A/N: 8D You can all be assured, my friends have given up on their pervertive desires! HOYEAH! Two of my other friend and I teamed up and casted MWETEOW, so all is well. Not really, actually, I'm lacking some friends and have a few funerals to go to... No offense to aff patrons... but it's not my cup o' tea. I have nothing against anybody there, to each his/her own, but a lot of that stuff makes me uncomfortable. Which is why I keep my nose out of smut. Though, I completely disagree with 'no NC-17/Reader Interaction' policies. LET THEM FREE THEIR SOOOOOOOUUUUUULLLLLLLSSSSS.
Ohoh! I noticed when I was checking my reviews that one disappeared. It went from 54 to 55 then back to 54. I went 'OMGWTF! MAI RVWS HAV BEN STOLDEN! CALL THE INTERWEBS POLICE!' I went searching for the missing review, you see, but had yet to find it! 'Missing review, where have you gone!' Then the number went back to 55... WTFmate?
I'd like to thank Moonshine and LittleBrick for giving me some courage to tell my friends to sod off. You go! XD LB actually gave me several good reasons.
YAY!
...I noticed that a part of Reeve's line was cut off in the last chapter... It will forever be known as... THE MISSING LINE! DUNDUNDUUUUUUN!
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII/AC, Chibi USA, AIM, the Internets, Vexen, or any other crap that may be mentioned.
Summary: When a chibi mass-murdering general shows up in our world, what happens? Obliteration by cuteness, that's what...
WARNING: Um...I dunno. :D I make a lot of Steve Irwin(RIP) jokes in this chapter. If you feel that it may strike a chord within you don't read the chapter. This is the way I express my grief. RIP, Stevie. GREATER THAN 3.
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Ongaku Niji
Emo Kid : Smile Dammit
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The difference between Reeve and myself is age, as I've discovered, and not much else.
Really, my house and his apartment are almost identical, except for status. Same tasteless white walls, the occasional picture here or there. Two windows placed where the sun can hit them 27/7. Stupid sun and it's 'I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU' way of life. It's like a stalker, only it can give you cancer.
Reeve also has an Internets box, that's fancy lingo for computer, and he says I can use it. That's a major yay, for I have not been able to check my mail since the chibis arrived. I've been too afraid with the chibi infestation.
It appears as though I have an e-mail from my girlfriend. I do not believe it it good news; the title 'I want to break up' is not very comforting.
Pick up the umbrella! Here come the waterworks.
...Sniiiiiiiiiifffffffeeeeeee...
'Are you crying again?'
Maybe.
Sephiroth wakes up, his Mama senses are probably tingling, and immediately dives for a hug. I'm too fast, though, and am already face down in the couch, clutching a pillow to my face.
"EMOEMOEMO." That's what my crying sounds like, I swear. Ever since the emo craze that's all crying sounds like. You're either made of steel or emo for showing a little bit of compassion... Labels are for soup cans, dammit.
"Mama?" Sephiroth pokes me in the back with Masamune, genuine concern etched on his features. Elena smacked his hand.
"Can't you see he's depressed?" she whispered, patting my shoulder.
"Wrry?" Sephy-kins asked.
"I don't know. Something about the computer upset him!"
...Sniffle...
"Whawt showd we dew?"
"Chibi-" At this point I've stopped listening, afraid of their plans for me. Now that I am an uncontrollable mess of frowns and tears there may be a chance that I could cancel the chibis out. My negative energy and their chibiness may create an anti-AT field and destroy us all...
'You need to get out more.'
Will do.
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I'm not sure what time I fell asleep, all I know that it wasn't dark outside... or inside, for that matter. Alas, my surrounding are pitch black, save for the TV clock. My eyes are red, puffy and stinging from all of the emoness that took place earlier...
Where are the chibis?
When the chibis are missing, as I've come to learn, bad things will happen. I was chibiless when Vexen and Hojo released the snakes... but I was with chibi when I was almost turned into a vampire. Really, it's a lose-lose situation for me.
"Psst." A lamp disguised as Reno... or Reno disguised as a lamp, I can't tell. I look at him with sleep filled eyes.
"What?"
"Not so loud!" he curses, "They're planning a surprise glomping for you. I thought I should give you some warn-"
A dart is sticking out of the lamp's neck, the words 'Sleepy Time ShinRa Inc.' written on the side. Poor Reno's been taken out by the Chibi Mafia... or that statue that looks incredibly similar to Tsneeze.
Oh snap?
'They're going to kill you with hugs...'
How do you know that?
'It's a feeling.'
The lights flash on; it takes me a few seconds to adjust to the change. Within those seconds several small figures latch onto my body. Damn, I'm being attacked by ninjas again. Perhaps they want my mail...
"SUPER PRETTY PRINCESS HEART ATTACK!"
...Is that Marlene in Chibi USA's outfit? I think it is. That would be the cutest thing ever if a giant heart wasn't heading right for me.
"SNAPPLE CRACKLE STINGRAY!" I scream, jumping over the couch, losing several little people in the process, and run towards the closet. I slam the door and lock it tight. They will not force me to get happy, dammit.
"SUPER PRETTY PRINCESS HEART ATTACK!" Something thuds against the door, I'm not going to find out what. Several more things thud after more cries of SPPHA.
"What the hell are you doing?" I scream, sitting in the fetal position.
"Trying to make you happy! Unhappiness around chibis is like poison!" Tifa's muffled voice comes from the other side.
"She's right, you know." a voice inside the closet says. I twitch, not being able to see my buddy with the lack of light. A paw pats my nose; I look up to see red fur.
"...Nanaki?" I ask, the dog-like creature nods, patting my nose again.
"I've been locked away here for quite some time, child." he says, "Thank you for finding me."
"...Er. You're welcome?" I wasn't really looking for you, Nan, but I'll keep that little bit of information to myself.
Nanaki is very cute chibified; reminds me of my kitty. All of his tattoos have been replaced by abstract shapes and hearts. His scars are considerably less graphic and the flame at the edge of his tale is light purple.
'Cuuuuuuuute.'
"Hey, can I hug you?" I ask after a few minutes, "I really need a hug." Tifa's still ranting outside the door.
"What is wrong?" Nanaki asks. He's a considerate chibi, not trying to force me into happiness...
"My girlfriend's staying with her mom and decided to dump me... Oh, and chibis broke my brain... Sephiroth exploded my workplace... Really, I think my sanity meter is below zero. The men in white coats may come to take me away." I know that's a lie. The last time they tried my cousin casted magic missile and obliterated half of Iraq.
"The White Coats cannot handle chibis." the chibi dog explains, "They leave it to the Universe Police." ...So the Universe Police will come and take me away? Peachy.
"You may hug me, child." Yay! I glomp chibi Nan with gentleness. A warm feeling washes over my body; a strange sensation courses through my veins. I feel alive, free, single!
"RAWR, I ARE THE VAMPIRE."
"SNAPE KILLS STEVE IRWIN!" I scream as Vincent latches onto my neck. Nanaki bites his good arm as I burst out of the closet, through the living room, and out a window.
'Brilliant!'
I grab the edge of the window just in time to keep from falling. Two sets of eyes are watching me in astonishment.
"MAMA!" Sephiroth shrieks, clutching my sleeve; Elena's attempting to pull me up by my elbow. The busy street below doesn't even notice that a teenager is hanging from a tenth story window. Do people look up anymore? Vincent is still sucking my blood and I'm getting dizzy...
Wow, the building's getting taller...
'Pull yourself up, idiot!'
Wheeeeeeeeee. Marshmallows!
'We're going to die.'
Ya really.
Blood is sliding down my neck, probably staining my clothing. Damn, blood is really hard to wash out. Damn you, Vincent. When I get back inside I'm gonna-
Let go of the window? No, but I did anyway.
'Kuso.'
Hey! What happened to the T rated existence?
'It's in a different language, doesn't count!'
"Ugh." The ground is coming up fast, although I'm too dazed to notice. Great, I'm going to die. Nobody will ever get to hear my story. Who will feed my dog? What will happen to the chibis? The world may never no.
Not really.
When I wake up I'm back in Reeve's apartment with a cup of tea in my hands. Sephiroth and Elena are sitting on either side of me, Nanaki and Vincent are next to them; we're all sitting before the TV. I think Advent Children is playing...
"How did I...?" I begin, Elena cuts me off.
"Can't tell. It's part of the plan."
"You know," Reno says from behind the couch, "The 'big' one."
Okay, sure.
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Sophia came to pick me up an hour ago, deeming me perfectly sane. Reeve and I will discuss the 'GTFO Chibi' plan tomorrow, because he has work to do today. We're walking home because, ironically, Reeve lives very close to my house. Oh, and Sephiroth exploded my car.
"Conk!" says my head. When my vision goes back to normal I notice a brown ball is sitting just a few feet away. ...It's a coconut... We don't have coconut trees in my town. Too many people have been killed by falling coconuts in the past. More than stingrays, anyway.
"...Where's tha coconut come from?" Sophia asks, poking it with Masamune... What the hell? Does everybody have that damn sword but me?
"I think it fell from the sky..." I answer and rub my head at the same time. I'm talented, hoyes.
"Tha's impossible. Thur ain't no coconut trees 'round here." she states, poking it yet again.
"Maybe a bird dropped it..."
"Like a chacaba?"
"Chocobos don't fly." I answer. I should get a lab coat for being so smart.
"Well, there ain't no big 'nuff birds 'round 'ere to carry a cocanut!"
"Maybe it flew here by itself!" I've seen weirder. Sophia looks at me in mild annoyance.
"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"
'PIME TARADOX!'
OHSHI-
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Ongaku Niji
Nine : End
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A/N: SHAMELESS ADVERSTISING BEGIN. I'm writing a Kingdom Hearts/FLCL story... with Olette as the main character. It'll probably be up sometime later today... You should read it. It may make you giggle and get the idea of CHIBI SEX out of your head. SHAMELESS ADVERTISING END. I'm probably going to hell...
If you think about chibi sex long enough your head will cave in.
Heehee... Monty Python. GREATER THAN 3.
In other news, thanks to my reviewers: Rio Masquerade, Thunderstrom101, Moonshine's Guide, Apocolyptical, LittleBrick, and Ladytwist for reviews. Chibi Cait Siths to all!
Next Chapter: Into two digits! The future will be a complete surprise! SURPRISE! Expect the introduction of a few more TURKs and everybody's favorite stupid-bitch-who-chose-Hojo-over-Vincent... I hate Lucrecia.
Review or I'll write you out of existance!
