For Asuka, the gift of dreamless sleep is something she's so used to going without that its presence surprises her even more than the act of waking with Rei in her arms does. The room around them is still dark; a hint of gold peeking through the crack under Rei's door tells Asuka that it's morning. There's a restless feeling growing in her stomach. Asuka shifts around, stretching sore legs and arms cramped from being wrapped around Rei all night.

Rei's hand, resting on Asuka's shoulder, wanders vaguely down her chest. Another moment, and Rei is gazing up at Asuka, bewildered. She's working through the same thought process that Asuka's just finished, one that begins with why are you here and ends with I'm not letting go of you.

"Good morning," Asuka whispers, sliding a hand along Rei's back. Even beneath her shirt, her skin is soft, though broken by the occasional ridge of a scar obtained from piloting. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." Under the sheets, Rei reaches for Asuka's arms and finds them, grips them gently. "Did you?"

"What do you think?"

Rei merely hums, pressing the side of her face to Asuka's chest. Her touch is light, scarcely there. Asuka's hand wanders into her hair, and that is soft, too.

"Soryu?" Rei says. Asuka shakes her head. "Asuka," she tries again, and feels the tension rising in Asuka's chest as she takes in a breath. "Did you mean what you said last night?"

"That I love you?" Asuka nods: slowly at first, like she's trying to persuade herself, then definitively. "I meant it. I couldn't leave here without telling you."

"Why not?"

"It felt wrong, alright?" Asuka is strangely defensive, hunching up her shoulders against Rei and her constant questions. It's true that she loves Rei, but it's also true that it's far too easy for her to be hurt once she lets her guard down. Rei senses this; she tries to pull back, but Asuka keeps her where she is.

"Asuka?"

"Don't say anything." What should come out as an order emerges as a strained, quavering plea. Asuka dips her head and buries her face in Rei's hair, not quite crying, but she's close to it. Just being here in Rei's apartment has opened up the possibility that what the Angels showed her might be right,and that one day Rei will tell her to leave. Depending on what type of Angels attack, it might even be an inevitability.

Rei manages to free her hands from under Asuka's and presses them to either side of Asuka's face. Asuka trembles from head to toe, unable to speak or look at Rei. Her mouth hangs open, the words she wants to say lost somewhere in thought, but Rei will be content to wait for as long as Asuka needs. No time can be considered 'wasted' when they're here, no matter how heavy the silence.

"You know," Asuka says at last. "Do you remember when we were in my room before the- before that Angel attacked? I never got to tell you what I wanted to say."

"It doesn't matter now-"

"It does. I wanted to tell you then that I never really did hate you, Rei. Maybe if I did, all of this wouldn't have happened."

"You cannot blame yourself."

"What, like you can stop me?!"

Asuka recoils suddenly, as if it's she who's been yelled at, shrinking away from Rei's touch. "I'm sorry," she whispers, shutting her eyes. "I couldn't protect you. I couldn't do anything. I still can't."

"You don't have to." Rei reaches for Asuka's chin, lifting her head so their eyes meet. "You have protected me, twice. You may not have accomplished what Ikari has, but that does not make you inferior. Without you, the EVA program would not be what it is. Without you, I would feel nothing."

"You would've learned to feel, anyways."

"You have done more than you believe, Asuka." Rei tilts her head forward, presses their foreheads together. Asuka stops moving, and even her breathing is stilled. The birdsong from outside fills the apartment, but dares not come into the space between them, however little that is.

Asuka knows what Rei has said is true, but can't bring herself to acknowledge it. She'd expected Rei to agree and confirm her failings, reject and shatter the little shards of hope she's scraped up from within. Instead, she's being given the only things Rei has to offer: her gentle touch and the soft, reassuring sound of her voice.

It must be true, then, what Rei's said. Asuka dares to grab Rei's hand and finds herself being held in turn. Asuka inches closer, and Rei doesn't move away. She doesn't know what she's trying to do, but this closeness is intoxicating, and Asuka can see herself reflected in Rei's big, wide eyes-

Rei's phone goes off on the side table, and Rei is swinging her legs over the side of the bed, picking it up and answering it. She doesn't say anything but a simple "yes", and as soon as that's done she's moving towards the closet, picking out fresh clothes.

"Rei?" Asuka asks. Her voice is not the only thing shaking; her body is, too, so badly that she thinks she might be rattling the bed. Her heartbeat roars in her ears, painful, nearly drowning out the words she's struggling to form. "What is it?" Asuka scrambles to the end of the bed in a desperate, unsynchronized bundle of limbs. "Did I do something wrong?"

"It is not that." Rei does up the buttons on her uniform shirt with exquisite care, not quite looking back at Asuka. Already she's distant, having retreated back into the identity of the formal, rigid First Child. "I must go to NERV. The Commander wishes to speak to me."

"Did he say what about?"

"Only that it must be discussed in person. I assume it has to do with the future of EVA."

Rei pulls up her skirt, and she's ready to go. Asuka watches her walk towards the door, and there's that feeling she's dreaded, creeping up on her, settling as a chill at the base of her spine. "You…" she begins, and stops.

"What is it?"

"You're going to come back, right?"

Rei turns around, and for a terrible moment it feels as though she isn't there, like Asuka is the only one in the apartment. Then the warmth returns to Rei's eyes and they soften, regarding Asuka with the gentleness from the night before. "Yes," Rei says. "I'll return as soon as I can."

"Be careful, okay?"

"I will. You, too."

Before Asuka can say anything more, Rei is out the door and gone, the sound of her footsteps rapidly fading into the silence. Asuka stays sitting up on the bed, clutching the sheets with both hands. She listens until there's nothing to hear beside the sounds her ears try to trick her into believing are real, and then she lies back against the bed, built in mind for one, but somehow now far too big for Asuka alone to occupy.


Commander Ikari is sitting at his desk as always, but today he doesn't rise to greet Rei as she approaches, nor offer her any acknowledgement beyond the cold, measured recitation of his orders for her.

"SEELE sent over a Fifth Child last night, despite there currently being no EVA for him to pilot." The Commander's hands are folded, one over the other, atop a stack of papers on his desk. Rei nods curtly, a gesture that shows she understands and will obey, that betrays none of her thoughts to the Commander.

"SEELE's excuse is that he is being sent over to bolster our numbers, after which they'll send over the EVA they're building for him, as soon as it's complete. I believe we both understand the truth behind this."

"The Fifth Child is a spy," Rei says. The words taste sour in her mouth: she doesn't want there to be a Fifth, she'd rather they kept the Second. "I am to keep watch over him."

"Yes. There is also good reason to believe he is the means by which the last Angel will attack. He has already approached the Third Child and tried to speak with him. He may try to subvert you, too."

"He will not. My mission is clear."

"There's something else you need to know." The Commander stands, towering over his desk and Rei. "Last night, there was an incident involving Doctor Akagi and your clone bodies. Akagi has been detained and can do no further damage, but for the sake of the plan, you cannot afford any careless mistakes." The Commander leans down, and it takes everything in Rei's power not to tremble as she holds her ground. "You understand what I am saying, correct?"

"I…" Rei whispers hesitantly. "There are no more replacements?"

"Yes. You're the only one left."

"I see." Rei isn't sure what it is that makes her take a step back from the Commander's desk. It might be that his staring has finally gotten to her, or the weight of the world that's been kept off her by the presence of the other bodies has finally settled on her all at once. The Commander lifts an eyebrow, studying Rei carefully.

"There's one last thing," he says. Without looking, he rifles through the papers and extracts one, holding it with the print facing towards him. "Do you know the location of the former Second Child?"

"The Second?" Rei cannot bring her eyes to meet the Commander's; she looks instead at the paper he's holding, as if she might somehow see through it and suddenly know what she must say. "I have not seen her recently. Has something happened?"

"She was supposed to land in Germany this morning," the Commander says, sitting back down. He shoves the paper, face up, across his desk. It's a surveillance report from NERV-Berlin, faxed over. "Since she wasn't on the plane, it would be safe to assume she's still somewhere in the area."

"Do you wish for me to find her?"

"I think we already know the answer to that." The Commander draws out each word, slowly leaning back in his chair and folding his hands together again. "The area around your apartment is currently not under active surveillance. As long as you continue to abide by our plan, there will be no need for it. Is this clear?"

"Yes," Rei says. The word leaves her as but a strangled whisper, and she knows it's not a trick of the light that's making it look like the Commander is smiling.

"That's all you needed to know. You may go."

Rei does not try to venture a goodbye, but turns and leaves immediately. She doesn't want to speak now, not when her thoughts must be dedicated to the debate of what to tell Asuka when she returns. She can't lie to Asuka, not when it would be seen through easily; besides, Asuka deserves the truth, though it's yet another thing she can't be given.

Rei finds herself, soon enough, in an elevator headed towards the surface. Though it's empty, Rei stands in front of the doors, watching the floors tick slowly upwards. It's quiet enough that she could imagine Asuka standing behind her, arms folded across her chest, glowering at her. How long, Rei wonders, had Asuka felt that way; had those rare moments in which they were alone together been fragments of a prolonged and muted cry for her feelings to be answered?

The elevator stops at last, but this isn't the floor where Rei wants to be. The doors open, and a boy with silver hair and a white shirt steps in, his hands shoved into the pockets of his dress pants. The Fifth, Rei thinks, pushing the 'up' button with a hint more urgency than usual.

"You're the First," the boy says.

He's chosen to occupy a corner of the elevator, keeping his distance from Rei. Rei turns, sees that he's in the back, standing where Asuka had. Her hands tense, as if in preparation for a fight. He shouldn't be there, something inside her is saying, that's where Asuka goes.

"Rei Ayanami." The Fifth speaks her name slowly, as if to wrap his mouth around it, see if it has any taste. "I see. You and I are alike."

"There is nothing similar about us."

"There is. You and I are-" He pauses, mouth hanging comically open. "I see," he says. "A part of you is missing."

"You are speaking nonsense."

"Am I? A part of your soul is off elsewhere, but you're not concerned?" The Fifth tilts his head, shaking it slightly. "No, you aren't. Something else is worrying you. Your… partner?" For a moment, his self-assured air vanishes as the Fifth fumbles for the right words.

"I do not have a partner," Rei snaps. The Commander had assured her that her apartment wasn't being bugged, but the elevators might be, and Rei knows more unfriendly ears than just the Fifth might be listening in. "Attempting to confuse me will not serve your purpose any better."

"I'm trying to help you," the boy says. "Don't you want her to be happy?"

Rei turns suddenly, seizing the Fifth Child by the collar of his shirt. "What do you know?" she hisses, watching his face carefully. "How?"

"You care for her," comes the reply, as if it's as obvious and natural as breathing. "You were thinking of her before I came in."

"How would you know-" Rei jerks her hand back, glaring at the boy. "You're the Angel."

"Until I decide to be the Angel, I'm just another Lilin like you."

"I've told you already, there's nothing similar between us."

"Is there not? We both worry for the fate of someone else we find precious. We know what must happen in the end. To keep them safe, we will have to lose ourselves."

"If you hurt her-"

"I mean her no harm. I only mean to warn you of what has to happen."

"You can't be so certain. You don't know everything."

"Do I?" asks the Fifth. He steps around Rei as the elevator begins to slow, approaching the top floor. "I know we will not meet again after this, Rei Ayanami. We both have different parts to play." The elevator stops, but the doors don't open. For several long seconds, the two pilot stare at one another, taking in the other's presence. "The Third," he says, and he doesn't sound confident anymore. "Will you take care of him after?"

"After what?"

"After everything." The Fifth Child reaches into his pocket and pulls out something small and metallic, offering it to Rei. It's a nameplate, the kind that can be found in the locker rooms, distinguishing which pilot owns which locker. This one reads 'Kaworu Nagisa'. "Will you give that to him?" Kaworu asks.

"When?" says Rei. "I'm leaving."

"When he needs it." Finally, the doors manage to separate themselves and open up. Kaworu stays where he is, nameplate extended, until at last Rei takes it from him. "Thank you," he murmurs, stepping towards the hall. "I have one more question for you, Rei Ayanami. When you're near her… do you feel complete?"

"I…" Rei hesitates to answer, for she already knows what she would say; that is, yes. "Why do you ask this?"

"I just wondered," Kaworu says. "When I'm near Shinji, I feel the same way."

"Ikari?" whispers Rei. "Why?"

"You should know why. You should tell her, too."

Kaworu doesn't wait for a response and walks away, heading not for the main corridors, but somewhere else- the maintenance shafts? Rei stands in the intersection, looking in the direction Kaworu had went. He's an Angel- he'd all but admitted to it- but Rei feels no urge to go after him and stop him. Whatever Kaworu is doing today, his intentions are benign.

Rei tucks the Kaworu's nameplate away into her uniform, patting it to confirm where she's placed it. This request of his, to give it to Shinji, seems at first a silly gesture, but Rei knows well enough what he means by it. It will say for him what he can't say himself, in the same way that Rei, curled up in an entry plug and waiting for the end, had hoped Asuka would remember her.


Rei's return to her apartment is marked not by any loud fanfare or reunion, but by the quiet click of the door sliding shut and the sound of Rei slipping out of her shoes. Asuka, lounging haphazardly on the bed with half of her body protruding over the edge, looks up at the apparent disruption, as if wondering if this is real, or she's just missing Rei so much that she's hearing things.

When it's clear that this really is Rei that's standing there, Asuka is off the bed and halfway across the room in seconds, moving with an urgency that's not quite been with her since before the Twelfth Angel attacked. "You're back," she says, waiting by the kitchen counter: that's the space she's unofficially designated as where the front of the apartment ends, and Rei's room begins. "That was fast. What happened?"

"It was just…" Rei looks at the ground, apparently having forgotten that she'd already taken off her shoes. "The Commander had orders for me," she says. "We have received a transfer pilot."

"From where?"

"He did not say."

"So they already got a replacement for me," Asuka mutters. "They've been waiting this whole time. That's why he wanted me gone, isn't it? So there wouldn't be any trouble?"

She spins around and begins walking around the perimeter of the room, ignoring Rei, who's slipped over the imagined threshold and is watching Asuka, a hint of a frown on her face.

"They don't even have an EVA for a new pilot," continues Asuka. "I bet they were going to use mine, weren't they?! Well, they thought wrong! Unit-02 is mine!"

"Soryu-"

Asuka doesn't see Rei step into her path, arm outstretched. She simply pushes Rei to the side and continues pacing, completely occupied by this conversation with herself. "They'll regret it," she says. "Just watch. The first fight this new pilot gets into, they'll scrap their brand new EVA, and then who's going to be the worst pilot ever?" Asuka's completed one circuit of the room and started on another one, ignoring Rei, who's begun to tail her.

"They're going to regret relying so much on that idiot. He's going to get himself or someone else hurt, and then they'll really regret it. Just as long as he doesn't-"

Asuka stops abruptly. Rei bumps into her from behind, emitting a sound of surprise. She'd forgotten about Rei, however briefly, while she was standing in Rei's apartment. She's thought only of herself when there's Rei to account for now, too. Rei is shaking off their collision, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. She must learn to think of Rei; they're intertwined for as long as Asuka stays with her, and her former destructive, selfish rampages must become a thing of the past.

"Rei?" Asuka says. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I am not hurt." Rei scratches the bridge of her nose, then offers Asuka a thin, trembling smile. Now Asuka realizes that something's wrong, that the problems in this world do not, in fact, home in on her exclusively. Rei continues to stand there, the smile growing drawn-out and tired.

"You know you're a horrible liar, right?" Asuka goes to touch Rei's shoulder and watches her shy away, stumbling back. "It's not about that. I know already. What's wrong?"

"I… I cannot…" She casts her eyes around the room, searching for a way to answer Asuka. Her gaze falls upon her uniform shirt, and she reaches into her pocket, handing something to Asuka. "Here," she whispers, hoping this will be enough to dissuade Asuka from asking anything more. "Look."

"Kaworu?" asks Asuka. "A boy? That's the new pilot?"

"Yes."

"Is he good?"

"I… I have not seen him pilot yet."

Asuka nods and turns the nameplate over in her hands, pretending to inspect it closely. There's something more than a new pilot and a name that has to be bothering Rei. If Angels and visions hadn't rattled her this badly, there must be something else at work. She places the nameplate on Rei's bedside table and goes over to her, reaching for her arms.

"There's something else, isn't there?" she asks. The lack of a response from Rei is enough of an answer. "What is it? Is… there's nothing wrong with you, is there?"

"I am fine," Rei says again. "I…" She registers at last that Asuka's hand is on her shoulder, and reaches up to touch it. "I must ask a favor of you, Asuka, though you will not like it."

"What is it?"

"I need you to trust me, and do not ask me anything else." Her fingers rub slowly across Asuka's knuckles, as if trying to memorize them just by touch. "There are things about the Angels and NERV that I would like to tell you, but cannot. To do so would endanger you." She moves closer, pressing herself against Asuka's body. Asuka places her arms around Rei, supporting her weight, aware of the way Rei is clinging to her.

There are things that should be asked, and then there are those things that were never meant to be known. Asuka looks down, watching as Rei tries to hide her face in the crook of her arm. Some things, Asuka thinks, were never meant for children- and yes, that's what they are- to have to bear. "Alright," she whispers, and Rei slumps visibly against her, a low whimper leaving her throat. "I'll trust you, okay? Just promise you'll be careful."

"I promise," says Rei. Asuka looks quickly around the room, wondering what must happen now. Standing like this for too long might invite in whatever Rei's trying to keep concealed from her, and made all of this a waste.

"Did you eat something?" Asuka asks. "I found the stuff you had in the cabinets. I had some. I'm sorry if you were saving it."

"It's alright. I wouldn't have used it, anyway.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Rei pulls herself upright using Asuka's shoulders and begins to wander in the direction of the bed, pulling Asuka with her. "I'm not hungry," she says. "I just… need to lie down."

"Are you tired?"

"No. I simply feel…" Rei's face clouds with confusion for a long moment. She pauses her slow trudge to the bed, tightening her grip on Asuka. "When the Angels came, I often felt something before they arrived. It was not fear, but something similar to that."

"You think an Angel's coming?"

"The Angels will come regardless of whether I can sense them or not. I must be ready for when they arrive." With a few more staggering steps, Rei manages to reach the bed and sits down on it, looking expectantly at Asuka. Asuka joins her a second later, and feels Rei's head press up against her arm.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" asks Asuka. Rei has moved away again; now their bodies are separate, and Rei is pulling the bed sheet over herself, a weary slowness to her movements. Asuka reaches down and taps her hand, then finishes tucking Rei in, covering her with both the single sheet and her jacket. It's all Asuka can do, but before she can stand and leave the bed, she feels Rei's fingers tapping at the side of her thigh.

"Asuka?" Rei says. "Will you stay here?"

"It's not like I have anywhere else to go, do I?"

"I mean here, with me."

"Oh," says Asuka. Rei's hand is doing more than tapping, now; she pulls weakly on Asuka's clothes, trying to make her lie down. "Alright. For how long?"

"As long as you want," Rei says. Asuka hears something different, a sentiment she's far too familiar with: Until you get tired of me.

"I'm not going anywhere." Like she did the night before, she places her arms around Rei's waist and draws them both together. Rei fits against her front as if she'd been made for just this act, but what should be a happy union is instead marked by the slight tremor of Rei's body and the way she curls up slightly, as if doing so will ward off that feeling of being sick.

"You're sure?"

"Of course." Asuka looks down at Rei, and suddenly there's something in her hand, warm and soft and smooth. She's struck, for a fleeting moment, by the knowledge that the Angels were wrong. There's no way that Rei would leave her, because- she doesn't want to think of it in case she's mistaken after all; she'd rather let Rei tell her- but that fear of being pushed away seems now to be a distant, shapeless threat, one that Asuka will no longer have to worry about.


The 'chosen time', as Kaworu has come to call it, comes far sooner than he'd anticipated. The card that allowed him access into NERV had been marked 'Kaworu Nagisa', but by the time he'd stepped off the elevator in the EVA hangar, his identity was that of Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. Everything, so far, is under control.

There are two EVA units in the hangar, instead of the promised three. It means little to him. His orders are to seize control of Unit-01 and steal it, or barring that, to control another EVA and break into Terminal Dogma.

The orders, he thinks, weren't very specific at all. As he approaches the EVAs, Kaworu wonders if that had been intended, if SEELE had predicted he might rebel and left their orders open to interpretation, simply having a contingency plan for each. Or, maybe they'd never thought he could rebel at all: a funny possibility, considering his name.

Whatever the reason, there's no putting off these orders. Kaworu looks at Unit-01 first, Shinji's EVA. He could try and commandeer it now, and that's most likely why SEELE's sent him in the first place, but that's not what Kaworu will choose to do. Shinji's protector must remain free of the controlling touch of Angels, and the First Child needs to be whole again. Kaworu extends a hand to Unit-00, feeling the soul inside. "A little longer," he murmurs, and a groaning sound fills the hangar: the sound of metal shifting, or maybe something else. "You will not have to remain broken much longer. You will be mended, soon. Everything will be as it should."

For a long minute, Kaworu waits. He thinks of what will happen once he begins: the alarms that will sound; Shinji, roused from his bed, will come and see him one last time; someone will die, and it will most likely be himself.

"Well," he says to the EVA. "I can't wait any longer. I'm sure you're tired of waiting, too. Shall we go?"

Unit-00's massive eye flares to life, filling the hangar with light. Around them and in the corridors above, thousands of alarm klaxons spring into a frantic cacophony of activity. Somewhere untouched by all of this, a single phone begins to ring. It reaches the Commander in his dwelling, where he's been sitting awake all morning, as if waiting for this very thing to happen.


Rei is jarred from her sleep not by the ringing of her phone and the sirens that have woken Asuka, but by the feeling of having been punched in the stomach. Asuka is already sitting up, her hands on Rei's shoulders, but Rei hears nothing that she says. She slouches off the bed, fumbling blindly towards her front door. The last Angel has chosen an opportune time to strike, the hour in which waking will be hardest, and this can be no coincidence.

"Rei?" Asuka's caught up to her, touching her lightly on the shoulder. "What's going on?" she asks.

A tremor works its way down Rei's spine, and she doesn't answer Asuka. Her hands feel numbly along the seams of her uniform, probing for the nameplate Kaworu had given her. It isn't there, she recalls. Asuka put it down somewhere. Blankly, she goes back and fumbles around the table, knocking over bottles and scattering pills.

"Rei." Asuka grabs her hand, uncurling her fingers and pressing something into them. Rei looks down, and between the letters of Kaworu's name she sees her own haggard reflection, cast there by the moonlight. "Are you alright?"

Rei looks up, and at last she finds her voice, though the words that leave her aren't the ones she knows she needs to say. "Get to a shelter," she whispers, pulling her hands free from Asuka's. "Go."

"I'm not going anywhere," Asuka says. "If your place has stuck around through every single Angel we've fought, it's not going anywhere now."

"It isn't safe-"

"Rei, listen. Trust me, will you?" Asuka's runs her fingers quickly down the sides of Rei's face. "Go do whatever you have to. I'll be here. Okay?"

"Promise me," she says in a voice that's as sickly as she feels.

"I promise. I'll be here."

"I…" Rei pauses, having heard something below. The screech of tires, maybe, or the sound of car doors shutting: Section 2 has arrived. "I will return," she says, and moves hastily towards the door.

"I know you will." Asuka smiles at her, gentle and sweet. Rei feels her stomach twisting, even long after she's removed herself from Asuka's sight and met Section 2 coming up the staircase. Asuka doesn't know how close the end is, how Rei must be the one who brings it down upon them. If Asuka knew, Rei thinks, she wouldn't have stayed in Tokyo-3, nor said she loved Rei.

The Angel sirens have stopped, though they still carry on in the distance, echoing over the silent remains of the city and bouncing off the hills. As Section 2 ushers her into the car they've brought, she sees lights beginning to flicker on in the heart of the city, what civilians remain preparing to take shelter. There are far less lights than there were before, and yet there are still far too many.


That feeling of being sick has worsened, and as the car pulls up in front of NERV, Rei isn't sure whether she'll be able to stand. Somehow, she does: the only alternative would be showing them, and whoever else might be watching, that Rei Ayanami is nearing the limits of her strength. She fights the pressure weighing down on her, trying to push her back into the seat and keep her there. The cool morning air is like a balm to her skin, but it doesn't help much, and each step takes a concentrated effort to complete.

As she nears the entrance, she sees another group of suited men, walking behind an exhausted Shinji. Immediately, Rei thinks of the nameplate. She begins to reach for her pocket, but finds that her hand is already there. The metal burns her hand with cold, but she clings to it, extracting it and holding it out in Shinji's path. He doesn't seem to see it, or her, but continues walking with every intention of passing her.

"Ikari." Rei moves in front of him, and now he lifts his eyes, and Rei finds them empty. He doesn't say anything as Rei grabs one of his hands and pries it open, laying the nameplate inside. Only when she's closed his hand around it does he look down, and it takes a full second for him to recognize what it says. His face scrunches up, looking as though hundreds of questions are fighting to be freed, but all he can do is stare.

"He gave it to me," explains Rei. "He wanted you to have it."

"Kaworu did?" Shinji's hands tremble violently, and he nearly loses his grasp on the nameplate. The thin line of his mouth parts, drawing a forlorn gasp into his lungs. His lips form Kaworu's name once again. Then one of the men grips his shoulder, and Section 2 is pulling Shinji past, the nameplate cradled reverently in his palms and tears beginning to droop from his eyes.

No longer having a reason to stay, Rei moves on, past the open doors and into the brightness of NERV, where she knows the Commander will be. He isn't waiting for her in his office this time, but in front of the elevators; he reaches back, calling one with the press of a button, and together they step inside. Nothing is said between them- no greeting, nor inquiry of health. It seems as if Gendo knows already what Rei hasn't told him, and he isn't bothered by it.

"A little longer," he tells Rei. "I'm sure you know by now what's happened?"

"The last Angel is dead," Rei says. She hesitates, briefly. "Ikari killed him?"

"Yes. As was meant to be."

"I see." She understands now what she couldn't before, that to the Commander, the only bond that matters is the one between him and Yui. For that, the loss of a clone, or a child, or even his son doesn't matter. Shinji nears collapse, but he's being sent away; his part in Gendo's plans is done, and now the only pilot that matters is Rei.

The elevator shudders as it enters the deepest levels of NERV. "We'll have to do this procedure without Akagi," the Commander is saying. "Fortunately, the software she wrote will control most of the machinery for us."

"Procedure?" she asks. Gendo nods, but doesn't elaborate. Rei faces the front of the elevator, her hands again balling into nervous fists. It doesn't matter if Gendo sees now, for Rei is certain she's going to die; somehow, the Commander has found a way to carry on without her, or maybe there was a clone body hidden away that hadn't been destroyed. She thinks of Asuka, waiting at her apartment, who won't see the Rei she fell for again, but instead be met with a Rei that fails to recognize her.

The elevator stops, and the doors slide open. The Commander leads the way out, and Rei follows automatically, walking towards the dummy plug plant. She turns her head to the side, and there's the brief thought of running, but if the Commander doesn't catch her, then Section 2 will, and it won't be just her, but Asuka too who suffers for it.

Rei stays on the Commander's heels all the way up to the lone tube that she's so familiar with. It looms over her, empty and imposing, as she slides out of her uniform clothes, conscious of the Commander's watchful gaze. At last she's done, and Rei slowly takes her place inside the tube. She hears it hiss as it's sealed shut, and now she knows there will be no going back for her, no return to Asuka that she'd been looking forward to.

"Rei." The Commander stands at the control console, his hand resting on several switches that Rei hasn't seen used before. "Are you ready?"

It's a question so strange that Rei hesitates to answer, and it seems the Commander has expected this, and is willing to wait. Here's a question she's never been asked before in this kind of a situation, and now it's clear that it must be death that's waiting for her. "Does it hurt?" Rei hears herself say.

The Commander pauses, then reaches up and removes his glasses. He tucks them slowly into the pocket by his chest, then meets Rei's eyes, replacing his hands on the console. "I don't know," he says. "I hope it doesn't. Are you ready?"

"I…" Rei thinks of the nametag she'd carried, Kaworu's last memento to Shinji. She hasn't left anything like that for Asuka except their promise, and maybe those feelings that Asuka carries which will soon begin to fade and die. If anything, she hopes the apartment might suffice, that the Rei to come won't mind Asuka being there. There's nothing more she can do now, except to get this over with quickly. "Yes," she says. "I'm ready."

The Commander flips one switch, and the tube begins to fill with LCL. This portion is familiar, but there's no welcomeness in the warmth this time, only a tingling feeling that suffuses her, making her shudder. Now the Commander begins to move the other switches and buttons, and the low light that Rei's been used to all this time winks out without a sound.

There is darkness, and the silhouette of the Commander's body moving amidst it, the only lighting now provided by the glow of Rei's tube. Another moment passes, and the strange feeling is doubled, merging with the pressure and pushing on her, as if it's trying to slide beneath her flesh and occupy her body. Then light, unbearable, burning light; Rei closes her eyes, but it shines through still, and the scream of pain that leaves her is soaked up by the LCL and lost.

Rei wonders if this is what death is like, but death should never be this prolonged, nor feel like every hurt she's ever experienced. It shouldn't leave her like this, struggling every second to think of Asuka and her touch, and the loneliness she'll be resigning Asuka back to. Now her chest aches, but it's not because of the LCL; she's beginning to cry, though her tears are lost in the liquid around her.

She doesn't want to die. The release she's been promised means nothing, not when Asuka is waiting for her to return. She needs to live, to break out and go home- or she could stay in the warm LCL and let this fuzziness overtake her, granting her the rest she desperately needs. This urge calls to her, gently soothing her; already the pressure from before is gone, and she feels like she's floating, her troubles lifted away. Asuka no longer matters; Rei is at peace-

Her eyes open, and the light sears them for the fleeting second before Rei shuts them again. Spots dance on the insides of her eyelids, making her head ache. This can't be right. She thinks of Asuka again, and the memory is met with ambivalence; she tries to remember the feel of her hand, and is met with a blank slate. The pressure is back, crushing her chest, squeezing her, and her next breath is a struggle to take in. There are bubbles streaming from her lips; her hands lash out and press against the glass, as if desperation alone might shatter it. Like her hands, her mind searches frantically for something to grasp. Her name is Rei Ayanami. There's a stabbing pain in her gut, and now she's not sure if that's true. The nameLilithis ringing in her ears, along with the voice of an Angel long dead. Her purpose is- she can't even get the thought out. She tries to scream again and fails, and this time it doesn't even leave her throat.

Something else, then. Asuka. Asuka loves her. The burning in Rei's chest persists, but does not worsen. She need to go home. She wants to be near Asuka. The blood in her head roars like thunder, threatening to drown out her thoughts. It's because of Asuka that she feels. Her chest burns; for a long moment it feels like her heart has stopped, and her lungs filled with molten fire. The light outside is dimming, slowly, but losing ground to an encroaching darkness. It isn't cold, so it can't be death, and Rei finds herself drifting towards it. Would Asuka be on the other side, she wonders, or would Asuka come to retrieve her once she's passed through it? She wants to imagine Asuka would. It's impossible that they would separate. Rei's hands claw at her chest, trying to provide relief that only comes at the thought of Asuka. It's impossible, because Asuka loves her. Moving into the darkness, Rei continues to cling to the strongest emotion available to her, the one she's just now realized is love.


The sirens stopped long ago, and since then the city's been blanketed by a silence more stifling than comforting, as if Death's long cloak is sweeping over it, carrying off all the sound, and perhaps more. This stillness began when Rei left, and that it continues is the root of Asuka's hope, her confidence that Rei is still alive.

That confidence is dwindling. There's a part of Asuka that's telling her not to linger here any longer, that there's nothing left in the city for her, and that she should leave before she's found. In her typical fashion, Asuka refuses to listen. It's impossible, since Rei made her promise she'd still be there when she came back, so obviously that would mean Rei has every intention of returning.

Somewhere in the recesses of Asuka's mind, she remembers that Kyoko had once intended to come back to Asuka, too. Asuka walks another circuit around the room, the only thing she can do to try and calm the nerves keeping her awake. Rei's okay. She has to be, since she has Shinji there to protect her, and the Fifth- here Asuka stops, and in the dimness of Rei's room, she has a realization. The Fifth is someone new, an emotional frontier to be explored; if he was the one protecting her, and not Shinji, then he would be the one Rei would want to talk to.

Asuka's hand meets something cold. She's reached, unconsciously, for the foot of Rei's bed, something to steady herself with. She shouldn't feel so bitter at this, that Rei's perhaps gone and found herself a second friend, but Rei had said- what had she said? She'd promised nothing. She's given Asuka a place to stay, and that should be enough; it's not her fault that Asuka longs for more.

From below, a noise: the sound of a car engine idling down, cutting cleanly through Asuka's worries. Section 2 must be dropping off Rei. Asuka scrambles over to her position by the kitchen counter, waiting for Rei to open the door and come to her. The energy that she's been gathering with every waking moment finds a focus, and now Asuka is bouncing on her heels, watching the door with anxious eyes.

The sounds of someone climbing the stairs soon reach Asuka's ears, and now she realizes something's wrong. There are too many footsteps for this to be just Rei alone, and they're heavy, unlike Rei, who walks as if she barely touches the earth. Asuka's head darts around, and she finds the closet, hidden away in the shadows. She reaches it and tucks herself between the clothes- she can still smell a hint of what must be Rei beneath the scent of fabric softener- and then the apartment door opens, and the mass of people enters.

From where she stands, all Asuka can see is a tight-knit group of suits, which revolve around a single, pale girl. An agent deposits Rei in the center of the apartment, and then they're all gone, shutting the door and vanishing in their car towards the city, which Asuka now realizes has begun to fill once again with the sounds of life.

Rei doesn't move, nor seem to notice that Asuka's gone. She looks as though she might be asleep, having dozed off on her feet. But then, wouldn't Section 2 have left her on the bed? Asuka slides out from the closet, dislodging a single uniform on a hanger, which falls with a clatter. Still there's no reaction. Asuka walks over to Rei, beside her, fingers brushing her shoulder. "Hey," Asuka says. "You're back."

Rei doesn't answer. Her eyes are open and blinking, though they don't follow Asuka's hand as she moves it in front of Rei's face. The occasional puff of hot air leaves her mouth, but nothing more than that. "Rei?" Asuka taps her shoulder, rubs her cheek. "Rei, what's going on? You finally found a sense of humor, is that it?"

The only reply Asuka gets is another long, drawn out breath. Now Asuka takes in the dullness of Rei's eyes and the bloodless white of her skin. She reaches for Rei's hand, only to draw back; Rei is cold to the touch, and even the air around her seems frozen, lifeless. The Angel must have done this, Asuka thinks. Something happened during that fight; something has done the impossible and shaken Rei to this point.

For the longest of moments, Asuka's left with no knowledge of what to do, or of what can be done. She's left to stand next to Rei, looking lost and forlorn, until finally, Rei moves. She sways unsteadily from side to side, pitching into Asuka, who lifts her arms to catch Rei. Now Rei clings to her shirt with a force Asuka's never seen from her before; Rei trembles as she leans against Asuka, but this seems more automatic than anything.

Suddenly it dawns on Asuka how foolish her worries were; there is no bond between the First and Fifth, because there was no need for it. The only thing Rei's wanted, that she's now done, was to come back to Asuka. Her hands, tangled in Asuka's shirt, say this and everything else that Rei cannot.

Asuka wraps Rei up in her arms, walking backward until they've hit the wall beside Rei's bed, where Asuka slides them down until they're sitting on the floor, Asuka cradling Rei against her. With one hand, Asuka tugs her jacket down from the bed and arranges it around Rei's shoulders, something to ward off the cold with. She wishes there was something more to do, to be said, that might break Rei out of this frozen state and return her to the world.

"Rei," Asuka whispers, as much for her own benefit as for the girl she's holding. "I love you, okay?" She rests her head against Rei's, eyes closing, shutting out the bright ribbons of moonlight streaming over them. At last Rei moves, unseen to Asuka, the slightest shifting of her eyes. Instead of staring straight ahead, she now looks at Asuka, at the arms around her, and though she does not close her eyes, Rei Ayanami finally allows herself to rest.


The window is dark when Rei comes to, lit by neither the sun nor the moon, but locked instead in that fleeting state in which the world hasn't decided if it's ready to wake. There's something warm around her: Asuka's jacket, and Asuka's arms. She turns her head, and Asuka's there watching her through puffy, shadowed eyes. Asuka gives up a smile as their eyes meet, and with a tired voice she says, "I thought you were gonna sleep all night.""I…" Rei frowns, struggling with the words she's trying to say. At last, they fall into place, and Rei gives Asuka a tentative smile. "I promised I would return."

"You were… out of it when you came back," Asuka says. Her arms fasten tighter around Rei, as if by doing this she'll be able to stop Rei from slipping back into her former unresponsiveness. "Are you hurt?"

"I am simply tired. I-"

The world around her goes dark, and in the totality of it, Rei feels a hint of panic tugging at the base of her throat. Asuka's arms are still there, and the persistent sound of her breathing, the only things keeping Rei from panicking. "Are you okay?" Asuka asks, and Rei knows she's detected that little stutter, the only sign Rei's given that might hint at something wrong. "Rei?" Asuka says, this time more urgently.

Rei turns to answer her, and she's met with light. Light that burns, but does not blind; it seems to come from everywhere, but that's only because, Rei realizes, she's so close to the source. The light claws at her eyes, as if trying to get past them, anything to be as far away as possible from the center of what Rei realizes must be Asuka's soul. The radiance comes off her in sheets, like those of flames, but they crumble rather than flicker: these are the last, tormented throes of a soul ready to surrender, and yet Asuka is still alive and with her.

Something moves towards Rei's face: it might be a hand. Rei flinches away from the advancing wall of brightness, and feels Asuka hesitate. "Rei?" she says again.

She must respond. She can't let Asuka keep worrying like this. With excruciating slowness, she manages to squeeze out that name which should be familiar to her, but that she'd thought of herself as distanced from until now. "Asuka," Rei whispers, and for a moment the light against her is less harsh and frantic, as if it's trying to pull itself back together.

"Yeah?"

"I…" It seems essential that she keep talking to Asuka, if only she'll have a few more moments of rest before the light comes back, as searing and broken as before. Rei doesn't continue, though it's come to her now that this is what the Fifth had meant; that perhaps the dummy plug plant wasn't meant built to aid with the mimicry of souls, but just the merging of a single one; that the Angels who sought Lilith had not been entirely misguided.

But there was something else, wasn't there? She'd found something more than just the half of a soul she never realized she was missing. There was a realization, and Asuka must know. Not all of Rei was present for this, nor does she imagine all of her will agree, but Asuka must be told. Rei Ayanami has decided that it will be so.

The light around her dims, then fades. The world returns in a shapeless, blurred jumble of colors, in the way that reality often pulls itself into being from the remnants of dreams. Asuka is there now, her body warm and her hands on Rei's arms, and she's whispering something urgently. Rei lifts her head, places her fingertips on Asuka's lips. Asuka falls silent instantly.

Despite the clarity of her thoughts in the tube, Rei doesn't know what to say, now. She stares at Asuka, as if hoping to glean some idea from her, or if not, that Asuka might be able to read the unspoken thoughts that linger behind her eyes. Asuka only stares, just as bewildered as Rei, her attention captivated by something as simple as Rei's touch.

Asuka had said she loves her, and her soul seems to reflect the same. Rei can't see her own, but she imagines what it might look like: a singularity, burning with emotions she no longer keeps restrained, reaching out to Asuka's as if to be drawn in and kept there forever. Rei lowers her hand, but still Asuka doesn't speak. Their fingers link together, and a dull throbbing in Rei's chest tells her she's been holding her breath for the entire time she's been thinking of what to say.

She'll do it like Asuka did: simple, with no room for misunderstanding. Rei draws herself up against Asuka's body, whispering her name again. "Asuka," she says, and this time it's neither of them that move, but rather the entire world that seems to tremble around them. "I love you."

Asuka doesn't reply or look away. Instead her shoulders slump, and she leans her head against Rei's neck, as if those words have lifted an immeasurable weight from her. She realizes, as Rei does, that there's nothing else that can be said between them, not now. They're both content to let those words linger into the morning light, an affirmation that nothing between them has gone to waste. There is a home for Asuka now, one that she won't be so quick to leave, for she's made it in the emotions that Rei's grown because of her- one might even say for her.


Morning touches the city, but hesitates to come through Rei's window, waiting instead until the last moments of the dawn until it touches down, spreading across the shadowed floor. The warmth creeps towards Asuka, still sitting against the wall. It rouses her from a slumber that's not too deep, one that's been punctuated every few hours by a sudden waking to check on Rei. Each time, she's slept on, unaware of Asuka's hand on her throat, checking for a pulse.

There are kinks in Asuka's legs from having sat so long, trying not to disturb a rest that Rei desperately needs. The pins and needles have built up, and now she has to move, a slow unbending of her legs that jars Rei in her lap, eyes flying open as she grabs tight to Asuka's shirt.

"Asuka?" Rei whispers, and Asuka hears that panicked note, that certainty that Asuka's grown tired of her and wants to leave. "Where are you going?"

"I'm just stretching," says Asuka. She watches Rei's face fall at what she thinks must be an excuse. Rei shuffles off her, stringing together a stammered apology. She tenses when Asuka gathers her up off the ground, carrying her the short distance to her bed.

"Asuka?" Rei says again as Asuka climbs into the bed beside her. Asuka's legs, fully extended, protrude from beneath the sheets, but she doesn't mind. This is far better than sitting, and maybe now she'll be able to sleep for longer than an hour at a time.

Snug beneath the sheets, Asuka turns herself over and reaches for Rei, only to find Rei looking at her, arms outstretched. There's a timidness to this gesture, a hope that the pride in Asuka won't refuse this, and that she'll let Rei hold her, even if it's just this once.

Asuka nods, moving herself within Rei's reach. Now Rei's arms drape around her, fragile like spun glass, and warm: the cold from the night before has gone. Asuka wonders if it's her that's done that, or if perhaps Rei's body somehow responds to the coming and going of the sun. In spite of this, their closeness, Rei's face is still drawn, her eyes distant. "Is everything alright?" she asks.

Slowly, Rei moves again. Her eyes are remain unfocused, but she guides her hand to Asuka's cheek, pressing it there. The words that evaded her before come easier this time, a whispered plea that Asuka can't deny. "I need this," Rei says, and Asuka nods her approval. Rei sighs and leans into her, her face speaking volumes of relief, as if this isn't some common decency that Asuka's given to her but something far more. Perhaps it is, Asuka thinks. When Rei had grown used to returning to this lifeless apartment, to the same clothes and old bandages, maybe she'd also given up on anyone considering what she wanted. Now she has Asuka, and the hope that her love might mean a change, however small.

"I'm not going anywhere." Asuka places her hand atop Rei's, leaving it there for a long moment. "Are you going to sleep some more?"

"Yes."

"Me, too. Good night, then, I guess."

"Good night," Rei says. Asuka's hand slips away, but Rei's do not: she keeps a tight hold on Asuka, afraid to let her go. There are no more Angels coming, nor Section 2 to watch them, but still Rei wraps herself around Asuka, trying to shield her from a future that must inevitably come, that Rei will bring into being.

She hopes not that Asuka will indulge her, but that after everything, that Asuka would still love her. Rei nuzzles her face into Asuka's shoulder, forcing herself not to shake. She can't show any sign that something's wrong; she can't give anything away, not so close to the end. Asuka doesn't say anything, nor react: she's fallen asleep already, finally giving herself over to the fatigue in her legs and the relief from the ache in her back.

Rei doesn't sleep though; she can't. She stays awake, watching Asuka's face, the subtle movements and the occasional twitch of her lips, either a reflexive motion or what Rei hopes it might be, that Asuka's trying to speak her name in her dreams. She shudders in Rei's arms, and this time something does leave her: a murmur, spoken in German. The sounds are foreign to Rei; they cause a feeling of uneasiness to settle over her. She doesn't know what Asuka is saying, nor is she sure that she wants to. Asuka says something again, a rapid string of muffled words, and this time Rei catches her name among them. Rei holds Asuka against her, running timid fingers across her cheek, and speaks back to her. The words are ones Asuka won't hear, but still Rei says them as if they'll be heard; she tells Asuka again that she's loved, and how she's needed. She speaks to Asuka's fears, and hopes they will leave her alone; she speaks into the coming daylight, words that neither of them heard when they were young. Inexplicably, as if she's heard Rei, Asuka relaxes and slumps into her embrace. She says nothing more, listening for more of Rei's voice, straining to hear the lullaby they've both been missing, that's only just now been found.


Asuka's cold, despite the sun shining directly into Rei's room and the blankets arranged deliberately around her body. It takes some time for her to gather up her thoughts- disjointed, still stuck wandering dreams in which Kyoko is still alive and Rei may or may not be there- and notice that weight against her body from before is gone.

Asuka's eyes fly open. There's no sign that Rei was in the bed with her; the sheets are unruffled, and now the familiar fear of having been left alone returns to Asuka with full force. She sits up, throwing the blanket off, scanning the empty apartment in a panic. There's only one real route from here into the city; if Rei's taken it, and if Asuka runs, maybe she'll be able to catch up.

She's pulled on her jacket and is reaching for her shoes when from nearby comes the sound of a door opening. Rei walks out of the bathroom, a towel hung around her body, the ends of her hair still damp and dripping. She spots Asuka, hair tangled and looking bewildered, standing in the middle of the room. "Asuka," she says. "Good morning.

"Good morning," Asuka replies. Then, to ensure this isn't another part of a dream, that Rei really is here: "You took a shower?"

"Yes. I thought I would do so while you were sleeping, so you would not have to be apart from me for long."

"Yeah. That makes sense."

Rei simply moves toward the closet, pulling out clean clothes from inside. "I…" Asuka begins, following her over. "You're doing better than you were last night, right?"

"I believe so," says Rei.

"That's… that's good."

For a while, Asuka finds nothing to say. She's stymied by this unexpected reality in which Rei, for some reason, has chosen not to leave her. But of course- they'd said they loved each other, hadn't they? Again, Asuka is left with no knowledge of how to react to this, or if Rei even remembers saying those words.

She must have, Asuka thinks. If Rei didn't remember, she wouldn't have stayed; she wouldn't have considered what Asuka wanted, and showered whenever she desired.

Rei's gaze falls upon where Asuka is standing, watching her. "Asuka," she says. "Is something wrong?"

"Last night." Asuka is speaking before she realizes it. She catches herself, but it's too late to do anything else but continue. "What happened?" she asks. "When you came back, you… you weren't the same for a while. Did something… did the Angel-"

"I cannot tell you." Rei's answer is clipped and sharp; she pulls her shirt over herself a little too hard, wrinkling the ironed fabric.

"Why not?" Asuka persists. "I was worried-"

"Asuka." Rei turns around, fully dressed, and now Asuka sees the fear in her eyes, the uncertainty in her stance. "I cannot tell you," she says again, enunciating every word.

"Is it because I'm not a pilot anymore?" asks Asuka. "Don't you trust me? I want to help!"

"And what would you do, if I told you?" Rei walks around Asuka, sitting heavily on the bed. "You are not supposed to be in this country anymore. Your access to NERV has been revoked. You no longer have an EVA, and there are people looking for you. What would you hope to achieve?"

"You want me to just sit here?"

"No. I need you to trust me."

"And what if I go?" says Asuka. "What if I tried to get into NERV? Would you stop me?"

"Would you go?" Rei doesn't look at Asuka as she speaks. Asuka sees the walls going up, the resignation from knowing that Asuka will want to leave and go to NERV, and she'll be left in the quiet of her apartment, which will be nothing but dusty and far too spacious without Asuka's presence to fill it.

"No," Asuka whispers, and Rei's head whips around. Asuka moves over to the bed, sitting next to Rei. Her hand reaches across the sheets, finding Rei's and holding it. She leans against Rei's side, eyes half-closed, fighting to keep her displeasure off her face. "I'll stay."

"Asuka?" Rei's hand squeezes Asuka's, then slips away. Another moment, and Rei is pulling Asuka against her, a repeat of the night before. "What is it?"

"I hate this," Asuka says. "Being so useless. I can't do shit. I can't protect you, and you're out there getting hurt."

"I'm fine. You aren't useless, Asuka." Rei's fingers begin running through Asuka's hair, combing out the tangles with a measure of patience Asuka knows she'll never be able to match. "You're here with me, aren't you? It makes me happy." Rei angles her chin upward, fixing Asuka with a soft glare: Tell me you're useless again, it says, and I will prove you wrong.

"Does it really mean that much to you?" asks Asuka. Rei's eyes soften, and that's the only answer she needs. Now Asuka lifts her hands, touching them reverently to Rei's cheeks; the distance between them has vanished, so as not to exist. They're separated only by those last few centimeters that Asuka refuses to cross, that are Rei's to give or keep. Asuka's there for no longer than a second before she wonders if Rei would even know what a kiss is like, if perhaps she's moved too fast or asked for too much.

Rei's eyes have not left Asuka's, nor does it seem they ever will. She's entranced by something about them: the color, the emotions, or both. She moves closer- their lips bump together- and then there is warmth racing through Asuka's body, heating her cheeks and tinting them with vibrant pink. Rei sighs, or seems to- Asuka can't quite tell. They're joined not just by their mouths, but by their hands; they lower each other, as if by some unspoken agreement, so they're lying sideways on the bed.

When they touch the sheets, they part, again in unison. Asuka slowly draws her hands back, her fingers ghosting across Rei's cheeks. She thinks Rei might have shuddered, or it could have been the bed, creaking again.

"That was your first kiss, right?" Asuka says. She knows it probably is, but still seeks that confirmation that for once she's beaten everyone else in the world to this one thing.

"Yes," says Rei. "What about you, Asuka?"

"No," Asuka murmurs. She knows she must be ruining the moment. "It isn't."

"Do you remember who it was with?"

She does; she knows it took place in a closet in Germany in high school, a boy five years older than her wedged in between the brooms and pails and whatever else was there. Asuka shakes her head. "I don't," she says. Rei's eyes regard her for a moment, calculating. She nods, and Asuka thinks she's changed her mind, that this kiss will not be the one that matters to Rei the most, that she'll give that honor to someone else, far in the future.

Rei inches forward again. She lifts her fingers to Asuka's chin, and now Asuka realizes she's wrong. Rei will remember each kiss of theirs as the most precious of her memories, just as Asuka will regard them as the ones she chooses to relive in her mind when she's alone; the tens of other failed ones won't matter any longer. Still, Asuka hesitates, uncertain. Rei has no means to judge whether their kiss is good or not, but Asuka is afraid of somehow disappointing her.

"Asuka," Rei says, and touches her cheek. Her red eyes are warm, and Asuka wishes she could stare into them forever. "Are you alright?"

Asuka nods, but her throat feels shut tight. Rei senses this and begins to pull away, but Asuka is the one this time who lunges across the gap, and again their lips collide. This kiss is harder, needier than the first, because it's Asuka driving it. Rei's sense of need is not yet refined, but Asuka knows what she requires- she only needs to ask Rei for it. Rei answers as enthusiastically as she can, a clumsy fumbling into the kiss, but Asuka knows what it is she means, and is more than happy to receive it.

They part, at last, to rearrange themselves on the bed, so that Asuka's legs aren't hanging awkwardly off the side. That last kiss had marked a switch; now Asuka holds Rei, who snuggles up against her shoulders and breathes onto the side of her neck.

"Rei?" Asuka says. "You can stay, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have any sync tests, or anything like that?"

"No," Rei says. There will be no more sync tests, though Asuka won't know that. There's no more need for them, nor any need for EVAs or pilots. The last battle to be fought will be done with man and the weapons of his own making, among which Rei is included. Though it's Asuka who holds her, Rei returns the embrace, and feels as though the world itself could end around her now, and she'd be happy.

That won't be how it ends, though. The world will end with Lilith and a sea of humanity. Beyond that, even Rei doesn't know what might happen. She wonders now if it could be done, if her courage would fail her at the last moment, and she'd not be able to obey the Commander's orders. Or, perhaps that is the courage she needs, one that will allow her to continue on and stay by Asuka's side.

"I'm glad," Asuka is saying. Rei's attention returns to her, and now she sees that Asuka is smiling broadly at her. "We can stay with each other then, right?"

"Yes. Is there anything you wanted to do?"

"No, I'm fine like this." Asuka gestures with a nod of her head, and Rei can't help but smile back. The end may be near, but for now, Asuka is closer. The sun still shines, the world spins on, and the two of them are in love: everything's as it should be.


Rei doesn't know when they fell asleep, if it was a decision made by one of them and followed by the other, or a consensus, as everything has seemed to be today. She does know that something jarred her from her sleep, and a moment later, what did it is made clear.

Asuka has drifted to the other side of the bed, still within reach, but not touching Rei. She clings to the sheets, her brow furrowed. From the constant stream of words that tumble from her lips, Rei catches little bits: Mama, Mama, don't leave. It seems to be this, or something like it, repeated in a ceaseless mantra, until Rei hears the change. Rei, don't go.

"I'm not going," Rei hears herself whisper. She moves across the bed, gripping Asuka by the shoulders and pulling her closer to the center, but Asuka doesn't wake. She does stop talking, though her lips continue to move, so Rei continues. "I'm here," she tells Asuka. "I'm not leaving."

Only, that's not the truth. She'll have to leave once the Commander initiates his plans; one way or another, they'll be separated. And if it isn't Gendo Ikari who begins Instrumentality, it'll be SEELE, an alternative that Rei finds unacceptable. With the Commander's plan, at least, there'll be a moment where Rei will have control, and somehow she'll find a way to make Asuka safe: she'll have to.

She'll abide by the Commander's plan, then, if only for Asuka's sake. She won't be leaving, Rei tells herself, just going on another mission; she and Asuka will be reunited at the end, and it will have been worth it. It'll have to have been worth it.

Secure in Rei's arms, Asuka finally stills herself, retreating back into the deeper realms of sleep where she won't be so easily plagued by dreams. For a while, Rei doesn't follow her. She stays awake, observing the girl she holds in her arms, until at last she leans over to kiss Asuka's forehead: the only gift she dares to bestow, lest she wake Asuka from her peaceful sleep.


As morning comes, Asuka passes again back over that threshold of sleep to find herself wrapped up in someone's arms. It takes a second for her to remember that they're Rei's; she wonders if she might ever stop having to do that, questioning who would care about her enough to want to hold her through the night. As Asuka moves, trying to position herself so she can get a better look at Rei's face, Rei wakes up too.

There is no confusion in Rei's eyes to be seen, no slowly dawning joy from realizing who's nestled there in bed with her. Instead, Rei's face is slack, her gaze distant, as if she hasn't truly woken up, but rather just opened her eyes.

"Rei?" Asuka whispers. She hesitates to move again, for fear that she's somehow caused this. Rei's eyes sweep over her, still blank and empty, not even cold like Asuka would've expected. She's just there, and Asuka happens to be beside her: there's nothing else between them, as there'd been the day before.

Then Rei blinks, and she focuses on Asuka immediately, pupils retracting as if someone's shone a light into them. "Asuka," she says, her greeting smile fading quickly. "Is something wrong?"

"You…" Asuka says hesitantly. Something in her is urging her not to say anything to Rei, to pretend everything's alright. Her love for Asuka should be marked by quiet moments and gentle touches, not Asuka's ceaseless worries.

"Were you not able to sleep?" asks Rei. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No!" Asuka says, but she thinks she sounds too frantic, eager to redirect Rei's attention. She reaches for Rei's shoulder, and that's when Rei jerks back, nearly falling off the edge of the bed. "Rei?"

"I am sorry," Rei pulls up the bed sheet from where it's started to droop along the floor and wrings it in her hands. "You startled me."

"What's going on?" asks Asuka. "Did you dream something?"

"No," Rei says, without meeting Asuka's eyes. It's a lie, one that hurts her to tell, but she doesn't have it in her to give Asuka the real answer. While Asuka dreams of loss, Rei dreams of things she knows cannot be, and sees no point in giving false hope to Asuka. She'll settle for held hands and the occasional kiss, and save her hopes of a normal future for her dreams.

"Tell me," Asuka pleads. She studies Rei's face for any sign of a tell, but Rei's expression has fallen into a carefully cultivated mask, the one she wears whenever she's outside.

"I cannot." Asuka starts to speak again, but stops when Rei's fingers wrap around her wrist. "I know I am asking too much of you, Asuka, but I must ask it."

"It has to do with NERV, doesn't it?" Asuka says. "Or the Angels?"

"I cannot say. If I do, I may put you in danger."

"I've been in danger before, Rei."

"This is not like piloting." Rei squeezes Asuka's hand tighter. Asuka doesn't know exactly when Rei closed that distance between them, but now she presses her forehead to Asuka's shoulder, and her skin burns like fire. Rei looks like she would want to say more, but settles for watching Asuka instead, awaiting a response.

"Alright," Asuka says. Rei nods, but her expression is one of bitter grief. She knows what Asuka is thinking, that again she's failed to do anything for Rei, and that the rest of their relationship will follow a similar path. "Hey." Asuka moves back a little, then leans down and kisses Rei on the cheek. "It'll be fine. We'll work things out. Right?"

"Right," answers Rei. Again, that's not quite true: she'll be the one who will have to navigate the delicate, intricately woven plans of both Gendo and SEELE, but she'll do it for Asuka. There cannot be a reality in which Rei Ayanami is parted from her, where after this is all over, they find anything short of complete happiness.

"Rei?" Asuka calls back Rei's attention. Those red eyes are fixed on her, waiting for her next words, and for a moment Asuka allows herself to revel in this feeling of having everything in the world melt away, for Rei Ayanami seesher. "Is there anything you wanted to do today?"

Asuka would be content with simply staying in bed and talking to Rei, or not saying anything at all. She's certain that as long as Rei is with her, there won't be anything in the world to find fault with. Instead, Rei pulls herself out of Asuka's grip, standing and offering a hand to her. "Yes," she says. "There is one thing I have wanted to do."

Before she's even stopped speaking, Asuka jumps up and places her hand in Rei's. They move towards the door, stopping only to put their shoes on, and then together they walk outside and begin to climb the tall, seemingly unending stair to the roof.

The sun is directly above, shrouding the center courtyard in the shadows of the surrounding apartments. Asuka glances down at it once, as they near what she thinks is the tenth floor. "Where we are going?" she asks.

"Outside," Rei says. "You cannot be seen, so I will take you somewhere safe."

"Do you really think anyone's out here watching?"

"Yes." With the last Angel gone, surely SEELE must be readying themselves, and Rei wouldn't be surprised if they sent a spy or two to watch her. She doesn't know if they'd also look for Asuka, but as long as the possibility exists, Rei won't take that risk.

"How many floors are there?" grumbles Asuka. "Why did they make so many?"

"So you could climb them, and complain about it."

Asuka laughs, her voice carrying down the stairwell; Rei imagines it spilling out into the courtyard, something nourishing for the trees growing there other than sunlight and rainwater. "You're not wrong," she says. "I didn't know you could tell a joke like that, Rei."

"I did not either," Rei whispers. Asuka fixes her with a strange stare, but they keep walking, and not another word is said about it. Instead they listen to the birds below, their songs filtering up into the higher levels, eerie and distant and reminiscent to Rei of just how empty the city has become.

At last, they reach the top floor. Rei pushes open the door, and they walk onto the roof with its raised edges and the shadowy, looming forms of the other buildings along the street. "What is it you wanted to do here?" Asuka asks. "Is there something you can only see from up here?"

"I wanted to be here with you," says Rei. She drops Asuka's hand and walks a little ways away, finding a patch of the roof that's shaded by an air conditioning unit. She stands there, her back to Asuka, and tilts her head to look at the clouds drifting above. "I could never spend time with anyone before. I didn't know what to do with myself."

"You mean… you just sat inside before?" Asuka walks over to her, but hesitates at the edge of the shadow in which Rei is standing, waiting to be invited in.

"When I had nothing to do, yes." Rei turns to face Asuka, and a light breeze ruffles her hair, blowing it across her eyes. Asuka steps forward, fingers brushing the hair away, and now Rei smiles up at her and gestures towards the ground. "Do you remember when we were on the hill after the Ninth Angel attacked?"

"Yeah, I do. Why?"

"Being here reminds me of it." Rei sinks downward, folding her legs one over the other as she sits. "You told me I was not replaceable then," she says. "I did not believe it then, but you were right."

"Of course I was," Asuka says. She joins Rei in sitting on the roof, leaning over and nudging her with her shoulder. "I'm always right."

"You were not right about what direction we were trying to go in the maintenance tunnels."

"Fine. I'm mostly right."

Asuka's arm wraps around Rei's shoulder, fingers finding their way into her hair and slowly stroking it. Rei inches over, laying her head on Asuka and closing her eyes. "Yes," whispers Rei. Though Asuka is beside her, her mind has gone wandering; she thinks of her copies- would they be counted as 'dead' if they never had a soul?- and of Lilith inside her, sleeping, having yielded for now to this identity called Rei Ayanami.

Asuka shifts, adjusting the angle of her arm, and for a moment the world is bright and colorless. Asuka isn't there any longer, but has been replaced by the light from before, no longer as fragmented or painful to look at. Rei blinks, and Asuka is back, still absent-mindedly touching Rei's hair, not having noticed anything was wrong.

These moments in which Rei sees the world through souls are becoming more frequent, and whether that's a sign of her own failure to hold on to herself or just the foreshocks of impending Instrumentality, Rei can't tell. She's been lucky so far, as the only soul she's had to see is Asuka's, a sight that she wouldn't call pleasant, but one she can appreciate and hold on to. It would be better than seeing the Commander's, which Rei imagines would be twisted by his years of struggling to bring Yui back.

"Asuka?" Rei says. Asuka's fingers pause, and Asuka brings the whole of her attention to bear on Rei, observing her with a gentle smile. Something about that is just too much- the eyes, probably; it's the kindness in them that makes Rei unable to meet them- and she buries her face in Asuka's shirt. "I love you."

"I love you too, Rei." Asuka's arms wrap tight around her, and Asuka scoots them both back, propping herself up against the air conditioning unit. "You know, if this place reminds you of that hill we were on, you should come back to Germany with me after this is over. There's a field near where I grew up. Just grass and flowers for miles around. Not like here, with all the tall grass and trees."

"You would want me to go with you?" whispers Rei.

"Of course. We're together now, right?"

There's a hidden note of panic in Asuka's tone: she must be remembering whatever she'd dreamed last night, where not only her mother had left her, but also Rei. "Yes," Rei says. "I am with you. We'll go together." She knows that it's impossible, that it's a lie, but Asuka's smile is filled with relief, and when she kisses the top of Rei's head, that too is an expression of a love of not just Rei, but this apparent promise of theirs, that they'll stay with the each other no matter what.

Rei hopes, somehow, that this field in Germany that Asuka speaks of will still be there when everything's over. They'll go afterwards, if Asuka hasn't rejected her, if they're both still alive. Rei feels herself trembling, and knows if she keeps thinking of the future, then she won't be able to conceal it from Asuka any longer. Instead she looks up, intending to stare at Asuka's face and memorize it down to the smallest detail, so she'll have that to accompany her to the end of the world.

Instead, Rei is met with light again. This light pulses in time with the heartbeat that Rei can hear echoing in Asuka's chest; what she thinks is Asuka's head turns, and now Asuka is watching her. There's a warmth now, swelling in Rei's throat and spreading everywhere else, becoming an unbearable, uncontainable burning. This feeling is so strong that it sees Rei must reach up and kiss Asuka, or else the world might never be right again. Rei lifts her head and feels her lips press hard into Asuka's, her touch bordering on desperate. She closes her eyes, trying to remember everything about this: the feel and shape of Asuka's mouth, the low, quiet sounds that Asuka makes the longer this kiss goes on. Somehow, she thinks, if the memory of this kiss can survive into the world to come, then Asuka will as well, and herself, and that field full of flowers that Rei knows will haunt her dreams to come.