All Roads Lead Here by Teenage Anomaly
An angel's smile is what you sell
You promised me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passion's a prison, you can't break free
You're a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
Paint your smile on your lips
Blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boy's dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye
Chapter Nine: Dead Man Walking
Day Seven
I woke up with a start the next morning, alert and clear headed. I moaned and stretched, then just lay on my makeshift bed for a few minutes, staring at the top of the tent. The bed was surprisingly comfortable. The sand was soft and cool underneath the airplane blanket, and the thicker light blue blanket I had found was fantastic, because it got surprisingly cold here at night.
After a bit, I rolled out of the bed and shoved my glasses onto my face, then grabbed a pair of jeans and a bra and got dressed, my back to Sawyer. It didn't escape my notice that this whole set up –especially with the sleeping Elliot- felt very… domestic. It made me feel giddy and uncomfortable at the same time.
Once I was dressed, I leant over to Elliot to wake him up. It's not that I didn't trust Sawyer with him, but I didn't think Sawyer would even notice he was there and I wanted someone to have an eye on him at all times.
"Elliot?" I whispered, shaking his little shoulder. "C'mon, Elliot honey, wake up."
I heard Sun screaming from outside the tent and straightened up.
Guess it's that day.
Forgetting Elliot (so much for responsibility- first sign of trouble and I'm headed to it), I grabbed the gun and stuck it in the back of my pants as I ran out of the tent. Sawyer had woken up and said blearily, " What the hell-"
"C'mon, Sawyer. Elliot, stay here," I said, darting out into the bright sunlight. Michael and Jin were in the water and a crowd had started to form. People were shouting, especially Walt and Sun. Sawyer sped past me, and he and Sayid both ran into the water. Sayid got Jin off Michael with a spectacular flying tackle, and Sawyer dragged Michael out of the water. I ran over and grabbed Michael, leaving Sawyer free to grab Jin with Sayid.
"The handcuffs from the sky marshal!" shouted Sayid, who was sitting on Jin to keep him from fighting. "Now!"
Sawyer pulled them out of one of his pockets and handed them to Sayid. I had to let go of Michael and help drag Jin over to a bar from the fuselage. He was still fighting and ended up accidentally punching me across the face.
My eyebrows shot up and my jaw dropped and I stared at him with a look that can probably be best described as, "Oh, no you didn't."
The beach got quiet as Jin stared angrily at me, chest heaving. My right hand tightened into a fist and I punched him in the temple, effectively knocking him out cold.
---
"Look, I'm getting tired of saying this! I was just walking the beach with my son, and all of the sudden this dude is all up on me. I didn't do anything!"
My hand and my face hurt. I had a pretty spectacular bruise forming across my left cheekbone and my lip was split. Jin had come round and hadn't been happy to find himself handcuffed to a bar from the fuselage. He was already sweating profusely in the baking sun, and I felt a little sorry for him. A little. Unfortunately, Sun wasn't speaking English yet, so Sayid had decided to probe Michael for answers. A big mistake.
"Surely there must be something you're not telling us," said Sayid. I winced, seeing Michael's face tighten. I didn't remember exactly what happened, but I knew this wasn't going to be pretty. Stepping forward a bit, I tried to address Sayid.
"Um, dude-"
"Surely? Where you from, man?" said Michael angrily, cutting me off.
"Tikrit."
Blank looks all around. Sayid sighed. "Iraq."
"Well, I don' know how it is in Iraq, but in the United States of America, where I'm from, Korean people don't like black people!"
Jin said something shortly to Michael in Korean that I'm pretty sure was rude. To be safe, I flipped him off, and Sayid gave me a look that reminded me of my dad.
"So maybe you oughtta talk to him!" he shouted, pointing at Jin.
Sun pointed at her watch and said something in Korean. Sayid, misunderstanding her, said, "The cuffs stay on."
She looked at me imploringly, since she knew I knew what was going on. Yay for the coconut telegram. I shrugged and nodded my head at Michael, who wasn't paying attention to us. She nodded.
"A little louder, Omar, maybe then she'll understand you-"
"That's not helping, Sawyer," I said, rolling my eyes at him. He smiled at me.
"Wasn't meant to, freckles."
With that word, it all came crashing down.
I felt cold at the use of the familiar nickname. Instead of being flattered, I was scared. I realized, for the first time, what a slippery slope I was on, with the whole Kate/Sawyer deal. Their relationship was a central element to LOST, and if they didn't get together, a lot would change.
And as much as it killed me, that meant I had to back out.
"Don't call me that," I snapped at Sawyer, who looked taken aback. I turned back to Sayid, muttering loud enough that Sawyer would hear me, "I don't even have any damn freckles."
---
"What the hell is your problem, midge?"
I ignored Sawyer and began walking faster, hitching my bag up on my back.
"Katty! C'mon, kid, what's wrong?"
He'd caught up to me and grabbed my arm.
I had decided to try and meet up with Kate, Jack, Locke and Charlie by the caves. Locke had left strips of cloth on trees, making it easy to find them.
It was humid and hot, not to mention dangerous, but I'd rather be with them then at the beach now.
I felt like crying. I knew I was overreacting, with the whole Sawyer and Kate deal, but it'd hit me hard. And I cared about Sawyer. It was like how in school you really like a guy, and then your best friend tells you she likes him too. So you back off, even though it breaks your heart, because she's your best friend. Except in this case, Kate wasn't my best friend. And it wasn't because of her that I was "backing off". It's cause I'm a coward. Maybe if I was braver, better, then I wouldn't worry about changing things. But I wasn't brave. And I wasn't "good".
So I locked my heart away and threw out the key.
"Dude, don't touch me," I said, and jerked my arm out of his grasp. The momentum propelled me forwards and I almost hit a tree, but stuck my hands out at the last second and caught myself on the wet, mossy, green tree. The moss squished up between my fingers and it felt disgusting. Also, there was a hole right next to the tree and I'd fallen in it up to my knee and was now stuck.
"For real?" I snapped.
"Here, kid," said Sawyer, and then his big hands were under my arms and he practically lifted me out. It was one of the weirdest sensations of my life.
Then he set me down and I stumbled back, falling against him. He laughed.
"Watch it there, midge."
"Shut up," I said, turning around and coming face to face with his chest. Gosh, he was tall. And he smelt really good.
The tension that was always present between us reached exploding point and as I looked up into his intense face, all the reasons for avoiding him packed their bags and set off for Texas. His face was unreadable, like always, but his eyes and the set of his lips were concerned.
"What is it, kid?"
And then, just as quickly, with his low, gravelly voice, they came rushing back and I broke out of a trance.
I shook my head slightly.
"Nothin', Sawyer."
I stepped around him, brushing his arm barely. I kept my eyes on the ferns on the ground, and I got about ten feet from him before-
"I'm done, kid."
I could almost see him throw his arms up in the air and I stopped dead in my tacks. I was silent for a minute, my heart hammering. The wind blew through the trees, making all kinds of weird, creepy sounds. Apart from that, though, the jungle was silent. Eerily so.
"Done with what?" I asked stiffly.
"Done with you, Katty. I'm done tryin' to piece together all the shit signals you been sendin'. I don' know what the hell happened to you to make you so damn cold, and I don't know how the hell you know what you do, but I'm done tryin' to figure it out. We ain't got the time for puzzles, in case you hadn't noticed. Wake up, kid. I'm though."
We stood in silence for a moment. I felt my eyes welling up and turned around. Sawyer's face was angry, his eyebrows almost meeting in the middle of his forehead. His long, lanky body was positioned slightly defensively. He was beautiful. This was what I'd known, in the back of my mind since I'd met him, would have to happen. But it hurt worse than I'd ever expected.
He had no idea who I was, what I'd been through, or what I'd done.
"You wanna know what happened to me, Sawyer?"
He didn't say anything. I was shaking now, feeling a mixture of anxiety, anger, and hurt. I ripped off my shirt and he leant his head back, eyes narrowing even more. I turned around, showing him my scarred back. Those scars were less than a month old, and had healed faster than anyone would believe possible. Even so, they were still pink, and very new looking, and sometimes they hurt if I twisted my back the wrong way.
I hated those scars, because apart from being ugly, they set me aside, marked me as a killer. And as someone who, by all rights, should be dead.
"You wanna know how this happened, Sawyer?"
"Put your shirt back on, kid," he said, and then turned and walked away.
He just walked away, without a second thought.
I stood there, in the middle of the jungle, feeling like my heart was gonna collapse in on itself. I felt tears in my throat, but they never quite made it to my eyes. I felt cold, and I knew I was shaking.
Everything was happening too fast, and now I'd lost Sawyer.
"Katty?"
I whirled around to see Ethan stepping out of the clump of trees that Sawyer had just disappeared into. He stepped towards me, looking concerned. My skin started crawling.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I snapped, then brushed past him and into the jungle, pulling my shirt back on as I went.
---
I got back to the beach before Sawyer did. I didn't know where he went, or what he did, but I was walking with Sayid when he got back. Our finders were interlaced, his big hand enveloping mine, more for comfort than romance. Sayid had taken one look at me and known something was wrong, but he didn't pry.
I loved him for that.
Sawyer emerged from the jungle, his face dark, and I stopped, cold flooding my body. Sayid stopped too, and looked down at me, concerned.
"Katty? What's going on?"
"Nothing," I mumbled. "Let's go cut up some wood or something."
We went one way, and Sawyer, after sending us a dark look, went the other.
---
That night, after some people had left for the caves, the ones of us who stayed were sitting in a circle. It was dark and the smoke made intricate shapes in the night sky as it floated away. I was emotionally drained and exhausted from earlier, and seeing Sawyer sitting with Kate directly across from me didn't help any. But I felt drained, and way too tired to cry.
We were all quiet, and the mood was very different from how it had been the last time we all sat around a fire.
I was the first one to leave. I stood up with a sigh and touched Sayid's shoulder. He looked up at me and I nodded toward my tent.
"I'm goin' to bed," I mumbled. "C'mon, Elliot."
The little boy stumbled to his feet and followed me, grabbing my hand. I turned back and caught Sawyer's eye before leaving. His eyes were red too.
---
"Kid."
The little boy named Elliot was sleeping, his little body curled beneath the sheets. Katty was stretched out on her cot, one leg tucked under the other, which was outstretched, and her small hand was closed around a mini whiskey bottle. Her face was pale and drawn and her eyes were flat beneath her square-rimmed glasses. She had the look on her face that thrilled him and worried him at the same time- the blank slate, with fire burning behind her eyes. The look he imagined she would be wearing when he kissed her-
He had to stop.
"Kid, I-"
" 'S okay," she said quietly, in her smoky voice, not meeting Sawyer's eyes. He wanted to grab her chin and make her look at him.
"Look, what I said earlier, I didn't mean it-"
"It's whatever, Sawyer," she said, still not meeting his eyes. She took a sip of the whiskey and Sawyer watched her throat bob as she swallowed it. He sighed and crouched in front of her.
"Katty, ya just- you just don't get it, do ya?"
She met his eyes for the first time. "Don't get what?"
He couldn't find a way to put it into words, what he was trying to say. He wanted to tell her she didn't need the mystery, she didn't need the cryptic one-liners and dark looks. She didn't need the sarcasm and defensive posture and piercing eyes. All she needed was- her.
But he couldn't say that. He couldn't tell her that he wanted to laugh with her, to protect her forever. He couldn't tell her that she meant more to him than almost any girl ever had, and in a completely different way. He couldn't tell her she was a mixture of a sister and a best friend. He couldn't tell her she made a better comedian than a superhero.
So he just reached out and grabbed her shoulder. She looked a little shocked.
"Sawyer-"
He pulled her to him and crushed her to his chest, hugging her as tight as he could. He felt, as much as heard, the breath hitch in her throat. He felt her relax, and when she did, he couldn't help but feel like a broken off piece of his heart, something that had been detached since before she was born, rejoined the whole. It didn't have anything to do with her, not really.
She was dangerous, not because of what she had done or what she could do, but because of what she made you feel. She made you want to protect her, even though she didn't need protecting. She made you want to love her, even though you wondered if she could love at all.
But she stiffened, suddenly, like she could hear the train of half formed thoughts running through his mind.
"What the hell, Sawyer?"
She pushed at his shoulders and, reluctantly, he let her go. He pulled back to see her expressionless face, blank except for the regret in her eyes, and he felt anger begin to bubble inside of him, again.
She didn't get it.
"What the crap was that?" she asked. He glared at her, and was gratified to see some shock in that emotionless face.
"That was one last shot, kid." He rose to his full height. There was pain in her face now, no denying it. He felt the urge to stay, take all the pain out of her face, but he couldn't. He wasn't gonna get sucked into her game, not again.
He didn't trust her. He didn't know what she was playing at, what she wanted. He had no idea that she was scared and confused, and while she wasn't exactly pure, she had no intention of harm, physical or otherwise.
But Sawyer didn't know that, and he'd seen enough that he wasn't gonna wait around to find out.
He grabbed his bag, and looked over his shoulder one last time right before leaving the tent. Her eyes were definitely shining more brightly than normal. Something twisted in Sawyer's stomach, and he made himself leave before he could think about it again.
Maybe he was fooling himself.
She wasn't a sister to him at all.
---
I trudged down to the beach and plopped down in the sand at the water's edge with a sigh. It was windy and cool and the water lapping at my feel felt amazing. My toes dug into the sand.
"This seat taken?"
I looked up to see Ethan and my stomach dropped out of my body. I fought the urge to tell him to screw off, and nodded.
"Sure."
He smiled and sat down next to me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
"It's Katty, right?"
"Yep."
He laughed. "Unusual name. Is there a story behind it?"
"Kind of."
He waited, and after a minute I sighed. "My full name's Kathryn, but there's a lot of Kathryn's, and even more Katie's and Kate's, but I've never met another Katty." I shrugged. "I like to be different. Plus it suits me."
Ethan laughed. "Funny how that happens, right?"
I smiled at my toes. "Yeah, funny."
There were a few moments of slightly awkward silence, and then I said, "I thought you were at the caves?"
He shook his head slowly. "Nah. It's nice up there, but…"
"You want to get home," I said softly, clenching my hands. I thought, rather violently, son of a bitch.
It was weirder talking to Ethan than it was talking to Boone or Charlie. Maybe because he would be the first one to die. I didn't know, but whenever I saw him, I got shivers. It was like talking to a dead man.
A dead man walking.
"So, uh… what were you on the plane for?"
"I was going to fly to London, but the flight was cancelled."
"So you got on a flight to LA? How does that help you get to London?"
I actually laughed, because I'd wondered the same thing. Who'da thought. Get in a fight with Sawyer, ending laughing at the absurdity of airports with Ethan freaking Rom. "I said the exact same thing, dude. I was so pissed. Like, you have no idea."
"Some idiots run airports."
I laughed again and looked at Ethan. He was smiling too, his eyes crinkly. "Got that right, hombre."
He laughed and nodded, then stuck his hand out to me.
"I'm Ethan."
"I know," I said, shaking his hand. Something shifted behind his eyes, and I worried.
"I'm good at names," I added, and it wasn't lie. Ethan nodded, but his eyes were still a bit curious. I bobbed my head a little, biting my lip, then stood up.
"Well. I'm gonna go 'head and turn in, you know…"
"Oh, sure," he said, nodding. The moonlight made him look ethereal, and not in a good way. The man was seriously freaky. "I'm gonna stay out here a while."
I walked back to my tent, turning and waving to Ethan before slipping inside.
---
Ethan watched her disappear inside the tent, and the glow from the fire behind the tent illuminated her form as she laid down and pulled a blanket over her.
Ethan turned back to the ocean, a smirk on his face.
Ben had been right. The girl was interesting.
He'd be keeping a closer eye on her.
TBC...
A/N: Hey guys! I'm down here! I'm thinking about downs my A'Ns down here, so that the beginning of the story isn't marred by my rambling (lol) and so that I can discuss the chapter without giving anything away. Speaking of chapters! I, personally, LOVE this chapter. I've re-written it at least twice, and revised it I don't know how many times. I'm sure most of you saw the Katty/Sawyer fight coming, but there was also a confession! Go back... look VERY closely.... the point is, I'm excitied about this chapter. I think it shows a more whiny, over dramatic side of Katty, and while I hate people like that, I think it makes her more rounded and a little less mysterious. Really, she's just pitching a BF. Also, the plot is going to start becoming much more clear and things are probably going to start happening a lot more quickly. These last few chapters have mostly been setting the scene, getting the characters acquainted with each other and the island and all those details. Now that that's mainly DONE, however, things are going to start picking up speed. PLEASE REVIEW!
You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi, Sawyer.
