Truth And Deception
(Chapter Nine: Finding Answers)
The next morning Elliot climbed from the bed and got dressed. He leaned across the bed and kissed his wife.
"Liv," he said softly.
"Hmm?" She mumbled half asleep se she opened her eyes just a little.
"I have a few things I need to take care of before we head back to work. I'm going to run get some stuff done and I'll bring back some lunch when I return in a couple of hours."
She sat up a little and he kissed her.
"Do you want me to get dressed and come with you?"
"No angel, you try to get some rest. Your phone is here, call me if you need me I can be here in twenty minutes."
"Okay," she said with a smile.
"I love you baby," Elliot said as he leaned in and kissed her again.
"I love you, too."
"I'll call you on my way back to see what you want to eat, so be thinking about that."
Olivia laughed. "I will."
She laid back in the bed and Elliot pulled the blankets back up around her shoulders and kissed her goodbye.
Elliot headed back to the city to try to track down this David guy. And he was going to start at the 23rd Precinct. Where David had been an intern and Serena had reported her rape all of those years before.
Elliot parked his car and walked in to the front desk and showed his badge asking to see to speak with someone about Serena Benson's rape case. The woman behind the desk pointed to a row of chairs and asked him to wait until she could find someone to speak with him.
Elliot sat for two and a half hours waiting, but refused to leave. This was too important and he had too much to lose to walk away now. He had to find David. Finally a man with a moustache walked out and introduced himself as the Captain of the 2-3 and showed Elliot to his office.
Elliot followed him back and took a seat in front of the man's desk. After twenty minutes of questioning and fighting off the bullshit the man attempted to give him Elliot stood up to leave, ashamed to have to go back and tell Olivia that his attempt at tracking down David had failed. They had allowed Elliot to see Serena Benson's file and the report on her rape, but it held only photo copies of the information they already had. He was getting nowhere.
Elliot followed the man back out of his office and through a long hallway toward the front of the precinct. As they walked Elliot noticed a collection of pictures along the walls and studied them carefully.
"What is this picture of?" He asked the captain about a photo of a group of officers gathered together in a group and the year the picture was taken was printed neatly at the bottom of the photo.
"Those are the pictures of the interns from a program we used to do. But we stopped doing the program back in the mid eighties."
"Do you have pictures from every year?"
"Downstairs filed away somewhere."
"Can I get a look at the file for the date that Serena Benson filed her report?"
"I don't have the manpower to send someone to dig around the file room all day for a picture for a case that has been cold for over forty years."
"You don't have too. Just point me in the right direction and I will find it myself. Please, it is very important."
"Down this hall and to the left. Take that elevator down to the basement. Tell the file clerk what you are looking for and he can at least head you in the right direction. But I am warning you, half of those files have not even been entered into the computer system yet and things are all mixed up. Things are not always where you would expect to find them. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for."
Elliot thanked the man and was on his way to the basement, starting to feel as if he were completely lost on this scavenger hunt in the search for the true identity of Olivia's father. He stepped out of the elevator and approached the desk of the file clerk. The man lead him about sixty or seventy rows back in a room of about a hundred rows of file cabinets of the information that was not yet in their computer system. He pointed down the row and told Elliot roughly where to look to find the information he was seeking. Elliot took a deep breath and walked to the area as he opened a file cabinet and began to flip through the files. This was going to take a while.
Three hours later Elliot found the file. He pulled it from the cabinet and laid it on top as he opened it and flipped through the pages inside. In the back clipped to the file with a paperclip was the photograph he was searching for. He pulled it from the file and stared down at the twelve men in the photograph.
His eyes scanned over each of their faces examining them closely. One of these men could be Olivia's father. He continued inspecting the photograph as his eyes found a familiar face in the crowd. Elliot flipped the picture over and looked at the label on the back scanning through the list of the men's names. He closed the file and placed it neatly back into the drawer. Then tucked the photograph under his shirt and walked quickly from the building.
He drove across town and back to their precinct. There were a few details he needed to check into and he knew that somehow this picture was the key of this investigation. Elliot stepped off the elevator and walked into Captain Cragen's office without knocking.
"Elliot, is there something I can help you with?"
"I need your help, but I can't tell you why. All I can say is it is important."
"I will do what I can. What's going on?"
Elliot dropped the photograph on the desk in front of Cragen.
"I need you to tell me which one of these men is David."
"What?"
"I need to know who David is and I need to know now."
Cragen picked up the photograph and flipped it over looking at the back and the list of names.
"None of them are, Elliot their names are all right here."
"Yes, but it would have been a nick name or a middle name, not necessarily a first name."
Cragen sat quiet for a minute then looked up at Elliot.
"I don't think I can help you, Elliot. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
Elliot stood up and walked out of the room carrying the picture in his hand. He sat in the car and called Olivia. He picked up some take out and headed back to be with her for their last evening off before they had to go back to work.
The next morning Olivia had to go to court with Fin. Elliot took the time to use his computer and run the names of the men on the back of the photograph to see if any of they had ever used the name David. But he found nothing. He knew there must be something there. He could feel it. Somehow this was the key. He stared at the screen ahead of him and punched in the only name he had not yet run. Donald Cragen. The search screen popped up Donald David Cragen, then his picture and personal information.
Elliot printed the page and took a deep breath as he grabbed the photograph and returned to Cragen's office.
"You lied to me," he said as he dropped the face sheet on the desk in front of him.
"My middle name is David. But I never went by it."
Elliot stared at him.
"You knew Serena Benson?"
"She was a friend of my wife's. Well, Marge wasn't my wife at that time."
Elliot dropped into the chair in front of Cragen's desk with a look of shock on his face. Things were quiet for several minutes as Elliot tried to figure out how to proceed with this conversation.
"I worked with Serena when she came in and reported her rape."
"Did you date her?"
"No."
"You slept with her?"
"Elliot, do you want to tell me what the hell is going on here?"
"Did you sleep with her? Just answer the question!"
Cragen was quiet for a few minutes.
"They were still in college. Serena was raped and she and I started to talk afterward. I became someone she trusted. She didn't have any family, all she had were her friends Marge and a woman named Alice. She and I got to know each other from them all being friends. Marge and I split up for a little while before we got married, a couple of months. One night Serena called me crying from a payphone and asked me to come pick her up. When I got there she said that she had seen the man who raped her on the street and asked me to drive her home. She was afraid and asked me to stay. One thing lead to another. We had a short romance, only a few weeks. Then we both started feeling guilty for what we were doing to Marge. I was supposed to marry Marge and Serena was one of her best friends. We were only together a couple of times. I think mainly she was just afraid of being alone and wanted someone to hold her. Marge and her friends called me David. I didn't even know her last name. Infact, I never saw her again. I heard through Marge that she had gotten pregnant by that man who raped her. The minute Olivia walked in here for her interview, I knew she was Serena's daughter."
"Did you ever think she was your daughter?"
"No. Her father was the man who raped Serena."
"No, he isn't. There is no way he is her father. And if she wasn't with anyone else, that only leaves you."
Cragen thinking about it.
"She's mine," he said softly.
Elliot raised his eyes to look at his boss.
"What?"
"Marge and I were told we would never have children. I had tracked Serena down shortly after Olivia was born. She was just a tiny little thing. I asked Serena then if the baby was mine. She told me no. And I let it go. But I thought about her all of the time. That baby growing up without a father. And what I would have done if she was mine. But none of that mattered, because Serena had already told me that her father was the man who attacked her that night."
Cragen stared deep into Elliot's eyes as he told the story.
"Anyway, a few years ago after Serena had passed away it came in to my mind again. And this time it wouldn't go away. I had the lab run my DNA against hers for a paternity test. I didn't give them any names or reason. They matched."
"You knew. All this time, you knew and you didn't tell her?"
"I was working my way through a twelve step program and my life was shit. I had nothing to offer her. Olivia had just lost her mother. I had no idea how to tell her. So I didn't. But I watched over her. I tried to get closer to her and to know her better. I missed out on her entire life. And worse is finding out all of the hard times she had to go through and knowing that I could have helped her if I were there. If I had known."
"You have to tell her now!"
"Why, Elliot?"
"Because she deserves to know! She needs her father! She has been searching all of her life for her father! And I cannot believe that you knew and knew she was looking for him, thinking he was some horrible monster and you didn't tell her!"
"I was a horrible monster, Elliot! I was a drunk. And do you really think that growing up in the world that she did she would want anything to do with her father if she knew he was a drunk?"
"It's better than a rapist! You let her believe that she was the product of Serena's rape. That she was conceived out of hate and rage. Even after you knew the truth. Do you have any idea how that has effected her?"
"I fell in love with Serena. But she wouldn't stay with me. I was engaged to her best friend. And as much as I knew it would have destroyed Marge, I wanted that baby to be mine. I wanted that beautiful little girl to have a father. I wanted to be her father either way. But Serena packed up her things and she left. I never saw her again. And I never told Marge about my relationship with her."
"You need to tell Olivia. I could do it. But she needs to hear it from you. She has been searching for you all of her life."
Elliot stood up and looked through the office window as Olivia walked back into the bull pen and sit down at her desk. He turned to see Cragen standing beside him with tears in his eyes looking at her as well. Elliot patted him on the back and headed back out to work.
Elliot sat down at his desk across from Olivia and looked up at her.
"What was that all about?" She asked with a worried look.
"About a case," he said staring into her eyes.
Olivia smiled at him and he smiled back running his finger around her ring finger where her wedding band had laid the night before.
He stood up and looked at her, "meet me in the locker room in a few minutes."
"Okay."
Elliot walked toward the locker room and sat down on a bench waiting for her to come in. Olivia walked in a few minutes later and locked the door behind her.
"El, what's going on? Did Cragen ask you about that thing back at the cabin?"
"We just talked." Elliot pulled her onto his lap. "You need to talk to him Olivia."
"Did you tell him I was sick?"
"No. But you should. He really needs to know."
"Elliot, I don't know."
"Liv, he cares about you. And he needs to know the truth."
"You're right."
"I can go in there with you if you'd like. For support. But you need to go in there and talk to him and tall him."
"I will."
She laid her forehead against his and stared into his eyes.
"I love you," she said with a soft smile. "And I love being your wife."
"I love you too baby. And I love having you as my wife."
"Good, because you're stuck with me now."
"Good," he said kissing her lips.
Olivia laughed.
"We'd better get back out there before someone goes looking for us."
"We need to tell them that too. I don't like us not being able to wear our wedding rings at work."
"I thought we could just put our rings back on and let them find out," she suggested.
Elliot laughed.
"You have a better idea?"
"What if we get everyone together after work for dinner or something. Then just made the announcement."
"That works for me as long as I can put my rings back on."
Elliot smiled and kissed her. Then they headed back out to their desks.
About half an hour later Cragen stepped out of his office and looked at them.
"Olivia, can I see you in my office please?"
She looked over at Elliot as she stood up and walked in, closing the door behind her
Elliot stood up and watched as Cragen walked over to her and began to speak with her. Olivia stared back at him and nodded her head for a few minutes. Then Cragen walked back behind his desk and began to speak again. Olivia stared at him and raised her hand to her mouth and turned to look at Elliot with tears in her eyes. Elliot knew then that Cragen had told her his secret. He took a deep breath and sat back down at his desk and waited for her to come back out.
Olivia sat down in the chair and looked up at Cragen across the desk from her. She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath before she began to speak.
"How long have you known?"
"A few years. I didn't know how to tell you."
"You knew. You knew I was looking for him and you still didn't tell me?"
"Olivia, I'm sorry. I didn't know how. How do you tell someone you have known for years that you just found out that you are her father?"
She was crying. Relieved and happy and not knowing what to expect.
"How did you… Did she tell you?"
"No. I knew your mother around the time she was attacked. We were only together for a couple of weeks. I was broke up from Marge. Marge was her best friend."
"Marjorie," Olivia said in realization raising her hand to her forehead.
"Yes. I barely knew her, Olivia. But we got close. She felt safe with me and had no one. I fell in love with her. But, she broke it off. She couldn't have a relationship with her best friends ex-boyfriend. She contacted Marge several months later and said something about being pregnant. Almost a year later I found her. You were just a little baby."
Olivia began to cry again.
"I held you in my arms and asked her if you were mine. She said no. She was sure she had gotten pregnant during the attack."
"How did you find out?"
"After your mother passed away. I was thinking about it again. I couldn't get it off my mind. Then one day you cam in wearing a necklace, a little gold heart with the inscription my one true love on it."
"My mother gave it to me before she died."
"I gave it to her. After I saw that I had them run both our DNA for a paternity test. I didn't give them any names, they assumed it was for a case. They were a match, Olivia."
Olivia turned away from him and wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Did she know?"
"I don't know."
"Why would she tell me all of my life that monster was my father?"
"Maybe she honestly thought he was. Honey, if I had known…I never would have let you go through life without a father. I would have been there for you. You are my daughter, Olivia."
"It is just so strange….to think that we…"
"I know, sweetheart."
Cragen walked around the desk and placed his hand on the side of her face.
"Olivia, I'm proud of you. Of the strong and wonderful woman you have become. I wish I had been there for you when you were growing up. I would like to have a relationship with you. Not just as your boss or your friend Olivia, but as your father. If that is okay with you."
"Umm, yeah. I want to know you better. I just don't know how long it is going to take me to get used to the idea of you being my father. I have gone my entire life with out one."
"You had one baby. And I thought of you every single day. That little baby girl with the big brown eyes. And the first time I saw you, when you walked in here to interview I knew you were Serena's daughter. You look a lot like her."
"I'm getting that a lot lately."
They both laughed.
Olivia brushed her hands over her face and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Actually there is something I need to tell you, too."
"What is it, Liv?"
She took a deep breath and looked at him.
"A little over a month ago, I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia."
"Leukemia?"
"Yes."
"How do they treat it?"
"I need a bone marrow transplant. But I have to find someone who is a match or it wont work. That is why I was trying so hard to locate my father."
"Olivia, I will do anything you need me to."
"They have to do a test, to see if you are a match. But you being my biological father would be my best chance because I get half of my DNA from you. If you are a match, then I do a round or two of Chemotherapy and then go in for the transplant. It will still take a while before they know if it worked. It is not guaranteed to work, but it is the best chance I have. Without a transplant, most people die within just a few months of showing symptoms."
Cragen brushed a piece of hair from her eyes.
"I guess I have a few calls to make." He stood up and kissed his daughter on the forehead. "I am going to be here for you Olivia. No matter what."
She smiled at him.
"You always have been," she replied as she leaned in and hugged him.
Donald Cragen held his daughter in his arms for the first time since she was a baby.
