For Saye0036, Detectivecaz, and Fairytales1981. Thanks for all of your support and encouragement. I ventured out of my comfort zone just a little bit, but I hope it was worth it :)
James gently carried M thru to the bedroom and carefully placed her on the bed as he turned and closed the door and then climbed in beside her. M watched him curiously, as he toed off his shoes and situated himself on his side so that he could see her as he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to her lips before draping his arm protectively over her.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked apprehensively
"What do you mean what am I waiting for? I have all I've even wanted right next to me"
"I just assumed..."
"M" he said propping himself up on his elbow, looking down at her "You are in no condition for much else than sleep at the moment."
"I see," she said as a lump began to form in her throat and tears began to form in her eyes "I guess I really am just the prize at the end of the game. Now that you finally have me in your bed, you have come to the realization that you don't really want me either"
"I did not say that. What I am trying to say" he said as he reached over and turned her face to him "Is that this can wait until you are ready, I mean really, truly ready. I am content to just lie beside you and hold you for as long as it takes, because you are worth waiting for"
M gave him a weak smile and snuggled in closer as his arms came around her, holding her close
"I don't want to pressure you and this sure as hell isn't the time to take advantage of you, I want our first time to be magical, and given the events of the last few days, I highly doubt that that is even possible at the moment," he said as he kissed her forehead
M lightly ran her hand across his bare chest, sending shivers up his spine before he reached up and stilled her hand,
"What are you doing?" she asked quietly
"I'm not letting you do anything you will regret in the morning," he said as he brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her palm
"How do you know that this isn't what I want?"
"M...all I know is that IF I let you continue, I may not be able to control myself, which by the way, is difficult enough as it is with you in my arms" he replied
"Then don't," she said quietly
"Don't what?"
"Don't control yourself"
"M!" he said as he looked down at her. Her eyes were so full of pain and confusion that it nearly took his breath away.
"I shouldn't be here"' she said quietly
"Yes, you should."
"He doesn't want me" she interrupted "And apparently neither do you"
James had seen M do many puzzling things over the years, but wallowing in self-pity was new. She was the strongest person he had even met, and to see her lying beside him, doubting herself nearly broke his heart. Against his better judgment, although it was a moment he had fantasized about for years, He leaned over, took her face in his hands and kissed her hard, leaving her breathless and nearly in a state of shock. He made short work of the buttons on her blouse, discarding it in a matter of seconds and then he made his way down to her trousers, which also disappeared in seconds leaving her in just her lace bra and matching panties. He then stripped down to his boxers and proceeded to kiss his way up her torso, while he let his hands explore every inch of her exposed body. As he made his way up to her neck, he ghosted kisses along her collarbone while he discarded her bra and began fondling her magnificent breasts.
M could feel herself giving into to his every move, arching herself against him and alternating between small gasps and moans when his hands found a new spot on her body to explore. She had one hand on his behind his neck attempting to guide him to certain areas while she dug her nails into his shoulder with the other.
James raised himself up so that he was hovering above her as he teased her by rubbing himself against her, making it perfectly clear that he wanted her, causing her breathing to become more and more erratic before he suddenly stopped.
"James!" she said breathlessly "Are you seriously trying to short circuit my nervous system?"
"No" he said in a tone just barely above a whisper as he gazed into her eyes, that had gone dark with passion "I just want to make sure that this is really what you want and that I am not some sort of consolation prize"
"What?' she said catching her breath
"Do you really love me? Or am I just..."
"My dear boy" she said as she reached up and cupped his cheek "I think I have loved you from the first day I saw you as a young recruit. I knew it was wrong, you were so young and impressionable, and then you became a double 0, and my responsibility, By then it was out of the question. It is against every rule in the book to fall in love with you let alone have a personal relationship with you and yet here we are," she said softly "If I didn't love you, do you really think I would be lying beneath you, no matter what the circumstances?"
James looked down at her with a wide grin as he leaned in and kissed her.
"What about you?" she asked, "Do you really love me? I'm old enough to be your Mother and there is the fact that I am currently your boss..."
"M, I have loved you for as long as I can remember," he said as he settled down beside her "Why do you think I keep breaking into your flat, I kept hoping that one night you would let me stay. I have to say that you are not very quick on the uptake sometimes," he said with a chuckle
"Why didn't you just tell me how you felt?"
"I was afraid that you would say no, or have me transferred, I wasn't willing to risk losing you or being rejected by you" he replied quietly
As he moved closer, he leaned over and began placing a trail of light kisses along her shoulder, up her neck eventually capturing her lips as his arms went around her pulling her to him. To his surprise, M responded to the kiss by wrapping her arms around him rolling onto her back, pulling him with her until he was once again on top of her. He continued kissing her deeply and passionately as his hands began to wander, first massaging her breasts and stomach before making their way around to her back. As he tightened his grip he heard and felt a crack and suddenly stopped, pulling back looking down in horror.
"What's wrong?" she asked as she stared up at his terrified face
"I think I've broken you," he said nervously as he sat up and began to check her over
M did her very best not to laugh, but his expression was priceless and the harder she tried to keep a straight face the worse it got until she literally had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Where does it hurt?' he asked as he gently felt her spine and neck
"James" she managed to squeak out in between giggles
"NO! I'm serious M, where does it hurt?" he snapped
"James!" she said more forcefully after she had regained a modicum of composure "I am not broken!"
"But I heard something and felt something crack" he said as he brushed her hand away from his cheek
"As I said, you have not broken me, but I do believe that you have saved me several hundred pounds at the Chiropractors office by adjusting my back," she replied with a grin
"So you're not broken?" he said sounding rather relieved
"No" she said with a grin as she reached up and cupped his face, gently rubbing the pad of her thumb across his cheek
James let out the deep breath that he had apparently been holding and once again settled down beside her, draping his arm across her mid section as he buried his face in her neck.
"Perhaps, we should try something different" he mumbled
"Well what did you have in mind?" she asked curiously
"Maybe we should try it with you on top so I don't break anything?"
"No, I don't think so" she said almost before he had completed his sentence
"You didn't even take time to think that one over" he said propping himself up so he could look at her with a somewhat amused expression
M pulled the blankets up around her and avoided making eye contact with him as she fiddled with the edge of the sheet until he reached over and took her hand, bringing it to his lips.
"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to" he said quietly
"It's not what you think," she said nervously
"Well then what is it?' he said as he lay back down and pulled her close
"It's just that I have to be in control of so many bloody things in my life. My husband understood that, which is why the one and only place I did not have to be in control was the bedroom. I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but...I like, no I prefer the safety and security of being on the bottom...," she said apprehensively "If I'm on top, then I feel like I have all the responsibility, all of the pressure..All of the..."
"You don't have to say anymore," He said as he snuggled closer to her "But if you ever suddenly change your mind, I won't be opposed to it," he said with a grin.
"Perhaps you were right about waiting until we are ready," she said quietly as she curled up against him and yawned, "We still have to deal with Jack in the morning and then there is the meeting on Monday and...Oh My God!" she said as she sat up
"What is it?"
"I completely forgot that part of the reason I came was so that I could go with Jack to one of those bloody boring official functions," she said as she buried her face in her hands
"M" he said as he put his arm around her and laid her back down "I want you to close your eyes" he said as he kissed her temple
"Why? What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to close my eyes and go to sleep, and we can sort this all out in the morning," he said thru a yawn
"But Jack hates me" she said as she fidgeted next to him
"He doesn't hate you"
"Well he doesn't exactly love me at the moment!" she snapped
"We'll discuss it in the morning," he said as he rolled over on his side and spooned against her "And for the record, He loves you more than you will ever know"
To Be Continued...
