Chapter 9
The time went by too quickly. Merlin and Mithian spent the few hours that they had wrapped in each other's arms, talking and kissing and enjoying the way it felt to be so close to another person. But all too soon the time came for Merlin to leave and return to his duties as Arthur's manservant. Mithian walked him to the door as he left, and they shared a final kiss. Merlin wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him as Mithian curled one hand in his hair and the other around the back of his neck, pulling his head down into the kiss. The kiss was long and deep and neither of them wanted to break it. They both knew that there was no way to tell when they would be able to meet in such a way again, or how long that final kiss would have to last them. But finally, almost painfully, Mithian drew away.
"You should go," she whispered into Merlin's shirt as she rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"I don't want to. I never want to leave you."
Mithian let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a girlish giggle.
"Good. We'll stay here forever then, just you and me."
Merlin hugged her tightly, pressing her body as closely into his own as he could, memorizing the way she felt against him. Then he let go and turned to the door. Mithian pulled it open and stepped out first, checking to see if anyone was in the hall who might be suspicious of Merlin departing her room. No one was there though, and Merlin departed, glancing back as he walked down the hall to see Mithian watching him go from her doorway. He gave her a little wave and she blew him a kiss.
Merlin actually managed to be early, making it to the armory a few moments before Arthur returned with the knights. He saw Luka among them as well, and the man did not look pleased. Merlin winced inwardly in sympathy for the man. He had a bruise on one cheek and his hands were bloodied. Luka caught him looking at him and narrowed his eyes, a dark look on his face. Merlin looked away quickly. There was no reason to stir up any more trouble. He was a bit thankful that the man was confined to the cells most of the day, when he wasn't out training with the guards.
He was so focused on Luka that he didn't see Arthur walking up to him. The king clapped his servant heartily on the shoulder, and Merlin jumped, startled by the sudden touch.
"Well Merlin, how did you enjoy your lazy afternoon? Did you accomplish anything useful?" Arthur asked with a glint in his eye. He seemed to be in a good mood.
Merlin smiled, rubbing at his shoulder in mock frustration and Arthur's treatment, but really Merlin was glad to see the King in high spirits.
"Oh yes, sire, I spent the whole time cleaning up after you, as usual," Merlin told him.
It was a lie, of course. But he had done some cleaning earlier at least.
Arthur laughed, giving his shoulder another shake.
"Well I hope you're well rested because I have armor that needs polished and a sword that needs sharpened."
"Of course, always ready to serve, sire," Merlin replied with a little bow.
He helped the king out of his armor and listened as the knight's shared stories from the training field, Gwaine exaggerating outrageously as usual and the other knight's correcting him with their own different versions of how things went. Some of the men from Nemeth were joining in with their own joking as well, and Merlin was glad to see that the knights from both kingdoms were getting along so well. While he would never admit it he was pleased to have something familiar to do with himself, and seeing as how the past couple of days had been so unusual and full of uncertainty he was happy to be able to accomplish a task like sharpening and polishing in the familiar atmosphere with people he knew rather than being alone in his room.
Merlin spent the rest of the day following Arthur. Rodor and Arthur spent several hours that afternoon discussing various matters of state and ways in which their two kingdoms could work together more closely. Merlin found that the time went quickly as he observed the interactions between the two kings. He was proud of Arthur's ability to maintain an equal footing in the discussions with the much older and more experienced man. Before the men knew it one of the castle servants arrived to announce that dinner would be served within the hour. Merlin's heart jumped in his chest as he thought about seeing Mithian again at dinner. He hated to think that he would be unable to even speak openly with her. He began preparing himself mentally for what he knew would be a long night.
xxx
If Guinevere were to be honest, she hadn't been entirely sure about whether the visit to Nemeth was a good idea. She knew that Mithian had once been engaged to Arthur, and while she had no doubt that Arthur felt nothing for the princess, she wasn't so sure about how Mithian felt about the way things had happened or whether the other woman held any bad feelings towards Gwen. She supposed that, as a princess, being passed over for a lowly servant girl who had been banished for unfaithfulness did not encourage feelings of friendship or hospitality. However Mithian had been more than friendly and Gwen had grown quite fond of the other woman. Mithian said nothing about the past and seemed to hold no bad feelings towards Gwen. The princess had treated Gwen as nothing but an equal and they had spent much of their time talking about matters that Gwen hadn't been able to talk to anyone else about. She felt as if she had gotten to know the princess quite well in the short time they had spent together.
So when Mithian returned later that afternoon after leaving Gwen to write her letter, it seemed to the queen that Mithian was much more cheerful then she had been that day or any of the days previously. She was practically glowing, the slight flush of her cheeks was still noticeable against her pale skin, and her eyes were alive with a happiness that hadn't been there before. Gwen couldn't help but smile at the other woman.
"You look like you've had a pleasant afternoon," she said.
Mithian looked a little surprise at Gwen's observation.
"Do I? Oh, well, yes I suppose it wasn't too bad," Mithian replied while trying to contain the emotions that were apparently all too visible.
Gwen wanted to push further but decided that if Mithian wanted to tell her more she would. But if she had to guess she would say that Mithian was in love. The princess was smiling secret little smiles to herself, and Gwen was all too familiar with the signs of a budding romance. She remembered the way she had felt when Arthur had first kissed her, and it seemed to her that Mithian was acting in just the same way she had all those years ago. Gwen wondered who the young man was that had caught the princess's attention. Perhaps he would be at dinner later that evening? She decided that while she wouldn't press Mithian about it, she would certainly keep her eyes open for any clues as to who the mystery man might be.
"Were you able to finish your letters?" Mithian asked, drawing Gwen away from her contemplations.
"Yes, thank you. I had a very productive afternoon. This castle is beautiful, by the way. The corner you found me in earlier was a lovely spot."
"Yes, I go there often myself," Mithian agreed.
Despite the ease of all their previous interactions Mithian found herself feeling oddly uncomfortable. Gwen clearly knew that Mithian was hiding something even though she didn't press the matter. Mithian couldn't contain herself any longer. Feeling like a school girl once more she took Gwen's hands in her own and leaned in close.
"You were right, I had a wonderful afternoon. But you musn't tell anyone!"
Gwen smiled. "Of course not, your secret is safe with me," she assured the princess.
Mithian nodded. She had no intention of telling Gwen all the details, but she could disclose enough to satisfy Gwen's curiosity and relieve some of her own excitement.
"There's a man, you see," Mithian began.
"I knew it!"
"Yes I suppose I was being rather obvious. Well, I've admired him for some time, and I wasn't sure he felt the same but recent events have brought us together and, well, we were able to spend some time together this afternoon. And it was wonderful," Mithian admitted.
She hoped she hadn't said too much. If Gwen found out that Merlin had been to her room earlier she may be able to put the pieces together.
"Is it very serious?" Gwen asked.
Mithian shook her head and pursed her lips.
"It's a complicated situation. I am not entirely sure that my father would approve for one thing."
"Ah yes, I know how that is," Gwen mused.
"Yes I suppose you do."
"But things turned out wonderfully for Arthur and I, I'm sure that you will be able to work something out," Gwen continued in an attempt to encourage the other woman.
"It's just all so new. We're just taking one day at a time now," Mithian admitted.
"What is his name?"
"I'd rather not say, I think it may be best…" Mithian replied sheepishly.
"Of course. You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to," Gwen assured her. "But, if I may ask, what is it about this man that made you care for him so? I'm sure there are many men who would be happy to have your attentions."
Mithian blushed slightly. "Yes, my father has suggested several. But this one is…different. He is the most kind and caring person I have ever met. He's very handsome as well."
Gwen chuckled. "That always helps."
"I've heard stories, rumors, but perhaps you would be willing to tell me how you and Arthur fell in love?" Mithian asked. She didn't want to say anything more about herself for the time being.
Gwen smiled, reminiscing once more about the years before when Arthur had still been a spoiled prince and a bit of a prat as Merlin liked to say.
"It's a very good story, but I'll give you the short version," Gwen agreed.
Gwen's story filled the time until dinner was announced and Mithian was grateful not to answer any more questions. Besides, Gwen and Arthur's story was a good one and she enjoyed hearing it directly from the queen of Camelot herself. It added a touch of reality that many of the versions she had heard before were missing. She knew that the likelihood of her relationship with Merlin continuing beyond his stay in Nemeth was slim, and that her father would never allow it, but listening to Gwen's story gave her hope to believe that love could survive even the most unlikely of situations, and that hope would be enough to carry her through until she had to say good-bye to the man who had captured her heart.
xxx
Dinner was a torturous affair for both of them. While it was easy to push aside their feelings while away from each other and occupied with other things it was quite a different story when they were in the same room together, with Merlin once more standing only a few chairs away from where Mithian was seated.
He could hear her as she talked and laughed with the other guests at the table, but he didn't dare look, at least not for too long. He worried that once he did he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off of her. From the quick glances he had stolen he knew she looked stunning. Her hair was swept up, outlining her face and leaving her neck and shoulders bare. He knew if he thought too much about it he would only drive himself crazy so he decided instead to just ignore her presence completely.
This was easier for Mithian. In order to see Merlin she had to turn almost completely around in her seat, so keeping him from her mind was easier, but only slightly. She was constantly aware of his presence behind her, and it seemed that even without looking she knew precisely where he was standing. Occasionally he would laugh at something, probably Arthur or the knights, and she would feel a rush of color rise to her cheeks in response to the sound. She wanted so badly to turn and see his smile at these times but turned her focus to the others at the table instead.
In the end they were both miserable and frustrated and being so close and yet so separated from one another. They had known it was price they would have to pay to be together, but knowing and doing were two very separate things. They made it through the evening without any suspicious behavior though, and it was almost a relief when Merlin was able to follow Arthur back to their rooms. He allowed himself one final look at Mithian as he left, and she looked back, catching his eye before turning quickly back to the man she'd been talking with before. Merlin felt a pang in his chest but pushed it away as he left.
