Chapter 8: Conclusion
Ryan: I was just…uh…practicing how to crack a vault!
Mariska: On the bathroom door?
Ryan: Yes! Believe me, you find some SURPRISING things! UnEXPECTED things! Some POSITIVE results!
Mariska: All right, already! I'm pregnant!
Darcy: *Sarcastically * No, really?
Mariska: Wait. You guys knew?
Izzie: We all knew. I don't think having a private conversation on speaker is a good idea.
Mariska: *Nervous chuckle *Right.
Ryan: Man! This is the second time I eavesdrop on a conversation about someone getting pregnant!
Darcy: Lemme guess. The first one was the Grand Duchess?
Ryan: Aw, yeah! (i do have a fanfic on that if you want to check it out.)
Mariska: Oh my god! I'm going to have a baby! We're going to have a baby! Me and Scout! Well, I'm the one having the baby, not Scout. But it's all just so exciting!
Ryan: Yes, it's so exciting that you're having a kid while the father is being destroyed by the big uncle. Trust me, I can see the kid now: no voice and no limbs, let alone, no father.
Izzie: Ryan!
Darcy: Don't listen to him, Mariska. He's just being a moron.
Ryan: Sorry! My opinion!
Darcy: Hon, you need to be happy.
Mariska: I am happy. I know Scout is as well. I'm not entirely sure about my brother.
Izzie: He's probably happy for you but HATES Scout right now.
Mariska: That sounds right.
Ryan: Yeah. Right now I think I can hear a 20-something-year old man screaming in pain as a big Russian guy beats him up.
Darcy: *Covers Ryan's mouth* Oh, Shaddup!
Izzie: Will you stop it?
Mariska: Thank you both. *Sigh * This is so incredible. I…I'm overcome. *Chuckling * Oh my god…
Izzie: Well, congrats Mariska!
Darcy: Yeah!
Ryan: Enjoy your weight gaining and cravings and morning sickness and-
*Everyone is giving him a dirty look *
Ryan: …I'll be quiet.
Mariska: Much better. I wonder if the rest of my team knows?
Darcy: Hmm. You're right.
*Mariska's cell phone rings again. She answers it and puts it on speaker. *
Mariska: Hello?
Heavy: Sister! I just heard! I am uncle?
Mariska: You bet, big guy!
Ryan: Isn't that why you just beat up her boyfriend?
Heavy: Da!
Darcy: Hey! You should be happy for him! He's the father!
Heavy: He is baby man! He is coward! How can I be happy for him?
Scout: I can still hear, y'know.
Heavy: SHUT UP! You are not a real man!
Ryan: Uh, excuse me, Mr. Heavy? I was wondering what it takes to be a real man.
Heavy: Must be big. Scout is tiny!
Ryan: What's wrong with being tiny?
Heavy: Must have gun, not bat!
Ryan: Especially not a talking one. *Laughs * Uh. Continue.
Heavy: Must be strong! No sissy baby man-girl!
Ryan: Well, it's official. I'm not a man. Wait! I'm Russian, like you!
Heavy: Ha! You are good, then!
Scout: Hey, can I talk to her?
Heavy: I broke both your arms! You cannot hold phone!
Ryan: Yeah, you cannot hold phone! Hehe…hey, you wanna come over?
Heavy: He cannot. He is in intensive care.
Medic: Ja.
Ryan: Oh well. Can I be your Facebook friend?
Heavy: What is this Facebook? I do not have internet.
Ryan: What? You don't have internet? You are STUPID!
Heavy: What did you say?
Ryan: You're…stupendous?
Heavy: I am coming over and I'll bring Sasha! *Hangs up *
Ryan: Oh! She sounds nice.
Mariska: Ryan, Sasha is his 150 kg minigun.
Ryan: A…gun?
Mariska: It fires $200 custom made bullets at 10,000 rounds per minute.
Darcy: Oh, you are SCREWED.
*Ryan is scared *
Ryan: Help.
Izzie: Oh, Ryan. You're not actually afraid of him, are you?
Ryan: This is a heavy guy named Heavy with a minigun named Sasha. How can I not be scared? I'm just gonna die! *Sobs * I'm gonna miss so much in my life because a big guy with a teeny tiny minigun is gonna come in here and kill me!
Darcy: Uh, miniguns aren't mini. She said it was 150 kg. That's 330 pounds. It's ironically named.
Ryan: I don't even know what that means! I was dropped on my head when I was born!
*Everyone looks at him strangely *
Ryan: What? Complicated birth. Gimme a break, gosh.
Izzie: Wait, Mariska, you're his sister. Can't you talk Heavy out of destroying Ryan?
Mariska: Well…
Ryan: And I wanted to beat up Scout so badly! It looked like so much fun!
Mariska: …Nope. Nothing I can do.
*Heavy pounds on the door and knocks it down. He picks up Sasha. *
Heavy: Tiny man, come out and fight!
Ryan: Oh, flounders!
Darcy: Duck and cover!
*Heavy starts firing Sasha at everything in the apartment, completely destroying it. *
*Becca and Alexis return and stand in the doorway *
Becca: Oh. *Inhales through teeth * Remember what I was gonna say earlier? THIS is what I would've said would happen.
Alexis: Jeez. I hope they're okay.
*Meanwhile, everyone else is out of the building *
Ryan: So…we're cool, right?
Heavy: Da!
Darcy returned to Boston and continued to train to become queen of the afterlife. She learned how to swim, too.
Mariska and Heavy returned to the BLU barracks where Mariska was greeted and congratulated by most. (Soldier was still angry at her and Scout.) They both went back to work after Scout was let out of intensive care.
Izzie went to college and got his master's degree in medicine. He is now a great doctor.
Ryan spent a few months with the circus, but after plenty of injuries and trips to Izzie, he decided to stay with him and decided to work at a McDonald's until he got enough money to go to Disney World.
