A/N: Here's the next chapter – "I Swear." I hope you like it. Thanks for reading! :)
With or Without You
Chapter 9: I Swear
"You look beautiful, Iz," Alex smiled, as he stood in the bridal room with Izzie, who was admiring herself in the mirror.
Izzie grinned, "Thanks, Alex. And thanks for being so cool about this. I mean, I don't think most guys would have been okay with being their ex-wife's maid of honor."
Alex nodded.
"So," Izzie began, turning to face Alex, "your sex agreement with Addison ended this morning. How do you feel about that?"
"What? How-how'd you know about that?"
Izzie shrugged. "It's not important. You should just tell her that you love her already."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you love her," Izzie said slowly.
"Iz, we were just sex. And it's over now."
"So, you're okay with that?" Izzie asked.
"With what?" Alex asked impatiently.
"You're okay with being just sex?" Izzie clarified. "You're okay with hooking up with some random woman tonight, while Addison hooks up with some random guy?"
Alex clenched his fists at the thought. "Izzie, if you're trying to make me angry-"
But Izzie interrupted him. "You're okay with just getting on a plane after the wedding's over, and not knowing when you'll see her again? You're okay with you and Addison dating and eventually marrying other people, even though you know that you guys bring out the best in each other, and that nobody else is going to make you as happy as you make each other?"
"Iz, why are you doing this to me?"
"Because your sex arrangement is stupid, and you need to talk to her."
"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Addison, I know we agreed to only have casual sex with each other, but I want more. I hope you do too.'"
"Just tell her how you feel," Izzie smiled.
"Tell her how I feel?" Alex shot back. "Hey, Iz, remember that time we went shopping for bridesmaid dresses together?"
"Of course."
"Remember how I didn't buy one?"
"What's your point, Alex?"
"I'm not a woman! I'm not going to sit down with Addison and talk about my feelings. Besides, even if I wanted something more with Addison-"
"Which you do."
Alex rolled his eyes at her. "Even if I wanted something more with Addison, it would never work out. I mean, I still have another year of residency, we don't live in the same state…and even if we were able to get over all that stuff, she wants a baby…soon."
"So, you don't want kids?"
Alex blushed. "I don't know," he mumbled, looking at the floor.
"Alex, we were married. I know you're lying."
"I always assumed that someone with my history wasn't supposed to have kids, so I never really saw myself as a father," Alex admitted. "But then Addison said that she thought I'd be a good dad, and she told me about the type of kids she could see me having, and I want that, Izzie. I never thought I would, but I do. And I can see myself with kids. It's crazy, but I can."
"Tell me, Alex, when you think about your future children, do they have a mother?"
"Shut up, Izzie."
Izzie ignored him. "You and Addison would have really good looking children. I mean, relationship issues aside, you two are genetic gold mines."
Alex chuckled at this. Izzie wasn't wrong.
"Or I could see you guys adopting," Izzie added quickly.
"She told you?" Alex asked suspiciously.
Izzie nodded. "She doesn't think she can have children. Is that a deal breaker for you?"
"What? Not having biological kids? No."
Izzie smiled at him. "Hey, Alex, do me a favor? Go talk to Addison."
xxxxx
"Hey, Archer," Alex smiled, knocking on the door to the groom's room. "Is Addison with you?"
"She is."
"Great. Can I borrow her for a second?"
"You can. But don't you have something you want to say to me first?"
Alex looked at Archer quizzically. "Um, Izzie looks beautiful," he offered.
"Of course she does. Izzie is beautiful," Archer smiled. "But how do I look?"
"Um, you look nice Archer," Alex chuckled. "Very handsome."
"Thank you," Archer beamed. "I'll get Addie for you."
"Hey," Addison smiled, as she joined Alex in the hallway outside the groom's room.
Alex smiled at the sight of her. "You look, um…wow."
"Thanks," Addison blushed. "You look really nice too. So, um, what's up? Does Izzie need help with her dress or something?"
Alex shifted uncomfortably. "No, Izzie's fine. Her dress looks great. She can't wait to marry your brother."
"Okay, so what's up, Alex?" Addison asked in confusion.
"It's us," Alex explained. "Look, I know our sex agreement ended this morning, but I can't imagine not going home with you tonight…or any night, for that matter, so I was wondering, what would you say about throwing our sex arrangement out the window and giving us a chance?"
Addison felt her pulse quicken. The man that she was in love with wanted to be with her. She wanted to be with Alex. They could have a real shot. But she thought back to her conversation with Izzie and, even though Izzie was convinced that she and Alex could make things work, she knew what she had to do. "I'm sorry, Alex, I can't," she said softly, cringing as she saw the hurt in his eyes.
Alex swallowed hard. "Is it because I still have a year of residency? Is it because we live in different states? Because, Addison, I'll move to LA; I'll finish my residency here."
"Alex."
"Is it because you want a baby?" Alex cut in. "Because I want one too. I know it's crazy and it scares the hell out of me, but I want a baby too."
"Alex, I can't ask you to change your plans for a relationship that may or may not work?"
"Change my plans, Addison?" Alex retorted. "It's a little late for that. My plans changed the day you stuck me on your service. I was going to be a plastic surgeon. I didn't care about my patients; I just wanted to be the jock of the surgical world. I never saw myself going into pediatrics or neonatology, but plans change. Hell, didn't you once tell me that your mother used to say, 'People plan and God laughs'?"
Addison nodded, touched that he remembered that she had told him that.
"So you know as well as anyone that plans mean nothing. So spare me the bullshit about you not wanting to change my plans," Alex finished angrily.
"What do you want me to say?" Addison asked, anger creeping into her voice as well.
"Why won't you give us a chance?" Alex demanded.
"Because I care about you, and I don't want to hurt you."
"Addison, that's the reason I told you that you weren't my girlfriend back in Seattle, and it was stupid because, in the end, we both got hurt. Don't let history repeat itself."
"I'm sorry, Alex," Addison mumbled, fighting back tears. "I can't."
"You're serious?" Alex asked in disbelief.
Addison nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Alex muttered, as he began to walk away. "And just so you know," he said angrily, stopping and turning to face her, "you were never just sex for me, Addison. You could never be just sex."
"You were never just sex for me either," Addison whispered. "You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Alex muttered sarcastically. "I should go. You know…see if Izzie needs help or something."
xxxxx
"So, did you talk to Addison?" Izzie whispered to Alex, as they waited for the wedding procession to begin.
"Yeah."
"How'd it go?"
Alex sighed. "Does it look like it went well?"
"Wh-what happened?" Izzie asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," Alex whispered. "This is your wedding, so let's focus on getting you down the aisle. Oh, hey look, your wedding is starting. Archer's walking down the aisle."
Alex watched in silence as Mark and Callie made their way down the aisle, followed by Sam and Cristina, and then Meredith and Derek. He extended his arm to Addison, refusing to meet her eyes. She looked at him sadly before linking her arm with his, and they began making their way down the aisle.
"Alex," Addison whispered, as they walked down the aisle. "Can we talk?"
"There's nothing to discuss," Alex responded curtly.
"What the hell is going on with Alex and Addison," Archer hissed from his place on the altar. "They look so freakin' awkward."
"Um, Archer," Derek whispered, "we're in church, so you might want to consider watching your language."
"Right, of course," Archer agreed. "I'm sorry, Reverend," he apologized. "But look at them."
"Alex, please talk to me," Addison tried again.
"Not now, Addison," Alex whispered.
"Oh, I am going to kill them," Archer muttered. "Holy shit! Do you think they're sleeping together?"
"Language," Mark coughed.
"Right," Archer said dismissively. "Do your think they're sleeping together?"
"They call each other a lot," Meredith offered. "Pretty much every day."
"Derek, you were married to Addison…what do you think?" Archer pressed.
"I think this is the absolute worst time to be having this conversation," Derek responded.
"You're no help," Archer sighed in exasperation. "Reverend, do you want to weigh in? I mean, you don't know Addie or Alex, but it might be nice to get the opinion of an objective third party. So, come on, it kind of looks like they're sleeping together, right?"
"Alex, I really am sorry," Addison whispered, as they approached the altar.
"Don't be," Alex said coldly, letting go of her arm. "I get it." And, with that, he began walking away from the altar, towards the back of the church.
"Where the hell is he going?" Archer demanded. "Addison, what the hell is going on with you two?"
Addison felt a lump begin to form in her throat. She could feel her legs shaking. "Should I go after him?" she choked out to Derek, who was standing next to her.
"I'd just let things play out," Derek advised, putting a reassuring hand on Addison's shoulder. "Archer's already causing enough of a scene; you don't need to add to it."
"Okay," Addison agreed, fighting back tears. "You-you really think he's leaving?" she asked. "He wouldn't just leave the wedding, right?"
"I don't know," Derek said softly.
"Addison, are you and Alex sleeping together?" Archer demanded.
But Addison didn't answer her brother. She didn't even hear him. Her eyes, misting over with tears, were glued to Alex, who had just reached the back of the church.
"Alex, what are you doing?" Izzie asked in confusion, as Alex walked up to her.
"Walking you down the aisle," he said simply, extending his arm to her. "You shouldn't have to walk down alone."
"Thank you, Alex," Izzie smiled, linking her arm with his. "Addison really is good for you."
"Izzie, this has nothing to do with Addison," Alex assured her.
"Trust me, Alex, this has everything to do with Addison. But either way, I appreciate this."
Alex did his best to return her smile. "You ready?" he asked.
"Ready," Izzie grinned, as they began making their way down the aisle.
"Oh thank God," Archer muttered, as Alex and Izzie walked towards him.
Addison breathed a sigh of relief, still fighting back the tears that were threatening to escape her eyes. Look at me, Alex, she pleaded silently. Look at me. He did – they met each other's pain-filled eyes for a brief second, but Alex quickly looked away.
"Wow, who knew Evil Spawn could be nice? Even gentlemen-like?" Cristina whispered to Callie.
"Oh, come on," Callie whispered back, "you know as well as anyone that Alex is a good guy."
"He looks like a broken guy to me," Cristina observed, as Alex and Izzie reached the altar. Alex gave Izzie a kiss on the cheek, and took his place next to Meredith.
"Are you okay?" Meredith whispered to him.
"Fine," he whispered back.
"Dearly beloved," the reverend began, "we are-"
"Izzie," Archer whispered, "what's going on with Alex and Addison?"
The reverend looked at Archer disapprovingly.
"Dearly beloved," the reverend began again, "we-"
"I'm sorry, Reverend," Archer interrupted, "but something is going on between my best man and Izzie's maid of honor, and I want to know what it is, so Addie…Alex…one of you better start talking."
At first, neither answered – the church was dead silent. Alex looked over at Addison, who was still struggling to keep her composure. He knew she'd keep it together; her mother taught her never to cry in public, and Addison was a people pleaser but, still, it didn't look like she was going to be offering Archer an explanation any time soon. So he broke the silence. "I'm sorry Archer," he apologized. "Something was going on between us. Or, at least, I thought that something was going on. But it's over now."
Archer looked at Addison. "Addie?" he asked softly. She nodded her head sadly. "Well, okay then," he said, and the wedding ceremony resumed.
"It's over?" Meredith whispered, pulling at Alex's sleeve. "It's really over?"
Alex looked over at Addison, and swallowed hard. "Yeah, Mer, it's over."
