I hurried Obi-Wan back to the Naboo ship, both of us huddled within our cloaks against the ever-present swirls of sand. I kept in front of him, trying to shield him from the worst of the grit. He had suffered enough. I was determined that Tatooine was not going to touch him again, not one speck of sand if I could help it.
I grinned rather wryly to myself at all my efforts to clean the reminders of the planet and his suffering off Obi-Wan, only to lead him on a long walk through the sand to the ship.
He must have been thinking along the same lines, for when I turned to check on him – again – he gave me a wicked grin and offered dryly, "I thought you said we were leaving Tatooine behind, Master, not bringing ten pounds of sand with us, each."
I merely sighed and shook my head. Sometimes, even Jedi masters don't think of all the consequences of a decision. We finally reached the ship, and I reached over to him, took his cloak in my hand and shook it briskly. I followed that with a brief and strong wave of the Force, using it to dislodge more grit and sand.
"Final touch," I said, producing a crisp square and wiping his face around the hairline, dusting his face and dabbing at the long lashes now burnished with flecks of sand. I stepped back and looked him over, and nodded to myself. I turned around and placed one foot on the ramp, and hesitated for just a second, then extended my arm and pulled him next to me.
"We leave the past behind us," I said softly. "It's over – the long nightmare is over. Gods, Obi-Wan…," my voice cracked once, and I pulled him into a quick, hard hug.
"Master, I'll be okay," he said, his voice muffled against my shoulder. "Release your emotion into the Force, isn't that the idea? See, I haven't forgotten…I remember. My memories weren't wiped; not truly; I hid everything somewhere deep inside my mind where the wipe couldn't reach. You were the key to unlocking them. Thank you, Master, for unlocking my mind. Thank you for coming after me."
"Oh, Obi-Wan," I murmured, pushing him back to arms length and studying his face. "Thank you for surviving. Thank you for forgiving me."
I saw he was swallowing back a sob. "Thank you for not giving up…so, let's move forward." He dashed a hand across his eyes and grinned at me. The past was truly behind us now.
"Come then, let me introduce you to our traveling companions."
The ramp closed behind us, and the ship lifted off Tatooine. Don't look back, my heart whispered to Obi-Wan. It's behind you, forever. It was behind me, also. For the first time in five long years, I felt at peace.
My heart swelled with pride as I glanced at my companion just before we entered the room where the Queen and her party waited to greet us. Obi-Wan looked the very picture of a perfect Jedi padawan, neat and clean, bright-eyed and quiet, standing tall beside me with his arms tucked loosely within his sleeves.
"Are you ready to pick up your life, my young Padawan?" I asked. He turned his head to look at me and the smile in his eyes assured me as much as the readiness I sensed within him.
Our bond was stronger than ever, after almost dissolving from disuse, and I knew that the bright glow in the corner of my mind that was my padawan would never be extinguished. It might lie quiet after his knighting, but the bond would never be severed if I had any say in the matter.
"I am ready, Master." His voice was firm and showed no sign of the tears that had so drained him mere hours ago. For that matter, I was just as exhausted from that emotional storm, and I showed no sign of it, either.
I led the way to the assembled Naboo, as well as Anakin. I had forgotten about him, and I hoped he wouldn't say anything now that would bring up painful memories for Obi-Wan. I smiled at him, and bowed to the Queen.
The Queen sat on her raised chair, as always dressed formally in ornate robes of state and face painted white with a red beauty mark on her lip. Her four handmaidens were arrayed loosely around her, faces half hidden within their hoods. The guards were at rest around the room, but even at rest, their eyes were restless and watchful.
I noticed all eyes passed over me, but took careful measure of my padawan. He seemed not to notice, though I noticed his sharp eyes were taking notice of everything around him. That quiet and unobtrusive watchfulness was somewhat new to me – he had always observed, but observation was now watchfulness. The hard years had left a mark on him.
"My companion, my padawan, Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi," I introduced him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw young Anakin squirm, but he kept silent, half glaring at Obi-Wan. I wondered why. He had no cause for enmity.
"I thank you for detouring out of your way to pick me up, Your Highness," Obi-Wan said smoothly and bowed. I smiled inside, for he had lost none of his diplomatic touch, and he made it sound as if was pure coincidence we had met here, rather than elsewhere.
"Were you long on Tatooine, Master Kenobi?" the Queen asked politely. I froze, but Obi-Wan handled it better than I.
"I was – detained there – for a while, yes," he agreed smoothly, though his brow furrowed. "I was pleased when my master was able to arrange a pick up. I must admit I am pleased to be away from there." He grinned, a boyish grin, and I wanted to applaud him.
I am okay, truly I am, his mind whispered to me.
The strange thing is - he really was. It was as if lifting off Tatooine had lifted a burden from him. He had been changed by his experience, but he was letting it strengthen him rather than weaken him, and I could feel the Force surge through him, clean and strong, and full of light.
I am so very proud of you, my padawan.
Everything I am is due to your teachings, Master.
Of course I was touched, but I only guided him on his path. He was, ultimately, what he chose to be. I only had a little hand in shaping him into the fine man, and fine Jedi, that he was.
With the formal greetings over, I went over and squatted by young Anakin and tousled his hair. "You remember Obi-Wan, don't you?" He nodded, a wary look in his eye.
This was awkward, I just now realized. Anakin was too young, and Obi-Wan perhaps still too wounded, for them to be contending for my attention. I had much work to do with Obi-Wan, and yet Anakin couldn't be ignored.
"It's okay, Master, I will familiarize myself with the ship," Obi-Wan offered, and slipped away with a small smile of understanding. Once again, he had proved his compassion and strength, for he had put young Anakin's needs before his.
"You chose me over him after the race, and left him there, a slave. How can I be your padawan if he is?" Anakin demanded when we were alone. Now I began to understand Anakin's confusion, as well as his anger at Obi-Wan. He knew as long as Obi-Wan was my padawan, he could not be.
I sighed, for that was the problem. I knew Obi-Wan was all but ready to be knighted, but would the Council agree? Unless the trials were formalized, there was no certainty that the Council would come to the same conclusion I had, and I had no pull with them. I tried to keep my uncertainty from my voice.
"Everything will work out as the Force wishes," I answered him.
"Did the Force wish for Mom and me to be slaves? For him?" he challenged me. "How come you freed him, but not Mom? How come he's that important that you would forget about Mom? You could have freed Mom, except all you could think about was him. It's his fault - I hate him."
I rocked back on my feet, for I didn't really have an answer to that. I couldn't free every slave, but had I had enough to buy Anakin's mother, too? I had been so focused on getting my own padawan back, that I had thought of nothing else. Some of my anguish must have shown in my face, for Anakin's face screwed up with pain.
"Don't blame Obi-Wan, Ani, please. It wasn't his fault, it was mine." I tried to reach out and take his hand, but he turned away from me.
"Ani?" I murmured, my heart heavy within me, for I had never meant to hurt him. It seemed whenever I tried to help either Anakin or Obi-Wan, I ended up hurting the other.
It was Obi-Wan who found me, some time later, sitting in silent reflection in a quiet stateroom. He entered and sat by me, saying nothing, waiting for me to speak. He sensed my roiling thoughts. Now, he was the calm one anchoring me, rather than the reverse. When had he become this rock, this anchor?
"I never thought of freeing her," I said numbly. I turned and looked Obi-Wan in the eyes, took his head between my hands and smiled at him. "I was so focused on you, Obi-Wan. I never once thought. Anakin's mother – Shmi."
He was silent, letting me speak, his eyes soft. Somehow he understood what I was speaking about, though I don't think he had known that Shmi was Anakin's mother.
"I should have tried to free her, too. I didn't even try."
He put a hand on my shoulder in silent comfort, and we sat together in silence for some time. I finally pulled myself out of my regrets, and looked at him with a smile.
"How are you handling things, my padawan?"
"It's strange, but I almost feel as if I've never been gone from your side," he said with a little laugh as if he couldn't believe it himself. "I guess my training stuck with me, or I wish to forget the last few years, but I'm happy. I'm home where I belong."
His shining eyes were the proof of that. He was letting go of the past, letting the pain flow out into the Force, and he was looking forward, not back.
"Speaking of training," I said with a grin and climbed to my feet. "Let's try a few katas and see how rusty you've become."
"I think I'll surprise you," he said easily, and chuckled. The closest he would come to explaining was to say that his all of his memories had returned since our meeting on Tatooine, less than a month ago.
There was so much of our years apart we still had not discussed fully, even with sharing our experiences through the bond. I knew enough and could guess, that Obi-Wan had been able to salvage something during those long years without knowing what he was doing or why.
We still had much to explore, but I couldn't face it, not yet. The scar was too raw, for me, for it was apparent that had I found him so many years ago, he would have been spared so much.
He did surprise me, until he explained that even when he didn't know what he was doing or why, he had practiced them all those years. Muscle memory, of course. In his free time, what little there was, he had practiced, and I could see it in his lithe and graceful flowing movements. He had also found time to meditate, and I marveled at that, for from what I had seen of his life, I would have expected exhausted sleep to overtake him every waking moment.
That was one less worry for me. Obi-Wan was obviously physically fit, and would be quick to regain his fighting form. He just needed some fattening up, rest, and time.
My other concern was his connection to the Force. He had regained it, but it seemed shaky and tentative, as if he were fourteen again and working to gain that sure touch that would come with practice and time.
I needed him to find that before he faced the Council, for they would demand more of him than I, to prove his fitness and readiness to be a knight.
I remembered I had another surprise for my padawan. With a small flourish, I pulled a silver cylinder from my belt and handed it to him and watched his eyes open in surprise and wonder. It was his lightsaber.
He turned it over and around, marveling at the feel of it in his hand and I could feel the Force swirling around him. He finally looked at me, and the bright shining wonder that was his eyes almost brought me to my knees. I had expected tears, again but he truly had left them behind him. This was pleasure, joy, and satisfaction.
He suddenly smiled that radiant smile I loved, and hugged me. Before I could hug him back, he released me and sat down on a seat heavily, looking at the lightsaber.
"I found it on Phindar, after they took you away," I said softly. "I saved it for the day you returned to the Jedi. To me." I blinked back a tear.
"Master. I don't know what to say…." I could see a muscle in his jaw tense and relax. He finally looked at me, and smiled.
"Thank you," he whispered, and I could feel the same thanks come through the bond. When Obi-Wan was most moved, he spoke both ways at once. I had forgotten that, and the joy that memory sparked in me moved me.
"Shall we try a little easy sparring?" I suggested, and before the words were out of my mouth, Obi-Wan was on his feet and his blade ignited in readiness. "I guess that was a yes," I said dryly and got to my feet.
We went easy, at least at first, as Obi-Wan found his balance and the moves came back to him. Our sparring was always like a dance to me, and it was light and easy, as it should be. "A little faster, Master?" he challenged me with a raised eyebrow, and I was happy to oblige.
We went at it for several hours, I think, until I saw the sweat rolling down his face and realized he must be exhausted from everything that had happened this last day. I knew I was.
"You remembered, padawan. You have done well," I complimented him. "Now, close your eyes. Reach into the Force, good…no, don't fight for it. Let it come to you. Relax, Obi-Wan, don't be so tense. Relax…." I smiled as he connected with the Force. "Hold onto it – no, don't grasp it, it's not tangible. You've always tried to grab it, and you end up pushing it away half the time. Relax, that's it…be at peace with it, let it fill you, flow through you. Remember that feeling. Now open your eyes."
My blade was spinning towards him. His hand blurred as his arm rose into the air and his lightsaber deflected my cut and returned to his side. He blinked, and I smiled.
"Good. See, you haven't lost your touch. Remember that feeling, how you let the Force into you when you need it or it demands access. That's what you most need to work on at this time. You were too long alone without the Force and this is what I want you to concentrate on. Reconnect to the Force."
I could see lines of weariness in the skin around his eyes as well feeling his exhaustion. He was all but drooping. He didn't protest, merely nodded.
"It would be night on Tatooine and you are tired. Go to bed my padawan and rest; we will have more time before we arrive on Naboo," I said gently. "You have done well."
I didn't want to hover over him, so I waited a while before I went in and sat on an empty bunk across from him, finding comfort by remaining near him. He was sprawled on his stomach, or as sprawled as the bunk allowed and I sensed he was already half way asleep.
I sat there near his side until his breathing slowed and he slept, keeping watch over him, as if he would disappear if I let him out of my sight. Once we left the ship, I knew I would have to treat him as an adult, a Jedi, and I would have to stop thinking of him as my hurt and lost boy who I needed to protect.
I was already treating him – mainly – as I would have without this five year interruption, but my heart was protesting my treatment of him.
Or, more likely, protesting its wish to treat him like the young man he had been when I last knew him, when I had been guardian, protector and mentor. He was of legal age now, and I was his master, and his friend. I still wished to be his protector; needed to protect him from further harm.
He wasn't a child needing my protection; he was again a Jedi, strong and confident and capable of protecting himself. He didn't need me to comfort him, though he would accept it with thanks. I needed to offer it, though, as penance for leaving him to his fate.
It was my heart that needed the most comfort out of all of us.
