CHAPTER 9 : ONE ON ONE
Leon returned to Gaius suggesting that Merlin be permitted to remain with Arthur until the following morning.
Gaius looked worried saying, "If Arthur is as upset as you say he is, maybe I should check on him tonight?"
"I think as long as Merlin is with him he will be able to sleep and get some real rest. He should be all right. Maybe you could ask Merlin when you see him, how he found him. He is astute and very observant so he will have a general idea."
"How did Arthur seem to you, Leon?"
"Withdrawn and silent but then again, he's been isolated from his friends and the life to which he has become accustomed. All the people he has been dealing with have been so intense and demanding of his time that I believe it was generally overwhelming. He needs to return to his regular schedule. He has mentioned experiencing flashes of light and seeing things that he can't recall or even recognise."
Gaius thought for a while before saying, "Give him two days of getting back on his feet before you suggest that he returns to his regular schedule." He thought again before adding, "If you think Merlin will be of use to him, I can manage now for a few days without him. You can tell Merlin that I am here if he has any questions regarding Arthur's health."
Sir Leon said, "I will let him know and thank you, Gaius, for making time to see me as I know that you are very busy," he smiled before added, "…as always...I made arrangements for supper to be delivered here within the next hour. Take the time to enjoy it and leave writing reports until later. Martin said that he would be willing to lend a hand to the king's manservant Richard. You and Anselme deserve a break away from the sick room."
Gaius smiled at the curly-haired knight and realised that he had the makings of a senior knight in the future. He wasn't afraid of hard work and was willing to go out of his way to get something accomplished even if it meant extra work. Arthur would be wise to surround himself with the likes of Leon. Smiling to himself, Gaius thought and also Merlin, who was one in a million as far as he was concerned and he missed his happy grin and chattering.
Sir Leon strode off down the corridor to access the stairs to the Royal Chambers. He let himself into Arthur's antechamber and tapped on the connecting door to his bed chamber and waited. Merlin opened the door and held it open for him but Leon motioned for him to step into the antechamber.
He said,"I have spoken to Gaius explaining the situation as I see it. He would like Arthur to get out and about but not return to his regular schedule for two full days." He smiled as he said, "…and he has extended your leave of absence for the same amount of time as he says that with Anselme he can manage."
Merlin's face broke into a big smile, "I have a two day holiday...and get to spend it with Arthur…that is if he wants me around that much."
"If he doesn't, let me know and I will send Piers to keep him company."
A voice suddenly said, "Why would I need Piers for company if Merlin is around?"
They turned to see that they had been joined by Arthur himself. Merlin grinned and said, "Arthur, Gaius has given me another two days as a holiday."
"That's great as we can have supper together and you can come and watch me training."
Sir Leon interrupted him, "Gaius feels that maybe you should also take two days to get back into shape, Arthur, as you have been through a stressful time."
Arthur thought for a few minutes, it had been a stressful time but he was a little unclear about what had happened. Then he said, "We can do whatever we want?"
"Well, within reason, no swinging from the chandeliers or playing tricks on the staff."
Arthur looked at him a little confused before saying, "We'll be model residents of the castle, won't we Merlin?"
Nodding, Merlin assured Sir Leon that there would be no need to put on extra guards because the two of them intended to amuse themselves.
"If the weather holds we can go out with the horses…possibly hunting," Arthur said, "as winter's around the corner and the castle always needs extra food."
"Or we could gather turnips and other root vegetables and not stress the local wood's inhabitants."
Arthur just laughed and putting his arm around Merlin's shoulders said, "That is open for discussion." While he winked at Leon who knew that the very idea of Arthur's digging up wild tubers would never win over the plan for a day's hunting."
"Well, whatever you plan to do, take it easy." He bowed to the crown prince and nodded at Merlin and walked back into the corridor. Feeling sure that with Merlin in tow, Arthur would not get into any real trouble.
-0-0-
Arthur felt better already, his head almost seemed clear. He'd had a couple of hours sleep and Merlin had encouraged him to eat something and now according to Sir Leon, Merlin would be free over the next two days to visit whenever he wanted. He had a feeling that at one point in time, Merlin used to be with him every day but he couldn't remember.
Suddenly he had a great idea! "Merlin, could you maybe stay here for the next two days? You can go and get whatever clothes you need. There's plenty of room here and if we want we can join the squires for lunch or have food sent up from the kitchens."
Merlin thought of the bed chamber, it was certainly spacious and well appointed with its heavy, draft deadening tapestries, deep piled rugs and the four poster bed. Across the bed there was a rabbit pelt cover for added warmth, Merlin was pleased to think that the flesh and the skins of the animals had been put to use. He smiled remembering his mother's suggestion of 'waste not, want not'! The hearth was stacked with wood and the cupboard near the wardrobe, had extra candles. Arthur had a thick candle which burned during the night at the end of his bed. Merlin found that was rather extravagant but if it was what Arthur wanted who was he to question it. He would see that whatever Arthur needed he would have, now was not the time to try to save money.
The prince's water closet contained all the luxuries of life; the little room was cosy due to the fire which heated the coppers so that there was hot water on demand. He smiled that was the life of a prince, if he wanted to bathe, the fire could be lit and within the hour, hot water was available as well as, as many thick bath sheets as he requested.
Antechambers were a buffer between the private chambers and the castle corridor. Martin as manservant had access to it and overnight he'd have occupied the smaller chamber off it. He would be able to answer the main door to the corridor without interrupting the prince's sleep. The door to the bedchamber had a wooden bar which could be used by the occupant if he did not want to be disturbed.
"I could barricade myself in here for days!" Arthur proudly told Merlin, "…and no one could enter."
"But, wouldn't you get hungry or is there a secret passageway for you to access the kitchens?"
"You know what I mean, Merlin. Anyway, I could always ask Martin to get me food."
"Not too barricaded in then…!" It hurt Merlin to think this as he felt that that was exactly what Arthur was, separated from people by his position in life.
The two of them started to laugh and Merlin realised that for all the wonderful possessions that Arthur had, he did not have the freedom which Merlin enjoyed and he was determined that over the next few days, he would see that Arthur became free, well as free as a crown prince living in Camelot could be.
He looked at Arthur and said, "I accept your kind invitation to stay here for the next two days. However, if at any time you want rid of me, just say so and you can kick me out!"
"Never!" Arthur said as his heart filled his chest and he smiled shyly at Merlin who returned his smile.
-0-0-
There was a tapping at the bedchamber door and Merlin opened it to find that Martin had had supper delivered and left on the sideboard in the antechamber. He stepped forward and raised some of the covers off the platters and was pleased with the aromas. He carried the dishes in and placed them on the table and Arthur actually went out and helped bring in some of the dishes as well.
"I think we should drink the soup immediately and put the meat and vegetables on the hearth to keep warm."
"Martin has outdone himself…look!" Arthur said, waving a large pewter jug of cider and two tankards, returning later with two goblets and a wine container.
"Arthur, if we drink all of that we'll be under the table."
"We don't have to drink it all at one sitting as it will keep cool on the windowsill."
The meal was excellent, a clear beef broth followed by thick slices of beef, mushrooms, a vegetable puree and toasted bread. This was followed by some cheese with dried fruit. There was more food than the two of them could ever eat. Merlin smiled he would have liked to have packaged up all the leftovers and delivered them to his mother. She would have so enjoyed them.
Arthur glanced up at him and said, "Why the smile?"
"As funny as it sounds, to many people these leftovers would be considered a banquet. Not that they know what a banquet is but you understand what I mean."
Arthur thought about it, from the time he was little he knew about banquets and feasts when there was an abundance of food. He had learned as he grew up that there were people who never had sufficient to eat, not here in the castle but in the outlying villages of the kingdom. He had had little contact with them and realised that Merlin's upbringing had been very different from his own.
Then he couldn't remember the difference in their upbringings and he worried as he seemed to be getting more frequent strange flashbacks and his mind wasn't working as usual. Today he hadn't been able to remember how many years a page studied before becoming a squire.
-0-0-
The meal finished they sat in front of the fire enjoying full stomachs and each other's company. Arthur after being quiet for a while said, "I spend most of the evenings by myself; it's nice to have another person in my chamber."
"But Martin's usually here isn't he?"
"Yes, but he has his own little room and I don't see him once the table has been cleared, unless I need him or it is time to turn in then he will check that the fire is banked. He fills the bedwarmer with hot embers and slips it into the bed. The fires under the coppers are laid but not lit until the morning. He makes sure the room is tidy and if I need nothing else, he disappears." Just thinking about the regular routine seemed to exhaust him and he yawned.
Merlin seeing that Arthur was tired said, "I'm thinking about getting into bed. The fire is banked, the empty platters back on the sideboard, I will put in the bedwarmer…"
"No need, with the two of us sharing the bed it will be warmer than usual…anyway we must have only got up about four hours ago."
Thinking back to the troubled sleep which Arthur had had, Merlin said, "Well, I think I'd be more comfortable stretched out that trying to get comfortable in this chair. What about you?"
Arthur stood up and stretched, "Actually, although I slept this afternoon it wasn't very peaceful as everything was racing through my mind. I feel as though I have lost my sense of time. There are blanks and then unanswered questions. Maybe I could sleep if we went to bed now, if not…we can talk."
Smiling to himself Merlin realised that they would probably spend some time talking as Arthur still had that haunted look which had resulted in his being miles away when they had been talking earlier in the afternoon. He still needed to talk and Merlin could be a marvellous listener.
With Merlin beside him, Arthur settled quickly and smiled drowsily as he said, "You're my guardian for the night. Sleep tight!"
Merlin lay awake, he would do exactly as Gaius had suggested, to keep Arthur talking never contradicting him on his sense of reality but trying to remain constant in his view of the situation.
Merlin would have loved to have closed all the curtains around the four poster, it would have made a private pavilion just for the two of them. He had seen a collection of pavilions set up for a tournament years ago when he had visited Gaius with his mother. All he remembered was the king's, which had pennants with golden dragons embroidered on them and guards standing at attention outside. He wondered if there was one for the crown prince and maybe he would ask Arthur about it.
He fell asleep and was awaked by Arthur thrashing around beside him. He reached out for him and got an elbow in the head. He pulled back and said soothingly, "Arthur, it's all right. You're safe in your own bed."
A frightened voice said, "They intend to crown me but I am sure that is not their intention. They have too many swords, I'm sure they wish me ill!"
Merlin slipped out of bed and knelt on the floor at Arthur's side. "Open your eyes, Arthur, it's me Merlin, see that's your hearth and your windows."
Slowly, Arthur relaxed but still did not open his eyes, Merlin kept whispering about his room and how he was safe until he realised Arthur had fallen asleep. He had no idea what time it was but they couldn't have been asleep for long.
He went to climb back to his side of the bed and then thought otherwise. If Arthur was upset and felt someone making their way across his bed he might wake and think that he was being attacked. Merlin knew that he would come out the worse for wear so he sucked in his breath and tiptoed around the end of the bed and tried not to think about the freezing cold flagstones.
One of the things Arthur remarked about the following morning as they had breakfast was how cold Merlin's feet had been during the night. "I woke up thinking that my feet must have been in a river and then I realised it was your feet next to mine that was the source of the cold."
Merlin smiled saying, "No one else has ever complained about my cold feet!"
"Because you have never slept with anyone else…right?" Arthur said looking him straight in the eye.
Merlin blushed and said, "Well apart from the family dog…no!"
"We'll have to do something about that," Arthur said almost under his breath before adding in a normal voice, "Did I keep you awake? I had some crazy dreams but I knew I wasn't alone and they were not as troublesome as usual. Are they always going to be there? I want so much to be able to hang onto them to try to understand them but they fade away too quickly and I'm left with flashes of happenings that are disjointed and make no sense at all. Do you think, they will finally stop?"
"Yes, because as you work out what it was that was the most frightening and talk it out then you will realise that it wasn't at all your fault." Merlin tried to keep his voice unemotional all Arthur needed now was for him to break down and then he would be unable to give him the support he desperately needed. "Everyone was so tied up in the goings on that no one thought abut how you were managing. It's been a lesson learned by all that you should have had your own advisors who could have answered any pressing questions and kept away many of the people whom you felt were hounding you."
"Like the members of the Royal Council?"
"Yes, a couple of them might have approached you in the presence of your advisors. I think Rupert would be an excellent choice or even Calder. Hopefully, they will learn from this."
"…and if they don't?"
"You will have to suggest that advisors are needed in such a situation for someone in your position. I know that Gaius and Leon would agree and would support your request."
"Maybe, they won't be necessary for a long time as when my father regains his strength, he will have many years in which to reign and then when the time comes, you will be here with me and we will both be much older and I will be more able to cope…I was frightened! What happened, Merlin? Deep down I know that I was never trained to be a king and yet suddenly, people are expecting things of me that make no sense."
Merlin moved his chair over and sat close to Arthur with his arm around his shoulder, "…I know that!" He wished he could speed up Arthur's recovery but time would be the only cure.
"It was as if I were falling but I never hit the ground and was spinning around trying desperately to grasp at something to which I might anchor myself…and you weren't here…and Gaius was busy with my father and no one would take a message to him that I needed help."
The tears started to fall and Arthur collapsed into Merlin's arms. Merlin held him as you might a sobbing child. Marvelling that this young man who was so strong had had to experience such a tragedy which had left him so weak, seeking aid which he saw as being denied when in fact very experienced people were on his side and had been working with him twenty four seven.
He let his head fall over Arthur's and gently kissed the top of his hair, Arthur looked up and Merlin used his thumbs to brush away the tears on his cheeks. He let his thumb trail over Arthur's lips and then pulled him closer to him.
"Arthur, I feel so guilty, if I had realised how much you were suffering I would have done everything in my power to be sure that you realised I was here. I should have been more vocal. I knew it was bad but I never realising how bad it was for you. I tried to be with you as much as they allowed me. I should have been more insistent but I'm here now and we will see this to its end…together."
"I thought at one point to seek help from my father but that would never do. He is a tough man and a strict leader, if he heard that I was unable to cope with the situation he would consider me weak and unsuitable to take over as King of Camelot. Remember I told you of the situation with Sir Runolf on the training field."
He heard himself say, "He can't pass over you…you are his son and will become king regardless of how he feels."
"As it may be, but accidents can happen…" Arthur continued.
Merlin checked himself as he had been warned not to get carried away in Arthur's world. He however found it difficult to not agree with him as it made him more relaxed which to Merlin was a positive outcome, although, he had been cautioned that it could be counter productive. Before Arthur's mind could make any strides in recovery, he had to face the reality which was trying to penetrate the fantasy with which he had surrounded himself.
"Arthur, if anything bad ever happened to you and it was proven that someone I knew was involved, I would take it upon myself to settle accounts on your behalf even if my actions were considered inappropriate."
"But bad things did happen and you couldn't help me as you weren't even here…" Arthur said. He seemed intent on continuing but was at a loss to grasp what had happened and arrange his thoughts to make a statement. He just looked ahead confused and lost...glancing at Merlin before finally dropping his eyes to study their clasped hands.
Merlin waited for him to continue but he didn't. He looked at the panic in his friend's eyes and pulled Arthur back to him. He had been there nearly every day for the last ten weeks but Arthur couldn't remember…it hurt him realizing that Arthur had felt unloved and abandoned.
