Doofenshmirtz's POV
"Wakey, wakey, Doofy!"
I slowly blinked open my eyes to the sound of Perry's new human voice. Once my eyes adjusted, I noticed that Perry the Platypus was standing on my stomach, trying to wake me up. My memory suddenly came back to me, and I suddenly remembered where I was. Perry, Pinky, and I were still on the road, wanted fugitives from the agency. That's a real nice thought to wake up to, huh? I yawned and stretched weakly, and sat up straight, forcing Perry down onto my lap.
"Ugh, what time is it?" I asked groggily.
Perry quickly checked his wristwatch.
"10:46 in the morning." He answered, and I gasped in shock. Had I really been sleeping for that long? I barely even remembered falling asleep!
I looked around the van. Nothing had really changed. Pinky was still driving, and I was still in the back seat. We weren't being chased by any agents, which was a good sign. We were still on a long, barren stretch of highway, which didn't look really any different than it did yesterday, except for the fact that it was flooded in bright daylight now. I was curious of where we were. We had been driving for over 12 hours now, so we definitely weren't anywhere near Danville. We must be pretty close to Seattle by now.
"OK, where are we?" I asked.
"Uh, somewhere between Illinois and Iowa by now." Pinky said.
"That's all?" I said, truly shocked that we had only made it across a few states. "It's going to take a lot longer to get across the country then I thought."
"Well, we can't get from the Atlantic to the Pacific in a day by car." Pinky pointed out.
Once I was awake enough, we pulled over to switch drivers again. Considering I was sleeping for like 12 hours, it was my turn to drive Norm again. We took our original positions, me in the driver's seat, Perry and Pinky scrunched together in the passenger seat (Pinky with the window side). After I started up the car again, everything was pretty quiet until Perry's wristwatch started beeping. It caught me a little off guard. Could that be Major Monogram? Perry answered it anyways.
"Relax guys," he said, apparently noticing that Pinky and I were suddenly tensed up. "It's just Carl."
He said it like I knew who 'Carl' was. I probably did for all I knew, but I'm really not so good with remembering names.
"Who?" I asked, a look of confusion spreading across my face.
"Carl." Perry said.
I gave him a look that said it wasn't ringing a bell.
"The intern!" he added.
I still didn't know what he was talking about.
"You know, Major Monogram's little intern friend! The one from the agency!" Perry explained.
I shrugged.
Perry gave an irritated sigh. "Dr. Coconut!" he said.
"Oh! Him!" I said, finally understanding. Perry should know by now that I only recognized Monobrow's little intern by the nickname I gave him. "So, why's he calling you?"
"He called me on my video phone last night!" Perry said. "At first I thought it was a trick so the agency could track me down, but he actually wants to help us! He's probably just checking if we're still alive."
I paused and thought for a moment. Why would he of all people want to help us? And why would he be calling Perry? If he was with the agency, wouldn't it be a trap if he called? He's probably just trying to trick Perry so Monobrow can send more agents after us. Perry isn't gullible enough to fall for a trap that easily. He only really fell for my traps because he wanted to, since it was part of our routine. But Perry is way too smart and paranoid to fall for a trap that easily. No way was I trusting anyone from the O.W.C.A.
"You actually believed him?" I asked. "It could have just been a trap for all you knew!"
"I know it could have been, but it wasn't." Perry said. "I can just tell when people are lying or not. I could see it in his eyes."
"Oh that's a load of garbage!" I said, but Perry held up his hand as if to tell me to shut up.
"Can we please argue about this later? I'm kinda on the phone right now!" he said sternly, answering the video message.
"Sorry for the wait Carl, Doofy here doesn't seem to trust you!" he said into the video phone, flashing a quick death glare at me. "So, what's up?"
"OK Agent P, I've checked the perimeter a few times and—wait did you just call him 'Doofy'?" I heard Carl ask. The intern started snickering a little. "Ha ha! You call him that?" he said through chuckles.
Pinky started giggling a little bit too, and I just couldn't help laughing along with them. I mean it's weird enough me and Perry are enemies and best friends at the same time, now he's giving me nicknames? I noticed that Perry's cheeks were flaring bright red as we laughed at him. I didn't blame him, it was pretty embarrassing! "Sh-shut up!" Perry shouted over our laughter, aggravation and humiliation welling in his voice.
"I-I'm sorry Perry! I just can't believe you call me that!" I said through chortles. I was laughing so hard I had to really concentrate so I didn't swerve the car off the side of the road!
Perry just growled a little under his breath, his cheeks getting hotter by the second. "Can we just please get back to the important message please?" he said, trying to sound calm, but he was obviously extremely irritated with all of us.
"Ha, okay Agent P!" Carl said, trying desperately to stop laughing. Once he calmed himself down, he got serious again and started to give us an idea of what was going on. "OK, the good news is Major Monogram has sent every single one of his agents after you guys." He said. I gasped in shock. That didn't sound too good. "But the bad news is he doesn't know that Agent P is still alive! He only thinks he's putting up with Pinky and—"
"Don't even think about saying it!" Perry interrupted him.
"What? I was only gonna say Doof…y! Ha ha!" Carl snickered. Perry gave him another annoyed glare that said 'I'm not laughing', which made the intern shut up.
"Wait," I cut in. "You said that the good news was all the agents coming to annihilate us and the bad news was Monogram not knowing that Perry's alive…" I corrected. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
"Oh, right. My bad." Carl said. "The bad news is the agents trying to destroy you, the good news it Monogram thinking that Perry's dead."
"So you're saying that a bunch of agents are after us but none of them know that they have to put up with me?" Perry said.
"Yep." Carl confirmed.
"This is perfect!" Pinky said. "If Monogram only thinks that it's me and Doof, than he'll probably only send his lower rank agents! Then Perry jumps out and WHAM! They're defeated! This'll be a piece of cake!"
"Let's hope." Perry said. "But he'll eventually figure out that I'm here too. So we can't let our guard down even for a second!"
Suddenly and almost ironically there was an explosion of gun fire directly behind us just barely after Perry finished his sentence. All three of us ducked instantly, and the bullets flew just barely over our heads and shattered the windshield. All the sudden commotion caused me to lose control of the vehicle, and I swerved to the side of the road and crashed into a huge tree that seemed to come out of no where. And all this happened with in a few moments of time.
Everyone practically stopped breathing. The windshield was crushed into millions of tiny chards of glass, and the front of the car was totaled. I was stunned, and extremely worried! There was so many sharp pieces of glass everywhere, my hands were bleeding and cut! Were Perry and Pinky alright? Because of their size, the glass could have cut lethally enough to kill one of them! I anxiously wanted to turn around and see if they were alright, but I was so petrified that my brain just wouldn't compute the action. Eventually I forced myself to turn my head and glance in their direction.
"Perry! Pinky! Are you guys alright?" I asked worriedly.
"Ugh, yeah, are you?" Pinky said weakly.
"I, I think so…" I said, not so sure myself if I was alright. Everything happened so fast I couldn't even tell how hurt I was or not. I looked myself over briefly, and was relieved to see that it was only my hands that were bleeding.
"Perry are you oka—Perry?" I heard Pinky say, panic suddenly rushing in his tone on the last word. I quickly turned back around and my glance fell on my nemesis, who definitely wasn't okay. One of the razor-sharp remains of the broken windshield had left an enormous bleeding gash down the side of Perry's face! Dark blood dribbled down his face and stained his turquoise fur. Perry used his good arm to wipe his wound, and he gasped in shock when he saw how much blood was on his hand.
"Ow! Ugh! Why am I the only one getting hurt?" Perry said, trying to sound irritated, but there was no hiding the agony in his voice.
"Perry the—!" I started to shout, but I stopped myself when I glanced in the rearview mirror, and I noticed the car behind us. The agents inside who fired at—a cart and a dog—us were smirking! They, they were impressed with themselves! They were happy that they hurt my nemesis! Well no one, NO ONE hurts my nemesis but me and gets away with it! I tried to start the car again, and amazingly it worked! With the entire engine totaled I would have thought—oh right, Norm doesn't have an engine. He runs on solar power when he's in car mode. Wow, I should really read his manual more. Anyways, I backed up and hurriedly pulled back onto the highway. I started speeding away as fast as I could make Norm go, and I didn't even dare look back.
"D-Doof!" Pinky cried. "Pick up the pace! They're gaining on us!"
I glimpsed in the rearview mirror again, and saw that Pinky was right! The other agents were still quite a bit down the road from us, but they were speeding up and coming up behind us quickly! I sped up the car but I was already going full throttle and they were still faster than us! "Uh-oh!" I said hastily. "Now what do we do?"
But as soon as I said that, I got a great idea! If I could transform Norm from a robot to a car, then I could just as easily transform him back! I reached over and pressed the button to change him back to his regular form, but nothing happened! I tried pressing it again, but still nothing!
"What the, of all times Norm! Why won't you cooperate now?" I shouted in irritation.
"My apologies sir," Norm said shamefully. "But I'm too beat up to fully convert my body back to it's original form!"
I let out an infuriated sigh. "Well at least try!" I ordered him.
I heard a loud clanking sound, followed by a crunching noise that sounded like metal scraping against metal. I peered out the window of the car to see that one of Norm's legs had unfolded from the side of the car, but that was it. I slapped my own face in disappointment and aggravation. "Oh you stupid useless hunk of junk!" I scolded. I tell you to turn back into a robot and all you can do is stick out your le—" I stopped myself suddenly, for another brilliant idea hatched inside my evil head.
I glanced back in the mirror to find that the other car was gaining much faster than I expected. That meant that I only had a few moments to get my plan to work, and I only had one shot! I waited until they were only a couple of feet behind us, but I had to get this perfect. If I didn't act quick enough they could ram us off the side of the road, and then we were all doomed for sure. As soon as they were getting ready to hit us, I swiftly pulled the car to the right a couple feet and abruptly skidded the car to a stop.
"Doof! What are you—" Pinky started to yell, but stopped when the other vehicle slammed into Norm's leg, which was sticking straight out of the side of the car, directly in their path. It literally tripped them, sending them flying and flipping over a few times in the air, before crashing back down with a deafening metal-crunching thud! The car rolled over a few more times on it's side, breaking all the windows in the car, and eventually stopping upside-down about 20 meters in front of us.
