Title: Discovering Omaha 9/?
Author: dettiot
Rating: T
Summary: For Chuck, it's a chance encounter. For Sarah, it's a mission. But what happens when the spy remembers she's also a woman and the man realizes he could be a spy?
Author's Note: How about Chuck's big epiphany in the last chapter? What do you think is on Sarah's mind right now?
XXX
During her Monday morning class, Sarah's mind was only half on her students. Chuck was having his meeting with Bentley right now. She was telling him that he'd be getting the Intersect, talking about when he'd take his Red Test. She was changing his life with just a few words.
And Sarah was worried about how Chuck would react to those words. Because she had no idea what he'd do.
Ever since their conversation in the garden outside the aerospace museum, she had been second-guessing herself. Should she have told him about the Red Test? Should she have gone farther and let him know about his frontrunner status for the Intersect? Perhaps she should have done like his friend Bryce and saved him from all this by downplaying his skills in that selection meeting months ago.
Maybe she should have stayed on the beach with him. Not run away. Let him keep smiling at her, let him kiss her again . . .
Sarah shook her head, trying to push aside those thoughts and the knowledge that it was getting harder to do so.
After she nearly took off a recruit's head due to her distraction, she dismissed the students five minutes early. She stood in the center of the room, breathing slowly with her eyes closed. She had to pull herself together. She needed to focus, to be there for Chuck.
Once she had told him about the Red Test, he had clearly started wrestling with the issue, trying to figure out what he'd do. Thankfully, he hadn't retreated into that closed-off, distant Chuck, the one he'd been during the first week of Project Omaha. Although they hadn't seen each other on Sunday for sparring or training, she had stopped by his room in the barracks for a few minutes, just to see how he was doing. He'd seemed a bit shy, something that she found strangely adorable. But he had still smiled at her, still made his usual jokes.
That made her think she had done the right thing in telling him about the Red Test. That he could handle these kinds of things if he had the time to process everything. It had been a theory of hers, and she felt pleased that she had been right.
She hoped that he could find a way to balance his morals with the reality of being a spy. He had such strong beliefs, and he'd managed to hold on to them during his training. It was amazing that he still saw things as right or wrong. She had spent too much time before she met him trying to convince herself that a wrong decision for the right reasons was okay. But being around Chuck made her realize how dangerous that kind of thinking was.
If he chose to take the Red Test, she was worried about how it would affect him. About whether he'd even be able to do it. The way she had done it-by relying on her instincts and going ahead with it-wouldn't work for him. He didn't have the same instincts. But he did have an amazing mind, one that worked in a way that she didn't fully understand.
There was so much about him that she didn't understand. But she liked those things. She liked how hesitant he had been to cross that line and learn how to use a weapon. His words in the garden, about how few agents considered other options once they'd learned to kill, made her realize how insightful he was. Because it was true: most of the field agents she had met, from Kieran Ryker up to Director Graham, saw violence as the simplest option. Chuck wasn't like that.
And she didn't want him to change. Not like that. She wanted him to stay the same smart, kind man, the one who was full of compassion and empathy. But she didn't think it was possible if he took his Red Test.
Sarah took a deep breath. She had another class in a few minutes. Perhaps she should get some air. When she stepped out of her classroom and saw Chuck waiting in the hall, she stopped in her tracks.
"Chuck?" she said, looking up at him in surprise.
"Hey," he said softly. "Do you have a minute?"
"Just-just a minute. I have another class."
He ran a hand through his hair, which had gotten a bit longer and was starting to curl again, almost like it had in Mexico. "I . . . I met with Director Bentley this morning. Did you know that?"
At her nod, he continued, keeping his voice low. "She told me that they want me to get the Intersect."
Sarah took a deep breath. "What are you thinking?" He was the important one right now. She could deal with her own emotions later, in the privacy of her own room and not in the hallway as recruits and instructors walked past.
He shrugged and gave her a lopsided smile. "A lot of things."
She couldn't help returning his smile. What was it about him that made her relax, no matter how stressful things were?
"Are you free later? I . . . I'd like to talk to you." He gazed at her, his eyes full of hope.
"I'm all booked up today, and tonight I have the instructors dinner," she said, hearing the regret in her voice.
"Tomorrow?" he said, moving a step closer to her. "Maybe . . . maybe we could have lunch or dinner together? Somewhere quiet?"
"Oh . . ." she said, thinking for a moment. "I . . . I could get some sandwiches for us, and we could eat lunch in the classroom."
He nodded. "That sounds great." He gave her a small smile. "I guess you've got class." He gestured towards the classroom behind her, filled with recruits.
"Yes-yes, you're right," she said, taking a step back, needing to get a little distance from him. "See you later, Chuck."
She turned and walked into the room, hoping that the rumor mill wasn't going to grind up Chuck and her. They were just friends, something they'd done their best to keep quiet from the rest of Project Omaha. The last thing he needed right now was gossip. There'd be enough of that once it was announced he would be the Intersect candidate.
Automatically, she began working with the recruits. As always, she found that using her body and demonstrating various techniques let her mind relax, moving from one thought to another.
Chuck was the Intersect candidate. It was all a bit overwhelming, to think that the gangly young man she had met so many months ago in Mexico was now this muscled almost-spy, one that had used his brains to rise to the top of his class.
But what would it do to him? He would have an untested dangerous experiment performed on him, after he took his Red Test to boot. Just the Red Test was bound to change him. Suddenly, she was full of questions, ones that she wanted to ask him.
She wanted to know he'd be okay. That he was doing this because he wanted to, because he thought it was the right thing. And she wanted to know every single detail about the Intersect, what it could do to him, how it might affect him. If he didn't know, she'd find out for him.
It was the least she could do for her friend.
XXX
Limping into her room, Sarah cursed herself. All her thinking about Chuck had lead her to make a rookie mistake: letting her thoughts get in the way. One of the recruits had kicked out awkwardly when he was sparring with her. His heel had caught her ankle in just the right spot to make her foot feel like it was about to fall off. She knew it was no worse than a slight strain, but it still hurt.
Giving thanks that she had a private bathroom, Sarah started filling the tub and got undressed. Sinking down into the hot water, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the tiles. She had an hour before she would join the other instructors for their weekly dinner, and she needed the time to herself.
It had been a long day. With all her thinking, she still didn't know what to expect from her planned lunch with Chuck. She hadn't gotten a sense of how he was feeling when they had talked earlier. And for once, she hadn't been able to take her usual advice and stop worrying about the things she didn't know and couldn't control.
Too much was riding on this for her to not worry.
Sarah opened her eyes and sat up a little in the bath. She slowly rotated her bad ankle, feeling how the heat had eased some of the soreness already. At least something was working out.
She sighed. Something had changed in her. Had been changing for months, and maybe . . . maybe it was time for her to face up to it. She'd been trying to ignore it, but she couldn't hide any longer.
Closing her eyes again, she tried to focus and think about herself. It felt strange; she wasn't used to analyzing her thoughts and emotions. Ever since she had joined the CIA, her goal was to keep her mind on her assignment, to keep her attention on her current task. Self-reflection wasn't something that was encouraged.
Yet it was becoming more and more obvious to her that she was different now. Her sore ankle was a glaring example of that: she'd never been so distracted as she had been during her classes today.
It wasn't that she disliked teaching, or didn't care about the students she taught. She had found to her surprise that being an instructor was more rewarding than she had thought. There was a certain kind of pleasure in seeing a recruit improve through their hard work, or seeing how a student's eyes lit up when a concept finally made sense. It made Sarah realize that being a field agent wasn't the only thing she was good at. Perhaps she could teach at the Farm or Langley someday, if she got tired of field work or wanted a change.
She looked up at the ceiling and let out a soft laugh. The girl who had joined the CIA five years ago would never have considered teaching or staying in one place. She wanted adventure, excitement, a way to be the best and put her past behind her. With a lot of hard work, that's what Sarah Walker had become: the best.
But the thought of knife fights in Jakarta or starting revolutions in Bolivia wasn't so attractive any more. If she went into deep cover operations, she'd probably be paired with a partner, someone who could help watch her back while she watched his. Due to conventional practice and the large number of men in the CIA, she assumed she'd be working with a male agent. And while she hadn't had a problem with the agents she'd worked with, she knew that many male field operatives were like Kieran Ryker: arrogant, convinced they were God's gift, and eager to relieve post-mission stress in the bedroom.
She still wanted to be a field operative and work undercover. But now . . . now the agent that she worked with, the one who used to be all fuzzy and indistinct, had become real to her. He was tall and lean, sometimes a bit gangly, but able to hold his own in a fight. He was smart, with a brain full of nerdy knowledge that let him see new solutions to problems, and a sense of humor that made her laugh even when she didn't understand his jokes. And he had hair that curled when it got long, and brown eyes that lit up when he saw her.
Sarah swallowed. It was a really nice daydream: to work with Chuck, to be partners and spend all their time together, to see him come into his potential and learn more about him.
But it wasn't enough. She wanted more.
Her breaths started coming faster. She wanted more. She didn't want to hold his hand because their cover was as a couple. She didn't want to kiss Chuck as a way to deflect attention from them. And she didn't want them to have sex to blow off some stress.
She wanted it to be real.
She sat up and pulled her knees in against her chest, feeling exposed and vulnerable even though she was alone. This was why the CIA didn't want their agents to think about their emotions-they were too powerful, too unpredictable. It could turn a strong, confident person into a quivering mess.
That's what she felt like right now. Because her feelings for Chuck were more than what an instructor felt towards a recruit, or an agent towards a fellow agent. She wanted to keep him safe, wanted him to show the world all that he could do, wanted him to be happy.
And her feelings went very much past friendship. She was pretty sure she shouldn't want to kiss a friend like she wanted to kiss Chuck.
Her cheeks heated up as she remembered the kiss in Mexico. It had been sweet, almost tender, and she didn't know kisses could be like that. Kissing Chuck back then had opened her eyes, and now that she was finally willing to admit that, she couldn't stop thinking about that beach and how much she had liked him.
Yet as much as she had liked him then, she hadn't really known who Chuck Bartowski was. And now, after nearly two months of seeing him almost every day and talking with him and seeing how his mind worked . . . she more than liked him.
Sarah squeezed her eyes shut. She knew how she felt now. And her emotions had a power and a strength she'd never imagined. She didn't know what to do, how to act. Would people see the change in her? Would Chuck take one look at her and realize how much she cared about him?
If he knew how she felt, how would he react? Would he care?
Of course he would care, she reminded herself. This was Chuck. She'd seen him hesitate to punch a rubber dummy, of course he would react to finding out how she felt. But he felt so strongly about right and wrong. He wouldn't think it was right, to get involved with an instructor. And after all, she had been the one to offer to be friends. She had chosen to go against orders and tell him about the Red Test, even though Chuck had urged her not to do so.
He might not feel the same way. And that thought hurt.
Realizing the water had gone lukewarm and her fingers had pruned up, Sarah got out of the tub slowly. As she got dressed for dinner, she focused on taking long, slow breaths, trying to gain some control.
Now that she knew how she felt, she had to find a way to not let her feelings show. Not around her colleagues, at least. The CIA on a whole followed a version of "don't ask, don't tell". While becoming involved with a partner was usually overlooked, other relationships were dealt with more harshly. And she didn't want Chuck to get in trouble for her feelings.
What she would say to Chuck . . . she didn't know. Maybe at their lunch tomorrow, once she heard more about the Intersect and how he felt about it, she'd get an idea about whether to bring up her feelings.
She looked at herself in the mirror, taking in her casual blue top and the dark trousers she was wearing. Every hair was in in place and she'd used subtle makeup to highlight her eyes. She looked like a confident, in-control woman.
She hadn't realized how much a mirror could hide the truth.
XXX
Sarah let out a small sigh of relief as dinner drew to a close. She usually enjoyed the weekly dinner with the other instructors, hearing what the other agents were working on and talking about how the recruits were doing. But tonight, everyone had been buzzing about Chuck's pick as the Intersect candidate. She had been pumped for info about what she thought gave him the edge. She had talked a lot about his intelligence, about his innate abilities. But the truth wasn't something the other agents would understand, she thought.
Chuck was smart and talented, yes. But she thought it was his courage, his empathy, his sensitivity that made him so strong and ready for this challenge.
She looked down, hoping her thoughts weren't obvious to the others.
A rustle caused her to look up. To her surprise, Director Bentley had just stepped up to their table. "Good evening, everyone. I hope I'm not interrupting your dinners," she said, looking even more professional in her suit and heels, compared to the instructors in their casual clothing.
"Not at all, Director-we were just finishing up," said the lead instructor, an agent named Percy.
Bentley nodded. "Excellent. I was hoping I might join you for coffee, to discuss the conclusion of Project Omaha."
Sarah straightened her shoulders against the chill that was trying to work its way down her spine. With her worries about Chuck's Red Test and his selection as the Intersect candidate, she hadn't remembered that this meant Project Omaha would be dismantled. Or perhaps she hadn't wanted to remember, because she didn't know what was going to happen next for her.
"Of course," Percy said, jumping up and drawing a chair over for the director. He then looked around the table. "Anyone for coffee?"
A few heads nodded, and soon everyone was ready to listen to Director Bentley.
"First, I want to say bravo to all of you. The recruits have exceeded expectations, and it's thanks to your hard work," Bentley said, looking around the table. "Although only one recruit has been selected for the Intersect experiment, all of the recruits are well-prepared for their futures with the CIA."
Percy nodded. "Thank you, Director. I know I speak for all of us that this has been a very rewarding experience."
Bentley nodded regally, a calm smile on her face. "I'm pleased to hear that. As you know, your part of Project Omaha is ending in less than a week. Your new assignments will be finalized shortly. The recruits will be sent to their first postings, and some of them may be your colleagues. I'm confident that you will remain aware of your non-disclosure agreements when interacting with any former recruit you come in contact with."
That was . . . illuminating, Sarah thought. So Project Omaha was so top-secret that she couldn't act like she knew anyone she met here, if she crossed paths with them in the future. And not only was it illuminating, but it made her a bit nervous about the future.
She knew she had done well in this assignment. That had been all she wanted: to be successful enough to get a deep cover posting. It had been her path for five years, ever since she had been recruited. Yet that path wasn't so clear-cut anymore.
"I won't keep you any longer, since we all have much to do before Omaha is wrapped," Bentley continued. "However, Agent Walker, if I might have a word before you leave . . ."
"Yes, of course, Director," Sarah said, taking a sip from her water glass. It gave her a moment to think as well as moisten her dry mouth.
"Then good night, everyone," the director said, rising to her feet. "Sarah, why don't I buy you a drink in the bar?"
Sarah stood up, leaving some bills on the table to pay for her dinner. Then, girding herself, she followed Director Bentley into the dimly-lit bar that was attached to the restaurant. She took a seat across from the director at a high-top table in a corner of the bar, settling herself on the stool.
When the cocktail waitress stopped by their table, Bentley said, "A vodka tonic, please, with two limes. Sarah?"
"The same, please," Sarah said, not really planning to consume much of her drink. She wasn't much of a drinker, and the last thing her nerves needed right now was alcohol.
Bentley sat back in her chair, smoothing down her suit. "I hope you don't mind me surprising you with this meeting, Sarah. But I felt it was important to take advantage of the chance to speak with you."
"Not at all, Director," she said, folding her hands together in her lap. With everything she had, she focused on appearing unruffled and professional.
Bentley smiled. "You know, you're everything Graham said you were. Dedicated, talented, ambitious . . . I'm glad to be proven wrong."
Sarah tilted her head, not sure she understood the other woman. Bentley nodded. "I fought against your inclusion in Project Omaha. I thought you were the latest in Graham's Spy Barbie/Spy Ken line. Langston is infamous for picking up some young recruit and touting them as the second coming. They've all been fine agents, but none have distinguished themselves like Graham thought they would."
Spy Barbie? Was that what people thought she was? Sarah frowned slightly.
"But you, Agent Walker . . . you've lived up to the hype," Bentley said, taking her drink from the waitress and sipping it slowly. Sarah found herself taking a sip as well, needing a moment to calm her thoughts.
"I'm glad to hear that I've justified Director Graham's support," she said, a bit coolly. She might have her issues with Graham, but Bentley was practically a stranger to her and Sarah didn't know what her angle was.
"Your work with Agent Bartowski has been exemplary, Sarah. I've been very impressed."
Sarah licked her lips. "He's worked very hard. Actually, I think we've barely scratched the surface of what he can do."
"I agree with you," Bentley said, running her finger around the rim of her glass. "Regardless of whether he uploads the Intersect or not, he's an incredible addition to the Agency. Of course, I hope he does choose to take part in the experiment."
She nodded, hoping that was enough agreement to encourage Bentley to continue speaking.
"You'll be getting your official paperwork in a few days, Agent Walker. But I thought you'd like to know what your future holds."
At those words, Sarah's hand tightened on her glass.
Director Bentley looked at her for a long moment, then she smiled tightly. "Congratulations. You've been cleared to begin undercover work. Once everything gets wrapped up here, you'll head to D.C. for paperwork and clearances. And then, you'll receive your first field posting as a deep cover operative."
Sarah swallowed. This news was everything she wanted. Yet strangely, instead of feeling elation and joy, she felt numb. Unsteady. She felt like there was another shoe that was about to drop, something that was holding her back from getting excited. Had her instincts detected something in Bentley's words? Something that meant there was one last hoop to jump through before she got the assignment that most agents would kill to receive.
"You're very lucky, Agent Walker, to have supporters who are willing to overlook certain . . . violations. Violations like disobeying orders."
At Bentley's words, Sarah tensed for a moment, then did her best to relax. She might be younger than the director, but she had learned how to play spy politics from Langston Graham. "Are you accusing me of something, Director Bentley?"
Bentley's voice, already icy, grew positively frigid. "Of course not, Agent Walker. Not officially. Yet I think we both know how Agent Bartowski learned about the possibility of a Red Test. He claimed he had overheard other recruits discussing it, but since it's fresher in your mind, you'd know how little recruits know about their final exam prior to taking it."
Sarah arched an eyebrow. "Since the Project Omaha recruits are the best and the brightest, I don't find it at all surprising that they grasped certain details, ones that would elude most CIA recruits."
"Perhaps. You're very talented, Agent Walker, but you're also inexperienced," Director Bentley said. "Allow me to give you a piece of advice: be wary of hitching your wagon to someone's star. If they fall, you fall, too."
"That's an excellent piece of advice, Director," Sarah said. "Director Graham said you could be a mentor to me. I'm pleased to have gotten the opportunity to learn from you."
Ha, she thought mentally. Take that, Director Bentley.
Bentley let out an airy laugh. "Of course, Agent Walker. Mentoring our young agents is one of the highlights of my position. Seeing an agent grow and improve, helping them climb the ladder; it's very empowering. I'm sure you felt that way with Agent Bartowski."
"Yes, I did," Sarah said, taking a quick sip of her drink. "Seeing him achieve the status of top candidate has been very gratifying."
"It's a shame that your promotion isn't contingent upon Agent Bartowski becoming the Intersect," Bentley said. "That would be a real test of your abilities as an instructor."
"I'm surprised you didn't include that condition, Director Bentley," Sarah said.
"Unfortunately, my suggestion was overruled by Director Graham," Bentley said. "Yet I expect you'll do all you can to encourage Bartowski to become the Intersect. Using all your . . . powers of persuasion. But this promotion reflects the excellent work you've done, not just with him but with all your students."
Sarah didn't really want to think about what sort of "powers of persuasion" Bentley was recommending, but she suddenly felt very cheap. She wanted this to be over.
She nodded her head. "Thank you, Director Bentley."
"You're welcome," Bentley said, with the attitude of someone trying to end a distasteful conversation as quickly as possible. Bentley set down a ten dollar bill on the table. "If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the base and finish some paperwork."
"Of course, Director. Have a good evening."
The director eyed her for a moment, then slid off her stool gracefully. "Congratulations again, Agent Walker." With that, she turned on her very high heels and stalked out of the bar.
Sarah slumped back in her chair, relaxing for the first time in minutes. So, she had just been obliquely accused of treason. That was a first. She took a large sip from her drink, trying to steady herself.
When she had met with Bentley and heard about Chuck having to take a Red Test, she had only thought of the potential harm to Chuck. Of how he would freak out over such an act, and how he needed time to adjust. That was why she had gone against Bentley's order. She hadn't considered the repercussions for herself at all.
Bentley didn't seem willing to blow the whistle on her and deal with the fallout. That wasn't exactly a blessing in disguise, though. She was bound to tell Graham about Sarah's slip, and Graham didn't like his agents showing initiative like that.
She gazed down into her glass, letting her thoughts drift. How had she let herself take such a risk? She could have thrown away her career by telling Chuck about the Red Test. Why was she so willing to jeopardize not just her job, but her whole life?
Sitting in her bathtub, it had all seemed so clear. She wanted to work with Chuck, and maybe have more. But now, that plan seemed foolish and downright ridiculous.
With a shake of her head, Sarah began giving herself a mental tongue-lashing. Was she really considering changing all her plans for Chuck? Risking her career for a man who didn't even know how she felt about him? She slowly lifted her glass and took a deep swallow, feeling the burn of the vodka.
She had revealed too much to him already. Her breakdown when she convinced him to begin weapons training, nearly crying when she talked about her Red Test, getting distracted during her classes-what kind of agent was she, letting her emotions control her like that? What was worse, she had started to rely on him.
A teenage girl with a crush. That's what she had been acting like. And she couldn't keep doing that. Just like any other emotional situation or bad memory, she had to push aside her feelings. She needed to be rational and logical. No more long looks, no more special smiles, no more touches. She could still be his supportive friend, but she couldn't act like she wanted more.
She was an agent of the CIA and she had spent the last five years planning to become a deep cover operative. She wasn't going to risk that on a passing crush.
And although a tiny voice inside her said that this wasn't just a whim or a crush, Sarah ignored it. Instead, she finished her drink and rose to head back to the base.
End, Chapter 9
XXX
Author's Note Two: All the comments I've gotten on this fic so far really inspired me when it came time to write this chapter. Thank you so much for all your reviews and feedback!
Here's a sneak peek of Chapter 10:
Becoming the Intersect could be the scariest, most challenging choice he'd ever make. And something inside him was all tangled up in some way that wouldn't let him make the decision yet. And talking was the only option for figuring this out.
Normally, he'd talk to Ellie. She might be a bit overbearing, a bit too free with advice that sounded more like an order, but he knew she really did want only the best for him. But since Ellie was out, that left just one person.
