A Fool's Errand

Part 9

A/N: No, your eyes doth not deceive you. It's been 13 months but this is an actual update. Unbeta'd.


"You do love me don't you?"

Her eyes grew wide at his sad question. "What? Of course I do. How can you even ask that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

She waited for him to continue, but hoping his inquiry was at an end. The night was growing darker and her day had already been long.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

She couldn't hide her gasp. "Tomorrow? Why didn't you tell me?"

Again he just shrugged, his gaze foggy and distracted.

Her brow lowered in frustration.

Then, suddenly, he turned to her, all traces of quiet discontent gone, and his smile big. "Don't fret now Sybil. I'm off to join the Mediterranean Fleet! I get to see the world and Old Adolf is paying the bill."

She scoffed at him. "How can you say such a thing?"

He laughed, the sound brittle and hollow. "You and I, we've been together quite a long time."

"Yes," she said slowly, disconcerted by his change of topic.

"We were practically children when we started going steady, and now I'm off to war and you're a nurse." He paused, seeming to roll the words around in his mouth as he would a hard piece of peppermint. "We grew up."

"I guess so," she answered.

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "But most of the time it feels like we are just playing pretend, like we are playing this grand joke on the world. They think us old enough to go fight a war, to go kill people, to die, and I haven't even slept with a woman yet."

His tone was so light, so indifferent that Sybil couldn't even muster up a blush.

"We'll get married of course," he went on. "When I get back—if I get back. Won't we?"

She frowned. "Are you proposing?"

She feared he might shrug again, but instead he swept off his hat and knelt at her feet.

"Yes indeed, Lady Sybil Crawley, will you make me the happiest man on earth and agree to become my wife?"

She had to laugh at his theatrics and the ridiculousness of it all. "Are you in earnest?"

"I'd best be," he said, his response only seeming to confuse her more.

She looked at him thoughtfully, took in the boyish grin, the curly hair, blue eyes she'd known for so very long.

She must love him after such a long time.

"Yes, when you return I'll marry you," she finally replied.

He stood quickly, wrapping her in his arms, holding her tightly, dancing them side to side before dropping a quick kiss to her lips, his hand sliding down her arm to tug her towards the bedroom of his flat.

She hesitated.

His eyes held hers and she knew she was already lost. He was to be her husband and he was afraid.

She would give him tonight.

"How could you?" Sybil breathed angrily as she stormed into the dormitory.

Her body shook with the anger of betrayal and humiliation.

"You promised. You promised you wouldn't tell."

Edna looked up from where she was hanging her freshly laundered uniform, her face a mockery of indifference. "I changed my mind."

Sybil felt something snap in her, something that had been stretched so tightly, pulled so taut that everything within her felt the ricochet of release as her frustration, anger, hurt and fear found a target.

"You changed your mind? That is the answer I get? That you've changed your mind?" her chest began to heave with fury. "I trusted you. I believed you. I know we haven't always gotten along but I at least respect you and would never, never, have betrayed you as you have me."

Something flashed in Edna's eyes, but Sybil was too irate to care. Her world was slipping away from her, spinning out of her grasp, and she felt the same panic she'd once felt when she'd gone against her father's edict to not ride his new Arabian without his supervision, and Sybil, perfectly convinced of her own skill, decided it was too beautiful an animal for her to wait to ride, but while the horse had been trained, he was temperamental, and as she had kicked him into motion he had set off like a shot, surprising the young girl and causing her to lose the grip on the reigns. As the horse had pounded the ground, her heart had matched his speed and all she could do was cling to his mane desperately to keep from hitting the ground and being trampled. Mere moments had passed, though it felt a great deal longer, before she was able to calm herself, collect her wits and remember her own training, and finally stop the horse, but she had never forgotten the feeling of total loss of control and how scared she had been.

"I can't do this now," she snapped. "I shouldn't have come to talk to you until I've calmed down."

She gave Edna no time to respond before she turned and slammed back out as swiftly as she'd arrived. She didn't really know where she was going, the kind of dismal rage that left a person listless and bewildered pumped through her. She just was walking, the encounter in Dr. Turner's office playing over and over again in her mind.

"Nurse Crawley, I'm terribly sorry to be so blunt, and I do apologize ahead of time for any offense my question may cause, but Nurse Doyle and I agree that we've no time to waste these days. You see, we've been informed that one of the nurses here at the hospital is pregnant and I'm afraid I must ask, is it you?"

Oh how she wanted to lie, to deny it and simply stand up and walk out, leaving the doctor and nurse to feel embarrassed by their impertinence, but it was she whose cheeks had flushed pink, mortified by the reality that she would have to answer yes.

"While we appreciate and recognize your skill as a nurse, I'm afraid the rules are quite clear. We cannot have an expectant mother working here."

She didn't exactly remember what she'd said. She'd nodded in understanding, believed she'd thanked them both. Dr. Tuner had asked after her health and Nurse Doyle had verified that Sybil had somewhere to go, to which Sybil had again nodded, mumbled something about going home.

"Are you…" Dr. Turner had hedged gently, "alone?"

She frowned at him, still trying to come to grips with her dismissal.

"The father-?"

"Oh," she breathed, "Yes, I mean to say, I am not alone. That's one of the reasons I hadn't told anyone just yet, you see, my h—husband, he is still at the hospital recovering."

She heard Nurse Doyle's quick intake of breath. "I didn't realize you had married a patient."

"Yes, actually the young private you were just examining Dr. Turner, with the healing leg."

"Branson?"

She nodded. "I was going to tell you about the baby and resign my post, but we were waiting until he had been discharged. I don't suppose—"

She let the sentence hang, not sure if it was worth asking.

Nurse Doyle roughly shook her head. "I am sorry Nurse Craw—uh Branson, but even though I sympathize with your situation, the rules are very clear. We cannot keep you on staff knowing of your condition."

Again, she could only nod, a flower bowing to the wind of change.

"I'm sure it would be no problem to allow you to stay in the dormitory for the duration of Private Branson's recovery," Dr. Turner interjected, pointedly ignoring Nurse Doyle's eye. "He's only here a few more days."

Some of the stiffness left Doyle's body in acquiesce.

"Th-thank you," Sybil stammer. "I will discuss it with my husband."

She stood, no longer able to just sit, needing to release her frustration, and left with the grace of a countess.

She stormed down the halls of the hospital, her feet pounding like a raging bull. It was an unfortunate turn of events that Sybil should run into Tom.

"Hello," he greeted her happily, unaware of the hornets nest he was stepping into. "Great news from Dr. Turner today right?

"What?" she scoffed, her face flushed.

"My leg," he answered, his eyes narrowing, finally taking in her high color, harsh breathing and tight lips. "What's happened?"

"Oh, your leg, yes great news. You'll be up and about in no time and then you can leave me too."

She was being unfair. She knew it. But anger and loss makes one indifferent to reason.

"What—"

"Oh what does it matter?" she barked, barreling over his words. "No one keeps their promises these days. I'm sure you'd rather go off to war than to deal with a wife you barely know and a child that's not yours."

"Rather go off to war?" he ground out angrily, his tone catching her up short. His face hardened. "Let's get one thing quite clear, Lady Sybil, going back to war is the last thing I want. I am not ashamed to admit I don't want to die, and I've had my fill of the sight of dead boys and their guts spread all over my ambulance."

She winced. "Tom—"

"But I have to go because I made a commitment, and I don't renege on a commitment. I'm not him Sybil."

He brushed passed her, leaving her alone in the hallway. The aggression had drained from her, leaving her feeling vulnerable and stupid and very sad.

She should probably follow him, but her embarrassment won out. She reasoned he needed time to cool off, and with no other option available to her she turned and slowly made her way back to the dormitory.

She found Edna just sitting on her bed, her laundry now neatly hung. The pair stared at one another, an impasse of centuries of injustices that neither were responsible for between them.

Sybil said nothing as she moved about the room, beginning to gather her things.

"So you're leaving?"

Sybil paused, her back straightening, before she resumed her work, giving no response.

Edna sighed. "I know you're angry with me."

"Can we please not do this? I'm not interested in hearing from you at the moment."

The sound of disgust from her roommate stirred Sybil's ire, and she whirled about, facing the other woman. "You have the nerve to be upset with me?"

"Oh please," Edna bit out. "Don't pretend that things aren't going to work out for you."

"They've fired me!" Sybil cried. "This job was important to me and all I was asking for was a few more days, but your disgust of my birth has turned you hard and cold and bitter."

"And your birth has left you pampered and spoiled and more than a little naïve," Edna shot back. "I won't apologize for telling. They needed to know."

"That wasn't your decision to make!" Sybil cried.

"Then you shouldn't have involved me. The only mistake I made was agreeing not to tell in the first place. But you put me in an awkward position and that wasn't fair. I know you think I'm ridged but I broke the rules once too, like you, and I suffered the consequences of that decision."

Sybil's brow went up.

Edna gave a sour laugh. "I've shocked you. But it's not an especially interesting story. I fell in love with a man above my station. His family didn't approve, forced his hand and he chose his wealth over me and our…" she swallowed her words, burying them deep inside, just as she had every day before. "Well anyway, I had no one and I made a decision and I have to face the consequences of that decision every day. I play by the rules now and it wasn't fair for you to ask me to break them. I know this job was important to you, but this job is my life. It's all I have. I can't be distracted worrying about you."

Sybil felt her heart breaking, struggling with the weight of what women suffered.

Edna stood, heading for the door. "I don't know what's going on between you and Branson, but you're at least not alone. You have someone who cares for you a great deal, and willing to be a father to your baby. That should count for something."

"I'm not ready to leave," Sybil breathed sadly.

"With all due respect, milady, it's not just about you anymore."

She walked out, leaving Sybil with her thoughts.

to be continued

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See you next year! I KID, I KID! (I hope).