Gohan stood in the middle of his living room staring at the door that had just a few minutes before closed shut by the woman he had shared his life with. Inwardly his emotions roiled and tumbled clashing against one another in an effort to figure out exactly how he was supposed to feel; happiness or great depression?
'This is what I wanted, wasn't it?' He thought to himself sitting down hard on the floor causing the furniture to jump slightly. 'I mean she knows. The worst part is over and she is out of our lives. I don't have to worry about her constantly trying to take the attention away from my daughter. Now Vegeta and I can…we will be….Vegeta…' Gohan felt his train of thought come to a screeching halt at the thought of exactly what Vegeta would do simply because he didn't know.
He was more than sure that one of two things would happen. The first being the man would be overjoyed, in his own way that finally he would be able to be with the family that he said was the only one he had ever truly wanted. The second scenario wasn't as pretty as the first. Vegeta would be enraged that their secret had been found out because if Videl found out then Bulma could find out and all of the nice perks that Vegeta enjoyed by living with a multi billionaire heiress would be gone. He would cease to be able to do as he pleased when he pleased without having to worry about monetary value of such things and live a simpler life. Granted that without Videls money now things would be harder for him as well but at least if Vegeta would accepting to let go of all of the material things that life had given him since taking up residence on the planet earth then they would be fine.
From upstairs Pan's muffled small whimper could be heard as she probably struggled against her blanket to turn over. Gohans eyes moved to rest on the stairs at the sound and smirked beside himself. It was hard for him to believe at times that it hadn't been too long ago that Pan had come into existence. The night that she was conceived had been no different from any other that he and Vegeta had shared in the span of their relationship. The sex had been rough, as it normally was, leaving both sweaty and exhausted. Gohan had lain in Vegeta's arms afterwards breathing heavily and had felt his lover stroke his abdomen.
"Bulma has been bothering me about having another child." He had scoffed as if the idea were insane. Gohan had felt his insides twist at the thought of another person giving birth to his child and had shuddered.
"You say like it's a bad thing Vegeta." He had replied closing his eyes as he pressed himself closer to the other form behind him.
"I don't understand the need to procreate any longer. I have my heir." He said burying his face in Gohans hair.
"What if we were to have our own child Vegeta?" He asked suddenly. He had felt the small energy spike in his lover's energy but if it was out of happiness or annoyance he wasn't able to tell.
"Don't be ridiculous." Vegeta whispered effectively ending the conversation. A month later was when Gohan had first felt the small energy. At first he thought that maybe it was someone from far away, Krillian or Yamcha maybe, but shook it off after a few minutes as he searched out to feel for it finding nothing. It wasn't until the idea struck him to search inwardly did he find it. A small spike of energy sporadically as his daughter began to take form with in his body caused him to pass out. When he awoke Goten and Trunks were hovering over him. They had moved him to the sofa and began the barrage of fifty questions. He answered them until they were ensured that he was in fact fine and had excused himself to his room. He knew that Vegeta had come by earlier in the day to spar with Goku and if with any luck he would be back once they were done.
A few hours passed painfully for Gohan as he waited to tell his lover the news and wondered exactly how he would take it. After was seemed an eternity of waiting Vegeta made his presence known by tossing an insult at his sparring partner.
"Low level piece of sayijin refuse." He had spewed out as the two walked into the kitchen. Goku, who was used to his meaningless insults, simply laughed it off. Gohan smirked to himself as he felt his face flush. Quickly he jumped up and walked over to the kitchen catching both males eyes.
"Hey Vegeta do you have time for one more bout with me?" He asked watching his lover drink his body in with his eyes. Vegeta smirked dangerously.
"Always brat." He replied. The two managed to exit the house after Gohan assured both parents that he would be back in time for dinner. The couple sat down next to the stream that cut through the woods far enough away from the house and covered by the brush to be able to go unseen by two certain demis if they decided to go exploring. Vegeta kissed Gohan passionately running his tongue along his bottom lip moving down slowly to his neck nipping at it. Gohan wrapped an arm around Vegetas neck and grabbed onto one of his hands placing it against his stomach.
"Vegeta I love you." Gohan stated ellicitating a small grunt from the other man in acknowledgement that he had been heard. "I just hope that our baby has your eyes." He said suddenly causing the older male to stop and back away suddenly as if he had been injured. Gohan felt his heart pound against his breast bone as his ears began to ring.
"What did you just say?" He asked his eyes wide in the dimming light creating shadows underneath them. Gohan smiled sitting back on his knees while he placed both hands against his stomach.
"Vegeta I'm going to make you a father. We're having a baby." He replied his happiness clouded by Vegeta's look of pure shock that was written clearly across his face. "Say something." Gohan said after a few moments had passed between them silently. Vegeta shook his head forcefully from side to side before standing up.
"We can't…we can't have this Gohan. This…this thing needs to go away." He said pacing back and forth in front of the younger demi. Gohan stated up at him wide eyed.
"Wha-what?" He asked feeling his head become light.
"You heard me. I order you to get rid of it!" Vegeta had barked down at him causing Gohans oncoming hurt to turn into pure rage. He stood quickly to stare Vegeta down.
"Like hell I will. This baby is mine, yours! I refuse!" He replied.
"Gohan listen to me. How exactly do you think that everyone will react when they find out about it? Tell me how well that harpy mother of yours will take it? Or Kakarot? Or the world? Do you really think that you could simply just get away with this going unnoticed? " Vegeta had said holding no malice in his voice.
"Vegeta I want to do this for you. I want this for us!" Gohan cried out falling against his lover feeling Vegeta snake his arms around his waist holding him to him tightly.
"It would never work. They can't know. You know that. We've been over it a dozen times." He said feeling the other mans tears fall against his neck as he sobbed and eventually nodded his head.
"Alright Vegeta, alright. I'll do what you want. I'll get rid of it." He had said finally causing a sigh of relief to escape from Vegeta. After a quick kiss Vegeta was gone flying home alongside his son to the family he cared about. Gohan was left feeling sick inside and alone. By chance Videl was visiting that night as a small surprise. It had been years since the two had seen each other and aside from one date had never pursued much more than a friendship. In an instant Gohan devised his plan.
Now nearly three and half years later Gohan berated himself for that choice.
"Maybe it would have been best to simply have gotten rid of…" He shook his head forcefully to rid himself of the thought. He stood quickly crossing into his study room and grabbed the phone off of the charger. He dialed the number that he knew by heart and waited as the other line rang.
"Hello, Bulma here." The voice on the other end answered cheerfully only causing Gohans heart to clench further.
"Hey Bulma, it's Gohan." He replied.
"Oh hey Gohan; how's everything? So I guess you guys all know the big secret now too huh?" She asked good naturedly.
"Secret?" He asked his voice becoming hoarse as his throat suddenly became parched.
"Yeah you know about Trunks and Goten being a serious item apparently." She said. Gohan let out a sigh of relief as he nodded.
"Oh yeah that. I know it was pretty surprising." He said.
"I know I mean personally I never would have guessed that my son would ever want to be with another guy but it's Goten and you guys are family already so its fine by me. As long as he's happy." She said.
"Yeah I know what you mean. Hey Bulma is there any chance that Vegeta is around there was something that my dad wanted to tell him but you know how he is with picking up a telephone." Gohan said his voice masking the panic he suddenly felt rise up in side of him.
"Yeah no kidding tell me about it. Hold on a sec." She said putting the receiver down. Gohan knew that Vegeta hated the idea of taking on a phone but knew that he needed to know what had happened. In the two years since Pan had been born he had always taken an interest in her life and Gohan knew that it pained him not to see his daughter on a daily basis.
"What?" The voice asked from the other end gruffly.
"Vegeta it's Gohan." He replied.
"What do you want brat?" He asked his tone taking on a softer note at the sound of Gohans voice.
"Videl
left. She knows." He said taking a deep
breath.
"Well how in the hell did that
happen?" Vegeta asked anger vehemently lacing his
words.
"She guessed it." Gohan responded feeling at a sudden loss of words and nerve.
"Why didn't you deny it?" He shouted making Gohan wary if Bulma was around but knew Vegeta would make up a believable story if she asked at all.
"I-I tried I really tried." He said feeling the tears build behind his lower lids.
"Obviously not hard enough! It's bad enough that you decided to go against what I initially told you and proceed with…with things but now, this. What the hell do you expect from me!" He stated causing Gohan to shudder considerably. He knew that Vegeta at the moment had hit his maximum rage point and he was grateful that sparks were not shooting out of the receiver.
"I just want you Vegeta. I want you to be here with us. You said after she was born that we were all you needed. Why aren't you here?" Gohan asked his voice choking as he sobbed causing his head to throb due to lack of much needed oxygen.
"What I need is for you to get the hell out of my life! You're more trouble then what you're worth brat! You and that…that thing of yours!" He shouted into the phone and hung up banging it down causing Gohan to yell at the sound that rung in his ears.
"What I need is for you to get the hell out of my life! You're more trouble then what you're worth brat! You and that…that thing of yours!" He shouted into the phone and hung up banging it down causing Gohan to yell at the sound that rung in his ears.
He held the receiver away from his ear for a few minutes staring at it before hanging it back on its hook. His previous state of heightened awareness had worn off leaving him feeling sluggish. His eyes glanced at his surroundings slowly as he attempted to shake off the daze he knew that he was in too no avail. His heart palpitated erratically causing his stomach to churn and his head to spin. How could Vegeta have been so harsh? He could remember a few instances as a child where the older male had spoken gruffly to others but never directly to him. He could never fully remember a time that Vegeta's anger had reached the point of fury with him. He could recall a few times from when he was a child that Vegeta became frustrated with him and had lashed out but now…Gohan placed a hand over his eyes and let out a shaky breath. His chest tightened with each breath that he struggled to take in only causing him to gasp for more air and the sobs to come harder.
From upstairs Pan again let out a soft cry causing Gohan to cast his gaze towards the stairs. If it hadn't been for her then things between them would be fine still. She had caused so many complications, too many problems. Gohan felt his legs move towards the stairs as his thoughts turned in his head. If he had just listened to Vegeta then he would never have had to lie to Videl or his family. He wouldn't have had to worry daily 'what if' the baby had resembled her father. What would everyone think if they realized how much she had in fact inherited from the prince like the way her hair stuck up at times to a straight point on top of her hair or the fiery look that her chocolate eyes could hold in the throes of a tantrum. Videl had figured it out so why hadn't anyone else?
Gohan stopped in front of the nursery door and listened to his daughter babble happily and giggle probably talking to the animals that adorned the border of her bedroom wall. She was the cause of his trouble if she wasn't around, if she had never been born then everything would still be fine. Gohan felt his hand fall upon the door knob and tighten around it as his thoughts turned darker. Different scenarios began to come to mind as he tightened his grip on the knob. He could get things done easy enough and get rid of her afterwards. A fake kidnapping story he supposed would be the best. Some alien or other had shown up demanding Goku and became increasingly displeased with Gohans lack of willingness to give his father up and as punishment had taken his daughter. He knew that he could shift his energy in a way so that to others it would seem foreign. He felt a tight smirk fall upon his lips as his thoughts snuffed out any logic that would heed him in his dark plan. He felt his wrist turn the knob as the door cracked open slightly. He stood in the door way for a moment looking in at the small form of his daughter. She made no move to indicate she needed something and her cries had stopped.
Slowly Gohan felt his feet move of their own accord as he felt logical thought shrink away to the back recess's of his skull. He felt it fall dormant and he knew that he would be able to carry out his plan. Exactly how he was going to play it out he was uncertain but knew that if he and Vegeta were to ever truly be together he would have to correct his mistake. He stood over the girl watching as she breathed in and out slowly indicating that she slept peacefully as her eyes twitched under their lids filling her head with sweet dreams. Normally he would smile to himself and marvel at how proud he was of his child simply because she was his but tonight there was no smile, save for the small twitch that seemed to be plaguing the corners of his mouth. He tore his attention away from her looking around the room for something. He could simply blast her into oblivion, that was a given but even in his state of mind it seemed to final. Undoubtedly he would be able to hide his crime whether there was evidence or not. His gaze turned to the corner of the room where the window seat sat to the array of different stuffed animals that lay on top of it piled on each other. One in particular caught his attention as he strode towards it and picked it up.
For Pan's first birthday Goten and his parents had given her the big plush duckling that was still twice her size. Her turned it over looking at it for a moment before taking it in two hands and walking over slowly back towards the small toddler bed. His heart beat wildly in his chest as gallons of adrenaline seemed to pump through his blood stream causing his head to become even hazier nearly causing him to lose his balance more than once. It seemed to take an eternity to read the girl again when in reality the dormant logical part of his brain knew that it was only a few seconds. He stopped by the side of her bed by her head holding the plush toy in both of his hands. He felt his body begin to shake his knees threatening to spill him onto the floor as beads of sweat formed on his brow spilling down into his eyes to sting and cause an overall nuisance.
'A few moments is all it will take. That's all it took to create her and that's all it will take to get rid of her.' He thought to himself feeling his eyes shut tightly as his heart clenched painfully in his chest. His muscles became rigid and his breathing labored as he forced his eyes back open to attend to the matter at hand. 'She'll never know true pain or sadness. It will all just be like a sweet dream. This life will be nothing more than a past memory for her and she can go to other world and be reborn to a real family and not this bizarre freakish existence I condemned her too.'
He watched his arms extend forward as his hands gripped the toy nearly ripping it in half with the amount of force it took to hold onto it. The toy inched lower to her face with each passing tick of the small unicorn clock that hung on her wall. Gohan brought it back a few times unable to cover he small face and smother out her small breaths of air before at last resolving. 'It's the only way.' He brought the toy back down with no hesitation. It was mere centimeters away from her face when the door bell rang for the front door.
Gohan stopped dead in his action staring blankly down. When the bell rang a second time he blinked his eyes a few times and shook his head. In an instant his mind become more aware of his surroundings. He looked around taking note that he was in his daughters room and looked down to see the large plush toy very close to his daughters head. He tossed it to the other side of the room and took a few steps back his entire body seizing with a trembling that he couldn't seem to shake. He ran a hand through his hair and down his face as tears burned in his eyes as he realized what he had nearly done. He had nearly sacrificed everything in a mere few moments. One more second and it all would have been gone. Distraught he quickly exited the room shaking his head as he made his way downstairs unsure of why he had chosen that particular direction to go. He surmised it was the best option since it was the farthest away from his child when the door bell rang. He stopped halfway down the stairs staring at the hallway that led to the front door. He felt his hand clutch the banister as he nearly tripped over his own feet. The thought of having to see someone at that particular time seemed nearly impossible only wondering briefly who it could be. Videl he supposed to grab some of her things. Goten and Trunks possibly, it was late and if Chi-Chi had decided to kick his brother out he didn't blame them for not wanting to make the trek to west city this late at night. One last person came to mind and that of course was Vegeta.
Perhaps he had thought things through and decided that this was in fact where he belonged. He would open the door and there his prince would be standing there with his arms crossed and frown on his lips already frustrated by the fact that he had flown out there in the middle of the night only to be ignored. Gohan would wrap his arms around him and bury his head into his shoulder. He could already feel his lovers arms snake around his waist and his face be turned to the others as their lips would touch. Tentatively at first since they hadn't seen each other in a while but that would soon turn into a heated passionate kiss as Gohan would be nearly pushed into the house and clothes would be ripped from his body. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs he could already feel Vegeta's calloused hands grabbing at his muscle and pinching at his nipples causing pleasure to run down his spine and scatter throughout his body. He walked into the hallway stopping in front of the door just as he imagined what it would feel like when his prince finally decided that enough was enough and he was ready to take what was his. Gohan's hand fell to the door latch unlocking it before opening the door.
He felt his eyes well as tears fell down his cheeks in cascades as he took in the person on the other side that stood a few inches away from him. With a sob he wrapped his arms around the other and buried his face into the strong chest. Goku glanced down at his eldest son taken back by the sudden display.
"Go-Gohan?" He asked cautiously wrapping his arms around his son. The way that he held onto him reminded him of how Gohan was as a small child. He smiled gently at the memory of his small screaming child clinging to him because he had seen a bug that had scared him or he had fallen down and scraped his knees but it had been well over twenty years since he had shown any display like the one he was putting on now. "Son, what's wrong?" Gohan only sobbed harder clutching at his father more desperately.
After a few minutes Goku managed to walk him into the house and sit him on the couch. He held the shuddering form close to his body as he rested his face against the course hair that smelled of mango. After a few more minutes Gohan managed to calm his breathing down as his sobs become small hiccups every so often. Goku took the opportunity pry his sons strong grip off of him to hold him out as arms length. Gohan rubbed at his eyes to clear them of the tears that still seemed to drip from them and found himself looking at his father. Even after all the years Goku remained the same as he always had. His features were strong yet at the same time wore the sweet innocence that only he were able to maintain. At the moment concern furrowed his brow as his mouth was turned down concern deep in his eyes. Gohan cleared his throat taking in a breath to speak.
"Videl just left the house. She said she was leaving but she didn't say why. I came over to see if you were alright. I'm glad I did now." He said. Gohan felt a cold chill grip at his body as he nodded In agreement.
"I'm glad that you did to dad." He said his voice hoarse and strained still choked off by unshed tears.
"Gohan…" Goku began only to be cut off by Gohan holding up his hand slightly to silence him politely. He shook his head slowly from side to side a few times before taking in a shaky breath.
"Dad, she…found something out about me. Something that no one else knows about and I, I don't know if I'm ready to share that with anyone right now." He stated closing his eyes feeling the lids become suddenly heavy.
"Son you know that I'm here for you. That even though there have been times that I've been away for long periods of time, I've always been here for you. I understand if there's something going on between you and your wife, trust me I understand that all too well but sometimes it helps to talk about it to someone else. A person that isn't immediately involved can provide outside insight and maybe it would be helpful." Goku replied.
"This more than just a skinned knee so to say dad. I really, I really messed up. I hurt her, badly and the worst of it was that it was an ongoing issue. This isn't just something that procured over night it's been ongoing for a few years now." He said. Gohan took in the patient look on his father's face and knew that he wasn't going to get out of not telling him exactly what was wrong. He knew that because of the way he acted he owed it to the man and besides that he was concerned. Gohan remembered back to when he was a child and nothing was more inviting than his father's strong embrace and endless compassion for him. It seemed as if he could fix anything for him and he only hoped now that he would be able to help in whatever way that he could. "When I was about fifteen, a couple of years before you came back home, I began seeing someone. This person is, was, ever important to me. I gave him everything. My mind, soul, my heart, my body…." Gohan brought a hand to cover his eyes as he felt the intense pain behind his orbs suddenly build up and jab inside his skull.
"Him…? Goku asked inquisitively. Gohan nodded his head removing his hand to fall down onto his lap. A small smile graced his lips.
"Yeah…him." He replied simply. Goku nodded his head in understanding. Gohan took in another deep breath in an attempt to steady his voice. "Well things were great, I mean we were together in all ways and it was wonderful dad but I, I screwed up. Remember how Trunks and Goten were saying earlier that it was possible for them to have their own natural child? Well I know it is."
"Gohan…" Goku said simply finding himself at a complete loss for words. Gohan only nodded his head.
"It was amazing just to think that I was going to have a baby with the man that I loved. To know that we had created a new life because of what we had done to show each other how much the other meant. So I told him and he decided that it would be the best to get rid of it. Since no one would understand and it would only ruin things for him. That it didn't matter what I wanted or how I felt it was all what he decided. So I agreed but I couldn't do it dad. I couldn't kill my baby like that not before she had the chance to be born and experience all the great things that life has for us here. That was when Videl just happened to show up so I got with her and a couple of days later gathered the dragon balls together and made my wish. I knew that he still would know that Pan was his but I didn't care."
"Who is Pans father then Gohan?" Goku asked curiously finally finding the words that he desperately struggled with. Gohan smirked at his father.
"Take a wild guess. You've seen her tantrums, who else do you know could throw a fit like that." He stated more than asked seeing the realization dawn into his father's eyes.
"I see, well your story makes more sense now that I know its him. So Videl finally found out because of tonight then." Goku stated.
"Yeah she just put two and two together. I knew that it wouldn't last forever, that eventually I would have to tell her but I just kept putting it off."
"Why didn't you just have her yourself? Why did you have to include Videl in it all?" He asked.
"Well I thought that that way I could still have my baby. No one would think I was a freak and accost me about who her father is since everyone would think that I was." He stated. Goku nodded his head in understanding suddenly feeling a heavy weight fall down into the pit of his stomach.
"Gohan there's something that, that I need to get off my chest." Goku said suddenly. Gohan couldn't help but feel his eyes grow wide of their own accord before nodding in understanding. "This isn't going to be easy for me to say and it will be hard for you to hear and all I can say is that I'm sorry. A while back now, right after your mom blew up at your brother at Bulma's I did something that I know I shouldn't have. Something that if it's found out will hurt nearly everyone we know and care about. "
"Dad what's wrong?" Gohan asked feeling his heart beat loudly in his ears curious as to what could possibly haunt his father so much.
"A couple of days after the fight between your brother and mother Trunks brought Gohan home. I could tell it was them since I felt their energy. That was the day I found out about them because I saw them kiss. I wanted to know why they did what they did with each other. Gohan, a few times Vegeta tried to get me to sleep with him. He said that it was what the sayijins did. That more or less they stuck with the same sex since they could pleasure the other better but that's not the point. I wanted to know and Trunks was there. I don't know why I did it now but at the time it felt so natural." He said.
"Vegeta wanted you to…" Gohan managed out feeling his heart crumble down into his stomach.
"It was a long time ago Gohan when you were still small. I'm sure that he was with you because he cared for you and not because, well not for the reason that I was with Trunks." He replied taking his son back into his arms fearing that the older male had simply used his child for his own selfish pleasure.
"You and Trunks…" Gohan said as the realization hit him full force. He had cheated on his mother with his brothers boyfriend. He knew that if his family found out they would be shattered, much like how Bulma and Trunks would be if his relationship with Vegeta were ever found out.
"Yes it was, it was a mistake. I know that now but I, I can't seem to get it out of my head. Earlier I kissed him just to see if it had been a passing emotion but now I know that I could do it again and probably enjoy it more." Goku said with a sigh.
"Our problems are similar dad." Gohan said after a few minutes of silence had passed.
"Yes it seems that way doesn't it?" He said with a slight nod.
"No one can ever find out about Vegeta and I." Gohan said finally.
"No one can ever find out about what I did with Trunks." Goku repeated.
"Thanks for sharing with me dad. Do you feel better?" He asked softly feeling his heavy lids drift close as he reveled in the strength and warmth that only his father could seem to give him causing his mind to be at peace.
"Yes I do, how about you?" Goku asked receiving a groggy nod.
"Don't worry Gohan your secret is safe with me son. I promise." He said with a smile and tightened his embrace slightly around the sleeping form of his child.
