Chapter Eight: The Bitter Hell Which Guides Us
"Good morning, lover." said a female voice. I stir awake.
"This is definitely new. I've never had this kind of feeling before. Having a gorgeous beauty in my arms in the morning." I pull the girl on top of me, wrapping my arms around her. Relishing the warmth.
She laughs. "You really need a shower, Mr. Ranky."
I sniff myself. "I don't think I'm that bad. Besides, I'm feeling really comfy right now." I emphasize by squeezing her tight. She squeals. "Are you going to be mean and kick me off?"
"Actually, you're the only thing that's keeping me warm. I like where I am." That makes two of us. Her long russet hair draped down the sides of her face, spilling all around the bed.
"Me too." So this is what it feels like to hold someone. I like it - a lot. It's strange. I'm holding a complete stranger, but I don't feel scared about that. And she seems to like me embracing her too.
"You're not going to try and do me are you?" What a weird question.
"Why would you think that?"
"In my experience, girl on top means 'bang'." Those words tugged at my heart.
"Would you feel better if I said I don't believe in sex till marriage?"
"Very."
"Then you have nothing to worry about." She nuzzled my neck.
"I barely know you, but I feel okay like this."
I did too. I always wanted to embrace Naru like this... I wonder if she felt this same feeling with someone else and that was why Naru cheated on me. Yeah, right. Anytime I so much as touched her, she'd go ballistic. How ironic that the intimacy I wanted could be found somewhere else. But, then how come she could be with another guy? "Do you think I'm repulsive?"
"Not really." She planted her hands next to my chest and looked down at me. "Or do you think I'm easy?" Women easy? Puh-lease.
"It's not that, it's just... I had a girlfriend before who hated me touching her."
"Seriously? Maybe she's a lesbian."
"What?" I stood up on eye level with her. That would make a lot of sense, but I know Naru is definitely straight.
"I mean, I can't speak for all women, but I like hugs and caressing."
"Not hugs and kisses?" She sat and crossed her legs.
"Kissing is a different thing. Having a kiss stolen makes me feel like shit. Kissing to turn me on usually feels like shit. And the most aggravating of all, kissing on the cheek feels like shit!"
I'm surprised to say the least. Looking at her closely, I guess she is hard to resist. "I can understand the first two, but why the cheek?"
"Because it's a sneaky thing to do."
"Sneaky? I thought it was a nice thing."
"Maybe because you're a guy, but men get frisky when they think they've got permission to go beyond the friendship mark."
Couldn't disagree with that. Had the same problem with Naru. "But how do you when to be intimate with someone you love?"
"Can't say. I've never been in love."
"Never?" I thought girls fall in and out love all the time.
"By my definition. Yeah, never."
Then my brain turned on. "Aren't you the girl I met last night?"
"You're just now realizing that?" she sighs. "Which probably means you think I'm a bitch. Fuck." Christ, how could I forget those celadon eyes and that face?
"You did try to steal my stuff. And you are the reason I tangoed with the Duchess. But that's neither here or there. Right now I just want to know what you're definition of love is."
"Why? So you can fuck me over like every other asshole I've ever been with?"
"No, because I think that you might have the solution to my problem."
"You being single?"
I sigh. "I'm just going to ignore all of your jabs, alright? I honestly want to know you're perspective."
"Fine. Your probably just leading me on, but I don't think you can love someone. I think you can learn to like someone, but love just doesn't exist in my world."
"What do you mean by like?"
"You know, as in being able to care about someone."
"Isn't that the same as love?"
"No, it isn't."
"How so?"
"Love is when you're absolutely dedicated to one person and you can't ever live without that person. Liking someone means that you can be with anyone."
"But that isn't fair to the person that you're with."
"Yeah, well any relationship I've been in ends when I find about him being with another girl or vice versa. So I really try not to be the one getting dumped. I'm not too worried about being alone though, because there's always someone else who thinks I'm attractive."
"And you're okay with that?"
"You aren't?"
"No, I'm not. That way of thinking just means you're fickle."
"All women and all men are all equally fickle."
"Not me. I can only be dedicated to one person. I want more than just a fling. If I get in a relationship, I'm only in it for the long haul."
She looked at me with disbelief. "You're the first guy I've ever met who thinks that."
"Well--"
"Good morning, boys and girls." the Duchess hollered as she came through the door. "I trust that you had a good night's rest Kiara-chan, Sir Galahad?"
"Enough with the Sir Galahad, my lady. May I inquire why you are here so early in the morning?"
She frowned. "It's nine o'clock, a perfectly acceptable hour to present one's self. And I will call you whatever I please, Sir Galahad. In the future, refrain from any commands directed at me... for the repercussions are quite severe."
The Duchess's tone implied she wasn't kidding. "I will take in under advisement, my lady."
"See that you do." she switched her attention to Kiara. "Are you ready for your fist job, kitty?"
"It's not like I have much of a choice..."
"Of course you do! Why, I could set you up as one of my paramour's and have you pay off your debt in a matter of years!"
"Did I say I didn't have a choice? I meant to say, I'm at your service Duchess!"
"My car is waiting outside." Kiara practically ran out the door.
"That was cruel, my lady."
"What? Letting her choose to pay off her debt faster is hardly callous, Sir Galahad."
"How kind of you to find a synonym for whore."
"Are you finished? I have serious business to discuss with you."
"Right now? No offense intended, my lady. But Kiara-san is waiting for us."
"She can wait."
"But-"
"Why are you so eager to be with her? I realize that your nature is chivalrous to a fault, yet you seem quite irritable. Did something happen between the two of you that I should know about?"
I frown. "I'm sorry, my lady. But that is none of your business."
"I see." Those words had an underlying tone of disappointment to them. How odd. "Come, Sir Galahad."
"Didn't you have something to discuss with me?"
"I have forgotten about it. Come along now, we have much to do and so little time." I follow her out the door without question. This day just got a whole lot more complicated.
