8
Author's Note: I haven't updated in sooo long, sorry!! We are closing in on the end, only 3 more chapters after this, so stay with me!! To clear up the timeline, Marian arrived in October and has been a little over 3 months, so it is now the end of January. It pains me to write this chapter because it's so unnecessary and makes me want to slap my own characters, but I wanted to slap them in the tv show too, so I suppose I'm being true to the characters. Anyway…
Not My Place
Chapter 9: The Confrontation
SPLATTTT
Marian looked at her windshield, her mouth hanging open in shock. She was driving to Robin's house, or mansion, when it had begun. After months of no rain, the first drop had appeared. She didn't know why she was so surprised; it had been cloudy for days, but the sudden appearance of water falling from the sky was stunning. A loud honk from behind her broke her out of her reverie and she stepped on the gas. Despite what the boys thought, she actually could drive, and wanted an easy getaway if whatever it was Robin wanted to talk about was going to require an escape car.
She sighed and turned up the music, thinking about it was only going to syke her out, but she couldn't stop her overactive imagination from working. Whatever he had to say to her, she knew it wasn't going to end well. She pulled into his drive and parked, heading up to the house. She pressed the intercom, "Umm Hello?"
"Yes?" came a stuffy sounding voice.
"I'm Marian Fitzwalter, here to see Robin?" Marian replied feeling a little stupid talking to white box.
"Ahh yes, Master Robin mentioned he had a guest coming over," suddenly the stuffy voice was warmer, "I shall buzz you right in. He's in the East Wing." and the door buzzed, her signal to push it open. Marian had been there many times over the past months and made her way through his gigantic house towards the East Wing, rolling her eyes all along the way that his house was even divided up into Wings.
After climbing the final staircase she was in the East Wing and in Robin's lounge, where she assumed he would be. She reached the large room, but it was empty. The thought occurred to her to just call out for Robin, but a sudden urge to sneak up on him shot through her. Now accompanied by the grin on her face she started searching, which proved to be a much harder task than originally anticipated. She had been to his house before, but that was only with the rest of the gang and they had basically confined themselves to the lounge.
The staircase that led to the East Wing dropped you off directly in the lounge, but the rest of the wing was one giant hallway with many rooms on each side. Marian gingerly began creaking open doors to see if he was inside, but so far no luck. She tried every door and finally reached the last one. She gently pushed the door open and was relieved to finally see Robin, his back was to her and he was staring outside. His room was bright white and 2 of the three walls were glass looking out at the forest that surrounded his estate (A.N. Imagine Edward Cullen's room from the movie Twilight, crappy movie, but he had a cool room). The room was sparsely decorated with only a few pictures of the gang, but one wall was completely filled up with rows of music and books. She was surprised at how small the room was when obviously he could've chosen a larger one, but Robin was odd that way. The rain was pelting his windows creating a melody that went unobstructed by any other sound. The view was amazing: a wall of lush green.
"I like your room," Marian stated closing the door behind her. Much to her disappointment Robin did not react surprised at all, she could see in the reflection of the glass he was grinning, "I was wondering if you were ever going to find me. Did you actually open every single door?"
"I was trying to surprise you," Marian replied smartly. "Next time you might want to try walking a little more quietly, and not sighing in frustration so often," he replied.
"I'll keep that in mind," she smiled and walked over to stand next to him. They stood side by side staring at the window, alternating between watching the rain and making eye contact through their reflections. An undetermined amount of time passed, and it occurred to Marian that this was the longest amount of time they'd been silent together.
Usually there was bantering or fighting, or in Marian's case, an urgent need to say something before the moment became a moment, but this was just a simple appreciation of each other, no words needing to be said, just enjoying one another's company. The rain continued to sound against the window, but this time it was not alone, now she could hear the even deep breaths from Robin, and her own slightly shallower breath, as well as her heart pounding in her ears as the silence stretched out.
Marian was gazing at the trees contemplating that if the house was surrounded by forest that meant Robin had grown up playing in the forest, most likely alone. At that moment she felt a jolt of electricity as Robin's hand brushed hers, his touch was gentle and she figured it had been an accident, but then he took her hand completely in his own and held it.
Marian didn't know what to do, so for a moment they just stood their; side by side holding hands staring at each other's reflections. Although Robin's room was cool, Marian felt her entire body heating up, and the mood in the room shifted. His warm fingers laced loosely together with hers, which were trembling.
She felt something building in the air, she knew the peaceful innocent moment they were sharing right now was going to end soon, and she held tighter to the only thing that was holding her down, Robin's warm secure grip on her hand. She felt as if she were enveloped into one of the stormy clouds above their heads, and in the mist she could no longer separate herself from him. She vaguely registered that her mind felt blank, that all that mattered in the world was in that room. Her thoughts were quiet, no internal monologue running, no complicated web of guilt and yearning. She only heard the drops of the rain onto the glass.
Drip...Drop...Drip...Drop…Drip…Drop…Drip…Drop...Drip...Drop…Drip...Drop…Drip…Drop…Drip…Rob…Bin…Rob…Bin…Rob…Bin…Rob…Bin…Rob…Bin…
What she had taken for silence before she now realized was just the opposite. The air was thick with all the things they had left unsaid to each other. Every moment where she had tried to cover up the building tension between them with meaningless chatter was coming to the surface and was swirling around them. She could barely breathe with all the repressed emotion in the room. Something bigger than she could comprehend was happening to her and she didn't know what to do.
"Marian," his voice cut through to her. She didn't want to look over at him and end the moment of pure innocent perfection, but he called out to her again, "Marian," he stepped in front of her, right into her view. She smiled slightly at the familiar sight of him that never failed to give her chills: the way his head tilted down so he could look her in the eye, the way his brown hair fell into his eyes making her fingers itch to brush it from his forehead, the way his brilliant green eyes were looking right through her as if, as fake as it sounds, he was the only one who could actually see her, the way his lips always had that half smile whenever he was with her, the way everything about him was open and honest and sharing whatever it is that he was, all of it, with her, without question or reservation. Everything he was he was giving to her, with just one look.
Without breaking eye contact with her he brought his free hand to her face, his thumb brushing her cheek and some of her dark curls beneath his fingers. "This is right Marian, you know that it is," he said in a hushed tone, they didn't need to speak loudly as they were mere inches from each other.
"Do not assume to tell me how I feel Robin," Marian replied, in the habit of denying him and herself.
Robin was shaking his head, "I ending things with Djaq."
Marian felt as if a cold bucket of water had been thrown on her. It was the best and worst news she'd ever received. The best because she could finally be with Robin like she'd wanted from the first moment they'd touched, and the worst because she was responsible for breaking them up, stealing another's girls "one" again. She'd grown to love Djaq, just like she'd loved Sarah, and she'd promised herself things would be different. Djaq deserved someone as good as Robin, she did not.
Robin saw her shaking her head and his grip on her hand intensified, as if he was trying to hold on to her. "No Robin, why would you do that!" Marian whispered miserably.
"Because of you Marian, because of us," Robin was imploring her with his eyes to be happy, but she couldn't, those were the exact words she was dreading to hear. Djaq was probably in pain because of her.
"No Robin there is no us. There never could be, you're meant to be with someone like Djaq and I'm meant to be with someone like Guy," she said, but apparently that was the wrong thing to bring up at the moment. Robin's eyes flickered at the mention of Guy's name, and he said, "You're meant to be with me Marian," but Marian was shaking her head her eyes begging him to stop. "Listen," he said quietly, and he released their clasped hands and his moved to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him.
His fingers threaded through her black curls and his other arm wound itself around her waist pulling her body flush against his, so that everywhere from their foreheads to their toes touched.
She could feel his breath pillow over her lips and could hear when he breathed deeply and whispered, "Listen," then it was like the world went into slow motion. Robin's lips slowly came to meet hers, giving her ample time to back away, but she was frozen on the spot. She wanted it so badly, but her morals were gripping her just as tightly.
All that was for naught though the moment his lips touched hers. It was so soft it was barely a kiss, but it was as if her lips suddenly had thousands of more nerve endings and felt his light kiss more intensely than she'd thought possible.
Robin pulled her into him, making their lips press harder together. For Marian, kissing Robin was like diving into a pool. The change from being on your own on land to the immediate relief of the cool water, enveloping you completing to the point where everything else fades away. Her other senses dulled and her instincts took over. She reached her hands up and one went to the back of his neck and toyed with the hair at his collar and the other was on his chest, feeling the hard muscle underneath.
Robin must have taken her responsive attitude as a sign and turned them around Marian's back was pressed against the glass wall. She shivered at the cool from the glass on one side and the heat of Robin on the other. It was too much and not enough all at the same time.
The kiss was still gentle, the delicious pressure of his lips capturing her bottom lip sending jolts of electricity through her. He broke the kiss after a moment, but he still held her in his arms, and bent so their foreheads were touching and he was staring directly into her eyes.
"Marian," he said in barely more than a whisper, "These past months have been killing me. I felt it the first time we ever met, we are supposed to be together, but I didn't want to hurt Djaq, so I stayed with her. I thought eventually it would go away, but it won't Marian I realize that now."
Marian could barely focus on the words he was saying; the intense look in his eyes was burning her from the inside out. He was so close to her, and not just physically, but in every conceivable way.
"I should have owned up to it in the beginning, but I didn't and that's my fault. I'll take responsibility for that," Robin said, his eyebrows frowning as he took the blame onto himself.
"No," Marian said, hating how weak her voice sounded. She took a moment gathering whatever she had in her and continued, "No Robin."
"No what?" Robin asked confused.
"No I won't be your girlfriend, your lover, your friend, your anything," Marian said tears coming to her eyes. Robin said nothing, but looked incredibly confused, so she continued, "You're too good for me Robin, no listen, you just admitted how much pain you've been in the past few months because of me Robin. This whole thing is my fault, I practically seduced you and here you are apologizing to me and taking the blame."
She disentangled herself from him and continued, "From the first time we met I've been thinking, dreaming, about you leaving Djaq for me. Can you imagine that Robin? I've been hoping to ruin another person's life, my friend's life, just so I could get what I want. I'm not a good person Robin. Being around you made me try to be better, but who am I kidding, that's not me, it never will be. However cliché it is, you deserve better."
"Marian how are you even saying this? You've got it all wrong!" Robin protested, gently grabbing her elbow as she made her way to the door, trying to stop her. But Marian wouldn't stop. She opened the door to his room and was about to walk out, but turned around to say one last thing.
"Robin no. Let me do this one good thing. You will get back together with Djaq and I promise I will leave you alone, for good this time."
"No!" Robin said nearly frantic, he could practically feel her slipping through his fingers, "How can you even be saying these things about yourself? You have it all wrong, just let me explain. Marian I can't be with Djaq; I can't be with anyone but you. And besides Djaq doesn't even want me anyways. So stop being insane, if anyone's too good for the other than you're too good for me!"
"Robin," she silenced him, a tear falling down her face, "Just let me have this."
And she left.
~ 2 Hours Later ~
Robin was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands still trying to make sense of what Marian had said. How could she think she wasn't good enough for him? The idea made no sense.
He knew her, probably better than she did herself. He saw how she protected the people she was loyal too, he knew how angry and helpless she felt when she thought about al the injustice in the world, but she was still determined to help somehow. She might have a mean exterior, but inside she was so strong and brave and beautiful.
He'd thought that she returned his feelings, but she certainly had not been seducing him. In fact if he'd heard her correctly she'd been trying to do the honorable thing this entire year, all the while he was pressuring her to be in the gang and spend time with him and flaunting his relationship with Djaq, and through it all she'd denied herself. Hell she'd even made friends with Djaq, which must have been difficult for her.
Now that they were over he could clearly see that all this could've been avoided if he and Djaq had just ended things sooner. He groaned, but his father's serious voice sounded in his head self pity is a wasted emotion son, only for weaker people. Don't fester in the misery of your situation, just get off your ass and fix your situation. Robin stood up and grabbed his jacket; truer words were never spoken.
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