IX. Blackboard
-—Professor Binns looks a bit different today.
November, 1974


Sirius hates History class.

Of course, so does everyone else. Binns is a nice guy (if rather old), but he's just so boring. Seriously, sitting at the podium and just reading out of the book all class? It's the quickest and most efficient way to fall asleep that Hogwarts has ever known.

Obviously, there are the few people who actually try to stay awake and pay attention. Snivellus is always so attentive to the lecture, his greasy nose barely missing the parchment as he copies down every word. Sirius would make fun of him all class if he didn't doze off.

Even Remus doesn't bother to try and pay attention anymore; he's usually either doing homework for other classes or getting caught up on sleep, especially around the full moon... As he puts it, "We can just read the textbook later, on our own time. There's no point in listening to him talk."

(That's implying, of course, that Sirius even knows what a textbook is. He has a vague idea—he's seen them often enough while Remus or Lily is studying—but he hasn't seen one up close in years.)

(He'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.)

And so the four of them walk into History class, dreading every second of the lecture. They always sit in the back (James swears the chairs are more comfortable there) and don't even bother pulling out parchment and quill; Remus drops his bag on the desk, planning to use it as a makeshift pillow; Peter buries his head in his arms, trying to find a comfortable position; Sirius and James share a glance, deciding whether to goof off or sleep all class.

It's a tough decision, but they finally decide to sleep. After all, they've been up working on their Animagi transformations for the past week, and they could use the shut-eye.

So Sirius mirrors Remus, unceremoniously throwing his bag onto the desk and planning on getting a good hour and a half of sleep before Transfiguration starts. (McGonagall will skin him if he sleeps in her class, after all.) Before he can properly doze off, however, someone screams and falls out of his chair near the front.

Sirius' head snaps up. They hadn't planned any pranks for today; there was nothing out of the ordinary in the classroom when they walked in; what...?

His gaze finds the front of the room, where Snivellus is slowly picking himself up off the floor and not looking away from the blackboard. Sirius is ready with some smart-mouthed comment about Snape's arse, but as he follows his line of sight, all rational thought flees his brain like Snape flees from shampoo.

There is a head. Sticking out of the blackboard.

And it's not just any head.

It's Binns'.

Sirius is wide awake now, gaping with mouth wide open as the Binns-ghost phases the rest of the way through the blackboard, glancing around at the class. "Excellent, you all are here. Perkins, would you mind shutting the door...?"

James, who has long-since been known as Perkins to Binns (and occasionally Sirius, when he's in a joking mood—which is always), stands up slowly and heads toward the door, staring at Binns all the while. Everyone else in the class is giving their professor the fish-eye, because he just became a goddamn ghost overnight and what the hell are they supposed to do?

Binns starts his lecture as if nothing is out of the ordinary, not once glancing up from his textbook or giving any sort of indication that he realizes that he's a ghost. Usually, by this time, most of the class would be asleep...but Sirius doesn't think they've all been so awake during History in years.

"Should...should we tell someone?" Evans whispers from her seat next to Snivellus, her brow scrunched in alarm. "Dumbledore—McGonagall—"

Sirius glances dubiously up at the professor, who is droning on as always. He's totally oblivious to their terror, and Sirius wonders vaguely if he would notice if they all just up and left. "I'm...not sure he knows he's a ghost," he says finally. Dying was one thing; Binns was old—older even than Dumbledore—but this is just beyond bizarre. Surely, you would notice something like that?

Their dilemma is resolved, though, when the classroom door slams open, and McGonagall runs in. Her face is pasty white and her glasses are askew; her eyes lock immediately onto Professor Binns, who seems unaware of her entrance.

"Cuthbert!" She sounds alarmed—more alarmed that Sirius has ever heard her—and he would probably laugh if this situation wasn't so horrifying. "Cuthbert, is that you?"

By some miracle, Binns actually looks up, squinting at McGonagall through his tiny—ghostly—glasses. "Yes, Minerva. Did you need something?"

"You—but—" Her eyes are impossibly wide as she stares around at the class. "He just came in like this?"

"Through the blackboard, Professor," Mary Macdonald supplies helpfully. "We were gonna come and get you but..."

"You are dismissed," she says hurriedly, waving them all toward the door. None of them need to be told twice; they've vacated the room within seconds, standing awkwardly outside as if not sure what to do. Their professor is dead, for Merlin's sake; this doesn't even make sense... What's supposed to happen now?

Well, Sirius admits as they finally disperse to their common rooms, that was weird.