Trailer Park Boys In Resident Evil By JediClutz

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil, Trailer Park Boys, or any of its characters.

A silent cable car rests in a huge, dark room with metal, skeletal-like pillars that supported the high ceiling. The motionless car stared down a pitch-black underground railway, which stretched all the way to its unknown destination. Nearby the sealed vehicle doors stood an isolated control panel with various buttons and switches. A rusty door swings open and the survivors follow Leon into the enormous and deserted station.

"What the hell is that? A subway?" wondered Ricky, staring at the piece of old machinery.

"No, Ricky. It's a cable car," corrected Bubbles.

"A cable car? What the fuck is a cable car?" asked Ricky, looking puzzled.

"The big metal box you're looking at," replied Bubbles, pointing at the cable car. "You know, it's like a train car except it runs along a cable."

"Huh?" said Ricky, who was still confused. "Whoever came up with that kind of idea must've been on drugs or something."

"You're on drugs, Ricky," commented Bubbles.

"It looks like it's still operational," said Leon. "That control panel over there probably runs it." They walk onto the station platform and Leon examines the controls. Much of the white text had eroded away, making correct identification of the buttons very difficult for him.

"What is it, Leon?" asked Claire, noticing him with his eyes beamed down at the different controls. He looks up at the others.

"The names for each of these controls have worn off," he answered. "I don't know which of these turn on power to the car."

"Here, let me take a look," insisted Julian, walking over to Leon's side. He observes the controls for a short while before randomly pressing a gray button. All of the sudden, a bright light bursts out of the small windows of the cable car, revealing its empty interior.

"How the hell did you do that?" asked an impressed Leon.

"Just a lucky guess," replied Julian. The group makes their way towards a set of double doors on the left side of the cable car.


The double doors automatically slide apart as if they had sensed Leon's presence. He steps into the cable car's hollow belly, followed by the other members of the living and unchanged. Everything which a standard cable car would've had was stripped away. Seats, poles, anything that would've given a passenger some support. Just a control console that awaited them at the very front of the rail vehicle. The group gradually spreads themselves around the interior and Leon operates the console. The doors seal shut and the cable car starts to move. Julian stares out the back window and watches as the station platform seemed to fall away into the darkness.

"I wish I'd never come to this city," Julian said to himself, feeling a sense of guilt and sadness. "If I had known about the fucked up crisis here, I would've never even thought about bringing my friends into this mess. It's my fault that we're now fighting for our lives."

"Julian, none of us knew what awaited us in Raccoon City," explained Leon, who overheard him. "Me, Claire, you and your friends. We were never prepared for something like this, but we will make it out of here alive. Even if it means fighting every bloodthirsty son of a bitch that tries to make a meal out of us."

"I guess you're right," said Julian. "Maybe I'm just being a little too hard on myself."

"So far, we've done more than just blow away a few zombies and monsters," added Claire. "We've found a young survivor who would've never lasted long without our help."

"Yeah. One who's really starting to kill my shou..." Bubbles notices something odd about Randy's feet and his eyes widen. "Jesus, what the fuck is that humping your foot, Randy?"

"What? There's noth..." Before he could finish his sentence, Randy looks down and, to his surprise, spots a foot-long, brown cockroach hugging his right foot. "Holy shit!" Without hesitating, he kicks the enlarged insect off his foot, sending it sailing towards Ricky.

"Fuck!" shouted Ricky as he quickly stepped out of the cockroach's flightpath. It smacks against the wall with a faint slap and lands with its back on the floor. In an instant, the creature springs back onto its feet and it skitters towards Julian. He rushes out of the way as the cockroach wildly navigates the dirty, metal floor like a panicking chicken.

"Somebody shoot that little asshole, quick!" panicked Bubbles, trying to maintain his distance from the insect and hang onto Sherry at the same time. Leon, Claire, and Julian train their pistols on the rabid bug. "For fuck's sakes, shoot it before it tries to bite a chunk out of me!"

"I'm trying to, Bubs!" shouted Julian. "It's moving so damn fast I can't get a clear shot!"

"Shoot it now! Please!" yelled Bubbles. A gunshot rings out inside the cable car and yellowish-clear blood explodes from the cockroach. It stops dead in its tracks and twitches before being bashed several times by the butt of Randy's shotgun. All that was left of the enraged creature was a pile of wet tissues and mashed organs. The others turn to see smoke escaping from Claire's pistol. She lowers down her gun.

"Man, that was some fucking good timing," commented Ricky. "How did you learn to shoot like that?"

"My dad," replied Claire. "He used to serve in the army."

"Well I guess that explains everything," said Ricky.


A howling wind sweeps through a lifeless district of factories and plants. Tall funnels tower above the haunting landscape. The survivors appear through an open door and they find themselves under what appears to be either a warehouse or a garage for large vehicles. An odd rail car with a control console next to it rests on top of a pair of rails. Leon leads the group towards the strange car.

"That's it!" ranted Bubbles. "That's the last time I'm ever gonna take a trip through any fucking sewer!"

"But what if we have to get into a rock concert again, Bubbles?" asked Julian.

"Then I'll just buy a ticket like a normal person and if Lahey ever tries to hold tickets from us again, I'll beat the living shit outta him," answered Bubbles.

"Well that time," said Randy, "you guys spoiled mine and Lahey's camping trip cause of all the garbage you dumped for us to clean up."

"That fucking wasn't us, Randy," Ricky jumped into the argument. "It was Barbara who wanted that trash dropped."

"Yeah, but that trash initially came from you assholes," responded Randy.

"Guys, don't start that shit up again," interrupted Julian. "That was a long time ago." Leon kneels down to examine the octagon of eight straight cracks that surrounded the rail car.

"That's odd," he said. "Why would there be a turntable if there's no other railways present?"

"Beats me" said Claire.

"Wait a minute," said Leon as a memory revealed itself in his mind. "The woman who shot me. She looked like a doctor or a scientist. No, a scientist. This turntable's probably some kind of secret elevator leading down to the chemical plant that Ada was talking about."

"A secret elevator?" wondered Ricky. "That's just fucked."

"Hey, Ricky. We found a secret elevator in that chief's office, remember?" Claire reminded him.

"Aww fuck," sighed Ricky. "Fine, I'll go with your theory."

"I'll go and see if I can find anything inside the rail car," said Claire.

"Sure," replied Leon. Claire heads towards the back of the rail car and the Sunnyvale residents follow her inside.


After swinging open the thin door, Claire and her companions step inside the small, cramped space of the elevator car's interior. Bubbles lays Sherry down, who's still fast asleep, in a corner. Ricky and Julian sit down in one of the uncomfortable, metal benches. In the tight, front corridor, Claire comes across a tiny key linked to a red tag labelled "Elevator Controls."

"Ah, here we go," said Claire, removing the key from its hanger. "I'm going out to start up the elevator. I'll be back soon."

"Sure, no problem," said Julian.

"Just don't leave Leon behind by accident," laughed Ricky. "He'll probably get real pissed if we left without him."

"Oh I'm sure he'll race in here as soon as we start moving," responded Claire with a smile. She exits out of the elevator car, closing the door behind her. Ricky stands up and moves to a corner next to the doorway. Randy claims a spot on the other bench.

"Whoever built this piece of shit must be really fucking cheap or something," complained Ricky. "Those benches are worse than those things you see in parks."

"Right now, I don't really care how bad these seats are," said Julian. "I just need to sit down."

"Julian, I hope Leon knows what he's doing," worried Bubbles. "I really wanna get home and see my kitties again."

"We all wanna go home, Bubbles," replied Julian, "and I'm sure Leon knows a way outta this hell, I hope." In the amidst of the conversation, an eardrum-piercing horn blazes out loud echoes from outside the elevator car, startling everyone except Sherry, who didn't seem to be awakened by the sudden noise.

"What the fuck was that?" wondered Bubbles.

"I think we're about to move," said Randy.

"Either that or they're just screwing around with the controls," suggested Ricky. The door bursts open as Leon and Claire rush to get inside, smacking Ricky hard on his forehead. "Ow! Fuck!"


As Ricky's cursing echoed from the elevator car, two clamps, which held the platform in place, disengage. The whole section begins to drop at a steady pace down a dark, endless shaft. Dim lights emitted the descent into the eerie abyss.
Meanwhile back inside the elevator car, Ricky grasps a small, bruised mark on his forehead as he sits back down on the metal bench. Leon and Claire stand nearby him and Julian.

"You could've at least checked before flinging open the fucking door," said Ricky.

"Well sorry," apologized Claire. "I thought you were still sitting next to Julian like what you're doing right now."

"I guess that's what you get for standing nearby the door like a dumbass, Ricky," taunted Randy.

"Hey, knock-knock," responded Ricky.

"I'm not going say who's there," said Randy.

"You just fucking said it, dicknose," said Ricky.

"Frig off, Ricky," cursed Randy.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, knock it off!" shouted Leon, who's already fed up with the constant arguing that he's had to endure ever since he first met the boys. "Geez, I'm starting to get a headache from all of this."

"Well you're not the only one," added Ricky. "Arrgggh, my head." Suddenly, a huge thump rocks the platform and everyone freezes. A low growl sends a curdling message into the blood of every stunned human, except the sleeping and stoned Sherry.

"Aw shit!" said a shocked Bubbles. "The Samsquitch's been stalking us! It can probably smell us from outside!"

"Calm down, Bubbles," said Julian. "There's no such thing as a Samsquitch."

"Then could you explain what the fuck is out there?" Bubbles asked Julian.

"Stay here," ordered Leon. "I'm going out to see what's outside."

"I'm coming with you," said Claire. "There's no way in hell you're going out there alone." Leon lets out a brief sigh.

"Fine, but I want the rest of you to stay inside," he said, cocking the submachine gun he claimed back at the weapons storage in the police station. Leon opens the door and Claire follows him out with Bubbles' grenade launcher. The door slams shut and the guys hear a faint click from the lock. Ricky springs towards the door and tests the stiff handle, then he shakes it in frustration.

"Fuck! The door's locked!" yelled Ricky.

"That's not good!" panicked Bubbles. "Definitely not good at all! Aw fuck, they're gonna die out there! The Samsquitch's gonna eat their guts and play handball with their heads!" Another terrifying roar rings out from the unknown creature. Then an explosion, soon followed by rapid gunfire, cuts in. The sounds of a chaotic battle fill the atmosphere until the creature lets out one final roar. Silence breaks in soon afterwards. "God, I hope that's the Samsquitch dying and not laughing." Ricky doesn't notice another faint click as the door unlocks itself.

"Anything could be happening outside," said Julian. "Hopefully, it's nothing horrible."

"I know one thing," said Ricky, pointing his finger at the door. "They sure as hell ain't gonna get back inside," Again, the door flys open and, this time, it strikes Ricky's finger. He grasps it as the sharp pain fills the sprained index. "Arrggghh! Fuck!" Claire and Leon walk in with smoke rising from their weapons.

"Ricky, why the hell were you standing by the door again?" asked Claire.

"I thought it was still locked," he replied. "Arrggghh!" Claire sighs in disbelief and nods sideways as she stared at Ricky.

To Be Continued.