The next morning Edward lay beside her, sleep barely shaken off. He was the most content he'd been in over four years. Though he'd often slept in the same bed as Bella for three years of their relationship, there was something utterly fulfilling about recapturing this feeling of connection again. He realized in the moments that he'd woken that even after all this time, she still felt like the best thing in the world against his body.
She continued sleeping peacefully in his arms as he took in her sleeping features and smoothed back her hair. He couldn't seem to drink in her beauty fast enough, but he calmed himself with the knowledge that this wasn't the end, this was now their beginning. With that thought in mind, the night before came back to him in little waves. He knew that though they were both naked, they hadn't slept together—a feat in itself—but had instead undressed one another and settled in under the covers.
All night he'd squeezed her to him, he couldn't seem to stop himself. In the years that had followed their break-up, he'd had his share of one night stands and even the occasional relationship of convenience, but in all that time, he'd never spent the entire night with any of those women. As he kissed Bella's neck and felt her snuggle into him, he recalled just how much he liked this, though he had to admit, it was because she was the one he was sharing this with. It somehow felt right that he'd never shared that experience with another...made this feel that much more right.
Before they'd fallen asleep, he recalled asking her about her life before her arrival. She in turn had asked a fair share of questions as well, but for the most part, they were both utterly content to just appreciate the fact that they were together. The motto of the evening seemed to boil down to one word…tomorrow.
When Bella woke, she was in Edwards arms, her face tucked against his chest, and his fingers gently sifting through her hair. The familiarity of this position had her grinning like a Cheshire cat as she snuggled closer and felt his fingers trail down her sides. She didn't bother trying to stop herself from flexing and stretching into the touch.
"Did you sleep well?" his rumbling voice asked her. Having slept well was at the very least of what made her content right now. It was hard to feel anything but content and protected, especially when he held her against his chest, warm in the circle of his muscular arms, murmuring about how soft and perfect she felt to him.
Now that the nights frenzy had passed, she felt an overwhelming joy that he'd stayed with her, as if she'd been waiting all these years for the accumulation of the nights work.
She nodded her yes to him and turned on her back to stretch. The sheets where she turned to felt cool against her warm body and it reminded her that she'd slept curled into him all evening…apparently she hadn't tossed and turned. As if her eyes couldn't stray for a second longer, she turned back to stare up at his face again. She felt connected to him once more; as if the last four years hadn't been a reality and they had never once had a fight about Jacob.
Contentment washed through her, and she wanted to weep with relief that he had heard her out and still wanted her. She found that she couldn't stop touching him, as if she feared this was a dream she would wake from or that he would disappear. As she took in everything about him, she wondered how she could possibly have acted cruelty toward him.
She recalled that she'd been angry with him and had left him four years before, but now in hindsight she felt quite silly about all that. She could never stay angry with a man who was looking at her like he was.
He stared at her as though she was his own personal miracle.
Though neither was anxious to move, the rumble of their stomachs reminded them both that they had other needs that needed tending to, and even though they were forced to rise from bed, neither one was able to stay away from each other.
They dressed and moved in synchronization, each one keeping a close eye on the other, as if they would get a feeling of what the other was thinking. In the kitchen, they once again moved in companionable silence, each working at preparing the small but filling breakfast they shared at the coffee table instead of the nook.
Edward found himself inching closer to her side, the mere three inches of space between their hands making him nervous and feeling as if she were going to bolt from him at the earliest opportunity.
But the truth of the matter was that Bella wanted no such thing. She hadn't lied last night when she said she didn't wish him to part from her, and for the first time in her life, she was sure about what it was she wanted out of life. Edward.
A few bites into their breakfast, she decided it was time to make the statement a reality. Bella finished the bite she'd been working on and when sure of the words she wanted to say, squared her shoulders and gently reached for his hand.
As she met his eyes she noted that he seemed to be holding his breath. Wanting to end his fear immediately, she leaned forward and kissed him briefly yet determinedly. Before he was able to recover she started talking.
"I really hope you aren't feeling apprehensive about anything…I meant it when I told you I want you. I do."
She watched his Adams apple bob, but he did start breathing again. When a few seconds had passed and he still hadn't said anything, the sinking feeling she'd fought off the night before was back with a vengeance and now it was her who stopped breathing.
The second he took in her devastated frame he made himself start talking. "Of course I want you too, Bella. I'm not rethinking anything! I want you, all of you…always!" He pulled her into his body and rubbed at her arms and dropped kisses to her cheek in an effort to comfort her and calm her nerves.
He knew how much unspoken tension was still between them this morning and he'd been trying so hard not to spook her. It was everything he had not to take her fully this morning with her soft, warm and beautiful in his arms. He'd made himself behave…had been chanting words of encouragement to himself to keep from pulling her down on the nearest surface and claiming her for his own. He could see now just how mixed she could have taken that message.
"Bella, I was just trying to keep things calm until I knew for sure that you weren't regretting anything."
Still a little embarrassed, she tucked her face tighter into the crook of his shoulder and neck while she tried to find the words to respond. Edward didn't bother waiting for that moment and instead pulled her fully into his lap and kissed her properly. She responded in kind and it had his body taught with need.
When she began to pull him closer and move suggestively over his lap, he did the one thing he didn't ever think he would have the strength to do. He pulled away from her.
"Is this real?" he asked against her lips. He wanted this so badly he didn't trust his own intuition to gauge it on. For over four years he thought of this moment, couldn't recall a single time in his life where the idea of loss was so unbearable. It had been devastating when he'd lost her before…but if he lost her now, it would be something he could never come back from.
He wanted her so badly, but he knew the tighter he tried to hold on to her, the quicker she would slip through his fingers. He was determined to do things right this time, he would be patient, understanding and above all, trusting. He refused to lose her this time over silly pride.
When she looked down into his eyes and smiled—his smile—he knew that this was indeed true. They were together again, and for the first time in four years, he felt like he could truly breathe.
Now that they had cleared the air, both seemed to be walking with a lighter step and smiling with an unhindered happiness. He couldn't seem to stop pulling her in for kisses, and in turn, she couldn't keep herself from making herself available for such.
Suddenly all the reasons they hadn't worked before no longer made sense. Perhaps it was time to grow up that they had needed, but Edward truly believed that now no one was competing for the others attention, they were able to focus solely on one another…and that was all there was to it.
Sometime around later afternoon, when they had been fed, showered and content with their day, Edward's cell phone rang. It was the first real interruption during their time together, and the sound of the ring brought on the reality of life outside of their own little bubble.
Bella watched as he rose to get the call, took note of the grim set in his lips that reminded her of how he used to look when sad or retaining his anger. Before he picked up, she noted the frown on his face as he glanced at the screen, followed immediately with chagrin as if he'd made a mistake and it was too late to rectify it.
"Hey mom" ah hell he was probably going home when I stopped him. Feeling her own chagrin, Bella hastily got up and went to the other room so he could have some privacy, but also so she could get her thoughts straight.
She wondered if they knew she was here, if they knew she worked with him, lived in the same building…and whether he told them she was yoking him around again like a yoyo. Selfishly, she hoped they hadn't heard of how ridiculous she'd been acting, but realistically she knew it was nothing less than what she deserved if they did.
His mother had at one point loved Bella; she'd told her this often. But somewhere in the Jacob, Edward Saga, that love had turned to frustration, then that frustration turned to contempt. She still remembered the first time she realized that her status with the Cullen's had changed, it was when she had chosen Jacob over Edwards 21st birthday party and he'd moved out. A few days later Bella had seen Esme and Alice at the bookstore and shyly waved as in hello; Esme met her eyes, looked her up and down and turned as if she'd just seen a hideous sight. She hadn't even bothered to hide the look of disgust she obviously felt for her.
Though she'd known she earned it, it had still hurt her greatly to face that reality. Any time after that, if she saw a Cullen, Bella would damn near sprint to get out of whatever situation had brought them in the same vicinity. And when she and Edward had gotten back together after that, no one made any effort to make her feel comfortable, but instead regarded her as someone to tolerate, not someone to embrace.
poked his head around.
"Hey" she could see he was studying her face, could tell he was trying to read her expression. She tried to smile as best she could, but when she saw his worry brow, she knew he hadn't been fooled. "What's the matter?"
He was already beside her and pulling her into his lap as he breathed her in deeply and nuzzled her ear in what she guessed was his way of trying to soothe her. It was working.
"I wanted to give you some privacy while you spoke with Esme." She tried to ignore the pang she felt when she'd said his mother's name, but it was no use, it was painful to know that Esme didn't like her. Bella hated being hated.
Edward must have sensed the route of her thoughts, because he gently lifted her face to kiss her softly and gently sweep the hair from her face.
"You didn't have to leave," he kissed her nose softly "I forgot to call her last night before we went to bed. She went to meet my flight and found that I hadn't arrived." Bella was trying so hard not to stiffen or flinch, but she failed and had done both.
"What is it?" She wanted to answer him. Truly she did. But she didn't know how to be honest and not sound sour for reasons other than her pride. She chanced a glance to Edward and when she saw he wouldn't be moved from this question, she sucked it up and told him the truth.
"Do they know you're with me?" Was it just her or had she sounded like a scared child when she'd said it? She felt his lips at her neck and the smell of his minty shampoo that made her want to melt, and against her minds wishes, she felt herself relax.
She felt his nod but his lips were too busy trailing from her jaw to her collar bone in circuits to vocally respond. She was torn, half of her wanting him to continue, the other half wanting him to elaborate. He made one final circuit before she heard him breathe deeply and sigh, the sound dragging her back to a much bleaker reality than what she was just experiencing.
"They're not happy about that fact are they?" she asked forlorn. Not that she blamed them, she had in fact caused Edward a great deal of grief in the last year of their relationship, but she too had been through hell and back with him.
"It's not that, love. It just that…well…my mom has always been the protective type. She just said she wants to make sure were doing the right thing."
"Were?" She couldn't help but ask the question aloud. It made sense that Esme would question Edward, but outside of wanting to know Bella's specifics for a voodoo doll, she couldn't imagine that Esme would even care what happened to her.
"Yes. We." He laughed and pulled her down to lie beside him on the bed as he took her hand and traced her palm lines with serious concentration. "When you left…after everything that happened with Erin, my mom felt horrible."
Bella sat completely still as he tried to get the words out, but her mind was screaming a thousand questions all at the same time.
"Mom said she knew she'd been less than…kind to you. Said she wasn't proud of the way she'd acted, but that in spite of everything, she still wanted you to be happy. Mom told me that sometimes fate has a cruel way of setting things in motion, and that if I couldn't find you, then maybe I wasn't meant to."
It sounded like something Esme would say, and in all fairness, it was true. Bella herself had thought the same thing as she'd ridden the train to her first getaway when they'd broken up. She remembered feeling like something bigger was at work, like she'd been nothing more than a pawn in the game of life and her rook had just been taken out.
"Right now I told her that I was with you and that we were trying to spend some time together, to figure out our next move."
"What do you mean?" She'd assumed that everything worth settling had been settled. She wanted him, end of story. But perhaps things in his head weren't so final.
"Bella!" he half laughed. "I don't have a job…"
"Oh!" The previous day came back to her in a rush. His empty office, the flowers, his letter at the front desk for her… "Well what were you going to do? I mean if I hadn't stopped you last night."
He didn't say anything for a long moment, but then with a serious gaze he held her face and told her. "I was going to go home for a while actually. I was going to try and start a life there…near my family."
In an instant her heart sank. Was she selfish to ask him not to? Was she a horrible person because she wanted him to choose her? Yes. She was.
"You were going to go work for your mother weren't you?"
He nodded but said nothing else.
It had been the plan actually…had been both their plan. In the evenings at their little apartment, Bella and Edward would cuddle closely and lay in each other's arms and talk of their future. He'd wanted to start a family, preferably when he'd graduated and had purchased their first home. Edward had planned to work for his mother, expected to make a decent salary and be able to pay for an engagement ring all within a year of getting his degree.
Shortly after, Bella would announce to him the arrival of their first child. They'd be ecstatic, his family would dote, and Bella would work for a bit if she felt the need, but for the most part, she would focus of bringing their family forth.
It wasn't only his dream…it was Bella's as well. In the last four years she often thought back to that plan of theirs, often times when someone would remark about how they envied her single life, work and career oriented work ethic. Kate had once giggled as she made the joke that saying even the word marriage in front of Bella would cause her to hyperventilate.
But the truth was that Bella had wanted it. She'd wanted all of it…
He knew instinctively that if there was ever going to be an opportune moment to bring this up, then now was the time.
"Bella, love…I think we need to decide what happens next. I know what I want with you, and you say you want me too, but we need to pin down exactly what that means.
She nodded with a worried smile but made herself chuckle as she stood. "I'll get the wine."
As he watched her walk toward the kitchen, his heart squeezed and his breathing came deeper. It was now or never.
