I watch Tobias' hands tremble as he struggles to keep a hold on the glass of water in them. He slowly raises the glass to his lips and sips, closing his eyes painfully when swallowing. Sore throat,I think to myself, probably from all the screaming he's done today.

It hadn't been long after my eyes drifted closed and my mind started to fog that I was awoken by screams. Tobias' screams. Being the macho man that he is (or tries to be), he told me to go back to sleep. It was foolish, he had told me. Just a shadow on the wall that he mistook for an intruder in his half-conscious state. I was weary of the excuse, but much too tired to put up much of a fight.

20 minutes later, Tobias sat up hazardously, launching me off his chest where I had returned to sleep just minutes earlier. He played the action off again, claiming that some of my hair must have brushed against his arm and caused him to panic. I narrowed my eyes at him, part suspicion and part attempting to see him through the dark. He must have been able to see me pretty well though, because he instantly launched into a defense.

"I'm not used to sleeping next to someone."

"I can move to the floor, if you want."

"No! I like it. I really do. It's just going to take a little getting used to."

I smiled, not knowing if he could see it or not, and settled against him, resting my cheek against his bicep this time, hoping to avoid getting airborne in case he has another panic. I would never admit it out loud, but I liked using him as a pillow. And I definitely liked sleeping next to him.

Later, maybe an hour or two after I dozed off for the third time, I woke to a yell, followed by an impressive crash. I reached across the bed to turn on the lamp, but found that there was nothing on the bedside table. I proceeded to stumble out of bed and across the room until I found the light switch. I flipped it and squinted in the direction of the bed until my eyes adjusted to the brightness.

Tobias was seated calmly on the ground, his hands folded neatly in his lap. It was a strange sight, that's for sure, but something seemed particularly wrong with it. It took me a few seconds to notice the blood oozing from a series of cuts on his knuckles and a pile of ceramic rubble on the ground beside him.

"So the nightmares," I whisper, trying to break the uneasiness between us as we sit across from each other at my kitchen table," they're back?"

He stares intently at the liquid in his hands for a long time before nodding.

"Did they just come back today?"

He nods again.

We sit in silence for a long time. He refuses to meet my eyes.

Finally, I become desperate.

"What can I do to help?" I ask. I scowl at the weakness in my voice, the vulnerability.

He sighs deeply and finally looks up. He doesn't look into my eyes, but its good enough for me," I don't know, tris."

I bite my lip and nod a little. He doesn't know how I can help him, but that doesn't mean I can't.

I scoot forward in my seat and grab one of his hands, almost making him drop the glass at the sudden shift in its weight. It's the bloody one, the one used to brutally assault my lamp in the cover of night. I examine it closer, checking that he didn't miss anything in his hasty inspection of it earlier. The cuts are wide, but not wide enough for stiches. The bleeding has slowed down a lot since we sat down, so I won't bother trying to patch him up against his will. Instead I just bring it to my lips slowly, kissing the not bloody part before lacing my fingers through his and letting my thumb massage circles into his palm, a technique he originally tried on me, but proved to be much more effective on him. My eyes drift up to his shoulders and I watch as the muscles relax gently, one by one in a systematic manner.

They then drift to his bare chest, the patch of dauntless flames on his ribs, the deep set lines between the muscles of his lower stomach that plunge into his sweat pants. I remember how it felt when I ran my hand over each feature individually while we kissed earlier, then again once I felt his breathing slow and assumed he was asleep. Remember how firm, yet gentle he felt under my head as I drifted off. Desire pulses through me as I continue to watch him and I can't help wishing, more than anything, that we were still laying peacefully in the bed so I could run my hands over his body again.

"You were in it" My thoughts, mixed with the beating of my heart, were so loud that I almost miss his words.

I don't say anything.

"I guess it makes sense that you were there," He continues after a long second," I mean you were in my landscape earlier."

I stay silent.

He stares at his glass of water, which he has now set on the table, laying his hand down next to it, for what feels like minutes before speaking," My father was there too. It actually started out with just him. A part of my mind thought I was just in my landscape again, that I was facing my fourth fear like I've done so many times before. Then, instead of saying my name, he said yours. I was confused, but the second you stepped out of the shadows, I knew what was going to happen.

"I had thought about it before, actually. Wondered if it would ever enter my landscape. I thought about it while we were lying in bed earlier, actually. That's probably why it made it into my subconscious. It just made so much sense. Combining my two worst fears into one, giant fear. I guess I just hoped it would never actually manifest in a simulation. Hoped it would keep each fear separate. They're both manageable that way. But together…"

His grip on my hand tightens and he clears his throat. I can already hear the hesitancy and terror in his voice. I brace myself.

"You stepped out of the shadow looking scarily like you did in the simulation today. Bloody, bruised, ripped clothes. Seeing it then was bad enough, when it was just you and me and I had no idea who had hurt you or why they had done it. But there, in my old abnegation home, with my dad looking so smug… I knew exactly who did it and why. And even knowing this, I was equally as powerless as I had been the first time."

He stops again and I feel his fingers slip from mine as he pushes himself away from the table with enough force to almost knock over the glass.

"He smiled at me, then beckoned for you to come to him. You didn't hesitate, which bothered me. But I couldn't blame you, not doing what he said would probably lead to another beating. And it didn't look like you could take another beating.

"He grabbed your shoulder and pushed you down to your knees. He reached for his belt buckle and I just… cracked. I tried to hit him, but every punch I threw just went through him, like mist. They didn't hurt him, only pissed him off. He brushed me aside, literally brushed me as if I wasn't fighting with everything I had trying to keep his hands off of you. He pulled you up by your hair and…"

He slumps back into the chair, having not actually moved from where he had stood. I reach for him again, wanting more than anything to comfort him, but pull back when I see how hard his hands are shaking.

"He just kept hitting you and… touching you. It was disgusting. It was… horrifying. But every time I tried to stop him, my fists went through him. I couldn't hurt him. And I couldn't save you. Again. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't save you."

His stares intently at the table. I eye him cautiously, trying to decide how to approach this. There are only a handful of methods that have proven helpful when dealing with a worked up Tobias. Two possibilities stand out in my mind: tell him it's not his job to save me and that I, if anything were to happen in real life, would not be so easily controlled and would be able to defend myself about as well as he could defend me, or pull him against me and tell him that I love him, hoping that the words distract him enough that he forget his nightmares. I would most likely have to follow the second one up with a night full of other distractions, many of which sound more and more appealing the longer I look at definition in his arms as he runs his fingers through his hair.

"Tobias," I whisper as I gently get up from my chair to approach him. I can't help but relate my hesitancy toward him to someone approaching a wild animal whose actions they can't predict. He notices too, because I can see pain settle over his features as he glances at me.

I straighten, hoping I can make things a little better by approaching him as more of a human being. He's not his father, I think to myself. He's gentle. He's kind. He's good. And he loves you. And if you really loved him…

"Tobias," I start again, dropping softly to my knees beside him. He shifts in his chair so he's facing me again. I take the opportunity to take both of his hands into mine," Tobias, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me. Nothing's going to happen to me."

"You can't guarantee that."

I swallow," You're right. I can't. But you can't guarantee that nothing will happen to you either. Hell, you could trip over your shoelace on the way to the control room one day and fall into the chasm. And, as much as I'd love to tie you up and keep you in my closet where nothing can hurt you, I know I can't protect you from everything. I've had to accept that."

He chuckles darkly, not letting the humor reach his eyes," Feel free to tie me up whenever you want to, Tris."

"I'm being serious," my tone is harsh but I can't help that my lips curl up in an almost smile.

His smirk disappears and he returns to just looking sad," I can't protect you from everything. On some level, I know that. It's just- I should be able to protect you from one man. One old, untrained man. I should be able to protect you from my father."

I nod a couple times, pulling his hands closer to me," I know you would. There's not a doubt in my mind that you would. But there is doubt in yours."

"Why did you tell me that I can't protect you from everything, then?"

"Because I don't think you're really scared of your father coming out of nowhere and beating the shit out of me. I think you're scared of something, anything, happening you me on your watch. You're scared of me getting hurt. Of losing me." I play absently with his hands as I talk, enjoying the small bubble of intimacy that surrounds us. This isn't something we do casually, being so gushy and vulnerable, but sometime I wish it was. It's not practical for us to be people who touch carelessly. We're too intense, our lives our too busy, we don't take any pleasure in mundane contact. But every once and a while, when it's just the two of us tucked away where the world can't quite get to us, this happens. We just touch. We don't sit around and wait for the electricity that normally runs through our veins when we touch, we just do it. Just feel the warmth of each other's skin. And I know, without remembering ever actually thinking about it, that I was waiting for one of these moments. This is how I want to tell him that I love him. That I'm in love with him.

He leans closer to me, resting his elbows on his thighs. I feel him tug on my left hand and I watch as he laces and unlaces our fingers together between us, where we can both see how strange yet right we look intertwined.

"I'm scared of it too, you know. I think about it a lot, way more than I care to admit. I think about what I would do if anything happened to you. About how I would feel. How long it would take to feel anything again. About whether or not I would want to feel anything without you to share my feelings with. I'm scared, too. I'm just lucky enough to not have a subconscious that wants to remind me of it all the time," I lift my eyes from our hands and find that he's already looking at me.

"Have you answered any of those questions?" His tone sounds a little mocking but his eyes are sincere. He wants to know how I think I'd get along without him. If I'd be okay. Hate to say that my response will most likely disappoint him.

"A couple. But I haven't found the right words to describe them to you yet. And I hope I never do."

He leans his forehead against mine. I focus on his breath fanning over my skin.

This is it, I think. This is the moment.

" I love you," I whisper.

I hear his breath hitch, and wearily open my eyes. I find his deep blue pools burning holes in my hazel ones. After what feels like hours, he whispers," Say it again."

I take my forehead off of his, making it easier for me to return his stare," I love you, Tobias."

His lips, pressed into a thin, serious line, slowly loosen into a grin. I watch them hungrily, waiting for him to pull me closer and press them against mine.

Instead, he pulls me effortlessly into his arms and stands, carrying me into the dark. My eyes widen as I realize we are heading in the direction of the bed.

Oh god. I don't… I don't know if I'm ready…

Before my mind can form a protest, he drops me lightly on the mattress and rolls on top of me, pressing everything, his chest, his face, hips, into mine. Our lips meet naturally and begin to find it harder and harder to remember why I even wanted to protest. I feel cool air hitting my stomach as he works his hands under my shirt.

Yeah, I think, I love this boy.

OKAY OKAY OKAY BEFORE YOU KILL ME PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN!

okay, first I lost my password for my account so I basically forgot all about this because I could really check on stats or anything for a long time.

Then I got busy okay sophomore year is hard and I have so much work and im trying to actually be social which totally sucks but I guess its what normal teenagers do and yeah everything got real crazy real fast and idk I forgot about this update.

And then of course ive read a few different books since then and well mockingjay came out and basically divergent took a huge back burner in my life for a while and this story took the backburner right beside it.

But honestly there is no excuse for how long I have made you wait for this chapter.

But im gonna make you wait again.

I know im sorry im a terrible person and I dont deserve to have such awesome and sweet readers but lets face it finals week is coming up and I have a few grades I need to bring up before the end of the semester and I just can't distract myself by promising to update next week or anything.

That being said, I am seriously going to try to get a new chapter up before the end of the year. Yeah, I purposefully made that vague so hopefully you guys wont get too mad if I literally dont post until like new years eve. Im seriously going to try to work on a chapter or two over my winter break and hopefully ill find a little more time in the months to follow to get back to my one true love: writing smut. That's right ladies and gentlemen the smut chapter might maybe potentially be coming up soon. Don't hold me to that thought because honestly I dont even know where im going with the next chapter but you know if I can im gonna write some fourtris hanky panky soon. I'll see what I can do. Honestly I have no control over where this story goes I just let my fingers so whatever.

Okay so here you go I hope this is fluffy and sweet enough for you and I really hope I can find a way to update in a couple weeks. Seriously sorry about the wait. But I cant promise it wont happen again...

THANK YOU FOR THE GREAT REVIEWS AND KEEP THEM COMING AND DONT FEEL SCARED TO TELL ME THINGS YOU MAYBE WANT TO SEE OR THINGS THAT I CAN IMPROVE BECAUSE IM JUST A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT WHO LOVES TO WRITE AND WANTS TO GET BETTER SO DO MY A SOLID AND MAKE ME BETTER THANKS OKAY YEAH FAV REVIEW

I LOVE YOU