AN: Whew, so this has been one of the longer chapters and harder ones to write. I'm currently studying for my anatomy tests next week. Yeah TWO tests in one week in ONE class. Oi. Anyways, mucho thanks goes to Sam (my new beta) and Mark for editing and generally being awesome. I hope you all enjoy and Reviews make studying more bearable *teehee*.
Chapter Songs: First Date by Blink 182, Do You Realize?? by The Flaming Lips, and Yellow by Coldplay
Chapter Nine: First Date
The morning went by more quickly than I had anticipated. I spent much of it in the garage with Rosalie helping her clean and reorganize the cabinetry and begin preparing the modifications she planned to make to my car. It was somewhat amusing how obsessive she was when it came to keeping her workspace clean and orderly. In Jake's garage everything was organized and clean, however, he didn't clean to the extent of my aunt. I supposed it allowed her to keep busy. For a full vampire time was merely the measure of seconds, minutes, and hours. There was no real day, or night for them just the phases of sun and moon. No period of rest or the like.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like not to sleep. No necessity for recharging one's batteries, so to speak. Maybe it was more convenient. I knew that my family members could quite certainly accomplish more in a day than I. They simply had more time to balance out all of their interests. But to not sleep? To not dream? That in and of itself felt like an enormous sacrifice.
"What do you think about this?" Rosalie asked as she showed me the schematics of the first of many modifications she planned.
I eyed it carefully. From what I knew of physics and aerodynamics it would increase the speed about fifteen percent. "Will it affect the fuel cell?"
"Let me research it a bit more before we decide. I don't think it will," she replied honestly. Her honesty was one thing I loved about Rosalie. She was never one to sugarcoat.
We discussed things as she popped the hood of my car, taking into account how everything fit together. She was nothing if not thorough. Cars and how they were built had been her passion throughout her immortal life. I wondered if she liked them beforehand. "Rose?"
"Yes?" she asked without turning around.
"Did you like cars when you were human?"
Her hands froze and she straightened herself. "Why do you ask?" I could sense the tension in her voice. She didn't like to speak about her human life, especially since she'd grown to accept her fate.
"Just curious I guess. You're gifted when it comes to cars."
"Well I have been working on them for a few decades," she replied a hint of a smile tugging on her mouth. "Did Edward ever tell you how I got into cars?"
"No."
"Figures. Well, he and I fought a lot. Especially early on, after I was turned. After one particularly brutal argument, I dismembered his car. I literally took it apart piece by piece and laid it out for him. Edward's vanity rests more with things he owns. My vanity is much more profound I'll admit, but he was very angry with me for destroying his beloved automobile. As punishment, Esme had me put it back together. I realized that I enjoyed the structure of cars, putting them together, taking them apart, modifying, because it took my mind off of things I wish I could forget now, but struggled so long to hang on to in the beginning."
I nodded, "Do you regret holding onto that much pain? Wouldn't have been easier to just forget?"
She chewed on her lower lip for a moment in thought. "Would it have been better for me to forget it? Maybe. But I've had my own epiphany once," she began her smile renewing itself as she continued, "I may be vain, and beautiful and let's face it, quite cruel when I want to be... If I just forgot what happened to me, who's to say what would have happened to the men who destroyed my life? I might never have gotten justice for what was done to me.
I realize that some things are inevitable. My death was, but also my life now. Watching you grow up and learn from all of us with such wonder and sincerity, I know I can't regret my past. It brought me this family and Emmett. I would have given everything up to become a mother, even my husband. Thanks to Bella I had a vicarious parenting experience. I've found my inner peace with my fate as a result."
I smiled at her while I toyed with a socket wrench. Emmett poked his head through the garage door and grinned, his face all dimples and pearly whites.
"There are my two favorite women!" He strode into the room a bunch of rolled blueprints under his arm, his large six foot five frame dwarfing the both of us. He wrapped an arm around his wife's waist and kissed her cheek. "Decide on what you're going to do to this baby?" he asked referring to my car.
"Some idea. Where are you off to today?" she asked.
"The city building department, permits." he sighed, his voice full of reluctance.
"Esme's new project?" I asked and he nodded enthusiastically.
"She wants to remodel a little. Maybe even add on a guest house."
"A guest house?"
"Yeah, she figures that maybe a certain wolf or two might want to stay close by sometimes. She wanted to build something where they'd be comfortable," he teased. I wanted to roll my eyes at him.
"A certain wolf or two?"
"Yeah okay, I think she hopes that Jake will want to stay over," Emmett admitted and I smirked at him. "It's a brilliant idea," he continued, "but now I have to go deal with getting the permits. Zoning laws are the bane of my existence. Bor-ing," he replied. I laughed at his annoyance.
Rosalie slipped from Emmett's grasp as she went back to mentally cataloguing all the pieces and parts of my car. Emmett's gold eyes followed her, a slow smile on his lips. "I do love watching my woman work," he stage-whispered to me. I giggled at him as Rosalie rolled her eyes.
"More like you enjoy watching me bend over a hundred thousand dollars worth of metal polymers."
He grabbed his chest, his face feigning shock, "You wound me! Is that all I am to you?"
Rosalie grinned flirtatiously at him and he chuckled.
"Women," he mock-grumbled. "So where ya off to on your date, tonight?" he asked and I froze.
"It's not a date," I replied firmly.
"Sure it isn't," he teased. "He's picking you up, and probably paying, oh and he asked you. It's a date."
"It's not a date!" I exclaimed my face growing hot. His smile on his face made me realize he was teasing me; trying to route out any truth to it by ticking me off. I took a few calming breaths. "It's just Jake. It's not a date. I'd said a while ago about wanting to hang out tonight, and Jacob remembered. He suggested movies. We're just going to the movies."
Emmett's smile softened, "Okay, whatever you say. But if he tries anything just remember to knee him in the gut."
I rolled my eyes and smacked his granite shoulder. "He's not going to try anything. It's just Jake."
"But you like him, right?" Emmett pried.
"What does that have to do with anything? He's my best friend; of course I like him."
"But you wouldn't be opposed to more?"
"What's it to you? Did he put you up to this?" I asked huffing in annoyance. He was being abnormally suspicious. I wondered briefly if it wasn't Jacob who put him up to it, but Edward or Jasper. If it was the former, (and it better not be) I was going to be irate. Sending your brother to find out your daughter's secrets wasn't my father's style, but I didn't want to put it past him.
"No just curious is all. I like Jake. He's fun to have around, I'm just curious if anything's changed."
I sighed and focused on his question. "No nothing's changed. We're just going out to have fun." I replied punctuating the last words with a poke to his shoulder. It was annoying to say the least that my own uncle was trying to root out what was going on.
Emmett gave me a suspicious grin. "So it looks like a date and smells like a date. But..."
"It's not a date!" I finished for him.
He chuckled and Rosalie shot him a glance. "Quit teasing her. Don't mind him honey. When God was handing out mental filters he skipped Emmett entirely."
"Because He knew I'd have no use for 'em," he shot back. He moved over to Rosalie and picked her up with one arm. She shrieked in surprise. "Besides my beautiful lady, you love me just the way I am."
She smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "That I do," she answered and kissed him. I averted my gaze turning to give them their privacy for a moment. Emmett set her down and they said their goodbyes for the day. I turned back to see Rosalie shaking her head smiling at herself.
I stared at her, wondering how two people so completely different from each other could have such a profound connection. "Rose..."
"Mmmhmmm?"
"What made you fall in love with Emmett?"
Rosalie's eyes shot up to mine. "He makes me laugh."
I cogitated on that for a moment. Something as simple as being able to make her laugh had helped Emmett win Rosalie over. Was love really that simple? Or were they the rare exception to the rule?
I listened to music as I got ready that afternoon. Jacob would be over soon and I didn't want to delay us by not being ready when he arrived. I'd opted for just a simple pair of black jeans and Louboutin ankle boots with a red scoop neck blouse.
It was comfortable, simple, but with still slightly feminine air to it.
While I was in the bathroom brushing my hair through I grew frustrated with my mess of curls. If we were taking the Ducati tonight it would be simply useless to wear it down. Instead of toiling much longer with my tangles I easily swept it into a low ponytail letting my reddish-brown curls cascade over my shoulder.
Perfect.
I wasn't exactly the most feminine of girls out there. Sure I could wear a dress just as easily as any woman, but I was just as comfortable in jeans as a designer gown, the fact that my jeans were in actuality designer and notwithstanding. I made my way downstairs hearing Alice's voice chirping out stock figures and quotes as she discussed a client's portfolio. I motioned to her pointing at my shoes and she grinned nodding, her silent statement of approval. I made my way to the piano setting down my black leather jacket and clutch. I continued working on the melody I'd played for Esme just a few days ago. I heard Esme behind me as she swirled paint on her canvas.
We both practiced our respective arts in pleasant silence. I loved how easy it was to just exist in my family. Living in close quarters for decades I assumed taught everyone how to deal with giving each other space. It was nice all the same. After adding a secondary harmony to the one I'd already concocted I was happy with my progress on the piece. I felt more relaxed after playing for a while. It was a welcome respite from thinking.
As I switched to soothing Beethoven I heard the Ducati turn up the drive. Without stilling my fingers I heard my father go to the door and welcome Jacob inside for a moment. They talked momentarily about Billy and Charlie. I needed to make a visit out to both of them and soon. Their conversation soon grew silent and I felt eyes on me as I was in the home stretch on this piece.
"Just a minute," I answered their unspoken question. I finished the last cadence and sigh standing up.
Jacob smiled and had his hands shoved into his pockets. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah," I replied putting on my jacket and stuffing my small clutch purse into one of the breast pockets.
"Great. Which do you want to take; yours or mine?" I could tell by the way his eyes twinkled in mischief that he was literally itching to get behind the wheel of my car. However, I could hear Rosalie already in the garage getting ready to begin the first wave of modifications.
"Yours, Rose is aiming to play car surgeon tonight." I informed him. He chuckled and nodded extending out his arm for me to loop mine through. I gave a quick hug to Edward and promised I wouldn't be out too late. He smiled appreciatively and bid us goodnight.
I kept my eyes trained on the bike as we went outside. The air was colder than it had been. The clouds thicker, more popcorn shaped than the usual overcast. It was going to snow this weekend as predicted. I could feel the change in air pressure already. "So have you decided on a movie?"
"No I figured we'd just choose when we get there."
"Sounds good to me," I replied as I too put on my helmet and mounted the bike behind him. The engine rumbled as we turned around and moved fluidly down the drive. I secured my arms around Jacob's waist and watched the scenery as we road to the nearest theater.
The drive wasn't long and I chuckled.
"What?" he asked as he took off his helmet and I handed him mine.
"No Port Angeles?"
He grinned. "It's snowing up there already. I didn't want to drive in that, especially since we took the bike. Hopefully it will have stopped for a bit on the way home tonight."
I chewed my lip a little as I took in his explanation. "If it's still snowing I don't think Esme would mind if you crashed on the couch or one of the guest rooms. In fact she'd probably insist on it."
Jacob nodded and shrugged. "She's always doing that isn't she?"
"What?"
"Taking care of everyone?"
"I think so. She's very maternal. Probably because she had a child before Carlisle found her again."
"Again; you mean he found her before?"
I giggled; the story of my grandparents meeting was probably one of the more romantic stories in my family. "When Esme was sixteen, she fell out of a tree in rural Ohio and broke her leg. Her mother took her to Columbus to get her casted. Carlisle was her doctor. Ten years later, he found her nearly dead and couldn't let her die."
"Why did she nearly die? I've never really asked."
I sighed and took his hand as we walked down the street to the theater. "She'd had a bad marriage, the man Charles Evenson was an abusive husband. She got pregnant and ran away. After she gave birth her son died a few days later—a lung infection. She was so overcome with grief at losing her only reason to live that she jumped off a cliff."
Jacob's gait halted briefly and his eyes widened. "Well that explains..."
I shot him a confused look. "Explains what?"
He continued walking with me just at a slower pace. "How they misunderstood Bella's extreme sports phase for a suicide attempt," he explained. I realized then he was talking about cliff diving.
"We should try it again sometime."
"Try what?"
"Cliff diving."
Jacob's shoulders shook in amusement. "Sometimes I wish I could see exactly how your mind works. We were talking about mistaken suicide attempts and you suggest cliff diving excursion?"
I chuckled with him. "At least I'm nearly indestructible."
"True, but I'll go with you. No way in Hell, I'm letting you do that by yourself."
We came up to the marquee of the tiny theater. We stopped and looked at it, mulling over the choices. "Romantic comedy, drama, action, sci-fi..."
"Romantic comedy?" Jake suggested and I wrinkled my nose slightly. How terribly cliché that would be! A silly contrived romantic comedy on a first date, no I would rather have something a little more exciting.
"How about sci-fi?"
Jacob smiled and nodded. "Did anyone ever tell you, you're the perfect woman?"
I snickered at him and led him to the ticket booth. Jacob asked for our tickets and gave me a glower when I reached for my purse. I knew he would be affronted if I tried to pay but it didn't stop me. What did stop me was his hand inside of my jacket covering my hand over my clutch. "I appreciate the reach but I asked you, remember?" His voice, though admonishing, was low and gravelly. I stopped and stared as he moved away and proceeded to pay for our movie tickets. I had to blink several times before my mind began to reboot itself. How on earth did he do that? I was going to have to ask one of these days.
Jacob and I made our way into the theater passing by the concession stand. "Not hungry? Why Jake I think I'm shocked."
Jacob shot me an amused glance and pulled me closer to him as we moved down to our theater. "Defeats the purpose."
"Purpose?"
He grinned and squeezed my fingers. "Sitting in a dark room with you and a bunch of strangers—having a big tub of greasy popcorn doesn't allow me to exploit that fact."
"Why Jacob, are you planning on putting the moves on me?" I replied feigning a southern drawl. I had to admit, though I was teasing him frivolously, I couldn't help but wish he might do just that.
Jacob cracked up as we found our seats and took our jackets off. "Careful what you wish for. I just might."
I cocked an eyebrow his way and sat down. "You know the best thing about newer theaters?"
He turned slightly as he sat down. "What?"
I took the armrest between us and pushed it back into the seat cushion. Jacob smirked as I took his hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "They promote cuddling." Jacob laughed. He pulled me tight to his chest and propped his feet up on the chairs in front of us.
"Oh come on, the effects were pretty great."
"Are you kidding me? I could see the stuntman's wig line."
Jacob cackled. "Only you would pick out something that insignificant."
"Where was the costume department on that one?" I continued to ramble. "It looked like they went out and ran over a squirrel and slapped its carcass on the guy's head," I complained. Jacob's torso continued to shake with the force of his laughter. He even stopped for a moment to try to collect himself. "Glad I amuse you."
"You do," he answered.
We walked down along the street farther away from his bike. I saw a small restaurant front near us. Jacob led the way only dropping my hand to hold the door open for me. I blushed slightly and ducked my head as I walked inside. I didn't know whether to be thrilled that he continuously did such things for me or offended that he thought I was that old fashioned. The feminist in me was staunch in her opinion, shaking her head at the giddy romantic sap that was pretty much swooning at the mere gesture. Jacob and I approached the host stand; the hostess stood clicking her acrylic nail against the podium. She looked up and her eyes lit up. Tonight must be a slow night.
"Just two?" she asked her voice almost saccharine with false sincerity.
She smiled at Jacob when he nodded and laced his fingers with mine. We followed her over to small table in the dining room and took our seats, Jacob once again holding out my chair for me. I tried not to be quite so annoyed with it. He was only doing what he thought was expected on a date, right? I tossed those thoughts aside and studied the room surrounding us. The restaurant had little in the way of customers but the low lighting and close quarters made me wonder why more couples didn't frequent such a place. It was perfect for a low-key romantic dinner. I think that's exactly what Jacob had in mind when we'd walked down the street.
"I figured you liked Italian," he said as I looked around the musty restaurant.
I turned my gaze to him and smirked. "I don't mind it," I amended turning back to him. His face was hardened slightly, pensive. "You look worried."
"Not worried, just I tried to cover all the bases here. Let you pick the movie. Even chose the restaurant because I know you tolerate Mediterranean food better than most others."
I sat there taken aback by his candor. He'd done that for me? To make sure I had a good time? Truly he was insane if he thought that I wouldn't have fun with him. He was my best friend. Not having fun with him was absolutely impossible. "Jake..."
"I know, I know."
"You don't have to do all of this for me," I reassured. I wasn't someone who needed a whole lot of convincing or wooing when it came to him. He had me hook, line and sinker. Surely he understood. "I mean it's sweet. The holding doors, chairs, but you really don't have to do it. I'm perfectly capable-,"
Jacob's hand rising from the table cut off my statement. "You think I do these things because I think you're incapable?" His tone was unnervingly calm and full of incredulity. He reached his hand over to mine the touch was surprisingly calming. "Renesmee, have you ever thought I do things like hold the door for you or think of what you like because I want to? I'd be a real idiot if I thought you were incapable at anything."
I relaxed and let my thumb graze the inside of his palm. "I know. It's just the inner feminist in me rears her head whenever you do things like that. And then some part of me really likes that you do it at all so I'm conflicted. Do I like it? Or get offended at the archaic gestures?"
Jacob grinned. "Well think about it this way. I hold doors open and hold chairs out, because I respect you, as a person, a woman. You're more than an equal to me, you're so much better than I am."
"Stop, we're not going to play the 'who is better than who' game tonight." That was one thing that did annoy me more than anything sometimes. How could he put me up on such a pedestal? He truly didn't see himself clearly at all. Sure he was confident about things he knew and could do. But it seems he felt slightly vulnerable when it came to me. Could it be because of how he felt? Or that he felt like he wasn't enough?
I internally scoffed at the notion. I was beginning to realize very slowly with each passing day how tied I was to him. How my happiness was so intertwined with his own. The waiter soon came and took our orders breaking our conversation. I continued to contemplate why he was putting so much effort behind this. It should be effortless. Who did he have to impress? Did he think he needed to impress me?
Once we received our entrees and began eating in an amiable silence I realized that maybe he wanted to prove his worth—crazy notion that it was.
"Why do you do it then?" I asked suddenly. He looked up his expression slightly confused. I sighed and continued, "The romantic gestures. You don't have to. You already have me, no impressing, and wooing required."
"Maybe I'm an idiot but I want to," he shrugged easily, as if it were just that elementary. "It's really that simple. You are very important to me, and it's my way of showing it."
I smiled a little. "You're very important to me too." Almost too important. I didn't want to acknowledge how important he was becoming. He'd always been such an integral part of my life, but now... The intensity of my need for him was reaching epic proportions. Would I ever cease to need him? I figured I probably knew the answer to that one, already.
He flashed me a sweet smile and leaned forward a little. His eyes were darker than ever, more shimmering onyx than liquid dark chocolate. "How important?" he teased.
I flushed my cheeks hot. My coherency temporarily dismantled. "How do you do that?" I blurted unthinkingly.
"Do what?"
"Provoke such a reaction out of me. It's overwhelming," I admitted. Why was admitting such embarrassing things so easy with him? No way could I hold a conversation about how he can so easily distract and tamper with my coherency with anyone in my family. I had to chalk it up to the force of nature that was Jacob Black. He truly was like no other.
"I like overwhelming you." Even though his tone was teasing, there was an undercurrent of passionate intensity to his words that sent a bolt of electricity up my spine. For just a moment I wanted to be overwhelmed, in all the meanings his tone seemed to imply.
"Funny," I shot back waving off his comment as if it were nothing but a joke when really it was so much more than that.
"I thought so," he retorted his earlier smile turning wry. "So explain something to me...."
"Yes?"
"What's so overwhelming about it?" he asked in earnest.
I chewed my lip and toyed with my fork. "I don't know really. I think it's how you make me feel when you say things sometimes. It's terribly distracting."
He smirked. I fought to not roll my eyes. "Is it wrong to be pleased with myself?"
I sighed and returned a smile. "Only if you use your powers for evil," I teased but held some seriousness to my tone.
"Evil?"
"Yeah, like coercion." I wouldn't put it above him to use his distinct powers of persuasion to suit his agenda when needed. Though I was sure he'd only ever do so in an effort to protect me. However, I don't think he realized how easily he could coerce me into just about anything.
He chortled a bit and shook his head. Trying, rather unsuccessfully, he raised his right hand showing two fingers, "I promise to use my powers of distraction only for good. Scout's honor," he promised.
I laughed at him. Since when was he a boy scout? "You weren't a boy scout," I reminded.
"I know," he admitted. "But it seemed to fit."
We continued to finish our meal as we spoke. Things were so easy between us. Even with all the changes in our relationship we both seemed to adapt quickly and near seamlessly. I wondered if it was because of our connection, our shared destiny. Would it be any harder if I hadn't been meant for him and him for me? The amount of potential our budding courtship had was scarily potent and raw. The waiter dropped off the check just a short while after. Jacob reached for it with minimal protest from me. He seemed a little surprised but pleased that I hadn't fought him.
I didn't understand it at all, his need to provide for me. I thought that maybe it was some contrived primal instinct of the male species. But I was beginning to realize that it was really just a 'Jacob thing'. He wanted to take care of me, just as I wanted to take care of him. The only problem with our similar individual logic occurred when those two facets intersected, and clashed.
Jacob held my hand as we walked in the brisk cold night back to the Ducati. Small white flakes were slowly beginning to descend from the black sky above. I smiled. I loved snow. Each and every snowflake was a unique crystalline pattern of ice and rain. "Do you want to go somewhere?"
I turned to him as we reached the bike. "Where to?"
He had a playful look to his face, happy, mischievous and withholding something. "Someplace I've never shown anyone on purpose."
My brow furrowed at his cryptic reply. "O-kay," I drew out not quite sure of his intention. I mounted the bike behind him; helmet on, and jacket zipped up. The snow was still coming down only very lightly. However, I knew that this was only the precursor to the stronger blizzard up north. We made our way on the high way, zipping around cars and trucks. I could hear some drivers hollering in surprise and others cursing at the fast moving bike.
About thirty minutes later, in some other small speed trap town we came to a park. The ground had a light dusting of snow but you could still see the green blades of grass peeking between the flakes. Jacob pulled us to a stop and parked. Curious I took off my helmet and let him lead me over to a set of swings, each of us taking one. "You brought me out here to play on the swings?" I questioned trying to root out his motives.
He shook his head and slowly rocked back and forth on his swing. I mimicked him. "I came here a really long time ago. Just before you were born."
I grew pensive at his cryptic explanation. He had come here? Why?
"I was having a rough time of it. Bella was pregnant and the future for her was pretty bleak from where I was sitting. Edward and I had been on the side of caution and wanted her to get rid of the pregnancy, to save her life," he continued. I shuddered. I'd heard this from Edward and Carlisle but even though I understood why they had thought the way they had. It still hurt to some extent.
"Edward heard your thoughts that day for the first time. Genderless thoughts of an unborn infant, talk about weird," he muttered more to himself than as a part of the story. "It changed him, completely, irrevocably. Hearing how much you loved Bella, loved him, you became real to him in everyway. I couldn't handle it. The happy little family and what was I? The best friend who got rejected and stuck around like a lost little puppy?
So I took off. I couldn't handle it anymore. Watching Bella die was the second hardest thing I've ever had to endure-,"
"What was the hardest?" I interjected.
Jacob shook his head and continued with his story. "I know it's weird and complicated to know that I loved her. But I did. I came here, to this very park, not knowing what I was looking for but knowing I was looking for 'her'."
"Her?"
"The girl I was going to imprint on: my soul mate. I looked at every single girl in the park—even talked to one. And there was nothing, absolutely nothing. I come back to the house and see brown eyes, Bella's at the time, and saw everything I was looking for. Everything I thought I wanted. I was hopeless. You were born not long after and the rest you know is history, so to speak."
I reached out to him stroking the line of his jaw tenderly. "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"That you had to endure so much pain. If I could, I'd go back and take it away."
He chuckled then and I glared at him. "Don't you see? You did. Imprinting on you was probably the craziest event in my life and remember I phase into a gigantic dog on command," he added illustrating his point. "It was also the most significant. You singlehandedly took all the pain away. I didn't love Bella romantically any longer. I had someone to protect and take care of."
I showed him my memory of him that day. The anger, hate and malice that gave way to the most dumbfounded look I'd ever seen in my life. I'd known then that I was some how connected to him. I'd been permanently altered, just as he was that day. That alteration was there from the beginning and I'd only just recently become aware of it. How incognizant had I been? How much of that ignorance still lingered when I was struggling with myself to find the depths and intensity of this alteration, all the while trying put a name to it?
"You didn't answer my question by the way," I reminded.
"I didn't forget," he countered. "I was just hoping you'd leave it alone."
"Not a chance. Now you have to spill."
"You asked what the hardest thing to endure was?"
"Yes."
"Before the Volturi came, all that uncertainty. The fear in the pack was exponential compared to the fear in the Cullen house. I kept trying to strategize, to figure out how best to protect you, to protect your family. I knew if a fight broke out that I would lose you. I couldn't do that. You were and still are, far too important. When Bella told me in the clearing to run when the fight started, I was ready. I would have done it without regret. Because, running with you would have kept you safe. That stress of having to contemplate losing you so young was the absolute hardest thing. I kept thinking about all the things you wouldn't get to do if I failed you. You wouldn't get to learn how to dance, to socialize with humans, to go to prom, to go to college... I couldn't fail you yet at the same time I was terrified that I would."
I felt a surge of protectiveness come over me. I wanted to protect Jacob from the past even though I knew I was powerless to. Things had worked out in our favor that day in the clearing. We'd won. Jacob didn't have to live in a world where he'd failed me. I knew he would never have to either. He could never fail me. It simply wasn't possible.
"I'm glad nothing came of it. That everyone for the most part turned out okay," I replied and he nodded.
"It was then, when we won, that I promised myself I would never deprive you of anything. That you would have as normal a childhood as you could have. You deserved nothing less. In fact you deserve so much more than I can ever give you."
I grinned a little. "Just give me you. That's all I need."
The snow began falling in heavier flakes around us. I stood knowing it was time to go. Jacob sensed this as well and stood. His arms wrapped around me pulling me tight against his body. I buried my face into his chest reveling in his warmth. All of the wolves may have been the same temperature in body heat as Jacob, but his warmth was different from all the others. It resonated not just in his feverish skin, but in his personality as well. My sun; burning bright in the darkest depths of night.
AN: Thanks so much for reading! Reviews make me happier than Kellan's new CK ad. =)
Next update should be within the next week or so. I just need to get through my two tests and I should be golden to write...I hope. =)
