Trent got home almost at 1:00 pm after spending all morning at Sebastian's house. His mom was a little concerned but when Trent told her that he and Sebastian had talked things out and were in friendly terms again, she was so happy for him that she didn't complain when Trent said he needed to go out again.
Trent avoided telling his mom too many details about Sebastian's crisis and instead roughly told her about what happened with Karofsky and how he had promised to go with Sebastian and visit him in the hospital.
It was 3:15 pm when Trent left again - he made a quick run to the mall before going to Sebastian's house to pick him up.
He still felt like his head was spinning from everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. Finding Sebastian in the park, taking him home, spending the night, their awkward morning talk and then how Sebastian opened up and told him everything that happened. It had been a lot to take in.
He didn't expect Sebastian to open up the way he did, and even more unexpected was the fact that he had actually agreed to Trent's suggestions about how to make things better.
He knew Sebastian wasn't used to being humble and admitting to his mistakes, so it had taken a little while to convince him. But Trent was adamant, especially when Sebastian confessed to blackmailing Rachel Berry with photoshopped naked pictures of her boyfriend.
As he was waiting at a red light, he felt his phone buzz with a new text message notification:
(15:38 pm) From Sebastian Smythe:
I don't think this is a good idea. Can we forget about it?
Oh no, no, no. He was not going to let Sebastian get out of this. They had agreed on visiting Dave Karofsky in the hospital and that was exactly what they were going to do. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but Sebastian needed to do this in order to get peace of mind about everything that happened.
Sebastian felt responsible for Karofsky's suicide attempt and that was no easy burden to carry. If they didn't do this, he was sure Sebastian would continue beating himself up forever about it and that wasn't healthy. So he wrote a quick text back to him:
(15:39 pm) To Sebastian Smythe:
Not a chance :)
He sent the text and decided to speed up a bit. Visiting hours at the hospital were from 4 to 6pm, so they had just enough time to get there.
He arrived at Sebastian's house and was let in by Helena. He quickly ran up the stairs as he started calling out Sebastian's name.
His bedroom door was closed, so Trent decided to knock. One time, two times, but got no response.
"Sebastian… I'm here! Are you ready?" He knocked again, this time harder and just heard a groan of protest coming from inside the room. He opened the door and was greeted with a sight he definitely didn't expect.
Sebastian was lying on the bed; face down, feet hanging from the side of the bed and wearing nothing but a towel. His hair was still wet but clearly starting to dry off from just laying there, which meant Sebastian had probably been there for quite a while.
"Sebastian! What on earth…?" Trent said, stepping into the room, breath catching in his throat and feeling himself blush from looking at Sebastian's half naked body. His back was fully on display, little drops of water still lingering here and there: and from the position he was laying in, it was just impossible not to appreciate the curve of his ass covered only in the thin white towel.
Trent tried not to stare at him too much as he stood in the side of the bed. He shook the bed with his knee, in an attempt to catch Sebastian's attention.
"Seb… what are you doing? We need to go. It's almost 4!"
"I can't." Sebastian whined, half turning his head to where Trent was standing.
"Yes you can… get up!"
"I feel like shit."
"Of course you do, you're hung over. But we have to go to the hospital. Unless you prefer we wait until tomorrow and you have to make an awkward visit to his house instead?"
"Ugh… what?"
"He gets discharged tomorrow morning, today is your last chance to visit him in the hospital."
"Who told you that?"
"Does it matter? It's true, Sebastian. Come on!"
Sebastian groaned in exasperation and rolled over. The towel was hanging loosely and dangerously low on his hips. This really wasn't fair so Trent decided to remove him from his line of vision, quickly walking to the dresser and opening one of the top drawers.
He got a pair of boxers and socks and threw them at Sebastian one by one, purposely hitting him in the face with them.
"Hey, what are you doing?" he protested as he removed his boxers from his head.
"We're going, even if I have to dress you myself." Trent said, giving Sebastian an annoyed glare. He wasn't going to let him stay here and just sulk and be depressed. They had made a deal and he was going to make sure Sebastian kept his end of it.
Sebastian rolled his eyes and stood up. "This is just a terrible idea."
"Why are you saying this? You were okay with it this morning." Trent said as he searched Sebastian's closet for a shirt and jeans for him to wear. Sebastian didn't seem to protest so he was going to find the dark blue skinny jeans he knew Sebastian looked great in.
He wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. If he was going to dress Sebastian, he might as well do it in the clothes he liked the most.
When he turned around to face Sebastian, Trent immediately knew something was wrong. Ignoring the fact that he was only wearing the boxers Trent got for him, he could see Sebastian was absolutely miserable, sitting on his bedside, elbows resting on his knees and face looking at the floor. Trent walked slowly towards him and gave him the jeans and shirt. Sebastian just took the clothes, not even making eye contact with him as he stood up and started putting the jeans on.
"What happened?" he asked softly. Something was wrong; this wasn't just from the hang over.
Sebastian sighed and shook his head. "Nothing… it's just. I don't know…"
"Talk to me. Please?" Trent pleaded.
Sebastian stared at him, hesitance written all over his face, like he was trying to figure out if he should say something or not. And then he started talking as he put on the shirt Trent got for him.
"What if he hates my guts? Huh? What if he gets mad that I show up to visit him when I was a complete asshole last time we spoke?"
"That's not… Sebastian, you can't think like that… he-"
"What if I make him want to kill himself again? What then?" Sebastian cut him off, raising his voice as he sat back on the bed, running his hand nervously through his hair and his face.
Trent had no idea what to say to that. He didn't know Dave Karofsky, and he didn't know what he was going through right now, or what he thought of Sebastian. But he figured he needed support, and friends, and he must be feeling vulnerable and alone. And in a way this was equal parts about Dave and about Sebastian.
Sebastian desperately needed to make amends with him for his own peace of mind and, even if Dave Karofsky did hate Sebastian's guts, it was worth the try. Besides, they would never know for certain unless they took the chance and showed up at the hospital. They just had to do it.
"Well…" Trent started, sitting down beside Sebastian and nudging him softly as he took the socks from the bed and gave them to him. "I bought a little balloon arrangement with chocolates for you to give him so… Can we try?"
Sebastian gave him a strained smile at that but still took the socks from Trent's hands to put them on. He started giggling as he put on his socks. "Just don't tell me it's heart shaped or pink or some shit cause I swear I'm gonna die…" he said between giggles.
Trent punched him playfully in the arm. "Come on, we have to hurry before the visitor hours are over."
Sebastian was visibly tense during the drive to the Lima Memorial. But once they pulled into the parking lot, he looked like he was going to pass out.
"Are you ready?"
"No…" Sebastian said with a nervous laugh. "But lets get this over with."
They got out of the car and were starting to walk towards the entrance, when Trent felt Sebastian grab him by the shoulders and shove him against an SUV that was parked. He was about to ask him what the hell his problem was when Sebastian put his hand over his mouth urging him to shut up. He then pulled him down until they were crouching, and Trent had no idea what was going on.
"What is it?" Trent asked, whispering even though he didn't even know why he was doing it.
"It's Blaine... and Kurt… They're here."
"What?"
"I just don't want them to see us ok?" He snapped.
They waited until Blaine and Kurt had left the parking lot before they resumed their way into the hospital. Trent didn't even say anything, not wanting to irritate Sebastian any further when he seemed like he was about to throw up any second.
As soon as they asked which room number Karofsky was in, they walked down the hallway to find it. Every step taken seemed to drag on forever until they were finally there. The door was half open, and they could see there were no other visitors inside with him.
Sebastian took a deep breath and turned to look at Trent, who handed him the small balloon arrangement, patted him on the back and said: "Good luck. I'll wait for you here ok?"
Trent then sat down in one of the chairs in the hallway that were right in front of the window from Karofsky's room. The blinds were turned in a certain way so he could see a little to the inside of the room. Trent figured those must have been kept that way because of Karofsky's particular situation, since the blinds from other rooms were closed for privacy.
Sebastian entered the room, and Trent just hoped things would work out for the best.
To call the situation awkward would be an understatement. However, once Sebastian stepped into the room and made eye contact with Karofsky, he was able to let go of the breath he had been holding.
Sebastian expected him to be uncomfortable by his visit, maybe angry with him for having the nerve of showing his face or even offended, but the boy sitting in that hospital bed was far from being able to convey those emotions.
He looked confused, surprised by this unexpected visit most likely but overall he just seemed so fragile and vulnerable that Sebastian started to feel his hands start to sweat because of his own uncertainty about what to do or say.
Sebastian just stood there, balancing on his feet awkwardly and holding the small balloon arrangement in his hands and looking everywhere for a place to put it. There were quite a few other floral and edible arrangements in the table in front of the window, yet he wondered why there wasn't anyone else in the room keeping him company.
"I uh… I brought a peace offering." Sebastian said with a strained smile, lifting the small arrangement in his hands to show it to Dave, attempting to lighten the mood.
It had 2 small balloons, one was yellow and had a smiley face, the other one was light blue and said: "I'm sorry" in it, they were glued together in a tiny basket at the base, which had assorted chocolate candies in it.
The faintest smile appeared on Dave's lips but soon vanished as he dropped his gaze and focused on his hospital wristband instead. Sebastian sat down on the chair placed on his bedside and figured this was it. He had thought over a thousand times what he was going to say to him yet as he sat there with Dave looking intently at him, he just couldn't figure out where to start.
"Why are you here? I thought you didn't like me." Dave said, yet his voice didn't come out angry but shy, quiet and almost defeated. It was like he really didn't understand what Sebastian could possibly be doing there, or even worse, like he thought Sebastian was there to poke fun at him or humiliate him.
"I uh… I owe you an apology…"
Dave just frowned in confusion.
"I feel terrible… for the things I said to you the other day and-"
"Stop…" Dave cut him off. "Don't… I mean, if you're here cause you feel guilty or something. Just… don't."
"That's not it…" he lied.
"I didn't do this because of you, so don't feel guilty."
"I… I know but..."
"I just… I don't want people to feel sorry for me." Dave's voice cracked at the very end.
Sebastian just gaped and looked down at his own hands. He was running his fingers through the fabric of his jeans nervously. Once he gathered the courage to speak again, his words got stuck half way because he realized Dave had tears in his eyes.
They stayed silent for a few minutes, but every second felt like an eternity to Sebastian. Dave wasn't speaking, or even looking at him. He just stayed there in the cold hospital bed, wiping his face from where the tears had streamed on his cheeks.
Sebastian knew he should probably leave. He was stuck there feeling awkward, guilty and horrible and Dave kept giving him these unreadable looks. He didn't know if he was doing him more harm than good by being there, but figured he was already there so he might as well say something instead of just leaving like a coward.
"I am not good with words… unless they're insults."
Dave still wasn't looking at him, but looking down at his hands and for a minute Sebastian was grateful for that, because it gave him the courage to keep talking.
"You asked me the other day… you asked me how to get a guy to like you. And the truth is, I have no idea."
Dave narrowed his eyes and gave him a confused look.
"I know how to flirt and hit on guys and make them want me, but that's all. People don't like me; they either want to fuck me or punch me in the face." He said with a self-deprecating laugh.
"I know we don't really know each other very well but… I know I made you feel like shit and I'm…. I'm really sorry."
He took a deep breath and held it in while he waited for a response from Dave, but none came. Dave was just staring at him with an unreadable expression. He couldn't really tell if it was sadness because of his situation, or because of Sebastian's words. He just hoped his apology sounded genuine because it was almost painful for him to say it. He was just not used to apologizing and putting himself in a position of vulnerability.
"I know it doesn't mean much but, I… I want to try and not be such a dick all the time and it's hard… because it's easier to just be a jerk and not care about anything, you know? But… I'm hoping to make things better and… I don't know. I mean, you don't have to say anything, I just… I just needed you to know that I'm sorry. Okay?"
He could see a faint blush appear on Dave's cheeks as his lips pressed into a small smile as he nodded. A silent acceptance of his apology perhaps, or maybe just a reaction to Sebastian's nervous rambling and the awkwardness of the situation. Either way, Sebastian already felt lighter just by having said that and so he knew it had been the right choice.
The tension that was between them before was long gone. They were silent again for a few minutes, but Sebastian could tell Dave was no longer uncomfortable or tense. It was like they were just thinking about everything while keeping each other company.
After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, Sebastian started getting impatient again. He had a really difficult time trying to read Dave. He looked like he wanted to say something but still remained quiet. Sebastian kept throwing quick glances towards the window, looking to where Trent was sitting, and soon enough Dave noticed; yet he didn't say anything, instead just asked, "Do you believe in karma?"
Sebastian was at a loss. "Uhm… I… I don't know."
"Well, it's just… I know a thing or two about being a jerk too you know?"
Sebastian just nodded and stared at him, not sure where he was going with this.
"You don't know but… I wasted a lot of time hiding who I was, and taking it out on people… being a bully and an asshole. And now…. Well now it's like the tables turned and I'm the one being harassed and hated, and I figure maybe it's… you know, karma."
Sebastian then gave him a sympathetic smile and said, "Well if karma exists then I'm screwed!"
They both laughed at that and the mood was lifted once again. Dave glanced at the window to where Trent was sitting in the hallway, looking at his phone and then back at Sebastian, who had followed his line of sight.
"Who's that?"
"Um… that's uh... Trent."
"He's a friend?"
Sebastian thought about that for a second, yes he was a friend, technically. Though to be honest he didn't really know why Trent was still his friend, but there he was, sitting outside the hospital room, offering moral support to Sebastian when he didn't really have to.
"Yeah… I'm not sure how he puts up with me though."
"Well, at least you have friends. I'm not sure I can say that." Dave said with half a shrug and a strained smile.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I'm gay and out of the closet whether I like it or not, and the few friends I had don't want anything to do with me because of it."
Sebastian felt something ache inside him. He was lonely by choice, he didn't like people getting too close to him, and then there was Dave, being pushed away by those close to him because of who he was. Life really wasn't fair.
"Well you know what? You're alive, right? So, you can always make new friends, people who won't give you shit for being gay… like… you know… um, like, me? Maybe?" He was rambling again, but everything he was saying was true.
Dave just smiled as he lifted an eyebrow and said, "So… you're offering to be my friend now. Is that it?"
Sebastian could feel his face burning up, but it was true… he had just offered to be Dave's friend. He had actually said it out loud. Oh god. This was definitely a first for him, and it was terrifying, but there was no backpedaling now. He was determined to just suck it up and do it.
"Um… yeah. If you want to, that is. I mean, I'm probably not the greatest friend material, but… I don't know…"
Sebastian's nervousness and embarrassment must have been written all over his face because Dave chuckled, seemingly amused.
"Well, you can't be that bad. Not if, in spite of everything, you still have a friend willing to come with you and wait outside, probably bored to death while you sit here and talk to me."
Sebastian turned back to the window to look at Trent and realized he was also looking at him from where he was sitting in the hallway. As soon as they made eye contact, Trent gave him a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. Man, it even looked like Trent was proud of him.
Sebastian just turned back to Dave and smiled because maybe he was right. Though he was pretty sure that that had to do more with the kind of person Trent was than it had to about him.
When Sebastian finally exited the room and joined Trent in the hallway, he realized he had been inside talking to Dave for a little more than an hour. He had stayed a bit longer than expected, which was nice. Right when he was about to leave, Dave's dad returned and they got talking a little bit while Dave sort of explained to his dad who Sebastian was. He couldn't exactly tell him he knew him from the gay bar they both frequented, but he managed to pull something up, saying they met at a party. In the end Sebastian and Dave exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.
As Sebastian walked with Trent outside the hospital and towards the parking lot, he felt glad that he went through with this despite all his fears and hesitations. He felt better much about everything now and that gave him a bit more courage to go through with the things that needed to be done next.
Once they were in the car and on the road, Trent asked Sebastian, "So you survived. How do you feel?"
"It was alright, I guess."
"Do you feel better now about talking to Blaine? Are you gonna do it?"
"I… don't know. I mean yes I want to do it. I just have to figure out how."
"Well, you could always ask him to meet you somewhere public, you don't have to go to his house. Send him a message on Facebook or an email if you don't wanna call him. That might work."
"Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna try that."
Trent just smiled as he kept his eyes on the road while he drove back to Sebastian's house.
For a moment Sebastian wondered if Trent would be willing to go with him when he talked to Blaine. He hoped he would, because apologizing to Blaine was going to be harder for him than apologizing to Dave was.
With Dave, he didn't have a previous friendship that had been broken. They didn't know each other very well; they weren't really friends. But with Blaine, it was different. They used to talk a lot and, even though Sebastian's intentions had always been to pursue him, they still had managed to build a friendship of sorts.
After talking to Trent earlier that day, Sebastian knew apologizing to Blaine would be the right thing to do, yet he just wasn't sure what he wanted to achieve with it.
He didn't think he and Blaine could be friends again after everything that happened, and it wasn't like there was too much hope to begin with. Sebastian had been interested in Blaine sexually, and sure, Blaine turned out to be quite nice and they got along pretty well, but most of Sebastian's motivation for talking to him was so he could sleep with him, or at least make out with him. And well, he definitely didn't want any of that anymore, not like before. But Sebastian figured at least apologizing would give him a little piece of mind before competing at Regionals.
Later that night, Sebastian took his computer and logged into Skype. Blaine wasn't online, so he figured he would log into Facebook and try his luck there, but he wasn't online there either.
Once Sebastian scrolled down his feed for a few moments he realized something was off. He put Blaine's name on the search bar and went to his profile; that's when he realized Blaine Anderson was no longer his friend on Facebook.
It took him a few seconds to process it, and he realized it hurt. He felt like an idiot, remembering that time when he wondered if he should unfriend Blaine before he did. He hadn't done it though, mostly because he was curious to see what Blaine was up to and how things with his surgery worked out.
Now as he stared at Blaine's profile in his screen he just wondered if it was even worth it anymore. Blaine was clearly mad at him and had removed him from his friends list, which meant he probably didn't want anything to do with him.
It was strange, because it had been a whole week before Blaine unfriended him. He knew Blaine had his surgery and was recovering from it and even though they hadn't spoken, they were still Facebook friends. Sebastian thought about it for a while and it didn't take long for him to realize what had happened.
The blackmail. Blaine must have heard about what Sebastian said to Kurt and Rachel that day at the Lima Bean, and that is why he must have finally decided to remove him from his network.
Well, shit. Now he still had to apologize to Blaine, but also to Rachel because of the blackmail. He realized he probably had to talk to Santana as well and apologize for throwing a slushy on her face when she was at Dalton the other day.
It seemed like a lot and it was terrifying, especially since he only had a few days to do it before they had to see them at Regionals. He couldn't wait any longer even if he wanted to. If he didn't make things right before then, things would be incredibly hostile and awkward between them at the competition, and Sebastian had enough pressure as it was. He really wanted to fix things before then.
He took a deep breath and realized what he had to do. So gathering all the courage he could muster, he composed a brief message and proceeded to send it to Blaine, Santana, Rachel, and Kurt respectively.
"Please meet me at the Lima Bean. Monday at 3pm. I need to talk to you. It's important."
He felt his stomach do a small twist with every one of the messages he sent, but at least it was finally done. He would go to the Lima Bean on Monday and hope they showed up, he also hoped he could go through with this, since his nerves were killing him. Who knew apologizing was so damn stressful and hard?
He closed his computer and dropped down on his bed face first, wishing his nerves to go away or else he was not going to be able to sleep. He tossed and turned for a few minutes when his phone buzzed with a new text message:
(22:45) From Trent Nixon:
I'm really proud of you for today. Sleep tight! See you on Monday!
Sebastian smiled as he read the text and closed his eyes. He was not alone in this; he could do it.
Author's Note: I just want to leave a reminder that this story doesn't follow the canon timeline. I say this in case you were wondering how come Dave is getting out of the hospital before the regionals competition even happened, and stuff like the time between events compared to what we saw on TV.
What I'm trying to say is, for this story please forget about what happened in canon after the Michael Jackson episode, cause it's not how things are gonna go at all! Keep this in mind, especially for next chapter ;)
Thanks for reading my little story. You are awesome.
