Therinfal Redoubt
Lavellan-
Envy.
The castle spun around me and a heavy mist mingled with mangled, heavy shadows. My heartbeat echoed in the empty air, the sound filling my head. As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw shapes in the dark, at first unrecognizable, but quickly taking form.
They looked unreal, inhuman. The design was elven, with sharp edges and colors that pulsed in the fog. But the longer I stared, the more I saw.
A girl knelt by a river, struggling to braid her hair. Another girl, several years older, came up behind her. She spoke, and the words were stolen by the abyss around us. The younger girl slowly let her long hair fall, and the older girl smiled as she wrapped the pieces together, winding them into a long, thick braid.
The girls disintegrated, and I as I stepped forward another image danced along the walls. The same girl, the younger, was now in her early teens. Her fingers trailed up a carved wooden staff leaning against a tree, but they stopped at the top, before the gleaming crystal. She jumped suddenly, and turned to see the other girl, the older, watching her.
"We have met, Herald," the voice was chilling and wrong and so, so cold. The girls fell apart, colors melting into the stale air, and I turned quickly, searching for the source of the voice. "So much envy for such a small child."
"Show yourself," I wish I could say I sounded strong. But my voice cracked, and my heart pounded in my ears.
The voice laughed, and slowly, with a shivering shape, a figure walked out from the shadows. Its form shuddered and shifted until it held- and I raised my chin, facing the thing with long, dreadlocked grey hair and wrinkled skin. The kind eyes I once knew now looked cold and cruel. Whatever it was, it had dug into my deepest thoughts and found an image of my grandmother.
"What are you? A demon?" I stepped back, reaching for my bow. My heart dropped when I felt only air. "How did you-"
"You are in my domain now, Herald." Her voice was not hers. Something sat behind it, strangling her gentle voice into something corrupt and horrible. "So much potential… so far yet still to wander." She stepped toward me, smiling. "You fight it, but you know you feel it. I have always been part of you, da'len."
I glared at her, reaching inside myself for something stronger. "You have no right to call me that. You are a demon, nothing more."
"Is that true, though?" As she walked, her form shifted. I turned, watching carefully as she grew and morphed. "Or am I already part of you? Feeding off what you've felt for so long?" It laughed, taking on the face and body of my Keeper. "You wanted everything she had. Her magic, her beauty, her intelligence. And what do you have?"
"Get out of my head…"
The spirit lunged at me and I screamed, falling back on to the ground. "Nothing! You are but a desperate child struggling for what you could never have. Power- so much power." It drifted around me and I struggled to my feet, backing up until I felt cool stone at my back. "What will you do as the Herald of Andraste, hm? Stumble toward the easiest option, falling for everything everyone tells you? Throw away your heritage, pretend your people never were? Tell me, what kind of leader are you, Herald?" It took the form of Leliana now, smirking, cold. "From what I have seen, you are either a coward or a tyrant. You let the people around you make every decision, and when you must make your own you resort to petty threats."
"That's not true. You're a liar."
"Am I, Herald? In your heart you know it to be true." She stepped close enough that I could feel her breath on me -cold, thick, artificial. "Do you know what the Inquisition can become? You'll see. When I'm done, the Elder One will kill you and ascend. Then I will be you."
"The Elder One…" I breathed, trying to keep my mind on track. "That's the second time I've heard that name. Who or what are they?"
The demon laughed again. "He is… between things. Mortal once, but no longer. Glory is coming, and the Elder One wants you to serve him like everyone else: by dying in the right way." I stayed still, staring at the demon, staying nothing. It pulled away, stepping back into the darkness. "I am Envy, and I will know you." I felt my chest grip my lungs and I suddenly realized the wall behind me was no more. Turning quickly, heart aching, breath coming hard and fast, I saw the demon now had the form of my commander. "Tell me what you think. What you feel." Something gasped, and I looked away from the demon to see myself, or a version of myself, or something, suddenly collapse to the ground, crying out in pain, blood staining the floor.
Whimpering, I stepped back, dropping the bloody dagger that had materialized in my hand. When the demon spoke again, it had my voice. "Tell me what you see."
"Leave me!" I cried, wishing desperately that I had some weapon to fight it with. "You will not take me. I already know what you are, and you can have no part of me."
It cackled, voice deep and bellowing. "I already do, Herald." When it spoke, it was me, its voice now more calm, even tight with excitement. "She was… everything I wanted to be. She was beautiful and talented and so, so smart."
"You can't- you can't know that…" I whispered. My heart felt heavy.
"You spoke it, Herald. You want to be her. But she is dead, and it is your fault."
"No! It was an accident! I never would have-"
"Of course not." It morphed again, its face changing just slightly. Her cheekbones were higher than mine, her face slightly thinner. Her eyes were bright and big, almost like a child's, and her marks were more delicate and more controlled. As her hair changed I saw how it fell against her back, long and thick and straight. Her body was stronger than mine, her hips wider and her breasts filling out perfectly on her chest where mine always felt so small. When she spoke, even her lips were prettier, more sculpted. "You killed me, Yvelle."
"No."
"You were there. You only went to the conclave because you knew how it would look if only I went. You said you resented my relationships with humans but you always wished you could be like me. It was so easy to talk to me, and the shems knew it too. You came because you could not stand the idea of only me having a reputation for civility among our kind. You came because you could not stand the idea of being left behind when I would come back with new stories of faraway lands."
"I went to protect you…" My voice cracked. Tears welled at my eyes and I fought them, even as my lower lip shook and my hands trembled. "I didn't- it was a mistake…"
"And then, I heard a noise. I said I thought something didn't seem right- you called me dramatic, said I always made things up-"
"I'm sorry… Ellian please…"
"You accused me of wanting to draw attention to myself. When I said I would leave, that I would investigate, you refused to let me go. 'Stay here with your shems.' Do you remember what you called me? What you said I was for doing what you always wished you could? For being who you always wished you could be?"
I buried my face in my hands, felt my knees giving out.
"Harellan- traitor! I wanted what was best for our people and you called me a traitor. 'Fen'Harel ma ghilana. Ma banal las halamshir var vhen.' You said it out of hate -out of envy!"
"I'm so sorry… Ellian, forgive me..."
"Then you left: angry, hateful. You heard a voice calling out -a voice meant for me. And you stole my life."
I sobbed. My heart ached, and my shoulders shook as I fell to my knees, face stained with tears. I couldn't stop feeling like I deserved this, like the pain of being there, in that place, was what I earned for hating my own sister. I would have given in, would have let the demon take me. After all, it would surely do better in my position than I would.
But I heard another voice. Kind and gentle and soothing. "Envy is hurting you. Mirrors on mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not Envy." He sounded so strong and sure that I raised my head, listening for more. The Envy demon had vanished, and around me were castle walls- and iron bars. I was in a cell, guarded by a templar with red lyrium growing out of her. "I've been watching. I'm Cole. We're inside you- or I am. You're always inside you." I sniffled and looked around, then saw him. A gaunt young man in a large hat, standing on the other side of the bars. On the ceiling. "It's easy to hear, harder to be a part of what you're hearing. But I'm here, hearing, helping. I hope. Envy hurt you, is hurting you. Then I was here, in the hearing. It's-" he paused, sounding apologetic. "It's not usually like this."
I gathered my strength and spoke, staring up at the boy on the ceiling. "I don't understand. Who… what are you?"
"I was watching. I watch. Every templar knew when you arrived. They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker. Envy twisted the commanders, forced their fury, their fight. They're red inside. Anyway, you're frozen. Envy is trying to take your face. I heard it and reached out, and then in, and then I was here."
"You're… another spirit then," I said carefully. "How… how am I frozen in the real world?"
"Thoughts are fast. We're here. Outside, a blade is still falling, hanging in the air like a sunset."
I took a deep, shuddering breath and gripped the iron bars as I pulled myself to my feet. "If no time is passing, does that mean I'm safe?"
"No," Cole was very clear on that. "It would be good if you got out."
"Alright... " I said slowly, looking from Cole to the iron bars. "Cole, if you really want to help, how do I get out?"
"It's you head. I hoped you'd know how to stop it."
"Well," I replied, a bit irritated now. I gestured at the bars. "Obviously I don't."
"All of this is Envy: people, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes strength to make more." He vanished suddenly, and when he spoke again he was with me, in the cell. I gasped and turned, back to the bars. "Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, more and more." He approached the bars, standing beside me, looking out. " And envy breaks down, you break out."
"So… we're going to tire it out. Make the demon submit by using all of its energy."
"Maybe. I hope it helps. It's more than sitting here waiting to lose your face."
I took a deep breath and nodded, looking up at the walls. "Right. First we have to get out of here." But when I turned, the bars were already gone. "How…?"
"You created them yourself. Your bindings are your own. You forgot about them, and that makes them vanish- but only for a time." He started toward the door, and I followed him out tentatively. My chest still ached, but it wasn't as bad now. The distraction helped. "This way."
We came to a large entrance hall, with multiple rooms off on the wings and huge statues in the middle. Green fire bellowed out of them, and I stood several feet away, nervously. Cole walked closer to them and put a hand to his chin, thinking.
"Ideas are loud here. Make them louder. Think of water." I looked at the fire and tried to imagine it as something else. "Flowing freely, gushing, cool."
"Cole, now I just have to pee."
"Sorry- I was trying to help."
The imagery worked, and the fire changed. First it was a stream, and then it was nothing. Cole moved forward, and again I followed.
"That thing can't help you. I will see more!" The voice made me shudder, and I hesitated. But Cole ushered me on, and I trusted him because I had no other choice. We wound through rooms of strange sights, of images of me. The Envy demon, using my body, my voice, talked about assassinating the Empress of Orlais and raising a demon army. I kept pushing forward, kept moving, kept listening to Cole. It was my only way out.
We were outside, but not really. The sky above was gray with green lightning jolting through the clouds, and around us everything was dead. Demons attacked templars and rifts burst open all over the castle. I paused, but Cole urged me on. "You are almost out- remember, this isn't real."
I nodded and kept going. Soon we came to a flight of stairs, and a huge red door at the top. Before I could open it, I heard Envy's voice -as my voice- once again. "Unfair, unfair! That thing kept you whole, kept you from giving me your shape!" It wrapped its cold hands around my neck and lifted me against the door, glowing green eyes blinding.
I struggled, kicking and grunting. "Put me down, demon!" I ordered, trying to sound strong.
"We'll start again," it raised its hand, gleaming like my own mark, and brought it toward me. "More pain this time."
The air crackled, and again I heard Cole. "It's frightened of you," he observed, in that same soft voice.
"Get out of-" the demon started, voice raising. But I broke free and, with all the strength I had left, I shoved it away. The world exploded with bright white light, and I gasped.
Suddenly I was back at Therinfal Redoubt. The envy demon, forced to show its true form, fell to its back on the hard stone ground. I stared down at it, breathing hard, shaken. The demon screamed before turning into a shadow, and then bolting back into the keep. It hid behind a barrier of green magic, vanishing into the air.
"The Lord Seeker-" Ser Barris started, but I raised a hand, cutting him off.
"No. An imposter." My voice sounded strained even to me. I cleared my throat and shook my head. Now was the time to focus. I could think about the rest later.
"That monster… it ensured we weren't prepared. I still don't know what we're up against."
"Did anyone else see a young man beside me?" I asked, turning to look at my companions.
"What young man?" Barris replied.
"Pale. Strangely dressed. He was with me?"
"I saw no one. The Lord seeker was alone when you revealed his true nature."
-excerpt from the Journal of Yvelle Lavellan
Cassandra-
I blinked, and the Lord Seeker was gone. In his place was an envy demon, shrieking and terrible. Lavellan panted, eyes wide, mark flaring. The demon burst into darkness and vanished into the keep, leaving us staring at the barriers of magic ahead.
"Lavellan," I said cautiously, walking up beside her. "Are you alright? You seem… off."
She nodded, but there was a haunted look in her eyes. "Don't worry. We- we have work to do."
Ser Barris spoke to the other templars, then looked back at us. "We need our veterans. Our commanders have turned, but the lieutenants may still be fighting. We'll hold the hall. You find the lieutenants and the uncorrupted lyrium stores. Bring them here, and I'll give you Envy."
So we left. Lavellan was quiet during every fight, and there was a shudder in her arm. She missed more frequently, and most of her hits weren't lethal. As I finished directing some of the veteran templars, I saw her speaking with Solas. He was looking at her oddly, and for a brief moment he let his hand linger on her shoulder. She shrugged him off, and I heard her say. "Just leave it." He seemed concerned.
"What do you think is going on with her, Solas?" I asked carefully as we made our way back to the hall.
He shook his head. "Something she does not wish to share. I imagine it had something to do with the envy demon. But for now she seems content to focus on the mission, so I suggest we do the same."
With every group we brought back we wore the barrier down. Finally it shattered, leaving us to chase Envy outside, onto a large balcony. "I touched so much of you," the demon bellowed, presumably to Lavellan. "But you are selfish with your glory. Now I'm no one." We walked carefully, not seeing it. Lavellan drew her bow, watching, waiting.
The demon burst from the ground with a shriek, and immediately Lavellan aimed at it. "Dark and desperate, death to make yourself alive." I turned to see the source of a new voice- a young man in patchwork clothes. "I used to be like you. I'm not anymore. You shouldn't be, either." Judging by
The Herald's reaction, this was the man she met earlier. Somehow.
At that point the demon was hardly holding itself together. It screamed again and attacked, giving Lavellan an open shot. We did not take long to defeat it, as it was significantly weaker than it had been when this whole mess began. When we destroyed it, the demon disintegrated into the wind, sucked into the Breach.
We returned to the main hall to see the templars approaching us. Ser Barris stepped forward, meeting the Herald halfway. "The demon is dead," he said simply, arms crossed behind his back. "Andraste be praised: she shielded you from its touch." I tried to ignore Lavellan's raised eyebrows and annoyed expression. He turned around, leading the Herald toward the surviving templars. "We've numbers across Thedas, but we let this happen. Our officers either failed to see it or were complicit. The templars are ready to hear what the Inquisition needs of us."
Lavellan looked back at the Breach, then at the crowd. "Help us seal that," she said simply. "You have been corrupted, but there is still good here. You can use it. We can use it."
"You speak truths we should never have ignored," Barris replied with the smallest of sighs. "But the Order is leaderless, gutted by betrayal. We must rebuild it." She listened to him, quiet for a long time.
Her voice shook at first, but then held. "There is no time." She walked toward them, arms crossed behind her back. "If the old Order is too broken to stand, then become knights under the Inquisition. Serve us. Stop the Breach, and begin again without stain on your honor."
Barris hesitated at this, but agreed. "If it the only way templars, will we serve the Inquisition to atone for our failure?" She looked over them as they bowed before her, and I thought she seemed a uncomfortable at the sight. I admit, that is comforting. "So bet it," Barris said, turned to Lavellan again. "The Order will- disband. And take up the Inquisition's banner. We'll need weapons, training grounds, a place to rest. The Inquisition must prepare for our arrival."
"Don't worry. We'll be expecting you."
-excerpt from The Official Story of Inquisitor Lavellan, as Told by Those Closest to Her by Cassandra Pentaghast
