Nine

Tony and Ziva walked through the apartment door and Tony kicked off his shoes. He sat down on the couch. Ziva closed the door and locked it before sitting down with Tony. He curled his legs under him and leaned into Ziva. She wrapped her arms around him.

"Can I ask you something?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva looked down at him. So far she had been the one asking the questions. He could ask anything.

"Yes." Ziva said.

"After Somalia, you got checked out right? Like you went to a doctor and everything?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded, even though she was behind Tony. "Yes." She said shortly.

"Was everything okay? You don't have to tell me, I just… wondered." Tony said.

"I am not sure what you mean by okay?" Ziva said.

"I don't know, just, were you okay, health wise?" He asked.

"Kind of." She said.

"Kind of?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "There were some things that were not okay." She said.

Tony turned to look at her, concern written all over his face. "Like what?" He asked. He saw her hesitation and tried to back pedal. "You don't have to tell me." He said.

"No, no, I want to, I am just not sure how to word it." Ziva told him.

Tony nodded silently, waiting for her to arrange her thoughts into sentences.

"What Saleem did… there was… irreparable damage, to my body, not just the scars that you saw in the shower. It was worse than that, and because of it, there is a very good chance that I will not be able to have any children." Ziva told him as tears stung at her eyes.

"I didn't even know you wanted kids." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I always have. I guess I waited too long."

Tony wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist and tilted his head up to kiss her neck softly.

"There are other ways to have kids Ziva." He said.

Ziva nodded. "I know, but ever since I was little, I could just… I don't know, I wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. I have no idea why, but being from my family, I had to push those thoughts aside, and instead of becoming a mother, I became a killer."

"You've done a lot of good Zi." Tony said.

"For other people." Ziva said. "I have never done anything good for myself."

"Bullshit." Tony said, sitting up. He leaned back against the opposite arm of the couch, trying to pull Ziva down do lay on his chest.

"You are too sore Tony." Ziva said.

"Just for a few minutes." Tony said.

"Fine." Ziva said as she laid between his legs, resting her head on his chest.

"You've done plenty of good for yourself Ziva. You came here, you stayed, now you're gonna be a full-time agent, and you're citizen. You got yourself help after Somalia." Tony listed.

Ziva nodded. "I suppose."

"Can I ask you something?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded.

"You said something about scars, a minute ago. I didn't notice any." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. 'Now he's just trying to be polite.' She thought.

"They are there, and they are plentiful." Ziva told him.

"Let me see?" He asked.

Ziva shook her head. "Not right now Tony."

Tony nodded. "You're beautiful Ziva, you know that right?" He asked.

"Okay." Ziva said quietly.

"I mean it."

"I know." Ziva said.

"But you don't believe it." Tony said.

"No, I do not."

"Why?" Tony pressed.

Because it is not true." Ziva said simply.

"It is." Tony insisted.

Ziva sat up. "No, it is not!" She yelled.

"Why?"

Ziva crossed her arms and grabbed the bottom of her shirt, then peeled it up over her head, and threw it across the room as tears spilled down her cheeks. She let him see the scars that he hadn't seen before. Bite marks, cuts, burns, the smell of cigarette smoke still turned her stomach.

Tony's eyes widened and his mouth opened like he was going to say something, but Ziva cut him off before he had the chance.

"Do you see this? Do you see what he did to me? Are you happy now Tony? Is this what you wanted, to see everything, to know that his teeth are permanently etched into my sides, or that his knife sliced at my breasts, just enough so that the cuts could be felt? How about these?" She asked as she brought her hands up to show him the burn scars on the underside of her breasts. "Cigarettes. You cannot tell me that you do not notice these Tony!" She insisted as she sobbed.

Tony sat up. He brought his hand up to wipe the tears off of Ziva's face, but it really didn't do much. They just kept falling.

"Okay, so I see them, but Ziva, it doesn't mean anything to me. Not anything bad at least. It means that, what was it you said? Someone did something terrible to you, but you're gonna be okay? It doesn't mean that I don't love you, and I was telling the truth. I really didn't notice them. All I saw was someone who wanted to help me. And besides, scars do fade eventually." Tony said as he pulled Ziva into a hug. "You're beautiful Ziva. Your body is beautiful, scars and all. You don't have to believe me, just know that I believe it, and I won't ever stop believing it."

Ziva clung to him as she tried to calm herself down. "Do you want to know why I cannot have children?" She asked softly.

Tony tightened his grip on her and began rubbing her back. "Only if you want to tell me."

Ziva sniffled. "I was raped, repeatedly, especially during the first two weeks. Sometimes it was Saleem, other times it was a few of his men… the first time I tried to fight back, and he told me that I would pay for it… he was right. He started using… objects, to rape me…" She trailed off.

"Objects?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "A flashlight, a baton, there were a few times when he just picked up the metal bar that he had beaten me with off the floor and used it." She told him quietly. "By the time I saw a doctor, it was only a few days after we came home, but the damage had been done already."

Tony hugged her tightly, ignoring the pain in his own body when he squeezed.

"I should've been there sooner." He said.

Ziva stiffened, looking up at him. "No. Absolutely not. Do not torture yourself like that, there was absolutely nothing that you could have done, and there was no way you could have known what was going to happen. Do not think like that. Promise me." She told him firmly.

Tony nodded. "I promise." He said simply.

Ziva rested her head back on Tony's chest with a sigh. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"You didn't do anything to be sorry for." Tony said.

"I know but, you… you are going through all of this, and I am sitting here complaining about my problems when I should be trying to help you." Ziva said.

"You are helping me. You're helping me by being here, and by letting me see you like this. I don't like seeing you like this, that's not what I'm saying, but it's kind of comforting to know that someone else kind of knows what's going on in my head without me having to explain it. Because I don't know how." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I really am okay most of the time."

"I believe you."

"Sometimes it gets overwhelming, and I do not know how to handle it, so I get angry, mostly at myself, and I take it out on other people." Ziva said.

Tony nodded. "You can talk to me Ziva."

"I do not just want to dump all of my problems on you." Ziva said.

"Let me help you Zi." Tony said.

Ziva nodded. "I will try."

"Thank you."

Ziva pushed herself off of Tony's chest and rested her head in her hands, trying to clear her thoughts.

"Can you hand me my shirt?" She asked, surprised to see that it hadn't flown across the room, instead landing behind Tony's head on the back of the couch.

Tony grabbed her shirt and handed it to her.

"Can I just look at you for a few more minutes before you put it back on?" Tony asked.

Ziva wanted to say no, but she hadn't felt like this in a long time. It was comfortable. She nodded and dropped her shirt at her side.

Tony sat up and rested a hand on her hip. "Do they still hurt? Can I touch them?" He asked.

"They hurt sometimes. Not often though. You can touch them." Ziva said.

Tony slid his hand from her hip to the raised marks on her side. He leaned closer to inspect them before pressing feather light kisses to each one.

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him." Tony said softly.

Ziva smiled softly. "I know you would." She told him as she ran a hand through his hair.

Tony brought his hands up further, brushing the underside of her breasts. He smiled at his first up close view of them. Well not his first, but the first when they weren't under cover – the first that she didn't mind him taking. His thumbs brushed the burn scars gently as he looked at the ones that were made by knives. There had to be at least twenty of them, maybe more, Ziva wasn't sure – she had never counted.

Tony pressed gentle kisses to the scars, before working his way up Ziva's neck to her mouth. Ziva smiled as he kissed her.

"You're beautiful." Tony said as he pulled away, resting his forehead against Ziva's.

Ziva felt herself blush, something that didn't happen very often, and she decided to go with it.

"Thank you." She said before kissing him again.

She pulled away and Tony laid back down against her with his head on her chest.

"I love you."

Ziva smiled. "I love you too Tony."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tony's head lifted off her chest.

"Thank you for telling me." He said softly.

Ziva nodded. "Thank you for listening."

"Still wanna watch a movie?" Tony asked.

Ziva laughed. "Sure, what do you want to watch?" She asked.

"Do you have Titanic?" Tony asked.

"Really?" Ziva asked.

"It's a good movie." Tony said.

Ziva smiled. "Alright." She said. She walked over to the shelf of movies that Tony insisted on buying her every time she said she hadn't seen the movie he was referencing.

She opened the DVD player and turned on the TV. She put the disc in the machine then grabbed the remote and sat back down on the couch, so Tony could rest against her chest.

"Do you want to put your shirt on?" Tony asked.

Ziva smiled. "No, I am okay."

"Are you sure?"

Ziva nodded. "Watch the movie Tony."

XXXXX

By the time the three-hour movie was over, it was four o'clock in the afternoon and Tony was asleep on Ziva's chest.

He didn't get much sleep the night before, so Ziva grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it over them and closed her eyes in an attempt to get some rest with him.