life. But in truth what he felt in his heart was the strongest desire to protect her. She smiled at him.
"Thank you Ikuto" she said taking her hand away from his cheek resting it back on the cool ground in front of her. He opened his mouth wanting to tell her the truth behind everything but shut it thinking better.
"Y-you're welcome" he whispered so she would not hear his shaky voice. She sighed content. They stayed like that for a moment. He looked up into the dark sky, would he ever be able to tell her the full truth behind the curse? She smiled rolling over leaning into his chest 'Probably not' he thought looking down at the girl. Her hot breath warmed his chest and she slightly shivered.
'Why?' He thought pained staring at the small girl. She cuddled closer to him snuggling her head. He groaned quietly looking up, she was so perfect. She may say otherwise, but to him she was perfect. He lay there watching her sleep for a few more minutes before sitting up. He contemplated in his head weather to wake her up or not but soon decided against it. She looked so peaceful. He scooped her up in his arms bringing her back to the mansion.
When they were finally under the safety of the warm mansions roof Ikuto sighed relieved. Carefully he snuck through the hallways hoping that all were still in slumber. He was almost to her new room when he heard a familiar sadistic chuckle. He looked up to the ceiling internally cursing to himself then turned to face his friend.
"What do you want?" he asked irritated. He knew exactly how his friend would intake the scene in front of him. Ikuto still held the unconscious girl in his arms. Nikaidou walked forward with his hands behind his back as if he were an army marshal.
"So" he began smiling looking at the scene from his own point of view, he folded his right arm around his chest then rested his left elbow over top of it brining his hand to his mouth biting his thumb "Whatchya` doin?"
"It's not what you think" Ikuto glared hugging her tighter to his chest protectively. Nikaidou shook his head chuckling.
"Oh Ikuto-Kun" He chided him "I always thought you would be the one to steal her virginity but even I wouldn't stoop to something this low. I mean if she doesn't want to sleep with you then I think you should just be at peace with it. I mean don't go at it with her unconscious body!" he scoffed
"That's not what I was doing!" he screamed blushing. Amu stirred in his arms and he reminded himself to keep the volume at a minimum. "Look she fell asleep when we went for a walk and I didn't want to wake her up so I decided to carry her back to her room" His veins pulsed with anger.
"Oh I believe you" Nikaidou said in a sarcastic voice. Ikuto scowled at him "I bet your makin all this up so that I'll leave you two in peace for…you know" he said thrusting his hips back and forwards suggestively. Ikuto bit his lower lip in anger.
"Oh are you ever lucky that my hands aren't free at the moment or else…" he threatened, Nikaidou smiled pleased that he had pissed off his friend.
"Oh I'm so scared, well actually" he paused to think "Probably not as scared as she'll be when she wakes up and you're all sweaty and naked on top of her" he laughed, Ikuto gritted his teeth tilting his head to the side while he closed his eyes.
"Screw off" he grumbled turning around to bring Amu to her bed. That was exactly the kind of thing he didn't want to run into. A vein pulsed in his forehead and he was glad that the girl in his arms wasn't awake to see him steaming up like this.
When he reached her room he quickly opened her door walking up to the bed. He flipped back the covers but froze before he placed her on the mattress. She looked so peaceful in his arms. His heart warmed at her smiling face, her mouth slightly opened and a small snore reached her lips.
"You snore?" he whispered looking at the girl. It made him laugh, she was so cute. He hugged her close for a few minutes admiring her beauty before he gently placed her on the bed flipping the cover over her shoulders.
"Goodnight Amu" he whispered leaning down, he wasn't sure if it was appropriate but he couldn't help it. He leaned down and lightly pressed his lips against her forehead. She was so warm and he badly wanted to kiss her somewhere else. He reluctantly pulled back catching one last look at her heavenly face before leaving.
Tell me what you think! And if you see Haraku, could you tell me? I spelled his name wrong by accident. oops! So i tried to go back and fix it but i might have missed some. i know it's spelled Hikaru. Anyway, review please!
