Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the characters
So, I had been working on Chapter 10, and was finally getting to the major parts of the story that I was in writing fury mode today. Don't know how it happened, but I have up to Chapter 15 written. I think I'm going to do a weekly update the next couple of weeks because of it. I want to get all the intense stuff out of the way so I can start working on everyone's guilty pleasure…fluff! Because, seriously, who doesn't love some good fluff? There's a few details I have issues with regarding the chapters, but I got through major plot points today, so I can mold the story to that anyway. I hope you all enjoy the chapter, and I look forward to posting the future chapters.
Botan went to bed hoping to have a better idea of what to do the next day. The majority of classes had passed the following day, and she was still no closer to making a decision. She kept flipping to the page in her biology book where she hid the letter and just staring at it. It was nagging at her to be opened, but she just couldn't bring herself to.
She released a sigh, not realizing she hadn't been silent. "Botan, is everything okay?"
Botan's eyes met her concerned teacher's and she forced a smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that."
Hiei heard the fake cheeriness, and it amazed him that he could actually tell the difference now. He no longer saw the front she was trying to put up. He no longer saw this annoyingly happy girl. He only saw a regular girl with a problem that was trying to hide it as much as she was trying to hide whatever was in that biology book. He watched her the majority of class, seeing her expression change from curious to saddened to hurt and then to guilt. What in the world did she have to feel guilty for, anyway?
For the rest of class, Botan put the book away and stared at the blackboard, but she still wasn't with the class. She was just staring, not truly paying attention. She didn't take a single note, but she looked like she was being attentive. Hiei knew the signs. He recognized her tense posture, though most people probably couldn't see it. It made him realize that he could. His heart beat rapidly in his chest as he was once again reminded that somehow he had gotten closer to her without trying. The dream from the previous night invaded his conscious mind and he blushed realizing that Botan had been completely naked in the dream, wrapped in his sheet. How had he not remembered that? It hadn't even registered in his mind, but now it was the predominant thought. He only had one thing screaming in his mind at that point.
Who the hell actually dreams that?!
He now felt awkward, not understanding the inner workings of his mind. Kurama's mother used to tell him that you couldn't control what you dreamt, and that dreams didn't always mean anything. Still, as a psychologist, she would always work towards helping him analyze his dreams. When he was a child, he had been…dark. He had all of this anger inside of him because of his mother's family and his no-show father. His mother's anguish always pissed him off. For a while, he would dream of hunting his good for nothing father down and end his life…really messed up for a child, now that he thought about it.
The even more disturbing concept what that the young child was not tormented with guilt. He confided his dreams with Shiori only because he felt he had to tell someone. He questioned his humanity during that time for his lack of guilt and the fact that he wasn't disturbed. Shiori was kind and understanding about it and explained to him that his dreams didn't bother him because they didn't mean anything. If anything, it just alerted to the boy to the fact that he was angry he didn't have his father, and deep down Hiei knew that. Everything else in the dream just illustrated his anger, but Hiei actually didn't want to kill the man.
As a child, he didn't agree, but as he got older he understood. Getting into fights was a pastime, but Hiei wasn't murderous. He enjoyed making others squirm, but causing them pain did not appeal to him. Maybe if he had grown up without his mother and Yukina, he'd be different, cold and murderous, but he was only into the thrill of fighting rather than the outcome.
Hiei never tried to analyze his dreams after he realized Shiori was right. Giving power to certain aspects of a dream only served to create something that wasn't there. A normal guy dreaming about a naked woman in his bed would probably believe they were attracted to the woman. Hiei had strange feelings towards Botan, but attraction was not one of them. He hadn't noticed that part of the dream, barely registering that until now, so he could only assume that her nakedness was not linked to attraction.
He didn't want to analyze the dream, but part of him was still very bothered by it. He had never seen anyone look so desperate before other than his mother when he was a child. It was haunting to see that look in anyone's eyes. No, he hadn't liked Botan, but now that he understood her he didn't like seeing her distraught like that. More of an indifferent relationship. He didn't care what happened with her, but he at least hoped she could have a peaceful existence. That was something everyone wanted. The girl was a hard worker and studious. She went out of her way to appear happy so that others wouldn't focus on her, not for her benefit, but for theirs. She deserved some peace.
The bell rang and everyone got their books together, all except Botan. Her attention turned back to the book, and she didn't even realize that everyone was leaving the room. Even the teacher left to perform her hall monitoring duties as the classes turned over. Botan remained in her seat, and Hiei became curious as to what had her undivided attention.
He walked up behind her, Botan still not registering his movements. Her gaze was set firmly on her on an unopened, sealed envelope. She did not remove her eyes from it, nor did she move to open it. Weakly, she lifted her hand to touch the envelope, but she quickly reverted and then sighed and shook her head. It was then Hiei noticed a drop of water hit the page of her textbook before the liquid absorbed into the page.
Fuck! Hiei shouted in his mind. If there was anything he hated in the world, it was the tears of a woman. He had to grow up enduring the tears of his mother and sister when they were upset and he absolutely hated it. There was never anything he could do when the women in his life cried except act as a shoulder to cry on. It stirred horrible reactions in him when women cried. It meant they were hurt or worse. Hiei would even punch the lights out of guys that made their girlfriends cry. It was actually one of the reasons he was kicked out of his last school. Normally, they would have let him off for defending the girls, but Hiei had been in one too many fights, and it didn't look good…him knocking out the superintendent's son and all.
He knew he needed to do something, but he refused to be her shoulder to cry on. He went a different route, snatching up the envelope and causing Botan to gasp in surprise. Her tear-filled eyes met his curious ones. "What has taken ahold of your attention for the entire class?" he asked, his voice light with teasing.
Botan forced a smile as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "It's nothing," she lied. She reached to grab the letter from him, but he held it back. Her lip curled slightly, clearly not amused. "Can I please have that back?"
"I don't know," he joked with a smirked. "Can you?" He then handed the envelope back to her. "You may have it back."
Botan started laughing then as she accepted it back. "What are you? A grammar Nazi?"
"Now that hurts," Hiei replied holding his hand over his heart. "I'd like to think of myself as a…grammar enthusiast."
"My mistake," Botan said quietly before looking back to the envelope. "It's a college acceptance letter. I'm afraid to open it."
Hiei's expression flat-lined.
Oh…my…God…
"You can't honestly tell me you've been this upset about whether or not you got accepted," he remarked in irritation. He was starting to have his doubts about her character once more.
"I'm not afraid about not getting in," she admitted. "I'm terrified to find out if I do." Botan instantly realized what she said and looked to Hiei panicked. Instantly, he could tell something more was going on. "Please, forget I said that," Botan pleaded as she shoved the letter back in her books. "I'm sorry. I don't want to bring you into my problems… Just, I'm sorry."
She quickly got up and began to run out of the room, but Hiei lightly grabbed her arm. He took the book from her and took out the letter. Botan just let him do it, too stunned by his actions. Hiei took a look at the front of the envelope and his eyes widened. The college letter was from the same school he and Rocker Girl talked about applying to. His and his online friend's hope was that they would both get accepted and could meet face to face even if they didn't meet during their last year of high school.
He looked up and his calm eyes met her turbulent orbs. "There's more to the story than just a college acceptance letter."
It was a statement, not a question, but Botan nodded anyway and took the letter back. "I don't want to drag you down with my problems," she told him again. "It wouldn't be fair to you. Please, just let it go. I'm not worth it."
Those words struck a nerve with Hiei. How many times had his online friend said something similar? Every time Rocker Girl degraded herself, he was there to pick up the pieces. He knew the girl's father belittled her and that it affected her, so Hiei always did his best to reassure her despite being a stranger. "If you don't want to talk to me, I get it," Hiei admitted, "but are you even talking to your friends about it?"
Botan's eyes nervously meet his. "I…I talk to one friend about it," Botan answered, though the only friend she really told was Pyro, and she hadn't spoken to him for a little while. "I just haven't…I don't want him to worry about me. It's nothing…"
Translated, that meant "I'm nothing." At least that's what it meant when he spoke to Rocker Girl.
It was really starting to bother him, how similar Botan was to his online friend, but at least he knew how to handle this situation.
"I applied to the same school," Hiei stated causing Botan's expression to be one of bewilderment. "I should be getting my early acceptance or rejection letter pretty soon if you have. When I get it, I won't open it until we open the letters together."
"Hiei…" Botan murmured, a half-hearted warning. "Why? Why are you…?"
Botan didn't need to ask the full question. Hiei knew exactly what his classmate wanted to know. They were classmates, lab partners, and barely acquaintances. They owed each other nothing. Hiei had kept her distant before unexpectedly growing closer to her. Though he had begun to accept her presence and even helped her with her paper, they were still far from friends. But Hiei could not, in good conscience, let this girl deal with her problems alone. He couldn't let another be like his online friend, suffering in silence when they didn't have to.
"I have my reasons," he answered curtly but seriously. "If you need to talk…"
Through her tears, Botan managed a genuine smile. "I have your number."
Hiei nodded and gathered his books. "Come on," he stated. "We're already later for lunch."
"Yeah," Botan said quietly. "And on Taco Tuesday, too."
The two of them exchanged smiles before Botan continued to wipe the remainder of her tears away, wanting to hide the fact that she had been upset to her friends. "You look fine," Hiei assured her before they grabbed their books and left the room, entering the empty hallway and travelling to the cafeteria.
Botan didn't feel any better a few days later, though she was able to put a stop to staring at the envelope and pay attention in her classes. Hiei had been really nice to her, and she didn't know what to think. She knew that he hadn't really liked her to begin with, but it was a nice change. Maybe he really had just needed to settle in like she thought. It was clear to her that whatever was going on with them at home was not easy to deal with. Lately, Yukina had been discussing it with her more. Since Botan had come to the house before, Yukina knew she'd understand.
"So, your mom is dating some guy that you and your brother don't get along with?" Botan clarified, but Yukina shook her head.
The two girls were staying after school that day since Botan had gotten Yukina to become a math tutor. Neither of their first students showed up, so they had a half hour to kill. "It goes much deeper than that, unfortunately…"
Botan felt dread creep up in her at the tone of Yukina's voice, so saddened and dismal. She buried it down and suggested they go for a walk around the school while they waited. It was best to be away from other people that could overhear something and make something out of it that was unwarranted. Botan did not want that happening to her friend like it had for her. What kids did to her was based off of a stupid thing. This sounded serious.
"His name is Tarukane," Yukina whispered. The way she said his name, Botan could hear the underlying hate. "Mom met him at a bar where she worked, and a year later she told us we were moving with him to a new town. Hiei and I didn't want to go, but then she told us Shuichi and his mom lived here. We were really close with them when we were younger, so it made it a bit easier to accept."
"Is he and your mom serious?" Botan questioned. "Why would she move you guys here if he didn't like you guys much?"
"It's not that he doesn't like us," Yukina replied awkwardly. "He's just not very nice. He took an interest in Hiei really early on, but my brother never felt comfortable around him. Oh God, Botan…you should just hear some of the stuff he says. Sometimes it's just creepy."
Botan was instantly reminded of Pyro's situation. This Tarukane sounded a lot like the mob boss that held interest in her friend. She shook her head from her thoughts. Yukina and Hiei weren't like Pyro. Tarukane probably wasn't in the mob. What were the chances of that happening to three people in her life?
"Have you told your mother?"
Yukina shook her head. "Hiei mentioned something once before to her, and she didn't take it well," Yukina admitted. "I really hope Hiei gets into the college he wants to. Then he'll be free. It's far enough away."
Botan knew, since Hiei said he applied to the same school she did. "What about you and your mother?"
Yukina shrugged. "I don't know about my mother, but I'm definitely not staying there," she confessed finally, which brought her to the part she really needed to tell someone about. "I can't tell her, and Hiei probably wouldn't like this, so I needed to tell someone. When I graduate, I'm going with Kazuma to an engineering school. I'm really good at chemistry, so I was thinking of becoming a chemical engineer. Kazuma makes me feel safe, and he promised he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me."
"That's…" Botan began to say, unsure of what to say. "I know Kuwabara, and he really does care about you. He never lets anything happen to those he cares about. You'll be in good hands. You should tell your brother, though."
Yukina paled thinking about how the conversation would go and looked to Botan, alarmed. "You don't think Hiei will go after Kazuma when he finds out he wants to be with me after high school. I know he doesn't like him."
Botan smiled a bit. "It's probably the over protective big brother thing," she told Yukina. "I have this friend I talk to online, and I know for a fact he'd hate anyone who would pursue his sister just because he loves her so much and wants her well taken care of. Hiei will probably need to think about it for a while, but once he realizes Kuwabara's intentions are pure, he'll accept it."
"You really think so?" Yukina asked hopefully.
Botan nodded and whispered, "I know so."
Yukina smiled and looked down to her phone. "Hey, the next students are probably there by now. We should go back. And Botan…thanks…for talking with me and everything."
"Anytime!" Botan chimed. "You're my friend, Yukina. My friends mean so much to me. Couldn't let you go through this alone. Let's go."
The two girls headed back to the classroom, but didn't notice the looming shadow on the other side of the hall. There, Hiei stood stunned into silence. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He also was unsure if he really could accept it or not. What amazed him the most, though, was that Botan had just helped his sister when she had her own problems without putting her problems on Yukina.
She had to be the most selfless person he had ever met.
Later, Botan was walking with Yukina to her house. Yukina had assured her things were okay with Botan going home with her this late. Tarukane was out of town, so he wouldn't be giving her trouble for having a friend over at the house. Hiei had already been home a while, leaving the school after he had heard Yukina's confession to Botan, and then Botan attempting to convince Yukina to tell him. Botan was most likely going to keep the secret for his sister, finding it Yukina's place to tell him, but she respect him enough to tell Yukina she should tell him eventually. The admiration Hiei felt for her began to grow. He didn't even mind it so much when she showed up at the house with Yukina. Besides, the two of them needed to talk. Big time.
"Hello, Hiei," Botan greeted when she saw him sitting on the steps outside.
"Hn," Hiei responding, nodding in acknowledgement before looking over to his twin. "Mom ordered some takeout for us before she left. You should go inside."
"Alright, big brother," Yukina said happily before giving Botan a hug and whispering in her ear, "Thanks again."
Botan hugged the girl back, grinning at her retreating form. She then noticed Hiei's serious expression and stern posture, his arms crossed. "Y-Yes?" she stuttered.
"I got my letter today," he told her. "Remember our agreement."
Botan's face fell, but she nodded. "Can…can we not do this here?" she questioned hesitantly. "C-Can we go somewhere else?"
Hiei could tell she was really concerned about this letter opening that he didn't even bother to correct her this time. "We may," he responded smoothly. "Follow me. There's a creek not too far from here. I like to go there and think sometimes."
A small, soft smile appeared on Botan's face. "I love the water," she told him as the two of them began to walk away from the mansion.
Hiei brought Botan to the water's edge and the two of them sat down. Hiei already had his letter in his hand, but Botan just looked into the flowing stream, tears glistening her eyes. She eventually moved to take her letter out and looked to Hiei for instruction. "We'll open them at the same time," he told her. She nodded in agreement and the two of them gently tore into the envelopes.
Slowly they both unfolded their papers and read silently. A smirk appeared on Hiei's face. He had gotten in, which meant in about eight months he'd be free from the crazy situation he was currently stuck in. He looked over to Botan and saw her fallen expression, which he took as she didn't get in. He was floored by the next words out of her mouth.
"I got in…"
Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? Wasn't finding this out what she was terrified for? Hiei was reminded that something more was going on, especially when she shoved the letter back into envelope and began to cry even harder than she had been. "I got in…what am I going to do?"
"Botan," Hiei called out quietly. "Relax. Isn't this a good thing?"
"Under normal circumstances," she replied while trying to wipe her tears away, but they just kept falling. "Oh Hiei…my life is a mess right now. I don't want to bring you into it."
"I'm bringing myself into it," he replied. "What the hell has you so upset about getting into a school you apparently applied to early?"
Botan hesitated, but she figured she might as well get it off of her chest. "For starters, my mom was fired from one of her jobs about a month ago," she explained. "Our finances have been limited. We're even on food stamps now because we can barely afford the house let alone anything else. The night I got my letter, a man showed up saying mom had been later on mortgage payments and that we could lose the house. I would ask my dad to help me, but he barely talks to me, and always says he'll help before turning everything around and blaming me for everything, saying it's my own fault. I'm…scared. I… I…"
Botan just started sobbing into her hands, reality crashing down on her. She didn't even know if she and her mom would have a home in the next few months let alone money for college. Hiei's mouth was agape as she unloaded her problems onto him. He wasn't expecting any of this, and seeing her in pain made his chest ache. His dream hit him full force, and for a moment he wondered if being psychic was a real thing. It felt like his dream had been a warning.
He scooted closer to her and put his arm around her in attempts to comfort her. She took the comfort and leaned into him sobbing against his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her and, though she was still crying, Botan felt safe for the moment. She grabbed a fist full of his shirt and just let him comfort her.
Hiei was still slightly in shock, and frozen in place, because he was allowing himself to be a shoulder for this woman to cry on. "Look," he said quietly, "I won't pretend I know everything you're going through, but you'll have to tell your mother at some point. She would want to know, and everything else you'll just figure out later. You have to take these things one step at a time."
"I don't have time," Botan whined desperately. "I need to pay the orientation fee. I'm eventually going to have to ask my dad because we can't afford it, and I'm just afraid of what he could say."
"The worst he can say is 'no,'" Hiei assured her. "At that point, write him off and then you can take other steps. There is financial aid, and you're a good student. You would easily qualify for need based scholarships. You'll figure it out."
"And what about the house?" Botan whined. "Or my mom and her jobs? What are we going to do?"
"You can't worry about that now," Hiei told her, remembering his own past and how his mother had been thrown out of her own home, and then his grandmother showing up one day when he and Yukina were two. His grandmother had once again given the ultimatum, and actually tried to get him away from his mother and sister, but his mother just reached for him and pulled him back towards her holding him protectively. The woman had said horribly degrading things about him and his mother and then took off. It always bothered him. He never forgot what had happened, despite being young enough to block it out like Yukina had. He shook his head, ridding himself of the memories for the moment. "You can only take everything one step at a time."
Botan nodded against his chest, understanding but still being immensely upset. The two of them sat there for a while, and Botan refused to let go of Hiei. He looked down, watching her play with his shirt. She looked so fragile and lifeless as the tears glistened her eyes. He shook his head and realized, yet again, how wrong he had been about her. She really did need saving. He didn't think he could be her savior, but he could only take his own advice and take everything one step at a time. After all, he didn't have to do it alone. He had an amazing friend who went through similar stuff and always gave him excellent advice. Maybe Rocker Girl could give him advice to help him with Botan too. Now that he thought of it, he hadn't talked to her in quite a while…
