Chapter 9 - Cry
If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue.
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it.
Why won't this just all go away?
I looked up and saw Edward standing there in all his glory with a tortured expression on his face. I couldn't help the sob that escaped my mouth as I averted my eyes from him and followed Alice into the lounge room.
Alice, Jasper and I walked into the room and as I looked around it my eyes rested on the corner of the room where Edwards piano stood. I glanced away, quickly feeling a lump form in my throat; I coughed to clear it as I sat on the Cullens' loveseat.
"S-So, um what did you want to talk about?" I asked quietly, looking at Jasper who was in a chair in front of me and then to Alice who was seated next to me on the loveseat.
"Wait!" Alice exclaimed, I jumped and my heart skipped a beat, which made Jasper chuckle. I blushed a deep crimson and looked to Alice.
"What?" I asked.
"I think Edward will want to hear this conversation as well." Alice said and before I could respond she ran off at vampire speed. My heart climbed up to my throat and my emotions went into overdrive; worry, fear, anger, happiness, pain, sadness... suddenly I felt a wave of calmness wash over me drowning out all other emotions. I smiled at Jasper to say thank-you and welcomed the calming waves.
About five minutes later Alice walked back into the room with Edward trailing behind her, he looked up at me at the same time I looked to him and as our eyes met, his words echoes in my mind, I don't love you, the voices said. I looked away and to the ground as the calming waves increased. Alice walked over and sat on Jasper's lap, which left the seat next to me free for Edward. As he sat down I casually shifted my position away from him trying to make it seem like I was trying to get comfortable.
"Okay you can start now Bella," Alice said smiling at me.
"Um, well what do you want to know?" I asked quietly playing with my hands.
"How have you been for these past few months?" Alice asked
"I've been fine thanks, how about you?" I asked looking at Alice.
"I've been okay. How's Charlie?"
"Oh you know… fatherly. He tried to send me to live with Renee." I laughed without humor.
"Yeah I know... I saw it. You threw quite a fit." She joked. I heard a growl come from next to me
"Alice, I told you not to," Edward growled.
"What? Did you really think I'd not check up to see if my best friend was okay?" Alice growled back.
"I told you to leave her future alone." Edward hissed.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," I whispered, looking at the carpet.
"Bella... I would never..." Edward trailed off touching my hand, which was rested next to my leg. I pulled my hand away as if it had been burned.
"I know." I whimpered, looking at his hand which lay where my hand had been a second ago. "Please..." he moved his hand away after a moments hesitation.
"Um, Alice's vision... did it... come true?" Jasper asked,
"No," I said feeling embarrassed that they had seen it, "I'm not that person anymore."
"Good." Alice said and I gave her a small smile.
"What vision?" Edward asked, I froze, what am I supposed to say? I figured the truth was safest.
"Well, um when y-you left. I found that I'm happiest when I'm with boys... So I, uh dated a lot."
"I see." Edward said, the hurt evident in his eyes. Why would he care? He doesn't love me.
We talked for another hour, them asking me questions and me answering them. Edward stayed quiet the whole time.
"What time is it?" I asked no one in particular.
"10:53, why?" Edward was the one who answered.
"I need to go home, I told Charlie I wouldn't be home late." I said getting up. All three of them got up at the same time.
"Will you come back tomorrow?" Alice asked
"I...um I don't know..." I said, The more time I spend with them, the harder it's going to be when they leave me again.
"Please Bella," Alice pleaded, I finally agreed and told them I'd be over at 11am the next morning.
"Do you want a lift home?" Edward asked
"No thank you, I have my truck," I said, avoiding his eyes.
"Bella..." Alice said slowly, "Can I give you a hug? I've missed you so much."
"Alice... I don't think that's a good idea," I said, feeling bad when I saw her face fall.
"But why not?" She pouted crossing her arms.
"It'll hurt too much," I whispered looking at my feet.
"I wouldn't hurt you Bella. We've hugged many times before," she scoffed.
"That's not how I meant it Alice, I know you'd never hurt me," I said looking at her calmly.
"Fine." She said sadly, and she truly looked sad.
I don't know what it was, maybe it was because this was Alice Cullen and it looked so unnatural for her to have a sad feature on her angelic face, or maybe it was my best friend side kicking in. But I couldn't stand to see her upset; I flung myself into her arms and clung to her as tightly as I could. "I guess I don't care if it'll hurt me," I whispered in her ear hugging her tighter. She reacted immediately and clung to me as well. "I love you Alice," I said, my eyes filling up with tears.
"I love you too Bella," she choked out and clung to me tighter, but not enough to hurt me.
At least Alice and I will end on a good note, I thought as a tear fell down my cheek. Alice and I released each other and she wiped away my tear.
"Bye Bella." Jasper said and sent me waves of gratitude, I smiled at him and said bye. "You'll be here tomorrow right?" I asked.
"Of course," he replied. I smiled. I turned to Edward and smiled, "Bye." I said, unsure of what else to say.
"Goodnight Bella," he said, I turned and walked out to my truck, I went to open the door but it was locked. I looked in my pockets for my keys and then remembered I had left them inside. Damn it, I thought. I stared at my car door for a few seconds I guess I thought it would open if I willed it with my brain long enough.
"That won't work, you need keys," I jumped when I heard a voice right behind me. I turned around to find Edward standing in front of me with my keys in his hand.
"T-Thanks." I whispered, and blushed when I noticed how close he was. He smiled my favourite smile looking at my blush, just when he was about to touch my cheek I stuttered "d-don't"
He frowned and said "You let Alice touch you, why not me?"
"Because she didn't break my heart." I didn't mean to say it, it just quietly slipped out, but he heard it, as his face showed immense amounts of pain I couldn't help the tears from welling up and spilling over.
"I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean to say that," I stammered quickly.
"It's okay, you were right." He whispered
"N-No that's not the reason!" I said quickly,
"It's not?" he asked
"No, it's b-because that gesture will mean a-a lot more to me than to you. It will hurt me too much to know that... I-I just can't do it." I said almost physically shaking.
"T-That's -" I cut Edward off.
"Please... I have to go... I'm not ready, I'm still b-broken." I whimpered, another tear escaping.
"I-Okay, Goodnight Bella." Edward sighed giving me my keys.
"Goodnight Edward," I said as I got into my truck and as I started it up I said "I'll see you tomorrow"
I backed out of the driveway, the whole time he was watching me, and I started on my journey home preparing for what lay ahead tomorrow.
[Author Note: Okay I don't know if this is what you had in mind... But I really didn't know what to write...]
