Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, or rec'd! It seriously means a lot!
Thank you to stupidlamb118 and tg10781 for putting up with me! The last section I added last night is un-beta'd for now, excuse any mistakes, they're all my own!
I don't own Twilight, if I did, well let's just say I'd outlaw clothes on the Cullen men.
Longer A/N at the bottom, I highly suggest you actually read :)
"Nathan," I heard Bella whisper while blinking at him.
His eyes were zeroed in on me, but I had no idea how to approach him. He was my son, but I imagined he was probably scared, confused, and defensive. No one really knew what he had been through yet. I was hoping in time he'd be able to open up and explain it.
When they brought Nathan down, his attending doctor, Dr. Bob Garner, a man I fully trusted, had pushed for a breathing tube. I said no. His pulse ox levels were fine and he wasn't in distress. I was never more thankful for that decision then when he opened his eyes and spoke for the first time.
"Daddy?" His voice was a mere whispered croak. Not the happy and jovial sound I was used to hearing.
Tears filled my eyes. I stood up and grabbed his free hand.
"I'm here," I replied and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"Mommy?" His head slowly turned towards Bella.
"Yeah baby, I'm here," Bella answered, her voice caught in her throat from crying.
I knew I should be pressing the button to alert the nurse, but I couldn't yet. He was finally awake and even a few minutes were better than nothing.
However, the universe didn't match up with my hope when I noticed the door fly open and Bob walk in.
"He's awake?"
"Yeah, only for about a minute though. I was about..."
"Sure you were," he laughed as he pushed past me.
"Nathan, can you tell me where it hurts?" he questioned.
"My throat," he pointed. Then went on to point out his stomach, arm, and head.
"Well that's quite a list. We're going to get you all fixed up though. Do you want a sucker?"
My eyes shot up until I realized it was the equivalent of Pedialyte. I had no idea when Nathan last had any real food and it was going to be a at least a few days before we'd try anything.
Bob continued moving around and checking different things while I lost myself in my own mind.
The weight of the situation was becoming too much to bare. My son was looking at months, if not years, of recovery time for something I could have prevented. Now knowing that the monster was put in his life because of me made me feel worthless.
He was my everything. I had always known that, but in the past few weeks I was starting to see that I hadn't been treating him as such.
The first time he opened his eyes and stared at me, I was hooked. Nothing else matter, but the 9 lb bundle I was holding. I had sworn to him that I'd protect him, but I failed.
I failed as a man and as a father.
Tanya was my wife, a woman I went home to every single night, yet I never saw a hair out of place. She was always loving and nurturing, never complained. I would imagine walking into an almost "pre-made" family would be rough, but she'd known that from the beginning. Nathan would always come before her, always. That's what having kids did to you.
He was defenseless, and instead of being his defense I was nothing.
"Edward, Bella." He motioned for us to follow him as a nurse came in to stay with Nathan.
"NO!" Nathan shrieked, his voice sounded stronger than I'd heard before. "Don't leave me. Please! I told her not to leave, you can't leave me." He started to hyperventilate.
Bella was at his side in a second. She leaned down and put her mouth to his ears. I couldn't tell what she was whispering because Nathan continued to scream.
Bob looked up at me and I nodded. He then proceeded to inject a sedative into his IV.
A part of me died while I watched my son go from hysterics to coma-like again. I knew he needed to rest more, and him being hysterical risked further injury to his brain.
"What did you do?" Bella accused immediately as she stormed up to us.
"I injected a sedative. It'll help him sleep which he needs to continue to do," Bob went on to explain.
"But I was calming him down, you can't just give him something with me..." But she then cut herself off and snapped her neck at me. "You told him to?"
"Yes." It was a simple question. I was a father, but I was also a doctor. I understood the logic even though it goes against my own instincts as a parent.
"You don't get to make decisions without ME! He wouldn't be in this bed if it weren't for YOU! So don't you dare start making decisions without at least saying something to me. I may agree or I may not. But you, Edward Cullen, put your son in that bed, so don't you dare think that you..." Bella just let out a scream.
I knew she was frustrated and felt helpless, maybe the screaming helped her, but she may as well have taken a knife and cut my heart out.
As if Bella needed to remind me, yet again, that this was all my fault. I was obviously the monster I had grown up never wanting to become, but to hear her say it again hurt just as much. I knew she wouldn't legally keep Nathan from me, but I wondered if they would be better off without me in the picture.
She was right though, legally it wasn't my choice right now.
"Excuse me?" I thought for sure my mother had said she was taking Bella to court, but I knew that couldn't be right.
"I said, I called our lawyer and he is filing against that little tramp for custody," my mother repeated.
Nathan was only a few weeks old, I haven't had sleep in days, and for a second I thought I had entered the Twilight Zone.
"Why?" I was astonished. I knew my mom hated Bella, but this was extreme.
"Well it's obvious she's not a fit parent and I think she was doing drugs too, all I need is for you to give a statement as such and he'll be yours. I'll keep him during the day while you're in school and help at night so you can study."
I was speechless.
"I will do no such thing," I answered. Bella was by no means an unfit parent nor did I ever see her doing drugs.
"Edward this is your chance," I cut her off.
"You take Bella to court and I will stand for her, not against her."
And I did. My mother had filed for custody and lost. As a result full custody was granted to Bella and it was something we'd fix when we got to the point of visitation. However, since Bella still didn't want child support and we settled visitation among ourselves we never went back to court.
I mentally reminded myself, when this as all said and done, we'd be going back to court to fix the issue of custody. I'd never take Nathan away from Bella, but I wanted an equal say in things.
Bob cleared his throat, breaking me from my thoughts, but not from the glares Bella was tearing through me.
"I don't know what is going on here, but you both need to calm down. Nathan is going to need you both. If you can't get along I'll have to step in with a visitation schedule or something. Have you found a therapist yet?"
Bella and I both knew it would take months, maybe even years, for Nathan to get through this trauma so I was already making calls to people I knew looking for recommendations.
It was actually my dad who suggested I give Dr. Jim Banner a call. He specialized in Pediatric cases with a subsection of trauma and abuse. He was local, although I'd never met him before. My dad had, and so he came down a few days ago to meet with Bella and I.
We were waiting in my office for Dr. Banner to arrive. Neither one of us felt comfortable leaving the hospital so I had asked him to drive out to meet us here. His office was in Port Angeles, which was about a thirty to forty minute drive.
My nurse, Kate, called my phone to let me know he was there and she'd already sent him back.
"What if we don't like him, Edward?" Bella asked at the last minute. I assured her if we didn't like him we'd keep searching for someone else.
Both of our fears were unfounded.
Dr. Banner explained his speciality and the types of children he normally treated. He'd never had a case quite like Nathan, but only because he wasn't expecting Bella and I to get along so well.
"What do your living arrangements consist of?" he asked.
Bella explained that we each had a house with a set visitation schedule.
"Bella, Edward here told me you found pictures he had drawn that depicted Tanya in a negative light?"
She nodded.
"Is there any reason to believe she was abusive in any manner?"
Now it was my turn to hang my head. "Nothing I ever noticed or that he spoke about."
"Okay. I'm going to wager a guess here, but chances are Nathan will probably never feel comfortable in your house again, Edward. We can work on that or..." I cut him off.
"I'm selling it. I don't want it."
"Really?" Bella sounded shocked.
"Um yeah, I just... fuck I can't go back there, Bella."
She nodded.
"That does make sense, Edward, and it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to seek counseling for yourselves. The idea I'm about to say is rather unorthodox, but given your situation it is what I feel will be best for Nathan, at least for now."
Bella and I both nodded at him to go on. At that moment, I could speak for both of us when saying we'd do whatever we had to for Nathan's sake.
"You need to be together..." Before the doctor could speak Bella immediately questioned him.
"Bella, I don't mean romantically. I mean live together. Nathan needs to have you both there. When he wakes up he's going to be terrified and stability will help ease that once you transition out of the hospital. If you continue to go with the back and forth schedule you've had, it'll hinder any progress he makes. I'm not saying you need to stay in the same house indefinitely, but for now it's what I suggest is best."
"Where?" she asked.
"I don't know what your housing situation is like Bella, but I would first recommend where you live. Nathan knows it, he has security there and it's to my understand Tanya never visited there much. You could find a new place together, but then you'll encounter more adjustment and security problems than you're already be facing." Dr. Banner was completely serious in his explanation and I understood it. However, I was not going to force my opinions onto Bella; this was her call.
"I can put the guest bedroom together for you," Bella looked at me and I nodded.
"Another positive to living together is that you can equally share the work. Raising a child is hard as it is, raising a child that has been through this experience is going to be ten times harder for a while. I expect to see major regression, night terrors, extreme bouts of anxiety and so forth. If you're both there, you can balance is out so neither one of you feels left out or burnt out. I'm not saying you can push it onto one or the other, but if you need a break, take it. Nathan is going to need you both at your best."
We talked for a while longer about what to expect when he woke up, to make sure we knew to let Nathan volunteer information and not force it out, and so forth. He recommended that he come to the hospital twice a week once he woke up and was ready to talk and then once he was discharged, we'd arrange appointments at his office in Port Angeles.
We both said our goodbyes and looked at each other.
"We're really doing this?" Bella asked and I nodded.
"Your family is going to flip, Edward."
"I don't care."
"When are you telling them?" she asked.
"Later."
When I looked up again I saw Bella talking to my dad. I hadn't even seen him come in.
"Bella told me Nathan was up for a few minutes," my dad inquired and I nodded.
"Yeah, he was fine until Bob wanted to talk to us. Then he had a panic attack," I stated very clinically. All of my guilt was finally taking over and I just felt numb.
"Bella said you approved a sedative without her consent?" I nodded.
"Edward when I said work this out with her I meant it. That's not okay."
I hung my head. Again I had failed.
"Are you okay?"
"No," I answered and it was the truth. I wasn't okay and I didn't know if I would be okay as long as Nathan laid there.
"Listen I wanted to apologize for..." One look from me shut him up.
"Look, I love mom. She gave me life and I will be forever grateful, but right now I don't want to see her. Down the road, fine, but I can't right now. Bella and Nathan need me. I should have stood up for Bella long ago, but until she can put her differences aside I can't talk to her right now. Bella and I are moving in together..."
"What? When?" My father's eyes widened.
"It was a suggestion from Dr. Banner. He felt Nathan would need both of his parents together on a twenty-four hour type of basis. I'm selling my house anyways, so I am going to move into Bella's before Nathan gets discharged. Just until Nathan gets better, then I'll find something else."
"That makes sense," my father mused. "It'll be a good time for you to reconnect with them again." He glanced over at Nathan's sleeping form. Bella was using her hand to brush his hair back in a soothing manner.
"Yeah that is what I'm hoping." I smiled. I was finally feeling hopefuly for the future, it wouldn't be easy, but it had a better outcome then I saw just a few weeks ago.
I didn't have much time to expand on my thoughts before Kathy, the nurse at the desk for the PICU was calling for my attention. When I looked up she explained that my mother was asking for me to come out stating it was an emergency.
I looked up at my dad who shrugged, then offered to run interference with Bella while I slipped out.
For a second I'd considered not going, but decided if it was a real emergency she shouldn't be ignored. Worst case scenario I would just walk right back through the PICU doors.
As the doors opened I got a glimpse of her before she saw me. She had on a floral dress, with her hair lightly curled, and globs of make-up. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she walked right out of the pages of Good Housekeeping. What used to look motherly to me now just looked fake, pretentious.
"Yes?" I asked, keeping my emotions calms.
She pulled an envelope out of her purse and thrust it at me.
I glanced down to see the name "Edward" written in perfect cursive handwriting. I stares as I realized who's handwriting it was.
"Where did you get this?" I questioned immediately searching her eyes for any clue as to what was going on.
"It was left at the house." She simply answered.
I continued to stare at her looking for any sort of emotion to splay across her face, but she just continued to stare blankly at me.
"Did you read it?" I asked.
She nodded.
Fury started to run through my veins as I realized she was willingly tampering with evidence. Instead of calling Charlie or another officer she read the note, put the note in her purse, and then brought it to me. Finger prints would now be harder to find and it wasn't mailed, so obviously either she or someone close to her is local.
I immediately picked up the phone and asked Kathy to call Charlie. She assured me she would as I turned back towards my mom.
"So let me see if I understand this correctly. You receive a note, read that it's from Tanya, and instead of calling the cops so they can attempt to start tracing where it's from, you put it in your purse, and drive it me?" I seethed, while trying to maintain as much composure as I could.
"Edward read it, she said she didn't do this and I believe her." The smile on her face made me want to throw up and I began questioning why I ever listened to her.
I sat dumbfounded for a second though, while I absorbed her words.
"Mom?"
"Yes, Edward?"
"Fuck you," I barked before turning towards the doors so I could swipe my card to go back in.
I heard her gasp, but I didn't even blink.
I was done.
I didn't want to hear anymore horrible lies about Bella.
I didn't want to hear how imperfect Nathan was in her eyes.
I didn't want to hear how she thought Tanya was innocent when obviously she wasn't. Or how she was completely perfect in every way.
But most of all, I didn't want to even admit she was my mom.
I would never cut my dad, Emmett, or Alice from my life, but as far as I was concerned my mom was gone.
When I walked back in my dad looked up at me and I simply shook my head. He sighed before walking away.
I stood in the doorway and took in the sight before me.
Nathan was still asleep in his bed. Bella was curled up in a chair while holding onto his hand. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, a complete opposite to the stress she often wore on her face while awake. It has been a long time since I'd looked at Bella. Really looked at her. Had she always been so beautiful?
A/N:
~Update again next week sometime, Friday or before. This weekend will be busy with Halloween so not sure I'll have much time to write during it.
~From the first update I've done teasers in review replies, this week it's a little different. If you'd like to see what the note from Tanya said leave a review. It will not be included in Chapter 10, talked about, never word for word :)
~This is the last week that I'm taking suggestions for outtakes. If you have an idea you'd like to see, even if it means hitting Esme with a train, I'd like to hear it :) I'll begin a poll November 1st!
~Weekly Rec is: Beyond Time by TKegl Seriously one of the best out there right now! http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5755522/1/Beyond_Time
~I'm currently have a fic in the Scene Stealers O/S Contest, check it out :) http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2528727/
~I'm currently Hosting the Baby It's Cold Outside Contest, I can't wait to start reading submissions! http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~babyitscoldoutsidecontest
~I have an Original O/S in the compilation for Fandom For Preemies, donations start November 1st for a compilation of over 100 authors! I'll be including a teaser in review replies this week! It's an arranged marriage gone bad! http:/www(dot)fandomforpreemies(dot)blogspot(dot)com/
~I'm also contributing a O/S staring Emmett for 30 Days of Emmett starts 11/15, subscribe today! http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2582208/30_Days_of_Emmett
~I'm SammieLynnsMom on twitter and I hope to see everyone tomorrow night for Twi Fic Trivia, this week is the week of the Darkward Fics! If you've never played before please follow TwiFicTrivia, if you play and I haven't seen you, feel free to say hi! I will always respond to an message to me and I play TwiFicTrivia religiously!
