Fractured
Chatper Nine
"I thought we talked about this. We both agreed that she wasn't apart of this family anymore." Tara fumed. She couldn't believe what she had just overheard. It may be a small thing to other people but to Tara hearing him agree with his brothers that they needed her help, only meant one thing. Nicole was creeping back into their life, back into Jax's life. That couldn't happen.
"I know babe." Jax's hnad came to rest on her cheek, his thumb grazing over her smooth skin in a gesturing motion. "And I agreed, I've cut her out." His tongue ran across his lower lip as he shook his. Shit, was all he could think when he the realisation hit him just how long it had been since he had spoken to his cousin. It unnerved him. But Tara, his boys, his family that was what he had to concentrate on. His family. "This doesn't mean anything."
"I want to believe you..."
"Then believe me babe." His other hand came to rest on her other cheek so that he was cupping her face making sure that her attention was solely on him. His blue eyes staring intently into her brown ones. "Marry me." He felt her pull back those dark eyes of hers widening.
"What?"
"Marry me."
"But I thought you wanted to wait."
"I'm done waiting babe..."
"If your just doing this because you think I'm pissed at you..."
"I'm doing this because I love you and want you to be my wife." To prove his point a little bit more he kissed her, hard.
He loved her with every bit of his heart and he wanted her to be completely his. Plus what did they have to wait for. At fist he wanted his brothers his family- especially including Nicole- to be there, but things had changed. He had changed, his relationship with all members – the few that there were – was far from good, and if he waited for that shit to to get good then him and Tara could be waiting for a life time to get hitched. He couldn't wait that long. He loved her and wanted her and he was going to have her.
"So what do you say. You gonna be Mrs Teller?"
"Well it does have a certain ring to it." She replied coyly as her hands slid up the front of his cut. Her fingers toying with the seam of his cut. "But you gotta promise me Jax that it's us. I can't have her in my life."
It was hard to hear the love of his life say that because Nicole had always been such a big part of his life. But he had made his decision and as much as he loved his cousin his boys, his hopefully soon to be wife had to come first.
"It's already done babe."
Nicole shut off the engine to her truck and stared at the house across the street. When Bobby had told her that the club needed her she felt like telling him where to get off, after last night events and seeing Clay this morning, helping the club was the last thing she wanted to do but then Bobby had gone on to explain the reason as to why the club needed her help.
Dawn had been brutally murdered. Burnt alive and even worse- if possible- Tig had been present, he had watched his daughter die before his eyes. The thought had sent her running back into the bathroom to dry heave again. It was fucked up and Nicole knew that she would be better off staying out of it but she couldn't do that to Fawn. She needed her. She may not have spoke to her in a bit-actually the last time being after Dawn had showed up and fleeced Tig out of yet more money- but Nicole was probably the closest thing she had to family right now. Plus Nicole knew she would never listen to Tig.
So she cleaned herself up, brushed her teeth applied some makeup to try and hide the bruises- even though she knew that it would be impossible to hide 100%-and changed into a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt- making note to grab her sunglasses on the way out- before telling Bobby she was ready to go.
But now that she sat outside Fawns house she wasn't so sure.
The bikes weren't exactly hard to miss which meant only one thing, they were all inside. Great. The knock on the drivers side door diverted her attention from the house.
"You sure your okay to do this?" Bobby asked her his one hand braced against the truck as he stared at her through the open window at her.
She knew that he hadn't believed her when she had told him that a box had been responsible, but his need for her to help the club outweighed his need to know the truth. That could come later.
"Yes." Pulling the keys from the ignition, Bobby opened the door so that she could step out. After a quick thank you in his direction her eyes returned to the house.
She didn't know what was effecting her more. One; the fact that she was about to tell a friend that her twin sister had been burnt alive. Two; that she was about to see Jax for the first time since he had given her the cold shoulder at Pineys funeral. Or three; that see was going to see Happy. The man that only the other day she had confessed her love to. Yes all three scenarios were pretty fucked up.
Tig ran his hand over his face, tears welling in his eyes as he looked at his daughter who sat across from him wrapped in her blue robe- she was holding it close around her body. Clearly feeling vulnerable. He didn't blame her. Jax, Chibs, Juice, Gogo and Happy were all present. He knew that the plan was to wait for Nicole but shit he couldn't wait not when he saw the black men perched on her wrap around porch. He'd seen red- he couldn't help but think that every time he saw black that he would see red- so figuring that his other daughter was is trouble he wasted no time in going to her rescue. Only thing was she didn't need rescuing. The black dude who she just happened to be role playing with happened to be her boyfriend and those guys scattered out front were his home boys.
So now she was sat in front of him waiting for some explanation as to why he was there, as to why he had barged into her house, her room and interrupted- not to mention hit and almost shot her boyfriend- as he was about to take her from behind.
It wasn't the position that he had caught his daughter in that was bothering him- he would be a hypocrite if it did, he wasn't exactly shy of a bit of kink in the bedroom – it was the way she was looking at him, waiting for answers. Answers he had, but answers he had no clue how to vocalise. How the hell was he supposed to tell his daughter that because of his actions he had gotten her sister killed.
"What the hell is this about Alex?" Tig tried to ignore the ache in his heart at her calling him by his real name. It wasn't the first time but considering recent events it hurt more than anything.
"I...I...there's a guy a black guy he wants to hurt me..my family."
"What they hell have you done now?"
"Baby you just need to get out of town..." He lent forward, his hands reached out to hers. She didn't pull away which he was both surprised and happy about. "It's just for a bit until it's safe."
"And what about Dawn. You get her to leave?" The sound of her name falling from her twins lips was like Tig was reliving it all again. He could hear her screams, could smell her skin burning. He felt the tears burn in his eyes at the memory, at the thought of having to relive that all again with Fawn. It would actually kill him.
Fawn was about to make some cheap ass remark to her father. She was pissed for the disturbance he had caused, pissed that there were sons littered around her house, pissed that her Dad had broken her boyfriends nose. Yes she wanted to be a brat, she wanted to sass him but then she watched the tears build in his baby blues- the same eyes as hers- and she knew that something was wrong. Horribly wrong.
"Where is she?" She asked her own tears starting to form because deep down she already knew the answer. But she didn't want to believe it she wanted him to prove that where her mind was going was wrong. She needed to be wrong. But his next words did the complete opposite.
"I'm sorry baby, i'm so fucking sorry." Fawn shook her head hoping that she had heard him wrong. It couldn't be true. Her sister, her twin was not dead. She had not been collateral damage because of her fathers mistake.
But it was true. She could see it in his eyes, could tell by the way he wasn't hiding his tears. Dawn was dead and it was because of him. She pulled her hands free of his.
"I hate you...I hate you." Dawn couldn't stop herself she was hurting and she wanted to inflict pain on him she wanted him to eel what she was feeling so she threw herself at him. Her hands hitting any part of him that she could repeating with each hit that she hated him.
Nicole could hear the screams as she opened the door. They had obviously not waited for her like Bobby had said they would. Wasting no time Nicole went to where she could hear the voices coming from.
All attention was on Fawn who had thrown herself at Tig in a rage. Nicole could understand why but it still made her feel sorry for Tig. This was't his fault. Well not completely.
Nicole watched as Happy and a guy that she didn't know went to grab Fawn. Instinct took over and she hurried into the room to Fawn defense.
"Let her go." Happy was the first to look at her. Nicole repressed the shiver that ran down her spine when he turned those chocolate brown eyes on to her. "Stop."
Happy let go straight away and quickly made sure the guy that was unfamiliar to her did the same. She gave him a nod, as a thank you but her attention was soon drawn from him when she heard Fawn calling her name.
"Nicole..." Fawn looked like she was going to break and within seconds she did. All her tears spilling down her face. Nicole caught her before she fell and pulled her into a tight hug hoping it would ease her pain somehow. It wouldn't. Looking over her should she spotted Jax, who actually looked a little uncomfortable, but she ignored it this was about them. Jax must have felt the same as he gave the nod. All the guys left, although they didn't go far just to the a-joining kitchen so they could still keep an eye on the situation.
Turning her attention back to Fawn who was literally shaking in her arm Nicole's own tears started to fall and she started second guessing herself if she was the right person to deal with this.
"I'm so sorry Fawn." It was a stupid thing to say. On the drive down she had thought about what she was going to say. Bobby had told that they needed Fawn to leave town so that was what Nicole was going on, but now that Fawn was in her arms shaking and crying Nicole's little speech had gone out of the window, but Nicole couldn't forget the reason why she was here. Looking over her shoulder back at Tig Nicole could see the distress he was in and Nicole couldn't let him go through that same pain again. She needed to make sure that Fawn was kept safe.
"She's dead..."
"I know..."
"I hate him..."
"I know..."
It took Nicole over 10 minutes to settle her down. Fawn was sat on the couch, Nicole by her side holding her hand tightly as Fawn Just seemed to stare at a spot on the wall behind Nicole head. Nicole figured that she was trying to avoid looking at the crowd of Samcro in her kitchen.
"Fawn..."
"Your going to tell me I have to leave aren't you?" Fawn's eyes shot back to meet Nicole's. Neither one of them were stupid to the ways of Samcro.
"It isn't safe here for Fawn. The guy that did this to Dawn. He's dangerous."
Fawn looked over her father. "This isn't fair." She whispered as her head dropped, her eyes staring a hole into the floor. "We always have to pay for their mistakes. Now Dawny is dead and it all because of him because of the shit they do. It's not right."
"No it's not but..."
"I shouldn't have to run because of their mistakes." Fawn snapped as she looked back at Nicole. "This is my home I'm not leaving Nic, and you of all people shouldn't ask me to."
Nicole knew that she was fighting a losing battle, but she couldn't lose this battle. Fawn needed to be kept safe and if her moving was the way to do that then Nicole needed to make her understand, make her realise that this was the best thing for her.
So with a nervous glance at towards the kitchen, she took a breath and looked back at Fawn who was still shaking, and tears still lingered in her eyes. She had to do this. So she removed her sunglasses to reveal the harsh bruises on her face. Fawn's eyes went wide in shock.
"Jesus Christ Nic." Nicole ignored the response and grabbed Fawn's hand in hers.
She placed her full concentration onto Fawn and ignored the commotion coming from the kitchen. Her bruises hadn't gone unnoticed by the crowd of Sons.
"This was just a message Fawn, next time I might not be so lucky and neither will you. He threatened your life Fawn, he's already proven that he has no problem killing people. I understand what your feeling here. Your hate for Tig, the club, I get that but don't let that stubborn Trager pride get you killed Fawn. And what about your boyfriend you want him to get hurt." Fawn buried her head in her hands her finger entangling in her sandy blonde hair.
"I can't believe this is happening."
"I know, but leaving is really the best option here Fawn. And it isn't going to be for forever."
"Isn't it?" Fawn reached out and touched Nicole's cheek. Nicole was taken aback but didn't make an attempt to move. "This isn't the first I've seen bruises on your face because of the club." Nicole pulled away with that comment but it didn't stop Fawn. "Aren't you sick of this shit, sick of always being the one to pay for their fuck ups."
"Trust me that's a two way street." That was true enough. The club had had to deal with more than their fair share of her problems. "Look Fawn please just do this if not for any of us do it for yourself. You don't want to die Fawn. So why risk it. Protect your guy, protect yourself and just get the hell out of here."
"Are you going to do the same?"
It was a question that she had thought about herself many times since her falling out with Jax. Running was her go to fail safe, but she couldn't run and she didn't know why...well that was up until she realised that she was in love with the man that was standing in the kitchen, the man whose eyes she could burning into her. She couldn't run from him even if she wanted to. Not now anyway.
"This isn't about me Fawn. The guy that killed Dawn, he has a hard on for your Dad he wants to destroy everything that means something to him, that's you. This..." She motioned to her. "is just collateral damage."
"I don't have a choice do I?"
"No, we never do."
"What the hell Bobby?" Jax snapped as he turned from the kitchen window where he had been watching Nicole see off Fawn. Bobby knew the questions that were going to come when Nicole had removed those glasses, only thing was he didn't have any answers. The bullshit she had fed him about a box hitting her square in the face was not the truth and he knew full well that the boys weren't going to believe anymore than he did.
"Don't know man. She told me it was a box."
"That wasn't no box." All eyes turned to Happy, who was not hiding how pissed he was by this. But then again none of the were.
"Happy's right."
"Yeah I'd say he probably is." Bobby remarked to Jax as he stepped towards him. "Only one way we'll know for sure. You gotta talk to her Jax."
Jax's hand ran down his face his. He knew as soon as he saw her bruises he had to speak to her, shit he wanted to speak to her. She was hurt and even know he was cutting her out he couldn't stop him insides reacting, he couldn't suppress that need to protect her.
Nicole watched Fawn and her boyfriend drive down the street and a wave of relief washed over knowing that she had finally gotten through to her. She was going to be safe. She subconsciously wrapped her arms around herself, her mind wondering if she would be safe. Last night was still fresh- both the bruises and the memories- she had told Fawn that it was Pope, her and Opie had discussed it and he seemed to think it was him to, but they didn't know that for sure and now that she was all alone how was she suppose to protect from and enemy who she didn't know.
The thought terrified her.
"Nic..." It almost sounded foreign to her. She hadn't heard her name spill from his lips in...well to long. She missed it.
"Hey." Nicole spoke as she forced her feet into action and moved towards him. She was nervous, to nervous for someone was just about to talk to their cousin. It shouldn't have been that way.
He shoved his hands in the front of his jeans and came to meet her halfway.
"So how have..."
"What happen..."
They shared a smile of having spoken in unison. Their nerves clear.
"Sorry, you go."
"What happened to your face Nic?" Nicole didn't know how much the club knew but the fact that Unser was calling Clay last night then for sure the club knew of the house evasion to Gemma's. Clearly though her part in that had been kept out of the story if Jax was asking her for details.
"I was at Gemma's." Jax wiped his had over his face at the revelation.
Pope was coming after their families it was clear now.
"I need you to tell me everything Nic."
"There's nothing to tell. There were three of them, but the had ski masks on so..." Her words stopped when Jax took a hold of her arm.
"If you can remember anything, anything at all you need to tell me now Nic. This is serious." Nicole pulled her arm free and took a step back from him.
"Excuse me. You think I don't understand that this is serious. Look at me Jay. Look at me?" And he did. He sucked in a breath as he finally looked at her for the first time in a long time, and he didn't look like he was seeing. It wasn't just the bruises, it was the way she was holding herself like she was protecting herself and she looked so nervous and the most painful a little scared.
"I know how important finding the guys that did this is to the club. Dawny getting burned alive, trust me Jay I fucking understand how serious this is. But do you?"
"Nic..."
"Where were you Jay..huh...where were you when I needed you, no sorry where was the President of Samcro when his family needed them or I am not included in that inner circle anymore."
Samcro had always prided themselves on family, being loyal to them and protecting them no matter what the cost. The love and protection didn't just stop at blood it went further it spread to anyone the Sons saw fit to let into their fold. Nicole may be at odds with Jax but she still thought on some level that she was still included in that circle but she wasn't. The fact that she had no protection once it became clear that these house evasions were aimed at any one connected to Samcro proved that. And Jax's silence was like a punch to the gut.
"You haven't even asked me if I'm okay." Her voice broke and there was no hiding that she was clearly upset. "I know I fucked up Jay and I really would take it back if I could but I can't. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be ignored. I don't deserve to be treated worse than Clay." She was shouting by the end and her tears had escaped.
Jax just looked at her completely stunned by her words. He couldn't think of anything to do or say because yet again his head and his heart were fighting against one another. If he followed either one he was going to hurt either Nicole or Tara. So far Tara had been winning the battle but seeing Nicole standing there bruised, crying, upset she started edging ahead and when she refereed to the fact that Jax was treating her worse Clay it made his skin crawl.
She was so much better than him. But she had to understand that it was difficult. He needed to keep Clay close. He had to so that he could save his family and his club.
"Nic..."
"Don't..." She took another step back from him as he went to touch her again. "I know the distance between us is because of Tara. She hates me I get that. To be honest I don't care. But I do care about you and those boys. We're family Jay, end of and nothing will change that. But I can't do this anymore, I can't keep trying to win you back Jay. So I'll make this easier for you. I'm done. I'll be there if you need me but that's it, I won't fight to have you in my life anymore and I shouldn't have to."
"Wait.." Jax called as she spun on her heels and started rushing towards her truck.
"Just leave me alone." She climbed into her truck and tried to focus her shaking hands on her keys so she could drive away before Jax could get to her. She let put a breath when the engine turned over and she pulled away from the curb.
Her tears were streaming down her face and clouding her eyes, she braked hard coming to a complete halt in the middle of the road a few blocks from Fawn's, but she didn't care about the other traffic around her because right now if she carried on driving she didn't think she would stop. And then she became even more overwhelmed by what had just happened, by what she had just done. She had walked away from her cousin and she didn't think there was any chance of going back. They were done. And the thought killed her.
