The story thus far: After being advised not to make close friends at school, Remus and his dorm mates get off to a rocky start. Remus makes a friend in Lily, and they present a united front when it comes to Sirius and James. Remus has decided that it is due time for some payback.
Warnings: Slash, eventual RLSB
Disclaimers: Don't own it.
Notes: (1)One liner inspired by 'Will and Grace.' Because they are just so inspiring! Thanks to Oony and Rry, yet again.
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The Worst Year Yet
By Rekahneko
Chapter 9 – Fifth Year, A Rose by Any Other Name is Still Conjured
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"You know, Lily, I've been thinking about your suggestion."
"Which one Remus? The one where you become the leader of the Underground Werewolf Resistance and back my bid to take over the Ministry of Magic?"
Remus smiled. "No, not that suggestion, though it does have merit. I mean the idea about pulling a prank on Sirius and James. I think I came up with something good, though the details get a bit complex. I would need your help…" He trailed off, uncertainly.
"Friends help friends move, true friends help friends move bodies. I am here for you!"
Laughing, Remus shook his head. "Well, I don't know about moving bodies, but I might need you on the potions front and maybe for spreading some disinformation."
"Perfect! What are we planning?"
Remus breathed a sigh of relief. He really needed her help with this and it looked like Lily was as excited as he was, even before hearing the details. Life was good. Maybe this year was going to be better than he thought.
"Let's go to our study area and I'll go through my ideas."
After they were settled down comfortably at their favorite desk, map activated, they got down to business.
"I was thinking about why it is I dislike getting pranked. I decided that my main problem isn't so much the effects of the pranks particularly, but instead it's being laughed at by the other students. So, I think the best way to get back at Sirius and James is to make people laugh at them all day, without the two being in on the joke."
Lily listened intently, nodding.
"Maybe it isn't the best idea, but I thought that if we were able to spell their robes to have insults printed on the back, as long as they couldn't see what was written and no one told, they wouldn't know why everyone was laughing at them all day."
Remus looked nervous that perhaps it wasn't a good suggestion, but Lily encouraged him. "Go on, tell me the rest then."
"I was bored a while back and was thumbing through this Quidditch magazine and noticed that the professional teams sometimes advertise on the backs of their players' robes. The lettering stands out an inch or two from the robe to make it easily viewable and this way, the wind doesn't ruffle the lettering when it ruffles their robes. Really fascinating article, all about the effects of advertising on popular sports and how consumers…" Remus stopped in the middle of his sentence, realizing he was rambling.
"In any case," he continued, a bit embarrassed but back on track, "I did a bit of research and found the spellwork they use. Remember way back in second year when they charmed that 'kick me' sign on my robe? It is a similar charm, only a bit more complex. Actually a lot more complex. But we can do it. It would be perfect for this because, even if they are sitting down in a chair, the letters will stand out and be readable."
"The biggest flaw at the moment is that each one would see the writing on the other's robes. We would need a potion to make sure they can't read the insults. That will take more research, but I have a few ideas already."
Lily nodded her encouragement.
"We can also get whatever is written on their robes to change during the day if we are careful, so we just have to make a list of insults for each of them. Actually they don't even have to be insulting, just something funny since we want people laughing."
Remus was gaining confidence as he explained farther. "Of course, we will have to plan carefully since it kind of hinges on everyone not telling the boys about what is going on."
"How do you plan on doing that?" Lily looked doubtful.
"Well, remember when I told you they were planning a New Year's prank? I overhead some details and I think I can safely say that everyone will be pretty angry at them after the New Year feast. I'm fairly certain they will completely ruin the formal ball that night. If we aim for a day close after that, maybe people won't be so inclined to tell."
"I'm not sure I even want to know what they are planning. You canget us out of the path of destruction, right?"
"Yup, though the only good excuse to miss out would make us look especially nerdy. Sorry."
"No worries. In any case, if we plan carefully enough, we can probably get a number of people to help with our prank…"
"Just as long as they aren't aware that we are behind the whole thing. Here is the point at which I rely on your superior political skills."
"Ahh. So this is what you meant by disinformation."
At his nod she smiled widely.
He continued, "I figured if we spread the word quickly enough about the prank and that no one should tell the boys; that would make all the difference. We don't want some Hufflepuff girl with a crush giving everything away too soon, though it will probably happen eventually. Either that or some first year will get cornered and scared into telling. I bet we can get a lot of laughs out of it in the meantime though!"
"Well," Lily pondered a moment. "It sounds complicated. But I'm sure we are skilled enough to make it work. So tell me more about the potion and the spell you are considering."
Remus beamed at the agreement from his friend. They were really going to make this happen.
The two budding pranksters talked well into the evening, discussing the intricacies of Remus' idea and the specifics of the spells and potions involved. The process was much more enjoyable than they would have guessed, though of course neither was quite willing to admit to it.
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Dear Mum and Dad,
I was hoping you could send me a few potion ingredients that I have stored in my room back at home. Lily and I are doing a special project and we need a few items that are not as easy to find in Hogsmeade. I am enclosing a list. Thanks!
Other than that, things are much the same. Yes, the two boys are being difficult as usual and no, I haven't been on a date since this summer. I wouldn't really want to talk about it if I had though. That is just weird, telling you guys about my love life (or lack thereof). One discussion was enough to last me a lifetime. Not to say I'm not happy and relieved at your reaction to everything and all… I do appreciate your support. But still, weird.
If you could take another picture of Snuffles and send it off, that would be great. In the one I have here, he has gotten himself stuck up in the tree and won't come down. I think he is scared of the flowers growing under the tree. They are the same bright pink color as Aunt Clarine's favorite flower print dress (you know, the one she wears every single time she visits?), and he has been afraid of her ever since she dressed him up in ribbons and painted his toenails. Anyhow, I just want a picture where I can see him clearly. Please stick it in with the ingredients. Thank you!
Love, Remus
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"You know the prank where we spell everything in castle with a Slytherin crest on it to spit out cheering charms? Let's put it off until next weekend," suggested Sirius, sounding a bit more demanding than persuasive.
"Why can't we do it right now? I really wanted to see all the dour Slytherins skipping and giggling." Peter pouted, not at all a good look for him.
"Because tonight is a special night, and I want you all still to be alive."
There was a short pause as Peter carefully considered Sirius' words and James chuckled.
"What is so special about tonight?"
"Tonight is when Remus Lupin will finally decide to date me. I am going to conjure him a rose and everything. Then I will ask him to accompany me to the most exclusive restaurant in Hogsmeade. It will be terribly romantic. Who could say no to a single red rose?"
"You aren't able to conjure more than one at a time, are you?" James smirked.
Sirius just grunted, not wanting to admit to failure.
"Okay, so everything has to be just perfect in order for this to work. What do you think? The red shirt or the green one?"
"Well, the red one says, 'I'll call you,' and the green one says, 'I'll wake you.'"(1)
"Green it is."
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"You bring a whole new meaning to the word, edible."
Delighted with his latest pick up line, Sirius held out a single, blood red rose to Remus who was looking at him a bit askance.
"A rose, Black?"
"Isn't it romantic?" Sirius beamed proudly. "I bet no one has ever done something like this for you."
"Actually, you've given me a rose before, as I recall." Remus continued to stare suspiciously at Sirius, making no move to take the flower.
"What? I have?"
Remus nodded. "Back in second year. You threw it at me, and I was so surprised I caught it. The rose exploded in a shower of rainbow colored sparkles which didn't come out of my hair or off my skin for several days."
Sirius gaped at him, having completely forgotten about the incident. "Err, sorry?"
Shrugging, Remus wondered if Sirius had ever apologized for a prank before. He didn't think so. "What's this one do?"
"Nothing! This one is just a rose!"
Remus looked at him pensively. "Hmm. I think I'll pass. Thanks though." He went back to his book.
"Oh. Right, then. I guess I'll see you around?"
A noncommittal noise was the only response.
Sirius wandered back upstairs to the dorm room looking a bit confused as Remus watched, peeking through his fringe. Chuckling quietly to himself, the werewolf shook his head in amusement. Sirius Black never seemed to give up on his pranking.
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Sirius shuffled into the dorm room, staring at the rose in his hand, slightly bewildered.
"Well? What did he say this time when you asked him on a date?"
"I didn't even get a chance to ask him anything. I have no idea how that happened. He said he didn't want the rose and then sort of shooed me away somehow."
"Too bad." James didn't look too terribly shaken by the incident for some reason. "Maybe we can get an early start on more planning for the New Year prank, then."
"At least he talked to me," Sirius continued, absently prodding the rose.
"We'll need lots of extra mugwort. More than we can filch from the stores in the potions classroom. Suggestions?" James was almost serious now that he was getting down to official prank business.
Sirius, on the other hand, was still musing about his recent encounter. "And he didn't even seem annoyed when he talked about that old rose and rainbow prank."
"How about we have Sirius just owl order the missing ingredients like before?" Peter suggested.
Sirius continued on, undeterred by the lack of interest shown by his friends. "Lupin seemed slightly amused, if anything, now that I think about it."
"You mean when he ordered all that powdered unicorn horn and charged it to the Black Estate under his brother's name?" After so many years of friendship, James was able to completely tune out Sirius when the need arose.
Sirius was now pulling off each rose petal, one by one. "Not that he was amused back in second year. But just now, he was almost smiling. Sort of. Possibly."
"Yeah, that was so cool," Peter agreed, grinning at James. "I still think we should order something completely embarrassing using his brother's name."
Sirius scooped up the pile of petals and cast a spell on them he still remembered from second year. "And people think I'm crazy when I insist he likes pranks."
"Nah." James shook his head. "The kid is kind of okay, for a Slytherin. Plus, once the Blacks notice that it isn't Regulus charging the stuff, we won't be able to do it again."
After unlocking Remus' trunk with a quick spell and tossing the petals in, Sirius finally joined his friends' conversation. "Yeah. My parents will buy anything for Reggie as long as it isn't too overboard."
"Sirius! You're back! We always miss you when you take these little trips of yours. Gonna help with the prank now?"
Grinning, the black haired boy rubbed his hands together with delight. "Pranks! I just love them! And this New Year's prank is going to be the best. Where were we, then? Ingredients?"
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Next Time:
"A minion would be nice, but imagine having to put up with someone like Peter following you around all day."
