Dream
I see a man. A tall man. A strong man. A heroic man. A familiar man. One with shoulder length sandy brown hair and green-gold eyes. I'd know this man anywhere.
"Dad!"
Eagerly, I start to run into his arms. Wait. Something's happening to him.
He's dying!
"No! Don't leave me here! Please!" I desperately try using my healing magic, even though I know it won't work.
He's gone! "NO!"
End Dream
"Nooo!" I start to shake as tears and wing-scales fall. I find myself looking down and whimpering.
"I'm here. Shh. It's O.K. As your brother, I'm always going to be here." "I know you are. But I can't seem to stop shaking. Even though I know I'm safe. I just feel really scared right now." "Then let my presence take away the fear." "I don't have a problem with that." "I also want you to know that brothers are there for so many reasons." He sits down next to me. "And I will always be yours."
I slowly look up. "Yeah, I knew that. No worries Babs. I know I have a sister too." She smiles. "Good. Don't forget it." Kaylee shows up, a smile on her face. "You'll always have me too...What happened to your knuckles?" After she's filled in, she smiles a little wider. "You still have me." "Thanks, Kaylee, I'm flattered. Honestly." "Families stick together. Don't you know that?" I bite my lip as I remember my Father telling me that and a few other things in a voice only I could hear. In a small voice, words finally come out of me. "Yeah, I know that. I just remember someone else telling me that first."
Tears start to fall down my face as a memory threatens to invade. Even though I try my hardest to push it back, it comes...I'm 11 years old and flying while my Dad watches. When I land, I smile. "I was flying on your wings Dad." "I suppose you were. What's more I know that you'll fight for what's right, with courage as your light..." "Because you make me believe I can." He smiles. "That's good to hear, my flower who will do great things." "With you to guide me, yes, I'm sure I'll do great things." We both head inside, smiles still on our faces...I bite my lip and look down, feeling myself starting to shake again, while shedding tears and wing-scales.
"When my Dad was there for me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together is inside my heart
And when I was sad, he was there to dry my tears
And when I was happy, so was he, when my Dad was there
Through the summer and the fall, I had him, standing tall
Just he and I together, because it was meant to be
And when I felt lonely, he was there to comfort me
And I knew my Dad was there...
When my Dad was there for me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together is inside my heart
When my Dad was there for me*
Looking back at the beginning of this And how life was...Living it like an ocean But now the current's only pulling me down It feels hard just to breathe I feel like any minute I will go under**"
I slowly look up then grab my pick. I sing as I trace the letters on it.
"I'll meet you there No matter where life takes me to I'll meet you there And even if I need you here I'll meet you there...So many things remind me of you I hope that you can hear me I miss you...You're gone away I'm left alone A part of me is gone And I'm not moving on So wait for me I know the day will come...And even if I need you here I'll meet you there I'll meet you there...And where I go you'll be here with me Forever you'll be right here with me...I'll meet you there...***"
Dick smiles. "Now you're getting it. He's always going to be there with you. Always and forever. Living on in your heart and mind." "I seem to forget that sometimes but, yes, Mr. Adult, I know that."
Babs and Kaylee grin then speak in unison. "Mr. Adult?"
An impish smile spreads across my face. "Uh huh. Why don't you ask him how he got that name?"
He grins, rolls his eyes, then tells the story.
When he finishes, I smile a little wider. "You know, Dick, there's a couple jokes I've been meaning to tell you. Babs and Kaylee, you guys can listen too." His grin widens. "This should be good." My smile gets a little bigger. "What's the most agile type of bat?" Babs rolls her eyes. "I think he should know the answer..." "An acrobat." His eyes light up. "Aha!" "Alright. Glad you liked it so much. Babs, you'll probably like this one too. What did the policeman say to the mime he was arresting?" She rolls her eyes again. "I've heard this..." "You have the right to remain silent." "You know, that wasn't funny the first time I heard it..." Dick's laughing. "That's priceless. I shall make a good pun teller out of you." Babs rolls her eyes yet again. "If you ask me that's one heck of a mission. Not exactly one I want to witness being pulled off." "Fun sucker." "Is that a term of endearment? Geez, I love you too."
Kaylee howls with laughter. I find myself laughing too. "Aren't you guys just great flirts?" Dick rolls his eyes. "Just you wait." "Ooh. Was that a threat? I'm weally scared." I bite my lip as I remember Dad telling me that one day I'll find a boy and what he said about him. My eyes well up with tears and I feel wing-scales fall. Dick looks at me. "H? You O.K?" I find myself telling about the memory in a small, pained voice. After I finish, I bite my lip. I whisper under my breath. "But it did happen. September 1st became the day that changed my life forever. I-I didn't even get to say Goodbye. Despite everything I had, there was nothing I could do. I had my world robbed from me because of some punk with a gun."
Dick's eyes widen a little. "You sound just like Bruce when you said those last four words." "I did? Is that a good or bad thing?" "Not exactly sure how to answer that question. Babs, what about you?" "Given what words you said exactly like Bruce, I think I'd have to say somewhere in between. But, out of all the ways...H, I'm sorry." "Why do they say that? Are they looking for forgiveness?"
Dick sighs. "They're probably saying it an in attempt to make you feel better. I've found it works better if the person who says it understands, even in the smallest way, what you're going through." "Is the voice of experience talking?" "Well, as the saying goes, it is the best teacher." "Huh. I don't remember getting any lessons from a Mr. Experience. What does he look like?" "Everybody sees him in a different way." "Just out of curiosity, how does he look to you?" "A combination of my Dad and Bruce in every way."
I bite my lip and nod. Makes perfect sense to me. I find myself looking down again.
"What I wouldn't give for one more day with you
One more day where I could walk by your side
One more day seeing you there for me
Just like you used to be
Dad, this is me, your flower
With you gone I've never felt the same
Dad, I know I'm still your little girl
But I wish you hadn't gone away
What I wouldn't give for one more hour with you
One more hour knowing you're mine
One more hour seeing you there for me
Just like you used to be
Dad, this is me, your flower
With you gone I've never felt the same
Dad, I know I'm still your little girl
But I wish you hadn't gone away
What I wouldn't give for one more minute with you
One more minute feeling safe in your arms
One more minute seeing you there for me
Just like you used to be
Dad, this is me, your flower
With you gone I've never felt the same
Dad, I know I'm still your little girl
But I wish you hadn't gone away
Even though I know that in my heart and mind you stay
I still wish you hadn't gone away
I really wish you hadn't gone away"
"H, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to put my foot in my mouth." "I know you didn't. It's fine."
I clench my teeth biting back a smart mouth retort. Though, to be honest, it's only with my current situation that I've snapped at him. I find myself looking up really slowly.
"How come the pain doesn't go away? Because mine feels impossible to deal with." I try hard to stop my next words but they come out anyway. "You make it look so easy!" I clap my right hand over my mouth. "Dick, I'm sorry. I did not mean to say that. I really didn't. I know I put my foot square in my mouth." "It's O.K. To be fair, for me, it's been a little more than a decade. I know it's been a lot less time for you which probably explains what I was told about the pain from your non-physical wound."
Kaylee smiles sadly. "It's been even less time for me." She fills us in on the circumstance behind the death of her parents.
A wry smile crosses Dick's face. "A police officer gave you the news?" "Yeah, that's what I said." "Do you have anything wrong with them?" "No...Why? Wait a minute. You are one, aren't you?" "Yes, he is. That and I'm the daughter of the G.C.P.D. commissioner." "Commissioner?" "Very high position." "Then you must be proud."
Dick smiles. "Deja vu. Sort of."
Kaylee looks confused. I fill her in. She nods. "Well, we do have quite a few things in common." "Yeah, we do. Except your wings aren't turning gray. That's a color that Dark Fey had on their wings so it's not one I want on mine!"
His eyes widen. "No wonder you're terrified. I may know hardly anything but Dark Fey but still. I can get what this means to you. Well, actually, the only Dark Fey I saw was..." "Ruber, the one who convinced Luthor to kill my Dad. He also cut off my wings and kidnapped me. So this means I-I...I really don't like this. Granted, all Dark Fey were stripped of their magic and wings. They were also banished and imprisoned by the Light Fey. But I feel like I'm turning into one of them!" "H, you're not. You're always going to be half Light Fey. I've known you for 12 years so you can take my word for it."
I nod, still feeling a little terrified and, maybe because of that, not sure what to say.
It's rare that I feel not sure what to say and Dick knows that. Which explains why he looks concerned. Why he asks me if I'm O.K.
I just shake my head and whisper, under my breath, that I feel really scared.
Not like anyone here could blame me for feeling that way.
*altered lyrics for Sarah McLachan's When She Loved Me
**3 Doors Down It's Not My Time (slightly modified)
***Simple Plan's Meet You There
