Chapter 9: Like all the things you can't explain

Danny, Flack and Hawkes had been called to a crime scene and were within close enough proximity to one another to notice that all their cell phones began ringing at the same time. Danny looking puzzled glanced at his caller ID and announced, "Dispatch" before answering.

"Dispatch." Hawkes confirmed.

"Dispatch" Flack offered as well.

After a moment, Flack and Hawkes muttered their meager thanks into their phones before closing them and watching as Danny's face twisted in pain and anger. Both his hands went through his hair as if his upper arms were cradling his face.

"Hawkes," Flack said softly. "Can you finish up here? I am going to take Danny to the hospital."

"Sure." Hawkes answered, not wholly satisfied with where that left him. He would be at the lab and not at the hospital supporting Lindsay. "When the scene is cleared though I will head over too." Flack nodded and gently led Danny away by the elbow.

No words were exchanged on the ride. Danny sat staring out of the passenger window chewing on his bottom lip. Stella was already there when they arrived, speaking with a doctor as they approached her.

"Danny." She uttered at the sight of him, and instinctively drew him into a hug.

"This is Dr. Malik. He's been looking after Lindsay."

"Is she alright?" He asked before his jaw was again set on edge.

"She is still unconscious. Her injuries are extensive. She will have a long recovery ahead of her, but at this point, as long as she regains consciousness in the next 24 hours, we are optimistic."

Danny only nodded at him.

"Are you Daniel Messer?" The Doctor asked having overheard Stella calling him 'Danny.'

"Yeah." Was all he could manage.

"Our records indicate you are Ms. Monroe's Health Care Proxy?" Danny recalled the afternoon she approached him shyly with the paperwork. It was her nature to have all her bases covered and have her forms in place. She asked him, given that her immediate family was so far away, if he would serve as her proxy should she be injured. She had told him she wanted it to be someone she trusted, someone who would make the sa,e decisions she would make if she could. His heart sank as he realized how far he had come from being that person. But in that afternoon months ago, he was touched as he signed his name next to hers.

"Yeah." He again choked out.

"I need to speak to you about medications and some decisions."

"Of course." Danny replied, following the doctor a few steps away and presumably out of earshot from Stella and Flack. The Doctor led Danny to some chairs facing the nurses station.

"Mr. Messer, I assume you are Ms. Monroe's boyfriend."

Danny nodded, not wanting to lie out loud.

"I am very sorry to inform you that the baby she was carrying did not survive the attack."

Danny swallowed hard trying to absorb the Doctor's words and yet not register shock. He nodded again, his mind racing, wondering if Lindsay had even known she was pregnant.

"There are medications, and treatments we wouldn't use if the baby was still alive. So I wanted you to know that given that we are no longer able to detect a fetal heart beat, we are going to proceed with any and all measures Ms. Monroe may need."

"Course." Danny said, catching sight of Stella staring at him and seeing in her eyes that she understood the weight of his present discussion. So she had known, and that meant Lindsay had known. Tears escaped his eyes.

"Can I see her?"

"Yes. They're just finishing up getting her into her room. They should be ready for you in a few minutes."

Danny rejoined Stella and Flack but made no attempt at conversation.

A nurse approached him and gingerly placed her hand on his elbow.

"Mr. Messer you can go in now." She said softly.

Danny followed her down the hall and stood next to Lindsay. He was relieved to see she was breathing of her own accord, but was dismayed by the many other machines and apparatus she was connected to. He stood beside the bed uncertain of his place in the room. Were Lindsay conscious would she want him there? Given that his recent decisions caused her so much pain would he really be the one she wanted making decisions for her?

She looked so much like the bleached out bodies on Sid's table that he felt the blood drain from his own face as he sank into the chair nearby. He was so consumed by his misery he didn't notice Stella had entered the room, holding a camera.

"Danny," she said softly. "We need to document her injuries."

He only nodded.

Danny watched intently absorbing every bruise as Stella gently peeled back the sheets and photographed Lindsay's arms, then turning them over and continuing to snap the camera. Then she gently replaced her friend's arm beneath the sheets and repeated her procedure on Lindsay's legs. Stella glanced briefly at Danny who would not make eye contact with her as she eased down the neck of Lindsay's hospital gown to photograph the black and purple marks that were beginning to form on her chest. She then eased the sheet down and Lindsay's gown up to reveal an almost pristinely white abdomen. The sight of Lindsay's mid-section drew Danny's mind back to his baby he hadn't known was growing there and he grabbed at his forehead and looked away.

"Danny," Stella interrupted softly , "hold her while I photograph her back?"

Danny rose and gently cradled Lindsay as he angled her limp body so Stella could capture the large wide bruises up and down Lindsay's spine.

Stella nodded at Danny and he reverently replaced Lindsay were she had been on the bed.

"Danny. The doctor told you about the baby?"

"Yeah. Its gone Stel. I didn't even know." He looked her in the eye now. "She told you?"

"Yeah Danny. There were things about her job that she had to change to protect the baby, so she had to tell me why she couldn't do some lab work anymore."

"I didn't think about that." Danny said absently.

"Danny, did you see her wounds?" She knew he was an investigator by instinct and it wouldn't have escaped him. He still held her eyes with his and nodded.

"Extensive defensive wounds to the arms, chest and shins…." She trailed off.

"And almost none on her abdomen." He turned his eyes to Lindsay's peaceful form. "She folded herself up, protecting the baby."

"It could have been one of the blows to her back causing enough trauma for her body to…" Stella stopped herself before again reminding him of their loss.

Silent tears were running down his face as his looked at Lindsay. His own body was uncharacteristically still.

"Danny are you OK?" Stella asked tentatively. He turned to her.

"Stella when I woke up this morning I thought the best thing I could do for her was keep her away from me and all I got to offer." His sarcasm seemingly out of place at Lindsay's bedside. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, returning his gaze to Lindsay's face. "Now, I'll never be able to look at her again without seeing the mother of my child, the child she offered up her own body to protect." Danny covered his face with his hands and leaned forward against his knees, no longer able to contain the sobs. Stella stood frozen in place observing his pain.

"Now," he gasped. "How I am supposed to live without her?"