Soo much has been happening! Well, that shouldn't be how I start this off, but, a little rundown!
For anyone who doesn't know, Rick published a new book around a week ago or so, aaaall about Mythology, and I was so hooked on learned new material and rereading some of the old ones told differently, that this chapter was hard to start working on! I had finished it earlier last week and was planning to post it on Saturday after Thennie had read it, but...
Remember how I said Thennie would be taking a trip to New York this summer?
She left without telling me about it early Saturday morning. Basically... I'm on my own till school starts for us Canadians. At least it means we can publish a little faster, right?
In other news... After reading the fabulous new book, I realised I made an error in the last chapter (Mr. D and Hephie in the Rainforest) when I read Dionysus' section of the book. In the previos chapter, I call Dionysus' uncle Amathas. However, without the Athena child here to help me, I misspelled it. His actual name is ATHAMAS. Oops. Now that I've read the book, I wish I could go add more to Hera's letter, but the poor guy can only take so much, and I'm happy with it as it is.
To finish the looong note, I want to state something quickly. With the release of this new book, there will be some people who will be reading some stories for the first time. Like the start of the book says, there are MANY different versions of myths, and the book doesn't cover them all. We are going to do something similair. Whatever Mythological (Funny, there is NO logic in it!) content we post in future chapters or stories will be the versions we heard FIRST with some added stuff from Rick. This is just our prefered way of telling some stories, but for the most part, Rick has the same stuff we did. Never heard of a story? Look it up. You'll be in for a treat.
DISCLAIMER: I'm running out of ideas for this. Rick never would. Spot the difference!
"Somebody help! Get some water! I think Apollo had a stroke!" Hestia cried, running in to the empty throne room, dragging Apollo on his hood poncho behind her. "Hello?" She looked around the throne room before sighing and getting to work. "You can sit here, Mr. Fluff. Hera won't mind." Hestia placed her new pet on Hera's throne, where he began mewing at her across the room. Hestia bolted to the kitchen and returned with some water and splashed it on Apollo's face before she began to take off his shirt and ran back for another cup.
This, unfortunately, was when Artemis and Demeter poofed themselves into the room. Demeter screamed and Artemis froze up.
"Is he dead?" she asked, kicking his foot. Apollo groaned. Artemis frowned. "Dang… I was so close, too…" Hestia came out with a bowl full of water and a face cloth.
"Oh, welcome home!" she exclaimed. "You wouldn't mind helping me, would you, Demeter?"
"What happened?"
"He was trampled by lions and passed out from the heat."
"Some sun god he turned out to be." Demeter snickered as she lifted Apollo from the ground over her back and placed him in his throne. "Artemis, aren't you going to help?" The other goddess shook her head.
"This is the perfect time for me to rig his chariot. Why would I waste that?" Demeter sighed as Athena and Hermes arrived.
"Oh! The god of medicine has arrived!" Hestia exclaimed. "Good! We need help!" Hermes cocked his brow.
"The what?"
"You aren't the god of medicine?"
"No. What happened to Apollo?"
"More importantly," Athena began, cutting off Hestia before she could speak. "What the Hades is that?" She was talking about the lion cub seated in Hera's throne and was looking at him with mild distaste. Clearly, this wasn't going to end well.
"He is Mr. Fluff." Hestia explained. "I accidentally made him immortal, so now we have to keep him."
"But… Hera's allergic!"
"Well, you should- Aww…" Demeter picked up the lion from Hera's throne. "He's so cute…" Mr. Fluff mewed as she hugged him. "Can I keep him while Persephone's gone?"
"No."
"But… He likes me! I'm going to call you Watson! He shall be called Mr. Watson Fluff!" Demeter exclaimed, holding Mr. Fluff in the air above her head. Hestia sighed.
"You realise that giving him a name won't stop Hera from taking him, right?" Hermes asked. Hestia gasped.
"We probably should find some place to hide him… though Hera finding out is unavoidable. I'll go find a spot for him in the kitchen, but we cannot let Hera find out about him before Zeus does! If anyone will be able to calm her down, it'll be him!" She took the lion from Demeter before running off to the kitchen again.
Meanwhile, Athena and Hermes had begun making efforts to revive Apollo. However, he seemed to be completely out of it and was steaming from the heat, since Athena was dabbing his forehead with the cloth.
"This isn't doing anything! It just keeps evaporating! Artemis, could you please do something?" Artemis sighed.
"But it's peaceful. And I could vandalize his chariot… Let's just wait until Father comes back."
"I'll go get an ice pack for him…" Hestia called from the kitchen just as Poseidon and Hades showed up. Demeter nearly fell to the floor laughing, Hermes reached for his camera and Artemis covered her eyes and curled up in a ball in her throne at the sight of her uncle's appearances.
"We're back." Both of them said in very monotone, depressed voices.
"Where's the dog?" Demeter asked. Hades glared at her.
"You don't want to know." Athena floated up behind Poseidon and held up his florescent cape.
"My, my Poseidon! There's something on your cape! It looks like lard!" She exclaimed. "In fact, if my clever eyes do tell the truth, your whole person is covered in lard. Now, where in all of Europe could that have ever happened to such a well-mannered god like yourself? I mean, you would never even think of sneaking into someone's temple and vandalizing it! Not my dear uncle Poseidon! Oh, and how does Cerberus look hairless? Don't worry about Persephone!" Athena placed her hand on Hades' shoulders, then removed them at the touch of the cold slimy substance oozing off his body. "I called her. She knows."
"Hell just got real, Hades." Demeter hissed. If it was possible for a plant goddess to self-combust, she just did. "Hell just got real."
"Oh shut up." Hades grumbled. "It wasn't my idea to do it. I'm going to change." He stumbled off into the Palace.
"Athena, what kind of dark secret are you hiding from me?" Poseidon began. "If it was that important, you would have told me. Hades, even Percy would have-"
"I can't tell you!" Athena exclaimed, all too quickly. She wiggled her fingers in the air, trying to be creepy. "It's a secret, after all!"
"You just made it up for kicks, didn't you?"
"Poseidon," she hissed. "I had exactly 4 minutes and 23 seconds to set up that entire trap. I didn't have time to go poking around in their memories or secret diaries! Now, if you want me to set up another torture chamber to make up for it, I'm sure I can do something, but for now-"
"Just be quiet. I'm going to take a shower." Poseidon sulked away.
"And Frodo burned, burned, burned as you lit the books on fire!" Athena hummed behind him. Poseidon lost his temper and summoned his trident, swinging it around to impale her in the face, but was stopped when he saw Zeus and Aphrodite standing in the doors.
"Oh… Hi… Zeus…" He began, his lip twitching. "Nice hair."
"Nice… outfit." Zeus managed, his face beginning to twitch. "Where's Hades?"
"You just missed him. What happened to you two?"
"OMM! We were, like, totally attacked by this, like, mob of kangaroos! It was, like, terrifying! I call them the, like, KKK because it was, like, Koalas and Kangaroos and, like, Krisis!"
"Alright… Let me explain…"
"OMM! Do not, like, let Hades shower before me! I cannot, like, shower in a shower covered in, like, lard!" She squealed. "I mean, like, look at my hair!" Her hair, much like Zeus', was standing straight up on her head. Her clothes looked as if they had been blasted and burnt and stuck to her body like glue. Both her shoes were missing, and in one hand, she held the burn, plastic remains of what had once been the handle of a curling iron. Zeus hadn't made it out so luckily. He was in his underpants. There were several things sticking out of his beard and it appeared that all of his chest hair had been burnt off. Both of them looked like they had wrestled in mud all two hours, and Poseidon found it hilarious.
"Wait, how did you know Hades has lard on him?" Poseidon asked.
"Like, OMM! Plot holes!" Aphrodite skipped out of the room, giggling uncontrollably.
"Listen, Zeus, I know this is sudden, but there's something we need to talk about." Demeter began, trying extremely hard not to look down at her brother's flashy underpants. "You see, there's this goddess named Amaterasu in Japan, and she's all alone out there, she's technically five, and she's the cutest goddess I've ever seen in my life! Can we please adopt her?"
"No."
"But why? I mean, she's all alone, and sad, and she can't even dress herself properly! Who's going to comb rocks out of her tail or scratch her behind the ears and cuddle her and-"
"Demeter, you know how it works. The Greeks stay with the Greeks. The Romans stick with the Romans. The Egyptians are stuck with the Egyptians. The Norse just so happen to be with the Norse all the time. So, the Japanese need to stay with the Japanese because they… Frankly can't speak English." Athena cocked her brow.
"That became a little racist."
"Whatever! The point is, she isn't Greek, so she can't stay with-" Zeus' eyes floated towards Apollo. "What happened to him? Where's Hestia?" Demeter jumped at the opportunity.
"See, we don't have a sun god anymore! Apollo's dead!" She exclaimed. "Hestia's in the kitchen as always, and Artemis really likes Amaterasu! Think of it! They wouldn't fight all the time, they wouldn't try to kill each other, you could lower Hera's medical bill because the stress would go down-"
"I hate her brother, though." Artemis groaned.
"Well, Tsukiyomi isn't coming."
"Oh." Artemis' face lit up. "That's fine! Please, Daddy?"
"No! She has to stick with the Japanese pantheon! We can't mix!"
"But Hermes gets coffee with Thoth every Thursday! Last week they went to a mixer!" Zeus furrowed his brow.
"Well… I'll have to have a talk with Hermes…" He glared at his son from the corner of his eye. Hermes gulped and whispered rapidly into his cell phone, which he had begun using when he wasn't getting enough screen time.
"Look, I'm going to have to cancel Thursday." He whispered, trying very hard to stay quiet now that everyone was watching him. "You should probably give Loki a call… Tell him I'm probably going to be grounded… He'll understand…" He snapped his phone shut and sunk back into his throne.
"Can we focus on me?" Demeter asked. "You should at least meet her!"
"Look, Demeter, it was bad enough every winter went you used to go around kidnapping children. A goddess is taking it too far." Zeus explained, sitting in his throne. "It's about time for us to start a meeting. Where is everyone?"
"Poseidon, Aphrodite and Hades have gone to clean up." Artemis began. "Hestia is making the biggest mistake of her life trying to get my brother to wake up and Hera and Ares aren't back yet."
"Are we forgetting someone?" Demeter asked. "I feel like there's someone we're completely forgetting!"
"Well, there's only twelve of us." Zeus replied. "I'm sure if there was someone else, we would remember them. Let's all go get cleaned up. Then, we can get this meeting started."
Several minutes later, everything seemed to have calmed down. Apollo was now wearing at least ten different ice packs with a fan placed in front of him, looking as dead as before. Poseidon and Hades, who had gone to apologize and comfort Persephone, had somehow managed to wiggle themselves out of their Batman uniforms. Poseidon was almost asleep in his throne wearing a fish print housecoat, Zeus was doing the same thing, Aphrodite was humming pop songs out of tune, Athena was looking at something on her iPad, Hermes was mourning the loss of his phone, Artemis was replacing the tips of Apollo's arrows with gum drops, Demeter was eating cereal and Hestia was still holed up in the kitchen when Hera and Ares came storming in.
"Welco-" Zeus tried to say, but Hera walked right past her throne and into the Palace, obviously pissed at something. Ares, meanwhile, was taking off his parka in the middle of the throne room. "Ares, please put on some pants." Zeus groaned as his son threw his parka to the ground and sat in his throne wearing nothing but his underpants.
"No thank you." He replied, fanning himself. "What happened to sunny boy?" he asked as he took Apollo's fan from the throne beside him.
"Apparently, he passed out from the heat… or something…"
"Ares, put some pants on." Artemis groaned, looking up from her work. "I'm not looking at that during the meeting."
"Too bad. I'm sweating from all the action down there, and you can't tell me what to do." Artemis was tempted to flip the bird.
"Speaking of which, why are you so late?" Athena asked. "Even if you're an idiot, it isn't like you to be late for meetings like this."
"Ma's fault." Ares replied. Zeus stood from his throne and left the room.
"I'll go calm her down… at least a little."
"What happened that made you guys so late?"
"I feel like I should save it for the meeting, but I'll give my opinion right now. We are not living down there. Frankly, even being the war god and all, I'm not too hot with the idea of having a terrorist group as neighbors, much less ones who tried to blow up Camp Half-Blood with nuclear missiles! Ma and I showed up and I stopped them just in time, but we are not going down there again."
"Who were they?" Athena asked, her finger poised in the air over hr iPad, ready to take some serious notes.
"They were…" Ares knew he had to be careful around Athena. Of all the split personality disorders the Olympians had with their Roman counterparts, Athena usually had the most skittish and uncontrollable switch out, which, more often than not, drove her a little wacko in the head. Just saying the word "Roman" or "Minerva" would get him in way over his head. "Let's play a guessing game. They were wearing purple, have weird names for us," He made eye contact with the other Olympians as he said these things, trying to send the message not to wake the demon. "Have funny numbers, were in possession of weapons capable of harming the gods, have demigods of their own and their leader is a guy who guts stuffed animals by the truck load. If you know the answer, raise your hand." Everyone raised their hands, even Athena, who had her eyes shut tightly and her brow furrowed.
"Okay, switch the topic." Artemis said, trying to avoid a possible Athena explosion. "Who here actually got the job done well?" Team Herthena, team Artemeter, Poseidon and Ares raised their hands. "Hestia! Would you come here for a minute?" she called to her aunt in the kitchen. "I'm going to wake up Apollo now!" She walked over to her brother's throne and looked at him, as if she was trying to figure out how she was going to do this. Hestia came back into the throne room at the same time Zeus was returning with Hera. Demeter began waving frantically at Hestia.
She was still holding Mr. Fluff. Zeus didn't know yet.
Hestia caught on to the idea and dropped her ice pack, panicking, as she tried to find a spot to hide her lion cub from her sister. She looked at Demeter for help, but she couldn't respond due to a mouthful of Honey Nut Cheerios. Demeter waved her arms around her body, then finally pointed violently at her shirt, trying to say "Put him up your shirt!"
Hestia got the wrong message and shoved the poor lion down her shirt. Demeter covered her mouth, her eyes wide, trying not to laugh or react as Hera and Zeus took their seats.
"Alright…" Hera exhaled, clearly not having a good day. She was wearing her I'm-calm-but-if-you-do-so-much-as-annoy-me-you're-going-to-Hades face. "Is everyone back now?" She did a quick scan of the throne room. All the thrones except two were filled. "Hermes, get Hades. Hestia… Fix Apollo, please."
"I've got it… I hope he wakes up…" Hestia waddled over to Apollo's throne, trying to keep Mr. Fluff, who was thankfully asleep, in one place under her cloak. Ares watched her as she began removing ice packs and replacing them.
"Hestia…" he began. "You've… got breasts."
Apollo eventually woke up to the sound of the Olympians yelling at each other, which wasn't much of a surprise. What really surprised him was what they were yelling about.
"Everybody calm down!" Apollo managed as he sat up in his throne, holding his head. "The sunlight has returned to brighten your day!" Someone hit him. He didn't have to guess that it was his sister.
"Stop with the pick-up lines! We have a serious problem!" she hissed, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. "Listen," she began, her voice low. "Zeus and Hera still don't know about Mr. Fluff, so Hestia had to hide him under her shirt and it looks like she's got breasts. Play along, alright? We need to have Zeus find out first!"
"Hestia's got breasts?!" Apollo asked, jumping from his throne.
"Did you even hear a word I said, moron?" Artemis asked. In her throne, Demeter was hiding her head in her hands. Athena looked away, nervously, Hermes watched the scene unfold as Hera let out her first sneeze.
"Hestia?" she asked. "Hestia has never developed, right, Demeter?"
"Uhh… yeah! It's so weird that she suddenly has a chest!" her sister replied, avoiding Hera's glance.
"See… See, it happened in Africa!" Hestia began, stuttering. "The only way we could get into this one place to look around was if I looked older, so I let Apollo do the transformation for me, since I'm not very good. When we tried turning me back… Yeah… I got stuck with these." Hestia adjusted the lion for extra measure. Unfortunately, the lion had other ideas. "Ow! Hey, stop it!" Hestia hissed, looking down her cloak at the lion. Hera pursed her lips and felt her chest rise with stress when she saw a small paw reach out and pat Hestia's chin.
"Hestia," she began, trying not to explode in her older sister's face. "What have you got in your shirt?" Hestia's eyes filled with tears.
"Please, Hera. Listen to-"
"Hestia." They locked eyes. "I asked you a question. Show me. Now." Hestia lifted the lion cub slowly from her cloak.
"I'm sorry, Hera…"
"Did you take that lion cub from Africa?"
"Yes…"
"You know I have allergies and that we cannot simply take animals away from their habitats and family, don't you?"
"Yes…"
"You are to return it at once or we shall-"
"You can't!" Apollo stood up from his throne. "Please, just listen to her, Hera! Hestia had no choice but to take him! His family gave him to us! He's immortal!"
"Excuse me?" Hera wasn't sure to yell at Apollo for speaking out of turn, ask for and Epipen or have him clarify his last statement.
"When we arrived in Africa, this pride of lions thought we were their gods, so they had us come save their queen, who had just given birth to this cub, and were both on the verge of dying! Hestia and I saved them, but we accidentally made this cub immortal. Please understand! It really isn't that hard!"
"Are you and Hestia getting married?" Everyone turned to see Hades standing in the doorway. Mr. Fluff mewed at him from Hestia's arms. "Oh." The god of the Underworld still wasn't sure what to make of the situation.
"Let's do this." Zeus placed his hand on Hera's. "Hestia, please take the lion away for a while so we can sort things out. Hera, please calm down. Apollo will get you some medicine. From the way that sounds, we have no choice but to keep the lion. Perhaps we can find someone to look after him at Camp Half-Blood. I'm sure Chiron would love a new-"
"OMM, like, hold on!" Aphrodite began. "Something is, like, not on."
"You mean off." Athena corrected.
"Whatever. Someone is, like, not gawking at my, like perfection."
"All the girls on this side of the throne room," Artemis began, waving her hand to the aisle. "And all the girls on that side of the throne room." She motioned to the boys. Athena snickered.
"Like, whatever. You're just jealous." Aphrodite went back to texting. "Like, OMM! That makes you, like, a miniature Hera! That sis, like, so not cool. One is, like, enough."
"Deep breaths…" Zeus reminded Hera before she exploded. "Everyone settle down. We have a meeting to start."
Only one more chapter to go... Then it's all over for this story! I hope to be able to post another story different from this one (About Hades and Persephone and Cerberus, because a three-headed dog adds so much humor) and thanks goes out to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed and supported us! Look forward to the next chapter...
Because something BIG is coming. And it's all Hestia's fault.
