Wars - Passing Notes Can Ba A Good Thing
Authors Note - I still need a few more review by Wensday so keep reviewing readers! If I don't reach 30 I will stop writing, so please review. Thanks to 'CaptainThetaSigma', 'PhoenixRose92', 'skaterofthebooks', 'LM Ryder' and 'OOHPRETTYLIGHTS' for reviewing! You guys are the ones who keep me going so a MASSIVE huge ginormous big thank you for all of you! :D
(Also Teddy, you need to review... I know you.)
Disclaimer - I am not the writer of 'Harry Potter'. DER!
Set in Lily the Marauder's third year, an Astronomy class on a Thursday the lesson just before lunch. This is on notes that are being passed around among the group, etc...
KEY
Lily
James
Remus
Sirius
Peter
Bonjour friends.
Hi Padfoot.
Here we go again...
Do you know how the gravitational pull of the sun and moon affects the Earth's tides?
Something about the bulge of the oceans and seas.
No, the bulge of Padfoot's pants.
Excuse me while I go and erase that from my memory.
That's vulgar.
So is your face.
Great comeback.
I know right!
You're failing today, Padfoot.
I never fail!
With the exception of today.
Whatever persuaded you to say this?
I don't know if it was just today but it just hit me. You know when you're trying to find something and then you realise it was sitting on your bed the whole time? Sort of like that.
I feel so loved!
Don't be.
You wound me.
It was intended.
So, about the gravitational pull and stuff?
Oh yeah. The Sun and the moon cause high, low, Spring and Neap tides. Spring tide is when there is full moon or no moon. Neap tide is when the moon is at a right angle of the Earth with the Sun.
Straight from the dictionary.
No, straight off my head.
There must be a dictionary next to that big blob of logical thinking in there.
It's not my fault I'm smart.
So what you're saying is that you are smarter than us.
Yes.
And how is this possible?
I pay attention in class, study and write my OWN notes.
Well you are not paying attention in class now are you Moony?
That's because I already know what the professor is teaching us.
Oh, so Moony knows more than the professor. Let's all listen to Moony because he is smarter than the professor!
I never sai-
You should start up your own tutoring group! Help us who don't have skill or brains like you.
I didn't say I-
Or a study group because you're SOOOO good at studying! You have more experience than the professor!
Padfoot, I didn't sa-
Or you should teach us all how to write notes because that's your forte!
...
You're supposed to write I didn't say that and then I'm supposed to snatch it off you before you finish.
...
Moony?
...
Ok, so that was a little bit harsh.
...
Moony, I didn't mean it. Please talk to me!
...
You can't ignore me forever!
...
Or maybe you can... Please talk!
...
Moony, I'm sorry! Please don't be mad at me!
Come on, Padfoot actually said sorry.
*Remus asks the professor to go to the bathroom. He is given permission and leaves a distraught looking Sirius.*
Well done Padfoot.
Way to go!
I didn't mean it! I was only joking around.
It wasn't all that funny.
Couldn't you see him tearing up?
No...
What a friend.
Thanks Prongs.
Any time! Let's hope he forgives you before Friday because we have a test.
Really? On what?
Tides and gravitational pulls with the Sun, Earth and the Moon.
Looking forward to next Friday.
Always.
So how about yesterday? That was epic!
Yeah! It worked out just as planned, perfection.
Nothing went wrong.
Thankfully. We didn't even get detentions!
That's what surprised me the most. Wasn't it obvious it was us?
That's what I thought. Why didn't McGonagall go all dragon lady at us?
I guess she really does hate the Slytherins.
There's not much to like about them in the first place.
They're all slimy old gits who don't know the difference between right and wrong.
I wish they'd all do us a favor and go die in a hole.
Doesn't everyone.
Apparently not.
I feel like I'm being watched.
So do I...
I think it may be the five Slytherins sitting two rows behind us.
I don't know... actually, it might be them... yeah, I think it's them... yes, it's definitely them.
It's like they think we'll just drop dead if they don't blink.
It's sort of freaking me out.
They haven't blinked in over five minutes now...
Do we want to start a war?
I think we already have.
*Sirius grabbed a spear piece of parchment and wrote "Let the war begin." on it. Then, when the professor wasn't looking, he threw it over his head. It skillfully hit one of the Slytherins in the head and he opened it, with his fellow gits looking over his shoulder. The five Slytherins all looked up at Sirius, James and Peter and nodded evilly.*
So... who makes the first move?
I think they will. But when they do, we'll be ready.
Let's hope so.
We really need Moony.
I know. Five vs three, not fair. But that's how they like it and that's what they'll get it.
I hope he's alright. Should I go and get him?
No! What if the snakes make a move on me and Peter? I know I'm totally awesome and all but holding off five third year Slytherins with Wormy for ten minutes? Not happening. No offense Peter.
None taken.
Ok fine. But we can't just leave him there! What type of friends would that make us?
Shitty companions.
Right. So why don't Padfoot and I stay here and Peter go and find Moony. That way we could hold them off for a while if they choose to attack.
Ok. Which bathrooms do you think he went to?
I'd say he went to the Library. The bathroom was obviously a cover-up.
Ok. Wormtail, you'll need to be as fast as you can and try to persuade him with whatever we've got. Be quick.
Ok. I'll try.
*Peter tells the professor he needs to go to Madam Unexis for a potion and leaves in a hurry.*
I hope he's fitter than yesterday.
Like that's going to happen.
In that case we need to watch our backs, literally.
*Five minutes of note-passing and back-watching later...*
Hi guys.
MOONY! YOU'RE BACK!
Well spotted Einstein.
I found him a few corridors away on the way to the Library.
I'm still here.
We know. Moony, I'm afraid we have started a war with the snakes.
Why?
Because they were trying to suck our brains out with their eyes.
... Don't know what to say to that...
Neither do I. We need to stick together.
We're aaaaaaall in thiiiiiiis togeeether.
Wormtail, have you been watching High School Musical again?
No...
I think we've got another homosexual on our hands.
Another? Who was the first?
You, Prongs.
I am not homosexual. I do, and always will, love Lily Evans.
And if he was, there would be nothing wrong with that.
What about if I was gay?
Then we would banish you to Azkaban for your crimes.
I feel so depressed.
Don't we all.
OUCH!
What? You're not supposed to just write "ouch" and not explain what hurt you.
Fine Mr. Syllabus. The slimy git Whorethorn just blew a spitball at the back of my neck!
This means war.
We started the war you stupid idiot.
Don't stupid and idiot mean the same thing?
No. Stupid means lacking intelligence or common sense, while an idiot is what you call a stupid person.
That is the same thing!
Not exactly.
We're steering WAY offtrack here. This is the official beginning of war. They're going to annoy us to no end until they have satisfactory revenge.
I think a spitball is satisfactory enough.
I don't think that's enough for them though.
I second Moony.
You guys...
What?
Sometimes I really want to slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Using pickup lines now are we? This means an inner war with the Marauders!
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
I don't know what makes you stupid, but it works really well!
Shock me, say something intelligent.
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
You should wear a condom on your head because if you're gonna act like a dick, you might as well dress like one!
You're so pathetic, even your imaginary friend hates you!
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
Have you been shopping lately? They are selling lives at the mall - you should get one.
EVANS IS HERE EVERYBODY!
No shit.
Continue on with what you were doing before, oh right - you're already being a wanker.
Your IQ involves the square root of -1.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
It's men like you that make women gay.
There's nothing wrong with being gay!
Moony, do you have something to tell us?
I have something to ask you, Padfoot. If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
NOT FAIR!
Is too, Lassie.
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I see you were so impressed with your first chin that you added two more.
Your face can shrivel a man like a 3 hour bath.
I know that you would go to the end of the world for me. But could you stay there?
I would have been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence.
You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
There is no vaccine against stupidity. I'm sorry but you'll just have to live it down.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
If his brain was chocolate, I would go hungry.
Moony!
Prongs!
You just insulted me!
I'm sorry, was I out of context?
Shut up!
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
We've stopped.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
STOP WITH THE INSULTS! THE PICKUP LINE WAR IS OFFICIALLY OVER! ANY INSULTS AFTER THIS ARE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
Siriusly - In a manner in which Sirius Black would handle things.
Well that was fun while it lasted.
Yeah Prongs! Party pooper.
Moony insulted me.
Along with everybody else!
Where did Wormtail go?
To lunch.
"Did the bell go?" asked Lily, slightly confused.
"About two minutes ago, Miss Evans." said professor Clutchet.
"Wow. Thank you professor and sorry." Lily said politely to the amused professor Clutchet. The old Witch nodded and left the room.
"Got a bit carried away there, didn't you Lily-flower." Sirius said smugly.
"Enjoying yourself, perhaps." added James.
"Not in your presence, no." scoffed Lily, though there was a small smile playing on her lips.
They all packed up their things and headed out to lunch in the Great Hall. Lily walked with Remus in front of Sirius and James as they were friends and talked about the pickup line fight they just had. Sirius and James were laughing at stupid possible ways the Slytherins could try to get back at the Marauders. None would work though.
Thanks for reading guys and gals! I added the pickup line 'war' because I personally find them hilarious and I hope you did too. I know I ask you every chapter, but I beg you - REVIEW! I will shut down this story if I don't get 30 by Wensday so please review.
Love always
HFF
