So thanks to my best friend CrowleysMooseSquirrelsAngel I updated this lovely fic. So I hope ya'll are still there and enjoying! Thank you for the reviews, favs, and follows. It will probably be a couple more chapters!

Gabriel was happy to report, to both himself and the very worried members of Sam's family, that the nightmares weren't every night now, only every other night. It wasn't fantastic but it was a start. And Sam had even voluntarily gone out several times, albeit brief moments but it was better than nothing.

Now was one of those times.

They were both sitting in a mom and pop diner, bars they avoided, simply too many people Gabe figured. He tried not to seem like he was surveying every situation as a possible threat. But unfortunately, Sam caught on soon enough.

"Gabe, come on, I know…" he grunted, rolling his eyes in perfect unison, elbows on the table as he leaned close, "I know that there isn't a threat around every corner. You don't have to be so…hyper-vigilant."

Gabriel rose an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

"Watch-dogging me," Sam sighed.

"Okay, you got me," he put his hands up, "I just want you safe Sammy, that's all."

"Well, I can take care of myself, I'm fucking fine," he exhaled roughly, and then Gabe wasn't missing at all that when the waitress arrived with the check, he flinched.

Gabriel gave a genial smile and took the slip from her hand, "Thanks." he waited for her to move away to the register, cash in hand, "You're a helluva bullshitter Sammy boy."

"What's that…" he coughed, but stopped when she returned with changed.

"Keep the change," Gabriel nodded and she smiled with a 'thanks have a nice day'.

Sam wasn't deterred, "What was that supposed to mean?"

"I ain't saying you can't take care of yourself, you're more than capable sweetheart, but you are far, far from fine. I know you're doing these outings for my benefit, to prove something. You don't have to do that."

"You said it would be good to get out and you're right…I can't stay cooped up in the bunker all the time. Not if I'm gonna get back out there and hunt, like I should be fucking doing. I should be out there with Dean and Cas and Mom. But no, I can barely have lunch at a fucking diner." he was ringing his hands bloodless.

Gabriel had been waiting for the anger to appear, buried beneath the terror and panic and initial humiliation and here it was cresting, "Sam, it's gonna take a little more time than a few weeks, if it were someone else you'd say the same thing . You'd be telling them this crap doesn't get mended overnight…"

"Yeah, well I'm not somebody else, it's me. I should be out there…" his eyes were determined but wet, "How did this become my life…"

Gabriel frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Just," he was coiled, looked ready to break, "No control over anything. Nothing."

"Sam…"

"Let's…just go home, huh? Let's just go home," and Gabe felt defeated, just as defeated as Sam's tone.

When they entered the bunker Sam slid past Gabriel on the steps and went straight to the shower with only a soft muttering that he was gonna do just that. Gabriel clutched at his hair in frustration with a loud grunt once Sam had closed the door.

He plopped onto the couch with an aggravated and pained grunt. He waited there for 30 minutes with not a peep, not if the pop and crack of the pipes counted. He was dozing by the time that Sams' apprehensive voice arrived, so meek and quiet, "C-Can we go to bed?"

Gabriel lifted his head, fighting back a frown, "Sure sweetheart, you tired?"

Sam nodded, arms wrapped around himself, already clad in a t-shirt and loose pants, hair damp and fallen loosely around his face.

Gabriel pushed up from the couch and reached out a hand, relief flooded him when the other man held tight, "I'm pretty shot too, you wanna watch something till you conk out?"

"Y-yeah if you wouldn't mind."

"Course I don't mind," Gabriel gave smile that did just enough to get Sam to smirk, he ushered him into their bedroom, "Get comfy Sammich." he snapped his fingers and clad himself in similar attire. He pulled back the comforter that he changed himself, one of those feather down things he'd read about. Weighted comforters that helped with anxiety and to his own surprise it helped, he wasn't sure if Sam was aware that he'd done such a thing, but if it helped, he didn't care if he noticed or not

Once more he was snapping his fingers, TV controller in one hand, "What'll it be?" He had been careful lately with giving touch without asking. So, he would wait on his side of the bed, close but not too close, and the only thing he would try, as to convey he wasn't denying touch, was to brush fingers over the top of Sam's head, carefully through his brown locks.

Thankfully tonight was one of those nights that Sam fell against him, as if all strength had been drained from his bones. He wrapped his arms around the hunter, kissing his warm, sweet smelling crown. This seemed the safest of gestures, it never garnered him a flinch.

"How's this?" he asked.

"Good," Sam grunted sleepily.

Gabriel filed through the last few days, of their outings, of Sam complying to 'getting out' as Cas and he had suggested. He wasn't even sure if Sam understood what that meant. That going out was on his terms, not on anybody elses'. And in that moment he realized that Sam was doing what he always had done, what he'd seemingly been taught to do.

Comply to survive.

Go along with it to make someone else happy.

His stomach lurched unpleasantly. Yes, it had only been nights out to eat, but Sam was still uncomfortable with that. That was vastly wrong. So wrong.

"Gabe?" Sam huffed, head turning upwards slightly, "Somethin' wrong?"

"Nothing Sammy, go to sleep," he kissed his forehead, tugging the weighted blanket around Sam's shoulders. Sam grunted contently, burrowing beneath the blankets and Gabriel's chest.

He was gonna figure out a way to get this concept across to Sam that he didn't need to please everyone. Nor did he have to put up a front, because that's what it was, a front. When simple pecks on the cheeks and a hand to his hand made the young man flinch, things were not like they should be.

Next day….

"What's this?" Sam was asking with humor in his voice for the first time in weeks.

"I'm making dinner and we're staying in," Gabriel answered, flipping a burger, "And we're eating all the health nut stuff you're crazy about."

"But," Sam began, "It's Thursday, this is always our 'go out night'. Remember?"

"Not until you really want to," the archangel replied, the tone of his voice leaving little room to argue, "And you can't lie to me anymore Sammy."

"Gabe,' Sam started, shuffling, eyes down and biting the inside of his cheeks.

Gabriel moved the skillet off the stove, letting the soy burgers rest, "Look me in the eye, right now and tell me how comfortable you are being around a bunch of strangers right now."

"G-Gabe I'm…" Sam's throat was working convulsively.

"Fine? That's a no-go Sammy boy," Gabe huffed, shaking his head, he took both of his hands, leading him to one of the bar stools around the kitchen table, sitting him down. He brought both sets of knuckles to his lips, "I'm proud of you for going out, I am, don't get me wrong. But you understand you are under no obligation to do so? The same goes for everything else."

Sam gulped once more and the fact that Gabriel could hear the strength behind that gulp made his heart bounce, "Everything else?"

"Kissing, hugging, any of that. That is on your terms and it's not gonna hurt my feelings if you say no to anything, you get that?"

Sam wet his lips, "I-I'm sorry…I…"

"You don't think I've noticed? You flinch, honey, you shouldn't flinch if you want something. So, you know what you do? You say you're not ready. Everything is on your terms." Gabriel explain as carefully as he'd ever done anything. Probably more carefully than anything he had in his existence, "So let's test this out, huh?"

There was hesitance but Sam nodded, and Gabriel could feel the slight trembling.

"Can I kiss your cheek?"

Gabe smiled when the hunter flushed just in the slightest.

"Well, yeah," he answered.

Gabe complied, and sideways kissed his cheek, holding against his warm cheek for only a couple seconds, "Okay, how's that?"

"Gabe, this is silly I…"

"No, I don't think it's silly, was that okay?"

Once more he was nodding.

"How about here?" he kissed the corner of his jaw, unlike his cheek he kept it a bit more brief.

More nodding.

"Here?" he moved to the other side and pressed his mouth just below his ear.

"Mhmm," Sam hummed.

Moving slow, he cupped Sam's face, thumbs brushing against the thin flesh below his eyes and chastely kissed his mouth, "Here?" without speaking Sam nodded. Gabriel knew he was getting somewhere, in terms of making his point. Gabriel ten years ago probably would have laughed himself sick at the gentleness behind these actions. But now, it was everything he believed was crucial.

As crucial as creation.

Having Sammy know he could say no.

That 'No' was a real thing. He slipped his arms around his waist, pressing palms to the small of his back and he trailed careful kisses along his throat that had the hunter sighing deeper. Still, no panic. It wasn't until Gabriel skimmed his fingertips, just in the slightest around the seam of his pants with no intent and he felt the violent flinch.

"Sam, tell me what's wrong," Gabriel said, moving his hands back up to his face.

"I-I…"

"Yes?"

"I-I'm not ready for that…I can't do that…"

"Good," Gabriel gave a small, sad smile, "That's good."

"Good? How is that good?" Sam's eyes were watering without warning.

"Because you told me, you said it, out loud 'I'm not ready for that'. I want you to do that from now on. You don't want a touch? You say so. You don't wanna go out? You say so. You need to take care of yourself sweetheart, and you haven't been doing that."

With the smallest of hiccups, Sam pulled Gabriel into his arms, and thankfully it was easy to do given that he was sitting and he buried his face against Gabriel's throat with a deep shuddering cry.

"Sammy, Sammy, you get what I'm saying huh? I don't think you quite understand in that big-hearted moose brain of yours that you can say you're not okay with something. I ain't gonna push you, ever, EVER." he combed his fingers through his dark locks, pressing a kiss to his temple, "So I want you to stop, right here, right now, trying to please me. Because I'm not going anywhere unless you explicitly say 'go'. Okay sweetheart?"

"Okay," Sam sobbed, arms wrapped tightly around the archangel and Gabe held back just as tightly since he was given permission to do so. And his heart felt lighter that is seemed Sam finally got it.

"Okay," Gabe replied, smoothing his palms over Sam's back until the trembling ceased, "Now how about I feed you and we go binge watch that new Planet Earth you've been fangirling about?"

Sam laughed, even though there were tears still streaming down his face, and Gabe wiped them away, kissing his cheek once then twice before returning to the stove.

They finished dinner together, enjoying having the bunker all to themselves and Sammy would admit that it had been as if someone had taken ten-pound sand bags off his shoulders. He hadn't even been aware of what he had been doing until Gabriel had presented it right in front of him. Put it as bluntly and gently as he knew how. And Sam was thankful, grateful, there were really no words because no one in his life had offered him a choice. Not really. No one ever asked 'Sam what do you want'?. It was just a given that he had no control over. And that control dwindled even further as he grew older. The archangel seemed to be the only one that recognized the problem.

As the two of them slumped onto the couch, Netflix playing, he knew he surprised Gabriel when he leaned forward and pulled him into a deep, although brief, kiss that had the other blinking blurrily afterwards. But he ended it there by kissing his cheek, and then his forehead and Gabriel smiled. Big and more honest than he'd seen in weeks.

Sam tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and cocooned it around the both of them, urging Gabriel close to his chest of which the angel happily complied. They watched in silence, only now and again Sam stroked his fingers through Gabe's hair and Gabe huffed in utter contentment.

"Gabe?" Sam sighed, thirty minutes in.

"Mhmm?"

"Thank you," he nuzzled the top of his head.

"For what?" Gabe propped his chin up on his chest, honey eyes sleepy and wet.

"For tonight, just, for everything," he kissed him on the lips again, keeping their forehead together for a long minute.

"Anytime Samshine," Gabriel smiled, grunting only slightly when Sam tugged him closer, lifting up his legs into his lap so he was more or less cradled against the hunter.

"This okay?"

"You kidding me?" he joked, but was already fading.

"Night Gabe," Sam's eyes were fluttering close as well.

"Night kiddo." he felt one of Gabriel's hands slip into his, palms flush, and lock their fingers together. Sam squeezed back and fell asleep, nightmares for a moment but a memory.

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